Quick authors note: Don't stop reading this please, things get better for Remus, trust me I'm a doctor... author... whatever.
Remus broke away as the full horror of the situation gradually dawned. Sirius was staring at him, a look of shock and mild disgust mingled with confusion etched across features that were still handsome even after years in Azkaban.
Quickly Remus realised he would have to say something, anything, explain somehow. "I'm so sorry," he managed eventually. "I don't know what just happened."
"You kissed me," Sirius pointed out slowly, perhaps trying to be helpful but with a slight sneer forming around his lips. "Why?"
"I don't know," his friend lied moving away.
"Moony, you aren't gay are you?" Sirius asked smiling broadly now but with none of his usual warmth. Remus tried to laugh but it got lost in his throat and came out as a kind of whimper. "Because you know all that stuff I used to say," Padfoot continued apologetically "it was all a joke."
"Yes… yes, of course, I'm so…"
"Sorry?" One eyebrow arched quizzically. "Merlin, don't be." He sighed and his face grew wistful, a true smile forming. "If only James were here," he remarked. "He'd love this, Jim always thought you were a bit strange, well apart from the werewolf thing I mean." He caught the hurt in Remus's eyes and tried to retract the statement. "Not that being gay is a bad thing... I suppose… Taliesin, I wish he were here now."
Keeping a tight hold on the towel still around his waist, he sat down on Remus' bed and leant against one of the posts looking thoughtful. "Do you ever wish I'd died instead of him?" he asked casually as if the question had only just occurred to him.
"Never," Remus murmured.
"No, I suppose you wouldn't. Forget it."
He didn't want to ask but some how the words came tumbling from him mouth. "What about you?"
Sirius looked up. "What about me what?"
"Nothing."
"Do I wish you'd died instead of Prongs?"
"It's alright, I don't want to know."
"Are you sure?" He grinned wolfishly and rose from the bed again. "Aren't you even slightly curious to find out if the man you've been pining over all these years would rather you were dead than his best friend, James Potter? The boy he did everything with? The man who was might as well have been his twin?"
Now he was standing less than a foot away from Remus' face so the other man could see the mirthless glint in his eyes above the smile that was not a smile. "Are you sure you don't want to know, Moony?"
No.
"Yes."
The terrible smile was back in place as he opened his mouth but in the moment of silence a new sound filtered into the bedroom. The sound of somebody singing.
"Blue -ooooooooo moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon!
You saw me stannnnnding alooooooooooooooone!"
Somebody was singing as they showered in his bathroom. Somebody who sang seemingly without any knowledge that a song might have a tune or that it could be sung quietly. That somebody had no idea what was going on in this room and he definitely was not standing in it, casually discussing Remus' worst fears.
Remus' heart caught in his throat. "You're a boggart," he breathed and the Sirius opposite him grinned.
"Perhaps I am," it agreed genially, "but, I'm afraid, the next person to run in here won't be." Then the tone changed and grew loud and panicky. "Sirius!" it screamed with Remus' voice. The singing stopped. "Sirius, I need help! The boggart, it's…"
The door crashed open and Padfoot almost fell into the room. "What?" he asked Remus, not even noticing the other occupant of the room. "The boggart is what?"
"It's you," his copy stated calmly, now seated comfortably in the squashy armchair next to Lupin's bed.
Remus wanted to shut his eyes on this nightmare but found he couldn't, found he was morbidly fascinated by his own psyche sitting in front of him. His gaze flickered uncertainly between the real Sirius and the other version of his friend both of whom were examining each other, the first horrified, the latter calculating and amused. Now that they were together he wondered how he had been fooled by the boggart, who was tanned and clean shaven, who's hair was tangle free, who looked like the seventeen year old he had been. The real Sirius on the other hand had obviously been half way through shaving off his beard when it had called him, his chest was thin and pale and covered with old scars and the towel around his waist was one Remus recognised from his airing cupboard, unlike the sparkling white of the one round his copy.
Still looking at the thing in the chair Padfoot spoke. "What you fear most in the world…" he turned and stared across at Remus, his eyes pleading "is me?"
"Oh, no," the boggart grinned. "You're quite wrong there, Mr Black. The thing Remus fears most in the world-"
And then, as the icy hand of fear closed around his heart Remus finally realised what was about to happen.
No.
"The thing Remus fears most in the world is you ever finding out just how he feels about you." It paused for added effect. "Do you want to know?"
No, Sirius please don't.
