Classified Information Salvaged from the Databanks of General Pepper's SuperComputer128
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REPORT:
By Lieutenant Ibf
The Lylat System is still full of mysteries. Just now, a giant slot machine has been identified in Sector Z, the abandoned ship graveyard. However, this report is not about huge machines appearing out of nowhere. This is about the rescue of crew 3721, from which every member has gone insane. It has been my job to investigate the reasons why this has happened. Following up now is the interview that was taken when they were rescued at Sector Z.
Soldier 1: (Babbling incoherently)
Interviewer: Calm down now. You have been missing for three months now. Could you please, slowly, identify where you think you were?
Soldier 2: Not real, not unreal. SOMEWHERE INBETWEEN!!! (Required to be restrained)
Soldier 3: All wavy. Weird. Weird. Weird. Weird. Weird. Weird. (Repeats 32 times total).
Interviewer: Yes, I see. Can you describe the settings that you saw while you were gone?
Soldier 2: Wavy, wavy, wavy, wavy, wavy...
Soldier 4: Big smile! (Cowers)
Soldier 3: Not real, not unreal. SOMEWHERE INBETWEEN!!!
Soldier 1: Moon happy.
Soldier 4: Yes! Yes! Moon happy smile!
Soldier 2: Blue, purple, orange!
Soldier 4: Blue, purple, orange.
All Soldiers: Blue, purple, orange!
Soldier 3: Stars!
Soldier 1: Space.
Soldier 2: Nothing.
Soldier 4: Weird bird bring us there! Beware of big bird! Aaaaah!
Interviewer: So the place you were at was wavy, had blue, purple and orange stars, and had happy moons. (This doesn't make sense)
Soldier 4: Nononono! Moon colored. Star white. Horrifying!
Soldier 1: Weird music
Soldier 3: Very, very weird.
Soldier 2: Paper. PAPER! PAPER!!!
Soldier 4: Destroy ship, we stranded on moon. Moon wavy. Moon not exist. We insane.
Soldier 1: Paper. PAPER! AIRPLANE!!!
All Soldiers: Noooo!
So far no reasonable explanation has been devised that are the causes of these soldiers insanity. However, through a number of questions, we have found out what the soldiers think they were at.
1. Wavy space
2. Moons that are colored blue, purple and orange and are smiling
3. Paper airplanes
4. Weird Music
Of course, there is no record of anything in the Lylat or in our vicinity that would fit this description. The fact that there was weird music and wavy space strengthens the fact that these men are insane. However, that fact has not been proven yet. What we do know is that this was not coincidental. There may be some connection with the recent increased Venomian activity and the insanity. Perhaps it was an experiment of Andross.
Recently, though, General Pepper has stated that there has been an increased amount of warp radiation throughout the Lylat System, especially at Meteo. A group of probes that had been sent out to map Meteo have mysteriously disappeared, but strangely, they still are broadcasting signals to us. These signals are full of glitches. See statistic 1.1
Visibility: 999,999,999,999.999
Hostile Forms: SQRT (-1)
Travel Horizon: Misaligned
Binary Pulsar: *********
Cosmological Constant: 29.4913... (Not same as ours)
Statistic 1.1
We can only speculate why these signals have not been ceased, and why such major glitches are occurring. All visual contact had ceased, and there are seemingly no bodies of space within the area they are mapping, but the gravity says otherwise.
The final section of this document will be concerned with the seemingly impossible aspect of time travel. We seem to have a continuation of ships that are exceedingly futuristic. However, all attempts to scan these have resulted in the implosion of such scanning devise. WE will talk about Time Travel Horizons and the paradoxes that accompany it. And why such things may be possible due to new evidence conclusive to this article. We have only beg--
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REST OF DOCUMENT HAS APPARENTLY BEEN LOST OR DESTROYED. A VIRUS DEPLOYED HAS ESSENTIALLY WIPED OUT ALL TRACES. THIS IS THE PROLOGUE. WHAT ARE YOU TO MAKE OF IT?
