Chapter 13 How Could You?
(Eric's POV)
When I got to the hospital, Annie was in hysterics. I was immediately concerned for her and for Ruthie. I was slowly becoming angry at Simon. Or at God. I wasn't sure, but I was mad. How could God let Simon take his own life? Even if he didn't die, it was like God was trying to take away all the things I loved. All the grief is going to kill Annie. She's not as strong as she used to be. She's not as vibrant and full of life.
"Annie, calm down. He's not dead," I had to bite my tongue to keep from adding the word 'yet'.
"But there was so much blood," she cried.
"I know," I said.
"And what about Ruthie? She won't say anything. She just has a blank look on her face," she sobbed.
I could tell the pain was becoming too much for her. I just pulled her to me and kissed the top of her head. I silently cursed God for what he was doing to my life. First, the heart problems, then Sam's death, now Simon and Ruthie. It was too much for any one family to deal with.
"Mr. and Mrs. Camden?" a familiar woman asked.
"Yes?" I responded.
"I have some news about your son Simon. Come with me to a private room," Dr. Evans motioned.
"Kids, we'll be back in a little while," I announced, though everyone seemed distracted and not listening.
I grabbed Annie's hand and followed the doctor to a door marked 'Private'.
"I'll be forward with you. Your son is alive, but he's barely holding on. He's lucky to even be alive. He did some serious damage to himself. Due to his suicidal tendency, he has to be restrained. Once he regains conciousness, he will have to have a psychiatric consult," Dr. Evans explained.
"Can I see my son?" Annie asked.
"Unfortunately not right now. Since he's under a suicide watch, we won't be allowing any visitors for a while. You can, however, visit your daughter. She's had a big shock and she refuses to talk. She's fine physically, but she's not in a very good mental state. We're hoping a visit from her parents might get her talking," Dr. Evans said hopefully.
"Let's go see Ruthie," I prodded Annie.
"All right. At least I get to see one of my babies," she sniffled.
(Ruthie's POV)
Everyone is convinced that there is something terribly wrong with me. I saw something no person should ever have to see. My brother tried to kill himself and I found his body. I keep asking myself why he would do it. What could possess him to try and kill himself? How could anyone think anything is so wrong in their life that they need to end it? I just don't understand it. I don't want to talk to anyone. I'm afraid of the words that will leave my mouth. I don't want to have to tell anyone what I saw. Some things are best left alone. My only solution is to not talk to anyone.
"Miss Camden?" a nurse called out," you have some visitors. Can I let them in?"
I stared at her blankly.
"I'll take that as a yes," she responded.
Mom and Dad walked in. Mom was already crying and Dad looked afraid.
"Ruthie? Sweetie? How are you?" Mom asked.
I continued to stare at them as if I didn't know they were there.
"Are you okay?" Dad asked.
More staring in response. I just couldn't bring myself to open my mouth. It was like if I said a word, my whole world would come crashing down around me.
"Simon's still alive," Mom added.
I shifted my gaze to catch her eyes. I could see so much pain in them, I could even begin to understand it. Still, I couldn't say a word. It was as if my mouth was paralyzed.
"I love you," Dad said.
At my continued silence, Mom broke down and cried harder than I had ever seen. It broke my heart, but I still could not bring myself to speak. At this point, Dad started to cry too. He hugged Mom and whispered something in her ear. I let silent tears run down my face. Mom kissed my forehead and then walked away. Dad shook his head at me and whispered once again that he loved me.
(Lucy's POV)
For the first time in my life, I questioned God. 'How could you?' I silently asked Him, ' what did my family do so wrong to deserve this?' I began to question whether I really was cut out for being a preacher. I really began to question His motives. Why would He take two of my brothers away? Did my family make Him angry? I suddenly felt the need to talk.
"Kev? Could you excuse me for a few minutes?" I asked.
"Sure sweetheart," he replied, probably thinking I had to go to the bathroom again.
"Hey Chandler?" I asked.
"Yes," he replied.
"Can I talk to you? In private if you don't mind," I said, eyeing Roxanne.
"Sure," he stood up.
"No offense, Roxanne. I just need someone to talk to right now," I explained.
She nodded in understanding. We were no longer jealous of eachother.
Once we were alone he asked," Well, what did you need to talk about?"
"Have you ever questioned God?" I asked.
"How do you mean?" he asked.
"Like, in a way that you think He's wrong. Like He did something that you think He shouldn't have?" I explained.
"Well sure. Everyone gets upset and thinks that maybe God is wrong," Chandler replied.
"But did you ever seriously consider leaving Him? I'm afraid I'm losing my faith in Him," I told him.
"That's understandable. Your family has been through so much. But you must know that He has a reason for this all," he returned.
"I used to believe that, but I don't know if I do anymore. First Dad had his heart problems, then Sam died. Now this. I just don't know if He really has a reason," I said.
"I guess you need to wait until a time when you're under less stress, take a step back and really scrutinize your faith. Are you just upset now or have you really lost your faith in God?" Chandler asked.
"You're right. Maybe I'm just stressed. I will wait for a little while and then re-question myself. Thanks for talking to me," I said, giving him a grateful hug.
"Hey, it's my job," he said.
A/N: The Camdens have a lot to cope with right now. If you were under as much stress as them, wouldn't you question your faith? Don't worry, there will be lighter chapters soon. The heavy stuff is just a part of the storyline.
Coming soon: Will Ruthie ever speak again? Is Annie going to crack under all her stress? How is Eric's heart handling all this?
