Chapter 10 Changes Are Looming
A/N: Beware, in this chapter one of the characters is very depressed and the story will deal with some serious issues. Also, I apologize for the length from my last update, I have been working 6 days a week, and have not felt like spending much time writing. However, August 8 is my last day at work and I should be able to update more frequently after then.
(Kevin's POV)
It's been about 4 months Lucy got pregnant. She's experiencing all the joys of morning sickness and the seemingly constant need to pee. She seemed afraid at first, but the night Mary left the two of them had a talk that seemed to comfort her fears. She doesn't seem to be acting extra crazy, yet. I think being married has helped her calm down her wildest thoughts and maybe having a child, will help even more. I think she was always afraid I would leave her at the last minute for someone else.
At that moment, Lucy entered the room, disrupting my thoughts.
"Kev?" she asked.
"Yeah sweetie?" I answered," is something on your mind?"
"Well, yes. I have been thinking the past couple of days. How long are we planning on staying at my parents' house. I mean, I know it's a separate apartment and all, but eventually we need to move out on our own," she told me.
"You know, I was thinking about that too. I love your family and all, but I think when you have the baby, we need to be in our own home. Besides, I don't how your mom is going to react to a baby. I mean with Sam and all," I explained.
"Good point. I think having another baby around the house would be hard for her. It would make her think about when the twins were younger and lately anything and everything upsets her. So, should we start looking for a house or something?" she wondered.
"I don't know. Maybe we should talk to your dad about this and see what he thinks," I proposed.
"Okay, he can give us good advice," Lucy agreed.
(Eric's POV)
I sat back in my office chair to take a break. Things had been rough around the house lately, Annie seemed to be upset by the smallest things. Not that I could blame her, but at some point she needed to let go and move on with her life. Dwelling on Sam was not going to help anyone. I hate to sound like I don't care, but I want life to go on for everyone.
I heard a knock at my door," Dad?"
"Yes," I replied.
"Can we come in?" Lucy opened the door to reveal her standing next to Kevin.
"Sure, what can I do for you?" I asked, sensing she needed to talk.
"Well, Kevin and I were talking about something and we want your opinion on the subject," she started.
"With the baby on the way, we were thinking, maybe it's time for us to move out on our own. We both knew we wouldn't stay in the garage apartment forever. I, we, think that having another baby around the house might also be hard on Annie. She seems to be really sensitive to things," Kevin finished.
"You know, I saw her last night. She was looking through Sam and David's baby book. I think it was really hard for her to look at those baby pictures. You two might be right about moving," I told them.
"So, when do we tell Mom?" Lucy asked.
"I don't know," I replied," maybe you could start looking for a place and make sure this is what you want to do before you tell her."
"What do we tell her if she asks what we are doing?" Kevin asked.
"I wouldn't worry about that. She's been spending most of her time with David. And she respects your privacy as a couple," I explained.
"And she'd most likely think it was to go to the doctor for a checkup," Lucy said, "which by the way, we need to do in a few minutes. Today we can find out the gender of our baby."
"That is if you want to know," Kevin said," you don't have to find out."
"I'm going to be a grandfather soon. I'd like to be surprised," I said," so if you two find out, I don't want to know."
"Okay Dad. We won't tell you," Lucy smiled.
(David's POV)
Mommy keeps following me all the time. I keep wanting to play with Sam. He really isn't going to come back though. I feel like something of mine is lost. I wish we never went in the car. I hate cars now. I never want to ride in another one and I think Mommy feels the same. She won't leave the house anymore. And if she has to she walks. I think Daddy is sad that Mommy won't leave me alone. I saw him crying one day. I've never seen Daddy cry. Mommy cries all the time and says," You remind of Sam so much." I wish she wouldn't talk like that. It makes me sad.
(Simon's POV)
Cecilia broke up with me a few weeks ago. I couldn't believe it. She said she didn't like being around me anymore. She said I was being "too protective" of everything. I feel so awful for having lost her, yet I can't cry. I just don't feel things like I used to. Sometimes I wish I had died instead of Sam. I am the one who was a troublemaker at 16. He was only four. It's not fair for him to have had his life cut short. I know everyone else, except Mom has gone on with their lives the past few months.
I just kept trying to hold on even tighter to everyone I cared about, but instead I am driving them all away. Cecilia left me and I don't even have any friends at school anymore. Ruthie seemed to sympathize with me, but the other day I heard her tell Dad that I was "too weird these days" and she didn't like being around me. That hurt me. So I have been spending most of my time alone in my room. David came in the other day to play with me, but I sent him away. I just want to be left alone. Doesn't anyone understand that? Why can't I have any privacy? I hate what my life has turned into.