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REPORT:
By Lieutenant Ibf
The Lylat System is still full of mysteries. Just now, a giant slot machine has been identified in Sector Z, the abandoned ship graveyard. However, this report is not about huge machines appearing out of nowhere. This is about the rescue of crew 3721, from which every member has gone insane. It has been my job to investigate the reasons why this has happened. Following up now is the interview that was taken when they were rescued at Sector Z.
Soldier 1: (Babbling incoherently)
Interviewer: Calm down now. You have been missing for three months now. Could you please, slowly, identify where you think you were?
Soldier 2: Not real, not unreal. SOMEWHERE INBETWEEN!!! (Required to be restrained)
Soldier 3: All wavy. Weird. Weird. Weird. Weird. Weird. Weird. (Repeats 32 times total).
Interviewer: Yes, I see. Can you describe the settings that you saw while you were gone?
Soldier 2: Wavy, wavy, wavy, wavy, wavy...
Soldier 4: Big smile! (Cowers)
Soldier 3: Not real, not unreal. SOMEWHERE INBETWEEN!!!
Soldier 1: Moon happy.
Soldier 4: Yes! Yes! Moon happy smile!
Soldier 2: Blue, purple, orange!
Soldier 4: Blue, purple, orange.
All Soldiers: Blue, purple, orange!
Soldier 3: Stars!
Soldier 1: Space.
Soldier 2: Nothing.
Soldier 4: Weird bird bring us there! Beware of big bird! Aaaaah!
Interviewer: So the place you were at was wavy, had blue, purple and orange stars, and had happy moons. (This doesn't make sense)
Soldier 4: Nononono! Moon colored. Star white. Horrifying!
Soldier 1: Weird music
Soldier 3: Very, very weird.
Soldier 2: Paper. PAPER! PAPER!!!
Soldier 4: Destroy ship, we stranded on moon. Moon wavy. Moon not exist. We insane.
Soldier 1: Paper. PAPER! AIRPLANE!!!
All Soldiers: Noooo!
So far no reasonable explanation has been devised that are the causes of these soldiers insanity. However, through a number of questions, we have found out what the soldiers think they were at.
1. Wavy space
2. Moons that are colored blue, purple and orange and are smiling
3. Paper airplanes
4. Weird Music
Of course, there is no record of anything in the Lylat or in our vicinity that would fit this description. The fact that there was weird music and wavy space strengthens the fact that these men are insane. However, that fact has not been proven yet. What we do know is that this was not coincidental. There may be some connection with the recent increased Venomian activity and the insanity. Perhaps it was an experiment of Andross.
Recently, though, General Pepper has stated that there has been an increased amount of warp radiation throughout the Lylat System, especially at Meteo. A group of probes that had been sent out to map Meteo have mysteriously disappeared, but strangely, they still are broadcasting signals to us. These signals are full of glitches. See statistic 1.1
Visibility: 999,999,999,999.999
Hostile Forms: SQRT (-1)
Travel Horizon: Misaligned
Binary Pulsar: *********
Cosmological Constant: 29.4913... (Not same as ours)
Statistic 1.1
We can only speculate why these signals have not been ceased, and why such major glitches are occurring. All visual contact had ceased, and there are seemingly no bodies of space within the area they are mapping, but the gravity says otherwise.
The final section of this document will be concerned with the seemingly impossible aspect of time travel. We seem to have a continuation of ships that are exceedingly futuristic. However, all attempts to scan these have resulted in the implosion of such scanning devise. WE will talk about Time Travel Horizons and the paradoxes that accompany it. And why such things may be possible due to new evidence conclusive to this article. We have only beg--
*********************************************************************
REST OF DOCUMENT HAS APPARENTLY BEEN LOST OR DESTROYED. A VIRUS DEPLOYED HAS ESSENTIALLY WIPED OUT ALL TRACES. THIS IS THE PROLOGUE. WHAT ARE YOU TO MAKE OF IT?