It was the time of day in the meadow that most people would consider
to be a beautiful time. Night was coming to an end, and the sun was just
beginning to rise. All was quiet and peaceful in the meadow. Then without
warning, an unearthly shriek broke the silence, followed by the rumble of a
powerful engine. A Harpy was flying as fast as it's wings would allow it
to in order to escape the unlikely predator chasing it. The predator
chasing the Harpy looked like the bastard child of a Delta 88 Oldsmobile
and a monster truck with the word DEATHCOASTER spray painted on both sides
"Hit on the gas a little harder. I've got this one in my sights!" Ash shouted excitedly at Indy. Indy complied. Ash had originally offered to let Indy try to shoot down the Harpy when he spotted it, but Indy decided that he would rather drive. A decision he regretted after having to take the DEATHCOASTER off-road, through hilly terrain, and learn just how far the modern automobile had improved in the last century and sixty- nine years as well as figure out how to drive it. Fortunately Ash's enthusiasm of ridding the world of one more Deadite caused him to ignore Indy's less than polished driving skills.
"Woohoooo!" Ash screamed as his shot hit the Deadite Harpy right in the left wing causing it to plummet down to the ground. "OK, hit the breaks Junior!"
"Don't call me Junior!!"
"Fine! Just hit the --." Before Ash could finish the sentence there was a large THUNK as the DEATHCOASER hit the downed Harpy. A rather indignant screech followed and the monstrous vehicle was rolled over. When it came to a stop. Upside down. Indy was glad that none of his bones were broken, while Ash was pleased with the fact that he had not puked. As they both crawled out, they noticed that the Harpy was crawling over towards them with a vengeful glare in it's milk-white eyes.
"Keep it busy while I change hands." Ash said to Indy while unscrewing his gauntlet.
"Oh sure, why don't you give me the easy job!" Indy replied sarcastically. He rushed toward the oncoming winged Deadite with his whip at the ready. He cracked the whip squarely in the Harpy's face. The Harpy growled in anger and directed it's full wrath on the young man. Fortunately, Indy managed to continue dodging the creature's attacks with it's claws and reply with his whip. He was giving the Harpy another dose of his whip, when it suddenly grabbed the whip in mid-crack, and began pulling him towards it's ever anxious vengeful jaws. Before Indy could react, he was an inch away from the Harpy's open mouth. He could smell the vile stench of rotten flesh and sulphur on the winged Deadite's breath. It was too late to escape, and just as it was about to get itself a mouthful of Indiana Jones, the Harpy's head exploded off of it's neck. Indy breathed a sigh of relief, and then the decapitated body fell on top of him. When he got over the shock of being covered with green slimy blood and getting humped during the headless corpse's death twitches, he directed a few certain profanities at Ash.
"Take it easy!" Ash replied. "I've saved your life twice now and this is the thanks I get. Sheesh!" He blew the smoke off of his Boomstick, gave it a spin, put it back into his holster, fired up Buzz and began cutting up the freshly dead Harpy's corpse in order free Indy. Together, they burned up the remains, put the ashes in a sack, cleaned Indy up, and turned over the DEATHCOASER. While doing all this, Indy thought back to the events from the previous evening.
***
"... and for the last five years now, I have been making a living off of hunting those damn demons and collecting a bounty from my kills. Now based off of what you have told me, it looks like there is going to be trouble if that book and dagger also got dropped off here with you."
"Like another Army of the Dead forming?" Indy replied.
"Yeah, unless we start looking for it pronto, but first, I need to make a stop at Britney Village."
"What's at Britney Village?"
"A regular stop for bounty hunters, plenty of goods for trade, and it's the last place where some famous diva sang her last concert before everything went bad."
"Who?"
"I can't remember her name. But that's not important. After we find the Necronomicon and that dagger you are going to help me."
"How?"
"By reading it, not out loud of course, but perhaps you will find something that will get us both back home."
"I hope I do."
After the discussion, the two lost young men took turns sleeping and keeping watch. Indy had been enjoying a rather pleasurable dream when Ash awoke him.
"What's the trouble?" Indy had asked.
