I kept my meetings with Tom silent from the others, although I suspect that James knew something. One day I left without telling them and apprated to Tom's.

"Tom, I-I can't meet with you around Lucius, can we have them...privetly please?"

"Why Krissey? What happened between you two?"

"He kicked me out and took...custiody of Draco." I said sobbing.

"I-I'm so sorry I shall cause him terribly excruating pain and never allow him to help me rein the world, but I do need him for my inner circle."

"Please Tom don't hurt him. I still love him and nothing about that is going to change and...wait a minute.."

"Let me guess You didn't think I could be compassionate, did you?"

"No not really but well I don't know."

"Sure we can meet me here tomorrow afternoon at say seven?"

I apprated home. Sirius was waiting there for me, he kept asking me where I'd been until one night I finally told him.

"Fine Si, you wanna know where I've been?!!? With Voldemort, I'm one of his followers. At first it was the rush of a dangerous life, but then it all changed and now I'm just there to get information."

Sirius was speechless. He opened his mouth to speak but he just closed it again. It takes me back to all of our time in Hogwart's only those involved jinxes James had thought up. Usually one of us ended up with cat ears and a tail.

Siri just breathed really deeply, sighed, licked his lips, took another deep breath, opened his mouth, and once again closed it.

"I don't know what to say."

I knew he was gonna be upset but not to this extent and that was when I finally decided to make my switch to the light side although no one likes a snitch, I had no other choice. Especially if Tom or Voldemort found out that I was staying with an undercover auror.

"Look Sirius,....I have some bad news. It's Peter, he's no good. He also works for Tom."

"Stop calling him that, it's as if he were your friend, instead of your master!! Besides how could I believe someone who works for dark forces?!!?"

"Ok, Fine. Maybe I deserved that one but, Si you know how much I love you and I-"

"Do I?"

"You should. And you should know I could-"

"Could what?"

"I could never hurt you It hurts me. I can't stand to see you in pain."

His voice slightly rose as mine began to quiver not from fear but from the love I felt for him.

"So you love me, hunh? Well I don't love you I could never love you. I don't know how I could ever feel anything for you. So go home, YOU SLYTHERIN WORSHIPING BITCH!!!"

By this time I had tears streaming my face and I couldn't take it anymore at all. As I made my way upstairs to get my things he stopped me.

"You make me sick, I thought you cared."

"Then why don't you turn me in, I'll even stay here or outside and wait for them."

"Because I am better than that."

"You're wrong, if you were better than that we wouldn't have just had that argument and you would've understood."

It was obvious that I had struck a nerve or something because his eyes changed not much but they went slightly hysterical.

"I suggest you leave, now!"

"What do you think I was doing!"

He acted as if he were about to raise his hand to slap me but he instead turned away, mouthing through gritted teeth. I rushed up to my room and magicked everything into my trunk. I turned to the mirror and saw the picture we had taken back in second year and the one from just recently.

I hid the second year one in my robes and tore the other into leaving behind the pieces. There were roses on my dresser that he had given me for Valentine's Day, I went numb and my eyesight went a bit blurry. Then it happened, I lost control. Smashing the vase I threw my trunk out of the window and clambered back down the stairs with the roses .

On my way I stopped to make sure I broke every picture of us in the house. There was blood dripping from my knuckles and all down my stunning white robes he had bought me after graduation. Throwing the roses at him as he glared at me, I began to open a medium sized metal box. Throwing two things at him I fled.

One was the poetry that I had written for him from first year all the way up until the week before, and the other, all the letters he had ever written to me. Even the rude ones that I had gotten from third through sixth year.

I cannot say that I don't miss him because I do but that is not the point now is it? I went into London and found my old hiding spot. The one place no one knew to look for me except one person, and I regret telling him. Under the bridge, behind the large oval shaped rock and next to the small round one.

Later that night, I had been drinking of course and then lost my common sense. I climbed to the top of the bridge and onto the railing, got ready to jump and...I was pulled back by someone with a long black cloak on.

"Who in the bloody hell are you?" my speech slightly slurred.

"Krissey, it's me."

Being pulled back had sobered me more than I had thought it would, because suddenly I recognised him.

"Oh, go away Snape! You ruined my night. I was trying to accomplish something and once again YOU have to go and screw it up! WHAT IS WITH THAT?"

"I love you too much to allow you to commit suicide."

"Then stop caring so much, and get on with your life."

"You first."

"That is what I was trying to do!!! Now if you don't mind...."

I stalked off under the bridge and removed my old dagger from the trunk. Green with a silver blade, of course it would hurt, but would it do what I needed it to do?

I pulled it up to my wrists and sliced a star on each, then up to my throat and....once again Severus intervened.

"Ya see...That is exactly what I ment. Please just go awa-"

I suddenly blacked out.