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They reached the house and both began to eat, Seth having two bowls and Inu having eight to make up for energy lost in his recovery. After Inu finished his meal, Seth calmly picked him up and carried him inside. Inu struggled a but in Seth's grasp, unaccustomed to being lavished with attention. However he settled down when he found that he was no match for Seth's strength and buried himself in Seth's shirt for the short walk inside the house. Once inside, Seth gently laid Inu on the bed and pulled the cover over him. Inu opened his eyes that seemed to have slid shut on the way and looked at the bed. He frowned even though he could only keep his eyes half open.
"Hey!" Inu yelped, "I just had a nap! I don't wanna sleep again!"
"You need to rest to recover from your injuries," Seth said, remaining calm toward the grumpy child.
"I'm not a baby! I..."
"No, you're not a baby, but you are a child and you haven't been properly taking care of yourself. You should never have tried to walk so far after such large injuries. Now go to sleep," Seth told Inu. His voice remained calm, but his eyes revealed anger that was actually more at himself than at the boy.
But Inu didn't know that and he was desperately trying to hold back tears.
"A-are you mad at me?" Inu asked, a small catch was at the end of his voice, but he tried to hide it. Seth looked at the face of Inu, who was deliberately looking away from him in shame, and his eyes softened. He sat down next to Inu and slide over to his side, wrapping an arm around him.
"No, I'm not angry at you. I'm mad at myself, I should have stopped you from leaving."
"It was my fault. I should have known better, I should have..."
"You're just a pup. Nothing good is ever going to come of blaming yourself for everything. You can't control what happens around you, but you can control what happens to you."
"M-my mother used to say that Fate can only control objects and occurrences, if you don't let the things around you get you down, she has no power over you. Is that what you mean?"
"Yes."
"...I think she was wrong, my mother."
"Oh?"
"She never let material things get her down, then Fate took her anyway. And it did get me down. I miss her so much."
There was a pause, Where Seth tried to find the words to comfort the pup. Seth still had one arm wrapped around Inu and Inu's head was pillowed on his chest. Seth tried to find words of consolation for the death of a loved one, but found none. Still, something had to be said.
"I don't know what to say to you, Inu Yasha. I can't tell you that you stop missing her or the pain will go away, because I've never felt it before."
"How?"
"I've never gotten close to anyone. My parents were forced into marriage. My father was a powerful lord and my mother had a good bloodline. My father needed an acceptable heir and my mother needed a husband. There was never any love lost between the two. When I was born I was immediately give into the care of nurses and then tutors.
"From the time I was able to walk and talk I was trained to be a leader, a lord. Because my tutors rapidly came and went, and because all the other children were too afraid of my father and the rumors about me to get close, I never made connections with people.
"By the time my father did notice me I was already too deeply emerged in drowning out my pain in fighting and hurting others for me to bond with him. He went off and found himself another wife and had another son, my half brother. I wanted to resent his other wife and son, but the wife was too kind and the son was too innocent and pure.
"But I hated father. Hated him for having another son. Hated him for forgetting about me. Hated him for putting this burden on my shoulders. By the end, I think he hated me too.
"My mother died at some point in my teenage life. I wasn't even told it happened until four months later. I felt nothing, I barely knew the woman, I just knew that I had one less annoyance to put up with. Father went a few years later. Nothing. No feelings. Not even regret. I just didn't care.
"After my father's death I held a ceremony and was supposed to take over my father's duties, but I had been running them for so long now that it was like nothing had changed. That's what scared me. Nothing had changed. I had at least thought that when father died something would happen, something would be different, but nothing was. So I decided to leave. This did not go over well with my servants, though I should almost call them my guards for how much they try to dictate what to do. I finally conceded to take one advisor with me, whom I abruptly ditched, and went off to find something."
Seth looked down at Inu, who had been staring at him wide-eyed like he was telling some kind of bedtime story.
"What were you looking for?" Inu asked innocently.
"My half-brother. I was going to kill him."
"Why? I thought you liked him?"
"I do, but he's an insult to my father's name. As his heir I'm not supposed to let him live."
"That's not a very good answer," Inu said a little huffily. Seth smiled slightly.
"You're right, it's not the only reason. I have two more. First, is that when he gets older he will try and kill me to take my father's title."
"He might not."
"Yes, he will. And even if he doesn't I can't take that risk. I simply can't, it goes against what I've been trained in all my life, it's not logical. I was taught to get people when they are weak, I can't wait for him to grow up, I've got to kill him now. The other reason is a bit more simple. Father left him a sword. He can't have it. It's mine."
"Why would your father leave the sword to him if it's yours?"
"Because he hated me. Because he wants to make things hard for me. This isn't the first time he's done something like this to me."
"What about your brother? Are you still going to kill him?"
"......"
"You should at least talk to him first, let him understand why you're going to kill him."
"He's still to young to understand."
"I'm young and I understand. You should talk to him."
"It will just make things more painful."
Inu gave a sort of hmm noise as he drifted to sleep on Seth's shoulder. Gently, Seth lifted Inu's head and placed it on the pillow, then slid off the bed and walked to the door. Seth halted at the door and looked back at the bed with soft, sad eyes.
"No, I could never kill my baby brother, but I am going to hurt him worse than he's ever been hurt before."
A plan had already begun forming in Seth's mind. The weight of what he was going to have to do sat heavily on his chest. In a few more days, Inu would be fully healed and Seth would put his plan into action.
He prayed to some unknown god for forgiveness for the very first time, and he hated himself.