Last night, after I was sure everyone was asleep, I snuck downstairs into the kitchen. I found a big, serated kitchen knife and took it. I knew Mom wouldn't notice it was missing. She rarely cooked dinner any more and Dad didn't know all the dishes by heart like Mom did. I slipped it under my mattress and fell asleep. Now, I have pulled it out and I am staring at the glittering metal. The way it sparkles in the light is hypnotizing. I think about how easy it would be to slice into my skin. Just to feel the pain. I want to feel something, anything. I take a deep breath and run the blade across my arm. Then a smile crosses my face as a line of blood oozes out. After months of being numb to all feeling, I can finally feel something.
Suddenly, I am broken out of my trance by someone coming up the stairs. I panic and hide the knife under my mattress after quickly wrapping it in a towel. I grabbed the band-aid I had ready, just in case, and covered up the wound. Then I found a long-sleeved shirt and slipped it on. I quickly flopped across the bed, as though I had been sleeping or something.
"Simon?" Ruthie asked.
"Yes," I called out breathlessly.
She opened the door," What are you doing in here? It sounded like you were out of breath for a second there."
"I was just asleep and you startled me awake," I quickly recovered.
"Oh," was all she said, believing me.
"Did you want something?" I inquired.
"Lucy just got back from the doctor and she wants us all to meet her downstairs," she informed me.
"Okay," I said," I'll be down in a few minutes."
She closed the door and I heard her head back down the stairs. I let out my breath and tried to calm myself. I couldn't go downstairs and act strange. Not that anyone would probably care, but I couldn't act weird or like I had been caught doing something I shouldn't be doing. I didn't want anyone to know what I did.
Special A/N: Simon's POV in this chapter dealt with depression. It was serious and there people out there who really cut themselves and hurt themselves in other ways to try and feel something. I had a friend who used to cut herself and she let me read her diary. That is what inspired my writing. I could never bring myself to do it, but what I read from her diary has haunted me. I used it in this story to show how Simon is dealing with his little brother's death. The title of the story is "Coping With Loss" and Simon is not coping well. Depression is a serious issue and it is not meant to be dealt with lightly.
A/N: Coming Soon: What is the gender of the baby? Will Simon let someone know what he's doing to himself? Will he get caught? How is Peter doing these days?
A/N: Beware, in this chapter one of the characters is very depressed and the story will deal with some serious issues. Also, I apologize for the length from my last update, I have been working 6 days a week, and have not felt like spending much time writing. However, August 8 is my last day at work and I should be able to update more frequently after then.
(Kevin's POV)
It's been about 4 months Lucy got pregnant. She's experiencing all the joys of morning sickness and the seemingly constant need to pee. She seemed afraid at first, but the night Mary left the two of them had a talk that seemed to comfort her fears. She doesn't seem to be acting extra crazy, yet. I think being married has helped her calm down her wildest thoughts and maybe having a child, will help even more. I think she was always afraid I would leave her at the last minute for someone else.
At that moment, Lucy entered the room, disrupting my thoughts.
"Kev?" she asked.
"Yeah sweetie?" I answered," is something on your mind?"
"Well, yes. I have been thinking the past couple of days. How long are we planning on staying at my parents' house. I mean, I know it's a separate apartment and all, but eventually we need to move out on our own," she told me.
"You know, I was thinking about that too. I love your family and all, but I think when you have the baby, we need to be in our own home. Besides, I don't how your mom is going to react to a baby. I mean with Sam and all," I explained.
"Good point. I think having another baby around the house would be hard for her. It would make her think about when the twins were younger and lately anything and everything upsets her. So, should we start looking for a house or something?" she wondered.
"I don't know. Maybe we should talk to your dad about this and see what he thinks," I proposed.
"Okay, he can give us good advice," Lucy agreed.
(Eric's POV)
I sat back in my office chair to take a break. Things had been rough around the house lately, Annie seemed to be upset by the smallest things. Not that I could blame her, but at some point she needed to let go and move on with her life. Dwelling on Sam was not going to help anyone. I hate to sound like I don't care, but I want life to go on for everyone.
I heard a knock at my door," Dad?"
"Yes," I replied.
"Can we come in?" Lucy opened the door to reveal her standing next to Kevin.
"Sure, what can I do for you?" I asked, sensing she needed to talk.
"Well, Kevin and I were talking about something and we want your opinion on the subject," she started.
"With the baby on the way, we were thinking, maybe it's time for us to move out on our own. We both knew we wouldn't stay in the garage apartment forever. I, we, think that having another baby around the house might also be hard on Annie. She seems to be really sensitive to things," Kevin finished.
