"Heidigger, stop playing with my computer,"

"Gwhahahahaha!'

"Heidigger, I don't care if they're shiny or what, but I'm on a tight schedule here planning the AVALANCHE's doom," President Shinra sighed and immediately snapped his fingers. Burly robots came hovering in and dragged the bellowing Heidigger away.

"Ah well. Looks like Heidigger knocked out all the power in Sector 3, 5, and 9. I'll just bluntly accuse of  AVALANCHE for screwing with electricity and all is well."

"You're insane," President Shinra raised his eyebrow and glanced to his right.

"Ah, hello Reese. What brings you here…"

"You can't let those people suffer with a blackout? Can't you deploy some electricity…"

"Can't really. There won't be enough considering Sector 7 will explode in flames," It was Reese's turn to raise his eyebrows.

"Don't tell me AVALANCHE plowed through yet another 100 guards and high-tech security robots and blown up…"

"Actually, Mr. Tseng and his pals are going to activate the self-destruct button and send the entire slums into oblivion," Reese noted that at this moment, President Shinra gets the record for the most unsettling grin in Midgar. It wasn't even properly brushed, the unhygienic beast.

"What the hell are you going to be doing next? First, you're blowing up random sectors for no reason and next you're going to be declaring a world-wide campaign to take over Cosmo Canyon!" The explosion from Reese's outburst could have set the entire city on fire, but President Shinra stood still like a mountain. Instead, President Shinra then stroked his chin and Reese sadly realized that a light bulb must have sprung out of President Shinra's head.

"Anyways…" continued the president, relieving Reese, "AVALANCHE was spotted around Sector 7. So thus, affirmative action must be processed in order for the survival of Mako and Midgar."

"But…"

"Not now Reese. Here, take a day off or two. You'll too stressed out. And while you're at it, buy some Mako beer. It has a kick in it, and as a bonus, you get to help our economy!" the president smiled and snapped his fingers. Before Reese could complain any more, two burly security robots grabbed him and dragged him outside.

*****

And that would be the end of Final Fantasy 7, as our dynamic trio was last seen falling out of a dissipating train and will probably plummet onto the floor, making the kind of sound when foot connects a fairly big insect.

Though that did not obviously happen, the sound did occur anyways, for the trio landed on a couple of nearby drunk soldiers.

"Cloud, I will seriously kill you one day," growled Tifa.

"Too late. I'm doing it already," Aeris replied as she repetitively smacked Cloud on the head.

"You-ow-can't-ouch-do-ah-this-ow-to-ouch…"

"Aeris, we have no time now! Barret and the others are in deep trouble right now!" Tifa diverted Aeris's attention toward the pillar of Sector 7. It was a magnificent sight, standing taller and brighter than all the sun could muster. It was a shame that the ricochet of bullets and people screaming and plunging off the pillar destroyed the entire image.

"Good point, let's go!" Aeris quickly rushed toward the pillar, with Tifa in tow. Cloud stuck his hand inside his pocket and pulled out a Hi-Potion.

"Damn it. What ever happened to friendly fire?" Cloud mumbled as he drunk the entire can.

"CLOUD! GET YOUR BUTT OVER HERE!" Tifa roared. With a sarcastic sigh, Cloud raced toward the grand pillar as well. In fact, had he had gone sooner, Cloud wouldn't have wasted the Hi-potion in the first place. Cloud would have also realized that a falling Wedge from 50 feet above ground is a recipe for meteor attacks.

"Wedge, you idiot! You almost killed me!" Cloud exclaimed, infuriating Aeris and Tifa.

"Cloud…you remembered my name…"

"Come on. Don't be silly. Get up…" Cloud soon realized he held a dead Wedge. Tifa, who morphed into a volcano with Cloud, had begun to steam and emit a red, hot glow.

"No damned smack is adequate for this. Come on! Let me at 'em…" Aeris realized that Cloud had grabbed her.

"Stay here and keep an eye on Wedge," Cloud replied.

"You want me to take care of someone dead? Cloud, you are an idiot…"

"This is our fight, Aeris. AVALANCHE's fight," Tifa mumbled, "Don't listen to Cloud though. I have a bar in sector 7, and there's a girl named Marlene there. Find her, and take her somewhere safe." Aeris nodded.

"I understand, Tifa. Good luck. The same to you Cloud. You'll need it," Aeris then sped away past the mob of people that had already begun to form and grow.

"CLOUD! TIFA! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU STILL DOING DOWN THERE? I KNOW WEDGE IS DEAD, BUT I'M STILL GETTING SHOT, SLASHED, AND HARASSED BY THESE BASTARDS! "

"Come on! Barret's gonna need some help!" Cloud raced toward the steps, then halted. "Oh, hey Biggs." Biggs hung onto the railing, desperately trying to stand.

"Is…Wedge alright?" Cloud shook his head, while Tifa turned away from the sight of Biggs' wounds.

"Here, come, I got you…"

"No…help Barret…go…" Cloud nodded and ran ahead, brandishing his sword.

"Best of luck, Biggs," Tifa sighed and ran after Cloud, who was knocking people off the tower.

