FBI Rep. Word: I'm here to inform in place of Mr. Zephyrflare.
Incidentally, he tried to put all claim of FF7 and everything else to be
his, and we had apprehended him because of that. Please note that nothing
except his inane and insane ideas belongs to him. Thank you.
(The ripple pulsed through the sewer water, flickering at the glowing lights. It paced a couple more knots, and the creature eyed slowly toward 2 girls wandering around. It flowed slowly toward its unsuspecting victims. As the victims drew nearer, the creature roared and leaped with might and pounced on..)
AERIS: Cloud. What the hell are you doing?
CLOUD: I'm pretending to be the swamp thing.
AERIS: ..Cloud, you really don't want to see me angry.
TIFA: Look, stop fooling around! Sector 7 is in big trouble, and we got to get the hell out of here!
CLOUD: No problem (pokes at the ceiling with his sword and it caved in)
AERIS: Well, at least Cloud finally did something useful.
TIFA: Let's go! We gotta hurry! (jumps through the hole in the ceiling. AERIS and CLOUD follows)
AERIS: (eyes the mass destruction of trains) Well, somebody didn't follow the "no drinking and driving" rule.
TIFA: Damnit! How the hell are we gonna get out?
(CLOUD goes over to a train and begin pressing the buttons. Suddenly, lights flash on and the train moved a millimeter) How about that?
AERIS: Cloud, a millimeter isn't going to solve anything..
(The train CLOUD was in began to levitate and move through the air)
TIFA: Well, that's something you don't see everyday.
(Suddenly, TIFA and AERIS we grabbed from behind and thrust into the floating and moving train)
AERIS: Ow! (begins eyeing the cage she was in) What the hell.?
??????: Greetings my fellow ladies.
(A ghost floats near the cage)
TIFA: What the hell are you supposed to be?
GHOST: A ghost.
AERIS: Look, let us out of here or..
GHOST: That won't be possible. I'm a ghost. You cannot do anything to me. Muhahahahahaha!
CLOUD: I MADE IT FLY!
AERIS: Why wasn't Cloud captured?
GHOST: The stupid one? Well, the international rulebook of ghosts says we cannot fully capture people until we let one of their kind answer a couple questions. Cloud, come here.
CLOUD: Hi!
TIFA: Sector 7 and the world is screwed.
CLOUD: Hey! I see dead people!
AERIS: More like the universe for all eternity is screwed.
GHOST: Alright Cloud. I shall ask you questions. Get everyone of them right and you get 3 wishes.
CLOUD: Do I know you from somewhere?
GHOST: Question number 1: What is your name?
TIFA: Well, I'm sure Cloud would get this right..
CLOUD: Elvis Presley.
GHOST: That's your name?
AERIS: Tifa, don't invoke Murphy's law!
GHOST: Well, technically, that's what Elvis Presley's fans used to call him after he dyed his hair black.
TIFA: Cloud dyed his hair?
GHOST: Question number 2: What is your quest?
CLOUD: To protect the world from devastation!
(Very long silence)
AERIS: The hell?
GHOST: Though it is copyrighted and Cloud basically stole it, I suppose it does make sense..
TIFA: Alright Cloud! You're on a roll!
AERIS: The hell?
GHOST: Question number 3: What is your favorite color?
CLOUD: Hearts, stars, horseshoes, clovers and blue moons, pots of gold and rainbows, and me red balloon!
(More silence. Crickets chirp)
CLOUD: You know, now I think about it, what do people think when they see this train moving around..
(Somewhere down below.)
AVALANCHE/SHINRA: Hey, a flying train!
RANDOM GUY: I think that's an omen that we're all going to die.
CLOUD IN TRAIN: HEY! IT'S BARRET! HI!!!!!!!
BARRET: Is that Cloud?
WEDGE: Sound like him.
BARRET: ...What the hell happened to him?
(Everyone shrugs off the glance and keep blowing each other up)
GHOST: You didn't answer the question, therefore, you lose.
CLOUD: But they're colors!
AERIS: Well, he does have a point, objects do have colors, so I suppose all those objects are his favorite colors..
GHOST: Damn.alright, next question.
TIFA: (whispers) Wow, that was some quick thinking.
AERIS: Well, to act like a Cloud, you must think like a Cloud.which I have most unfortunately have done..
GHOST: What is my name?
CLOUD: Cid!!! I remember you!
G. CID: That's impossible! Nobody knows my name!
CLOUD: Actually, the people at Bradygames do..
G. CID: He brought that book? But I thought that wasn't allowed!
TIFA: It wasn't. The author stripped it away from Cloud and zapped him.
G. CID: Yeah, yeah. I'm the ghost of Cid of FF IV.
AERIS: Well, Cloud answered all your questions, so let us out so we can save..
G. CID: Not so fast! There's one last question left. What is the capital of Bhutan?
(More of that loved silence. Meanwhile..)