"You know, I saw her last night. She was looking through Sam and David's baby book. I think it was really hard for her to look at those baby pictures. You two might be right about moving," I told them.
"So, when do we tell Mom?" Lucy asked.
"I don't know," I replied," maybe you could start looking for a place and make sure this is what you want to do before you tell her."
"What do we tell her if she asks what we are doing?" Kevin asked.
"I wouldn't worry about that. She's been spending most of her time with David. And she respects your privacy as a couple," I explained.
"And she'd most likely think it was to go to the doctor for a checkup," Lucy said, "which by the way, we need to do in a few minutes. Today we can find out the gender of our baby."
"That is if you want to know," Kevin said," you don't have to find out."
"I'm going to be a grandfather soon. I'd like to be surprised," I said," so if you two find out, I don't want to know."
"Okay Dad. We won't tell you," Lucy smiled.
(David's POV)
Mommy keeps following me all the time. I keep wanting to play with Sam. He really isn't going to come back though. I feel like something of mine is lost. I wish we never went in the car. I hate cars now. I never want to ride in another one and I think Mommy feels the same. She won't leave the house anymore. And if she has to she walks. I think Daddy is sad that Mommy won't leave me alone. I saw him crying one day. I've never seen Daddy cry. Mommy cries all the time and says," You remind of Sam so much." I wish she wouldn't talk like that. It makes me sad.
(Simon's POV)
Cecilia broke up with me a few weeks ago. I couldn't believe it. She said she didn't like being around me anymore. She said I was being "too protective" of everything. I feel so awful for having lost her, yet I can't cry. I just don't feel things like I used to. Sometimes I wish I had died instead of Sam. I am the one who was a troublemaker at 16. He was only four. It's not fair for him to have had his life cut short. I know everyone else, except Mom has gone on with their lives the past few months.
I just kept trying to hold on even tighter to everyone I cared about, but instead I am driving them all away. Cecilia left me and I don't even have any friends at school anymore. Ruthie seemed to sympathize with me, but the other day I heard her tell Dad that I was "too weird these days" and she didn't like being around me. That hurt me. So I have been spending most of my time alone in my room. David came in the other day to play with me, but I sent him away. I just want to be left alone. Doesn't anyone understand that? Why can't I have any privacy? I hate what my life has turned into.
Last night, after I was sure everyone was asleep, I snuck downstairs into the kitchen. I found a big, serated kitchen knife and took it. I knew Mom wouldn't notice it was missing. She rarely cooked dinner any more and Dad didn't know all the dishes by heart like Mom did. I slipped it under my mattress and fell asleep. Now, I have pulled it out and I am staring at the glittering metal. The way it sparkles in the light is hypnotizing. I think about how easy it would be to slice into my skin. Just to feel the pain. I want to feel something, anything. I take a deep breath and run the blade across my arm. Then a smile crosses my face as a line of blood oozes out. After months of being numb to all feeling, I can finally feel something.
Suddenly, I am broken out of my trance by someone coming up the stairs. I panic and hide the knife under my mattress after quickly wrapping it in a towel. I grabbed the band-aid I had ready, just in case, and covered up the wound. Then I found a long-sleeved shirt and slipped it on. I quickly flopped across the bed, as though I had been sleeping or something.
"Simon?" Ruthie asked.
"Yes," I called out breathlessly.
She opened the door," What are you doing in here? It sounded like you were out of breath for a second there."
"I was just asleep and you startled me awake," I quickly recovered.
"Oh," was all she said, believing me.
"Did you want something?" I inquired.
"Lucy just got back from the doctor and she wants us all to meet her downstairs," she informed me.
"Okay," I said," I'll be down in a few minutes."
She closed the door and I heard her head back down the stairs. I let out my breath and tried to calm myself. I couldn't go downstairs and act strange. Not that anyone would probably care, but I couldn't act weird or like I had been caught doing something I shouldn't be doing. I didn't want anyone to know what I did.
Special A/N: Simon's POV in this chapter dealt with depression. It was serious and there people out there who really cut themselves and hurt themselves in other ways to try and feel something. I had a friend who used to cut herself and she let me read her diary. That is what inspired my writing. I could never bring myself to do it, but what I read from her diary has haunted me. I used it in this story to show how Simon is dealing with his little brother's death. The title of the story is "Coping With Loss" and Simon is not coping well. Depression is a serious issue and it is not meant to be dealt with lightly.
A/N: Coming Soon: What is the gender of the baby? Will Simon let someone know what he's doing to himself? Will he get caught? How is Peter doing these days?