"Come on Tifa! We're not too far from Barret!" Cloud dodged some bullets and pushed a soldier down the stairs.

"Jessie!" Tifa looked away. Jessie was not only filled with bullet wounds, but her leg resembled a very grotesque shape.

"Heh…I guess you can't get me out of this mess Cloud…" Jessie laughed, "I saw Wedge fall…"

"Dead…" Cloud murmured, and slashed another soldier that got too close.

"Shouldn't you be watching where you're hitting?" Jessie murmured, "You might hit someone from far below…" Cloud glanced down and noticed some of the bodies he pushed over also landed on some people in the mob.

"Eh…Jessie, you seriously need some rest. Just relax and pretend all the worries have melted into the mist…"

"AH GOD DAMN IT! CLOUD! TIFA! SOME IDIOT IS TRYING TO SCREW AROUND WITH THE GOD DAMNED PANEL!"

"Ah screw you Cloud. Go save Barret," mumbled Jessie. Tifa had already ran ahead, and with a nod, Cloud raced quickly to Barret.

"CLOUD! I AM GOING TO FIRE YOU, YOU LAZY BUM!" screamed Barret as he unleashed another bunch of bullets at a nearby helicopter.

"I'm here, so what's the situation?" Cloud replied.

"The situation is that you lost," Cloud glanced over to the panel, where a familiar fire-headed man bowed.

"Reno. I thought Aeris was finished pulverizing you for stepping on the flowers?" Reno winced.

"Damn it. I thought you were too busy eating to notice. Ah hell, I've set the time limit, so you have no chance to survive. The entire pillar is going to go boom, and guess what? The entire plate of this section of this city with squash you guys like a bug," Reno raised his right hand in a nonchalant matter.

"Cloud! Distract him while I get to the panel!" Tifa moved past the fierce bullets from enemies and ally toward the panel.

"Ah, no you don't," replied both Cloud and Reno simultaneously.

"Let's assess this situation carefully," replied Cloud, "I've got a huge sword that can literally slice people in a couple of seconds. You have a stick…"

"Cane. But don't worry. People get that mixed up all the time," Reno replied as he aimed the stick at Cloud.

"Ha! What are you going to do? Blast me with a piece of wood?" Cloud said smugly. Soon, he realized he was entrapped in a triangle shaped bubble.

"Mission accomplished," bowed Reno. Cloud tried to move around, but realized he was stuck fast.

"Hmm, by any chance would you let me out?" replied Cloud innocently.

"Not a chance," Reno smiled smugly as he turned to face Tifa.

"I would like to veto that decision," Barret replied, with his gun arm pointed right at Reno's head. With a sudden swift motion, a helicopter quickly zoomed right past Barret's head, causing him to duck. Reno quickly somersaulted sideways and jumped off the tower, with Barret's gun arm firing after his every movement. One stray bullet nailed the triangle bubble, and with a pop, Cloud found himself on the floor.

"Finally!" Cloud picked himself up and raced over to the panel, where he also pressed all the buttons. A big bellowing voice then told him to stop.

"Tseng, I presume," Cloud sighed, "The leader of the Turks," The big bellowing voice told him to call him Mr. Tseng.

"Stop using the damn microphone!" Cloud knew that voice from anywhere too.

"Ahem. And of course, pressing all the damn buttons don't really mean a damn thing. The president just placed it there to look cool. The entire explosion is just based on this detonation device," Tseng nodded toward the tied Aeris, "Oh, by the way, this is our prisoner of war."

"Bastard! Hurting innocent civilians!" Barret shouted.

"Civilian? She isn't civilized! She's been hitting places where they shouldn't be hit in the first place. She's already taken out half of Shinra's troops!" Tseng sneered.

"Hey, Boss? It's nice to see you grand and all, but you didn't catch me and now I'm hanging for my dear life," Tseng looked down and observed how Reno miraculously hooked onto an edge of the pillar with his foot.

"Ah. Well, anyways, nice knowing you all, and I hope you have a blast. Get it?"

"No,"

"Ah well. Puns suck anyways. Bye!" Tseng grabbed Aeris and shoved her into the helicopter and as they scooped up Reno and flew away, the pillar made a tremendous explosion, the kind where you must cower under the blankets and think of happy little forests and happy little rabbits.

"Ah damn it! They've got Aeris!" Cloud slammed his fist down.

"Hey, that's sucks and all, but we have another damned problem here and it's the fact we're going to die because of this damned pillar! Come on! Look around!" Barret began to search frantically around the pillar.

"The wire!" Cloud exclaimed, "We can grab onto this and swing ourselves into freedom!"

"Damn it Cloud, who do you think I am? Tarzan?"

"No, but it said so in the book…" There was sudden loud cursing.

"I don't take the author is any happy about this," mumbled Tifa.

"What the hell. Everyone, grab the damn wire!" Tifa jumped on Barret and Cloud jumped on top of her and soon, the trio defied the laws of physics where they are supposed to fall flat and die a miserable death and glided to safety.

*****

President Shinra gazed at the snapping Sector 7, where screams and explosions filled the night. The plate shook a defiant fist to the world, as if saying "why?" and faltered into the deep mist of gloom.

With a twist of his chair, the president began to grin.