"No trouble at all", Ash said with a grin. "Just a chance to make a little bit more profit."
A Harpy screeched in the distance.
***
After the whole side-trip to bag the Harpy, and clean up afterwards. Indy and Ash where on their way to Britney Village to pick up some supplies and then go and find the Necronomicon and the ceremonial dagger that had been with it. When they arrived, neither could believe what they saw. What had once been a small village with a fortified wall was now a pile of wreckage, and in a nearby field there was a large collection of decapitated heads mounted on large spikes. After the shock had subsided, Ash and Indy parked the DEATHCOASTER on the outskirts of the ruins, armed themselves, and went to investigate the field of decapitated heads. Once they got to the edge of the field, Ash stopped where he was and retched.
"Omigod! These guys were bounty hunters!!"
-WE ARE THAT WHICH WAS AND SHALL BE AGAIN!!!- -WE SHALL NO LONGER BE THE PREY OF OUR INFERIORS!!!-
The two young men turned in response to the voice and saw that a Deadite had appeared out of thin air behind them. Once upon a time, she had been an innocent little girl in pigtails. Now she was a little Deadite, complete with a grotesque face and milk white eyes. She opened her mouth and the voice spoke through her.
-PREPARE YOU SOULS FOR ETERNAL DAMNATION. YOUR HEADS SHALL JOIN THIS FIELD.-
Ash raised his Boomstick in response and fired. The little Deadite dodged, right into Indy's line of sight. He raised the shotgun Ash had lent him and sent a shell right into the little Deadite's head, blowing it off. It dropped to the ground and went through it's death twitches, then stopped.
"Y'know", Indy said "If that was supposed to be an ambush for any other bounty hunters who passed by, don't you think there would have been a few more Deadites around?"
Suddenly, as if in answer to the young archaeologist's comment, the Deadite's remains transformed into thirteen snakes. Indy let out a scream and began firing wild. Ash joined in. Moments later, the snakes had their heads blown off and both of the young men were standing back to back waiting for the next surprise. After a few moments, nothing happened. Ash relaxed, but Indy remained tense.
"They're good and dead, what are you worried about?"
"Nothing, I just really HATE snakes." Indy replied.
"Why?"
"I had a bad experience with snakes when I was fourteen." Indy then began relating his misadventure with a reptile house and some grave robbers. While he was talking, one of the severed serpent's heads nearby began to twitch. It then managed to spring at Indy's left arm and bite before it disintegrated. Indy screamed in agony and held his arm. Ash raised his Boomstick and aimed at Indy's head.
"What are you doing?" Indy demanded.
"Sorry, I can't trust you now", Ash answered. "I told you what happens when anything Deadite bites the living or if the Evil gets hold of you. You become possessed and do the Evil's dirty work. I'm sorry Junior, but I have to kill you."
"I told you NOT to call me JUNIOR!" Indy kicked Ash in the groin and ran towards the ruins of Britney Village.
"Damn Bastard!" Ash groaned as he slowly picked himself up and followed as best as he could. Indy had managed to get a decent lead, but he was beginning to feel the affects of the bite, he was sick to his stomach, his left arm felt like it was on fire one second, and in a block of ice the next. His vision blurred, and he began to lose balance. He was on his knees five minutes before he realized it, and a blurred image stood before him, he recognized Ash's voice.
"Like I said before Jones, I'm sorry." Just as Ash was about to pull the trigger, Indy let out a scream that could be heard within a hundred miles. The last time Ash had heard a scream like that, his Aunt had been giving birth in the back of his Delta 88 Oldsmobile when he was 16. That had been a scary experience.
Right before Ash's eyes he saw Indy begin to split in two like a reproducing animal cell. In the blink of an eye where there had once been one Indiana Jones, there was two, one passed out on the ground wearing a fedora had, and the other standing before Ash fedoraless, with an evil glint in his eye and a sinister grin on his face.
"Let me guess, you are the EVIL Indiana Jones."
"Wrong answer big chin!", the fedoraless Indy replied. He moved like greased lightning and picked up Indy's revolver, shot the Boomstick out of Ash's hand, and tripped him to the ground. Before Ash could fire up Buzz and get back on his feet, the fedoarless fiend placed his foot on Ash's right stump and aimed the Boomstick right between his eyes.