(Eric's POV)
When I got to the hospital, Annie was in hysterics. I was immediately concerned for her and for Ruthie. I was slowly becoming angry at Simon. Or at God. I wasn't sure, but I was mad. How could God let Simon take his own life? Even if he didn't die, it was like God was trying to take away all the things I loved. All the grief is going to kill Annie. She's not as strong as she used to be. She's not as vibrant and full of life.
"Annie, calm down. He's not dead," I had to bite my tongue to keep from adding the word 'yet'.
"But there was so much blood," she cried.
"I know," I said.
"And what about Ruthie? She won't say anything. She just has a blank look on her face," she sobbed.
I could tell the pain was becoming too much for her. I just pulled her to me and kissed the top of her head. I silently cursed God for what he was doing to my life. First, the heart problems, then Sam's death, now Simon and Ruthie. It was too much for any one family to deal with.
"Mr. and Mrs. Camden?" a familiar woman asked.
"Yes?" I responded.
"I have some news about your son Simon. Come with me to a private room," Dr. Evans motioned.
"Kids, we'll be back in a little while," I announced, though everyone seemed distracted and not listening.
I grabbed Annie's hand and followed the doctor to a door marked 'Private'.
"I'll be forward with you. Your son is alive, but he's barely holding on. He's lucky to even be alive. He did some serious damage to himself. Due to his suicidal tendency, he has to be restrained. Once he regains conciousness, he will have to have a psychiatric consult," Dr. Evans explained.
"Can I see my son?" Annie asked.
"Unfortunately not right now. Since he's under a suicide watch, we won't be allowing any visitors for a while. You can, however, visit your daughter. She's had a big shock and she refuses to talk. She's fine physically, but she's not in a very good mental state. We're hoping a visit from her parents might get her talking," Dr. Evans said hopefully.
"Let's go see Ruthie," I prodded Annie.
"All right. At least I get to see one of my babies," she sniffled.
(Ruthie's POV)
Everyone is convinced that there is something terribly wrong with me. I saw something no person should ever have to see. My brother tried to kill himself and I found his body. I keep asking myself why he would do it. What could possess him to try and kill himself? How could anyone think anything is so wrong in their life that they need to end it? I just don't understand it. I don't want to talk to anyone. I'm afraid of the words that will leave my mouth. I don't want to have to tell anyone what I saw. Some things are best left alone. My only solution is to not talk to anyone.
"Miss Camden?" a nurse called out," you have some visitors. Can I let them in?"
I stared at her blankly.
"I'll take that as a yes," she responded.
Mom and Dad walked in. Mom was already crying and Dad looked afraid.
"Ruthie? Sweetie? How are you?" Mom asked.
I continued to stare at them as if I didn't know they were there.
"Are you okay?" Dad asked.
More staring in response. I just couldn't bring myself to open my mouth. It was like if I said a word, my whole world would come crashing down around me.
"Simon's still alive," Mom added.
I shifted my gaze to catch her eyes. I could see so much pain in them, I could even begin to understand it. Still, I couldn't say a word. It was as if my mouth was paralyzed.
"I love you," Dad said.
At my continued silence, Mom broke down and cried harder than I had ever seen. It broke my heart, but I still could not bring myself to speak. At this point, Dad started to cry too. He hugged Mom and whispered something in her ear. I let silent tears run down my face. Mom kissed my forehead and then walked away. Dad shook his head at me and whispered once again that he loved me.
(Lucy's POV)
For the first time in my life, I questioned God. 'How could you?' I silently asked Him, ' what did my family do so wrong to deserve this?' I began to question whether I really was cut out for being a preacher. I really began to question His motives. Why would He take two of my brothers away? Did my family make Him angry? I suddenly felt the need to talk.
"Kev? Could you excuse me for a few minutes?" I asked.
"Sure sweetheart," he replied, probably thinking I had to go to the bathroom again.
"Hey Chandler?" I asked.
"Yes," he replied.
"Can I talk to you? In private if you don't mind," I said, eyeing Roxanne.
"Sure," he stood up.
"No offense, Roxanne. I just need someone to talk to right now," I explained.
She nodded in understanding. We were no longer jealous of eachother.
Once we were alone he asked," Well, what did you need to talk about?"
"Have you ever questioned God?" I asked.
"How do you mean?" he asked.
"Like, in a way that you think He's wrong. Like He did something that you think He shouldn't have?" I explained.
"Well sure. Everyone gets upset and thinks that maybe God is wrong," Chandler replied.
"But did you ever seriously consider leaving Him? I'm afraid I'm losing my faith in Him," I told him.
"That's understandable. Your family has been through so much. But you must know that He has a reason for this all," he returned.
"I used to believe that, but I don't know if I do anymore. First Dad had his heart problems, then Sam died. Now this. I just don't know if He really has a reason," I said.
"I guess you need to wait until a time when you're under less stress, take a step back and really scrutinize your faith. Are you just upset now or have you really lost your faith in God?" Chandler asked.
"You're right. Maybe I'm just stressed. I will wait for a little while and then re-question myself. Thanks for talking to me," I said, giving him a grateful hug.
"Hey, it's my job," he said.
A/N: The Camdens have a lot to cope with right now. If you were under as much stress as them, wouldn't you question your faith? Don't worry, there will be lighter chapters soon. The heavy stuff is just a part of the storyline.
Coming soon: Will Ruthie ever speak again? Is Annie going to crack under all her stress? How is Eric's heart handling all this?