SHINRA'S PRESIDENT: What? Heidegger! What are these flying trains I speak of?
HEIDEGGER: Gwhahahahahahaha!
SHINRA'S PRESIDENT: Is that so?
HEIDEGGER: Gwhahahahahah!
SHINRA'S PRESIDENT: Well then. Let's turn back and watch Sector 7 suffer my wrath.
HEIDEGGER: Gwhahahahahah!!
SHINRA'S PRESIDENT: ...Shut up Heidegger.
(Back to CLOUD and the gang)
CLOUD: A city in Bhutan?
G. CID: Damn it! Why the hell are you always technically right?
TIFA: I must be in a dream. Any second now I shall wake up and never see Cloud or this crap every again.
CLOUD: But what about the money I owe you?
TIFA: Correction. Any second now I shall wake up with all of Cloud's money and will never see him or any of this crap again.
G. CID: Man, no one has ever beaten me before. And you were supposed to be stupid!
AERIS: He is.
CID: All right. Your three wishes.
CLOUD: Take us to Sector 7, cause everyone in the world to never go hungry again, and give me the power to understand women.
G. CID: Um, I can grant the first 2 but...hey, what about giving your special powers called limit breaks so you can defeat Sephiroth and save the world from the falling meteor?
EVERYONE EXCEPT G. CID: What?
AERIS: Wait, didn't we already have limit breaks..?
GHOST: Fine, I grant you all of them.
CLOUD: You know, now I'm thinking about it, the book doesn't say anything about flying ghosts trains and grants of wishes......wait, did he say Sephiroth and meteors?
AUTHOR: (zaps CLOUD and GHOST) CLOUD, forget the book and don't go giving fortunes to the world, Cid!
G. CID: Ow..oh! Here we are at Sector 7! Good-bye...
TIFA: Wait, you're going to just drop us?
G. CID: Hey, you wanted to get to Sector 7, here it is! Tell spikey over here that to beware what he wishes for!
CLOUD: Speak for yourself, you Santa Claus wannabe!
G. CID: Hmph! For that remark, I'll land you on the entrance of Sector 7 instead near your friends!
AERIS: Cloud. I hate you.
CLOUD: You told me that already.
(The trio of heroes suddenly drops off the flying train and falls quickly down to Sector 7)
G. CID: Will they survive? Stay tuned and check out next episode to find out! Wait...hey Author! Weren't you captured by the FBI?
AUTHOR: Cid, shut up. And that was lame too. In fact, why did you say that in the first place? In fact, go back to FFIV. You're no fit for the future of Final Fantasy.
G. CID: Noooooooooooooooooooooo.... (disappears)
(The ripple pulsed through the sewer water, flickering at the glowing lights. It paced a couple more knots, and the creature eyed slowly toward 2 girls wandering around. It flowed slowly toward its unsuspecting victims. As the victims drew nearer, the creature roared and leaped with might and pounced on..)
AERIS: Cloud. What the hell are you doing?
CLOUD: I'm pretending to be the swamp thing.
AERIS: ..Cloud, you really don't want to see me angry.
TIFA: Look, stop fooling around! Sector 7 is in big trouble, and we got to get the hell out of here!
CLOUD: No problem (pokes at the ceiling with his sword and it caved in)
AERIS: Well, at least Cloud finally did something useful.
TIFA: Let's go! We gotta hurry! (jumps through the hole in the ceiling. AERIS and CLOUD follows)
AERIS: (eyes the mass destruction of trains) Well, somebody didn't follow the "no drinking and driving" rule.
TIFA: Damnit! How the hell are we gonna get out?
(CLOUD goes over to a train and begin pressing the buttons. Suddenly, lights flash on and the train moved a millimeter) How about that?
AERIS: Cloud, a millimeter isn't going to solve anything..
(The train CLOUD was in began to levitate and move through the air)
TIFA: Well, that's something you don't see everyday.
(Suddenly, TIFA and AERIS we grabbed from behind and thrust into the floating and moving train)
AERIS: Ow! (begins eyeing the cage she was in) What the hell.?
??????: Greetings my fellow ladies.
(A ghost floats near the cage)
TIFA: What the hell are you supposed to be?
GHOST: A ghost.
AERIS: Look, let us out of here or..
GHOST: That won't be possible. I'm a ghost. You cannot do anything to me. Muhahahahahaha!
CLOUD: I MADE IT FLY!
AERIS: Why wasn't Cloud captured?
GHOST: The stupid one? Well, the international rulebook of ghosts says we cannot fully capture people until we let one of their kind answer a couple questions. Cloud, come here.
CLOUD: Hi!
TIFA: Sector 7 and the world is screwed.
CLOUD: Hey! I see dead people!
AERIS: More like the universe for all eternity is screwed.
GHOST: Alright Cloud. I shall ask you questions. Get everyone of them right and you get 3 wishes.
CLOUD: Do I know you from somewhere?
GHOST: Question number 1: What is your name?