"He wants to fuck you," the boggart continued pleasantly without its answer. "Desparately wants to. He's fancied you since your sixth year, its quite pathetic actually." It laughed again, feeding on the fear emanating off Remus who could only stand helplessly as it grew stronger. He knew he should be trying to cast the Riddikulus charm but, searching his brain desperately, Remus could find nothing at all funny about the current situation.
"Sirius, I…" he began but the boggart was still talking.
"That kiss we shared earlier was really something though wasn't it Remus? Or rather the kiss you so willingly gave me." It leered at him, reclining deeper into the chair. "Really though, it was most impolite of you to come on to me so strongly, after all this was our first meeting."
And then Sirius was moving across the floor so that the boggart was closer to him than it was to Remus. There was a loud crack. The room became darker and the still form of Harry Potter sprawled across the floor.
"Riddikulus!" Sirius bellowed.
Crack!
Now Harry was standing, older than before, wearing a smile that did not reach his eyes, his hand outstretched. "Sirius, you must realise it's inevitable. If you join me now I'll allow you to live, but if you reject my friendship this time it will not be offered again."
"Riddikulus!"
Crack!
Remus sank to the floor and closed his eyes at last, blocking out the images of Sirius' nightmares as they appeared one after the other before him. Crack! Crack! Crack! And then a familiar voice broke into his black prison.
"What are you doing? Ugh, get away from me Sirius!"
His eyes opened in time to see a middle aged man backing quickly away from his friend before Sirius screamed "Riddikulus!" desperately.
And it was gone.
Remus closed his eyes again and rested his head against his knees. "Thank you," he whispered.
He heard the sound of Sirius' wand clattering to the floor and the hasty footsteps towards him as his friend dropped onto the floor. "Moony, are you alright?" he asked softly.
"Yes," Remus mumbled.
"Moony, look at me."
"No."
"Please."
"I will not." He stifled an inappropriate giggle.
"Why not?"
Still keeping his eyes tightly closed Remus reverted to formality to hold back to the laughter. "Because Padfoot my dear old friend, I believe at some point in the duel with the boggart you dropped your towel, or should I say my towel? At any rate the towel that was previously around your waist now decorates my bedroom floor, perhaps, in the current circumstances it would be best if you retrieved it."
Sirius swore and moved away to retrieve it again. "Okay, look at me now."
"Are you sure you picked it up?"
"No Moony," Sirius replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Somehow I have managed to bungle the simple task of picking up a towel."
Remus prised open an eyelid and smiled at Sirius over the top of his knees. "Liar."
"But you had faith that I'd managed it, I'm flattered."
"Ah well, you did save me from the boggart." There was an uncomfortable silence as both of them remembered exactly what Remus' boggart had become.
"Moony, I-"
Fortunately Remus chose that moment to notice Sirius' beard, or what was left of it and burst into real, unembarrassed laughter, "You look idiotic."
"Thanks a lot."
"Remember you said you'd accept my decisions? Go and finish shaving, you moron."
Sirius grumbled half heartedly about friends who didn't appreciate it when you saved their life, but got up and moved towards the door.
"Oh and Padfoot."
"Mmm?"
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
Better Author's Notes alternatively titled: Author's driveling thank yous to her reviewers:
But first….. Next chapter coming soon. The LAST chapter. Where they finally get together… how freaking long did that take eh? Anyway just for the hell of it I thought I'd have everyone's favorite potion's master show up so look forward [with dread] to that ok? And in the true spirit of bribery, please review as it makes my day and I'll write you a lovely review reply [see below] if you do. How wonderful is that?
Ok not so wonderful. On with the thankyous.
QueenSmithy: Have nothing to say to you about this *Grins* this the price of reading this before anyone else. Er… *tries to think of something* Write faster! I'll start chapter 4 if you do...
Sinisterspylady: Unfortunately your identity is already known to me, mwah hahahahaha. Thankyou for lovely review. Love you as always.
Ladyassassin: Thank you… I think.
Kyrissean: [?] Can't copy and paste so that is as close to your name as I'm gonna get. Thanks for review, was not aware you like R/S Good for you.
Blue_tears07: oooooooh yes, wonderful plot isn't it? I wonder what will happen next.
DavidCamp: your reviews get funnier each time, can't wait to comment on the one for this chapter. Incredibly amusing. Stop reading for heavens sake! Its not going to get any less gay!
Anawiel Blackthorn: Dunno why James is so badly behaved for you, Sirius is just fine. He says hi.
Christina: Nope haven't, hope you enjoy this chapter.