"Do you know what happened to all of the non-bounty hunters that lived in this village?" the Doppelganger asked. Ash glared and did not reply. "Let me show you." The fedoraless Indy snapped his fingers and a rather large gang of Deadites came out of the ruins. "They joined my club." A puzzled look came over Ash's face. "Oh, I see that you don't understand",
-PERHAPS YOU CAN RECOGNIZE ME BETTER IF I SPOKE WITH MY SINGING VOICE-
Ash recognized the voice. He had heard it before, but only now he knew from when and where. Annie Knowby had just finished the first passage, the one that turned the Evil into a being of flesh, just as she was about to begin the second passage to open the time-space rift to send the Evil away, the cabin door was busted open and a monsterous creature entered. It had one huge insidious eye and a tumourlike lump of tormented souls where the other eye should be. The creature's voice now spoke through the lips of a doppelganger Indiana Jones.
-WHAT I FAILED TO ACCOMPLISH IN THE 1300'S THROUGH YOUR EVIL DOUBLE, I SHALL DO NOW THROUGH YOUR FRIEND'S EVIL DOUBLE .-
The doppelganger Indy walked towards the real Indy and knelt down beside him while the Deadites restrained Ash.
-ALAS POOR JUNIOR! YOU HAD TO BE SO STUBBORN AND RESIST MY POSSESSION OF YOUR FINE BODY. YOU LEFT ME NO CHOICE BUT TO CREATE A DOUBLE FROM YOU. IN ALL LIKELIHOOD YOU WILL NEVER WAKE UP, AND SLOWLY DIE FROM LACK OF FOOD AND WATER. FAREWELL.-
The doppelganger removed the fedora from Indy's head and placed it on his own. He pointed to the motionless young man.
-LEAVE HIM. HE IS OF NO FURTHER USE TO US.-
He stood up and pointed at Ash.
-TIE THIS ONE UP. HE SHALL ACCOMPANY US TO OUR ZIGGURAT.-
The Deadites obeyed. Ash was tied to a spit and carried away by the gang of Deadites lead by their unholy leader, the doppelganger Jones. The sun began to set and night was about to begin. Indy stirred and then slowly awakened.
"He took my hat. He called me Junior. He is going to die."
"Hit on the gas a little harder. I've got this one in my sights!" Ash shouted excitedly at Indy. Indy complied. Ash had originally offered to let Indy try to shoot down the Harpy when he spotted it, but Indy decided that he would rather drive. A decision he regretted after having to take the DEATHCOASTER off-road, through hilly terrain, and learn just how far the modern automobile had improved in the last century and sixty- nine years as well as figure out how to drive it. Fortunately Ash's enthusiasm of ridding the world of one more Deadite caused him to ignore Indy's less than polished driving skills.
"Woohoooo!" Ash screamed as his shot hit the Deadite Harpy right in the left wing causing it to plummet down to the ground. "OK, hit the breaks Junior!"
"Don't call me Junior!!"
"Fine! Just hit the --." Before Ash could finish the sentence there was a large THUNK as the DEATHCOASER hit the downed Harpy. A rather indignant screech followed and the monstrous vehicle was rolled over. When it came to a stop. Upside down. Indy was glad that none of his bones were broken, while Ash was pleased with the fact that he had not puked. As they both crawled out, they noticed that the Harpy was crawling over towards them with a vengeful glare in it's milk-white eyes.
"Keep it busy while I change hands." Ash said to Indy while unscrewing his gauntlet.
"Oh sure, why don't you give me the easy job!" Indy replied sarcastically. He rushed toward the oncoming winged Deadite with his whip at the ready. He cracked the whip squarely in the Harpy's face. The Harpy growled in anger and directed it's full wrath on the young man. Fortunately, Indy managed to continue dodging the creature's attacks with it's claws and reply with his whip. He was giving the Harpy another dose of his whip, when it suddenly grabbed the whip in mid-crack, and began pulling him towards it's ever anxious vengeful jaws. Before Indy could react, he was an inch away from the Harpy's open mouth. He could smell the vile stench of rotten flesh and sulphur on the winged Deadite's breath. It was too late to escape, and just as it was about to get itself a mouthful of Indiana Jones, the Harpy's head exploded off of it's neck. Indy breathed a sigh of relief, and then the decapitated body fell on top of him. When he got over the shock of being covered with green slimy blood and getting humped during the headless corpse's death twitches, he directed a few certain profanities at Ash.