TIFA: Well, I'm sure Cloud would get this right..
CLOUD: Elvis Presley.
GHOST: That's your name?
AERIS: Tifa, don't invoke Murphy's law!
GHOST: Well, technically, that's what Elvis Presley's fans used to call him after he dyed his hair black.
TIFA: Cloud dyed his hair?
GHOST: Question number 2: What is your quest?
CLOUD: To protect the world from devastation!
(Very long silence)
AERIS: The hell?
GHOST: Though it is copyrighted and Cloud basically stole it, I suppose it does make sense..
TIFA: Alright Cloud! You're on a roll!
AERIS: The hell?
GHOST: Question number 3: What is your favorite color?
CLOUD: Hearts, stars, horseshoes, clovers and blue moons, pots of gold and rainbows, and me red balloon!
(More silence. Crickets chirp)
CLOUD: You know, now I think about it, what do people think when they see this train moving around..
(Somewhere down below.)
AVALANCHE/SHINRA: Hey, a flying train!
RANDOM GUY: I think that's an omen that we're all going to die.
CLOUD IN TRAIN: HEY! IT'S BARRET! HI!!!!!!!
BARRET: Is that Cloud?
WEDGE: Sound like him.
BARRET: ...What the hell happened to him?
(Everyone shrugs off the glance and keep blowing each other up)
GHOST: You didn't answer the question, therefore, you lose.
CLOUD: But they're colors!
AERIS: Well, he does have a point, objects do have colors, so I suppose all those objects are his favorite colors..
GHOST: Damn.alright, next question.
TIFA: (whispers) Wow, that was some quick thinking.
AERIS: Well, to act like a Cloud, you must think like a Cloud.which I have most unfortunately have done..
GHOST: What is my name?
CLOUD: Cid!!! I remember you!
G. CID: That's impossible! Nobody knows my name!
CLOUD: Actually, the people at Bradygames do..
G. CID: He brought that book? But I thought that wasn't allowed!
TIFA: It wasn't. The author stripped it away from Cloud and zapped him.
G. CID: Yeah, yeah. I'm the ghost of Cid of FF IV.
AERIS: Well, Cloud answered all your questions, so let us out so we can save..
G. CID: Not so fast! There's one last question left. What is the capital of Bhutan?
(More of that loved silence. Meanwhile..)
SHINRA'S PRESIDENT: What? Heidegger! What are these flying trains I speak of?
HEIDEGGER: Gwhahahahahahaha!
SHINRA'S PRESIDENT: Is that so?
HEIDEGGER: Gwhahahahahah!
SHINRA'S PRESIDENT: Well then. Let's turn back and watch Sector 7 suffer my wrath.
HEIDEGGER: Gwhahahahahah!!
SHINRA'S PRESIDENT: ...Shut up Heidegger.
(Back to CLOUD and the gang)
CLOUD: A city in Bhutan?
G. CID: Damn it! Why the hell are you always technically right?
TIFA: I must be in a dream. Any second now I shall wake up and never see Cloud or this crap every again.
CLOUD: But what about the money I owe you?
TIFA: Correction. Any second now I shall wake up with all of Cloud's money and will never see him or any of this crap again.
G. CID: Man, no one has ever beaten me before. And you were supposed to be stupid!
AERIS: He is.
CID: All right. Your three wishes.
CLOUD: Take us to Sector 7, cause everyone in the world to never go hungry again, and give me the power to understand women.
G. CID: Um, I can grant the first 2 but...hey, what about giving your special powers called limit breaks so you can defeat Sephiroth and save the world from the falling meteor?
EVERYONE EXCEPT G. CID: What?
AERIS: Wait, didn't we already have limit breaks..?
GHOST: Fine, I grant you all of them.
CLOUD: You know, now I'm thinking about it, the book doesn't say anything about flying ghosts trains and grants of wishes......wait, did he say Sephiroth and meteors?
AUTHOR: (zaps CLOUD and GHOST) CLOUD, forget the book and don't go giving fortunes to the world, Cid!
G. CID: Ow..oh! Here we are at Sector 7! Good-bye...
TIFA: Wait, you're going to just drop us?
G. CID: Hey, you wanted to get to Sector 7, here it is! Tell spikey over here that to beware what he wishes for!
CLOUD: Speak for yourself, you Santa Claus wannabe!
G. CID: Hmph! For that remark, I'll land you on the entrance of Sector 7 instead near your friends!
AERIS: Cloud. I hate you.
CLOUD: You told me that already.
(The trio of heroes suddenly drops off the flying train and falls quickly down to Sector 7)
G. CID: Will they survive? Stay tuned and check out next episode to find out! Wait...hey Author! Weren't you captured by the FBI?
AUTHOR: Cid, shut up. And that was lame too. In fact, why did you say that in the first place? In fact, go back to FFIV. You're no fit for the future of Final Fantasy.
G. CID: Noooooooooooooooooooooo.... (disappears)