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They reached the house and both began to eat, Seth having two bowls and Inu having eight to make up for energy lost in his recovery. After Inu finished his meal, Seth calmly picked him up and carried him inside. Inu struggled a but in Seth's grasp, unaccustomed to being lavished with attention. However he settled down when he found that he was no match for Seth's strength and buried himself in Seth's shirt for the short walk inside the house. Once inside, Seth gently laid Inu on the bed and pulled the cover over him. Inu opened his eyes that seemed to have slid shut on the way and looked at the bed. He frowned even though he could only keep his eyes half open.
"Hey!" Inu yelped, "I just had a nap! I don't wanna sleep again!"
"You need to rest to recover from your injuries," Seth said, remaining calm toward the grumpy child.
"I'm not a baby! I..."
"No, you're not a baby, but you are a child and you haven't been properly taking care of yourself. You should never have tried to walk so far after such large injuries. Now go to sleep," Seth told Inu. His voice remained calm, but his eyes revealed anger that was actually more at himself than at the boy.
But Inu didn't know that and he was desperately trying to hold back tears.
"A-are you mad at me?" Inu asked, a small catch was at the end of his voice, but he tried to hide it. Seth looked at the face of Inu, who was deliberately looking away from him in shame, and his eyes softened. He sat down next to Inu and slide over to his side, wrapping an arm around him.
"No, I'm not angry at you. I'm mad at myself, I should have stopped you from leaving."
"It was my fault. I should have known better, I should have..."
"You're just a pup. Nothing good is ever going to come of blaming yourself for everything. You can't control what happens around you, but you can control what happens to you."
"M-my mother used to say that Fate can only control objects and occurrences, if you don't let the things around you get you down, she has no power over you. Is that what you mean?"
"Yes."
"...I think she was wrong, my mother."
"Oh?"
"She never let material things get her down, then Fate took her anyway. And it did get me down. I miss her so much."
There was a pause, Where Seth tried to find the words to comfort the pup. Seth still had one arm wrapped around Inu and Inu's head was pillowed on his chest. Seth tried to find words of consolation for the death of a loved one, but found none. Still, something had to be said.
"I don't know what to say to you, Inu Yasha. I can't tell you that you stop missing her or the pain will go away, because I've never felt it before."
"How?"
"I've never gotten close to anyone. My parents were forced into marriage. My father was a powerful lord and my mother had a good bloodline. My father needed an acceptable heir and my mother needed a husband. There was never any love lost between the two. When I was born I was immediately give into the care of nurses and then tutors.
"From the time I was able to walk and talk I was trained to be a leader, a lord. Because my tutors rapidly came and went, and because all the other children were too afraid of my father and the rumors about me to get close, I never made connections with people.
"By the time my father did notice me I was already too deeply emerged in drowning out my pain in fighting and hurting others for me to bond with him. He went off and found himself another wife and had another son, my half brother. I wanted to resent his other wife and son, but the wife was too kind and the son was too innocent and pure.
"But I hated father. Hated him for having another son. Hated him for forgetting about me. Hated him for putting this burden on my shoulders. By the end, I think he hated me too.
"My mother died at some point in my teenage life. I wasn't even told it happened until four months later. I felt nothing, I barely knew the woman, I just knew that I had one less annoyance to put up with. Father went a few years later. Nothing. No feelings. Not even regret. I just didn't care.
"After my father's death I held a ceremony and was supposed to take over my father's duties, but I had been running them for so long now that it was like nothing had changed. That's what scared me. Nothing had changed. I had at least thought that when father died something would happen, something would be different, but nothing was. So I decided to leave. This did not go over well with my servants, though I should almost call them my guards for how much they try to dictate what to do. I finally conceded to take one advisor with me, whom I abruptly ditched, and went off to find something."
Seth looked down at Inu, who had been staring at him wide-eyed like he was telling some kind of bedtime story.
"What were you looking for?" Inu asked innocently.
"My half-brother. I was going to kill him."
"Why? I thought you liked him?"
"I do, but he's an insult to my father's name. As his heir I'm not supposed to let him live."
"That's not a very good answer," Inu said a little huffily. Seth smiled slightly.
"You're right, it's not the only reason. I have two more. First, is that when he gets older he will try and kill me to take my father's title."
"He might not."
"Yes, he will. And even if he doesn't I can't take that risk. I simply can't, it goes against what I've been trained in all my life, it's not logical. I was taught to get people when they are weak, I can't wait for him to grow up, I've got to kill him now. The other reason is a bit more simple. Father left him a sword. He can't have it. It's mine."
"Why would your father leave the sword to him if it's yours?"
"Because he hated me. Because he wants to make things hard for me. This isn't the first time he's done something like this to me."
"What about your brother? Are you still going to kill him?"
"......"
"You should at least talk to him first, let him understand why you're going to kill him."
"He's still to young to understand."
"I'm young and I understand. You should talk to him."
"It will just make things more painful."
Inu gave a sort of hmm noise as he drifted to sleep on Seth's shoulder. Gently, Seth lifted Inu's head and placed it on the pillow, then slid off the bed and walked to the door. Seth halted at the door and looked back at the bed with soft, sad eyes.
"No, I could never kill my baby brother, but I am going to hurt him worse than he's ever been hurt before."
A plan had already begun forming in Seth's mind. The weight of what he was going to have to do sat heavily on his chest. In a few more days, Inu would be fully healed and Seth would put his plan into action.
He prayed to some unknown god for forgiveness for the very first time, and he hated himself.
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