"Take it easy!" Ash replied. "I've saved your life twice now and this is the thanks I get. Sheesh!" He blew the smoke off of his Boomstick, gave it a spin, put it back into his holster, fired up Buzz and began cutting up the freshly dead Harpy's corpse in order free Indy. Together, they burned up the remains, put the ashes in a sack, cleaned Indy up, and turned over the DEATHCOASER. While doing all this, Indy thought back to the events from the previous evening.
***
"... and for the last five years now, I have been making a living off of hunting those damn demons and collecting a bounty from my kills. Now based off of what you have told me, it looks like there is going to be trouble if that book and dagger also got dropped off here with you."
"Like another Army of the Dead forming?" Indy replied.
"Yeah, unless we start looking for it pronto, but first, I need to make a stop at Britney Village."
"What's at Britney Village?"
"A regular stop for bounty hunters, plenty of goods for trade, and it's the last place where some famous diva sang her last concert before everything went bad."
"Who?"
"I can't remember her name. But that's not important. After we find the Necronomicon and that dagger you are going to help me."
"How?"
"By reading it, not out loud of course, but perhaps you will find something that will get us both back home."
"I hope I do."
After the discussion, the two lost young men took turns sleeping and keeping watch. Indy had been enjoying a rather pleasurable dream when Ash awoke him.
"What's the trouble?" Indy had asked.
"No trouble at all", Ash said with a grin. "Just a chance to make a little bit more profit."
A Harpy screeched in the distance.
***
After the whole side-trip to bag the Harpy, and clean up afterwards. Indy and Ash where on their way to Britney Village to pick up some supplies and then go and find the Necronomicon and the ceremonial dagger that had been with it. When they arrived, neither could believe what they saw. What had once been a small village with a fortified wall was now a pile of wreckage, and in a nearby field there was a large collection of decapitated heads mounted on large spikes. After the shock had subsided, Ash and Indy parked the DEATHCOASTER on the outskirts of the ruins, armed themselves, and went to investigate the field of decapitated heads. Once they got to the edge of the field, Ash stopped where he was and retched.
"Omigod! These guys were bounty hunters!!"
-WE ARE THAT WHICH WAS AND SHALL BE AGAIN!!!- -WE SHALL NO LONGER BE THE PREY OF OUR INFERIORS!!!-
The two young men turned in response to the voice and saw that a Deadite had appeared out of thin air behind them. Once upon a time, she had been an innocent little girl in pigtails. Now she was a little Deadite, complete with a grotesque face and milk white eyes. She opened her mouth and the voice spoke through her.
-PREPARE YOU SOULS FOR ETERNAL DAMNATION. YOUR HEADS SHALL JOIN THIS FIELD.-
Ash raised his Boomstick in response and fired. The little Deadite dodged, right into Indy's line of sight. He raised the shotgun Ash had lent him and sent a shell right into the little Deadite's head, blowing it off. It dropped to the ground and went through it's death twitches, then stopped.
"Y'know", Indy said "If that was supposed to be an ambush for any other bounty hunters who passed by, don't you think there would have been a few more Deadites around?"
Suddenly, as if in answer to the young archaeologist's comment, the Deadite's remains transformed into thirteen snakes. Indy let out a scream and began firing wild. Ash joined in. Moments later, the snakes had their heads blown off and both of the young men were standing back to back waiting for the next surprise. After a few moments, nothing happened. Ash relaxed, but Indy remained tense.
"They're good and dead, what are you worried about?"
"Nothing, I just really HATE snakes." Indy replied.
"Why?"
"I had a bad experience with snakes when I was fourteen." Indy then began relating his misadventure with a reptile house and some grave robbers. While he was talking, one of the severed serpent's heads nearby began to twitch. It then managed to spring at Indy's left arm and bite before it disintegrated. Indy screamed in agony and held his arm. Ash raised his Boomstick and aimed at Indy's head.
"What are you doing?" Indy demanded.
"Sorry, I can't trust you now", Ash answered. "I told you what happens when anything Deadite bites the living or if the Evil gets hold of you. You become possessed and do the Evil's dirty work. I'm sorry Junior, but I have to kill you."
"I told you NOT to call me JUNIOR!" Indy kicked Ash in the groin and ran towards the ruins of Britney Village.
"Damn Bastard!" Ash groaned as he slowly picked himself up and followed as best as he could. Indy had managed to get a decent lead, but he was beginning to feel the affects of the bite, he was sick to his stomach, his left arm felt like it was on fire one second, and in a block of ice the next. His vision blurred, and he began to lose balance. He was on his knees five minutes before he realized it, and a blurred image stood before him, he recognized Ash's voice.
"Like I said before Jones, I'm sorry." Just as Ash was about to pull the trigger, Indy let out a scream that could be heard within a hundred miles. The last time Ash had heard a scream like that, his Aunt had been giving birth in the back of his Delta 88 Oldsmobile when he was 16. That had been a scary experience.
Right before Ash's eyes he saw Indy begin to split in two like a reproducing animal cell. In the blink of an eye where there had once been one Indiana Jones, there was two, one passed out on the ground wearing a fedora had, and the other standing before Ash fedoraless, with an evil glint in his eye and a sinister grin on his face.
"Let me guess, you are the EVIL Indiana Jones."
"Wrong answer big chin!", the fedoraless Indy replied. He moved like greased lightning and picked up Indy's revolver, shot the Boomstick out of Ash's hand, and tripped him to the ground. Before Ash could fire up Buzz and get back on his feet, the fedoarless fiend placed his foot on Ash's right stump and aimed the Boomstick right between his eyes.
"Do you know what happened to all of the non-bounty hunters that lived in this village?" the Doppelganger asked. Ash glared and did not reply. "Let me show you." The fedoraless Indy snapped his fingers and a rather large gang of Deadites came out of the ruins. "They joined my club." A puzzled look came over Ash's face. "Oh, I see that you don't understand",
-PERHAPS YOU CAN RECOGNIZE ME BETTER IF I SPOKE WITH MY SINGING VOICE-
Ash recognized the voice. He had heard it before, but only now he knew from when and where. Annie Knowby had just finished the first passage, the one that turned the Evil into a being of flesh, just as she was about to begin the second passage to open the time-space rift to send the Evil away, the cabin door was busted open and a monsterous creature entered. It had one huge insidious eye and a tumourlike lump of tormented souls where the other eye should be. The creature's voice now spoke through the lips of a doppelganger Indiana Jones.
-WHAT I FAILED TO ACCOMPLISH IN THE 1300'S THROUGH YOUR EVIL DOUBLE, I SHALL DO NOW THROUGH YOUR FRIEND'S EVIL DOUBLE .-
The doppelganger Indy walked towards the real Indy and knelt down beside him while the Deadites restrained Ash.
-ALAS POOR JUNIOR! YOU HAD TO BE SO STUBBORN AND RESIST MY POSSESSION OF YOUR FINE BODY. YOU LEFT ME NO CHOICE BUT TO CREATE A DOUBLE FROM YOU. IN ALL LIKELIHOOD YOU WILL NEVER WAKE UP, AND SLOWLY DIE FROM LACK OF FOOD AND WATER. FAREWELL.-
The doppelganger removed the fedora from Indy's head and placed it on his own. He pointed to the motionless young man.
-LEAVE HIM. HE IS OF NO FURTHER USE TO US.-
He stood up and pointed at Ash.
-TIE THIS ONE UP. HE SHALL ACCOMPANY US TO OUR ZIGGURAT.-
The Deadites obeyed. Ash was tied to a spit and carried away by the gang of Deadites lead by their unholy leader, the doppelganger Jones. The sun began to set and night was about to begin. Indy stirred and then slowly awakened.
"He took my hat. He called me Junior. He is going to die."