He couldn't imagine that it would really matter to anyone not in the
long run. It wasn't like he had been here that long, not compared to the
three or so millennia of his brothers. They would grieve surely but they
would still have each other and really that was the whole point anyway. He
fixed his eyes on Elrohir, who's pleading, almost feverishly fearful eyes
meet his. Estel nodded to him slightly trying to convey everything he was
feeling and thinking in just one glance. Most importantly trying to tell
him that this was his choice. That he would not be used to cause the death
of his adopted family. His choice made, Estel stood defiantly. A slight
smile on his face and with his eyes locked on his brother, he stepped
backwards.
Elrohir heard screaming and he wasn't entirely sure if it was from his twin or his own voice. He shut his eyes, allowing shock to overtake him completely unwilling to witness his youngest brother's plunge to death. He turned his head away and heard rather than saw his twin and father kill the small band of Orcs that held them. Now, completely unhindered which of course, thought Elrohir, was Estel entire plan. He opened his eyes finally when the screams had faded and saw the tear-stained face that mirrored his own. "Did they hurt you, brother?"
Elrohir stood now, with help from Elladan. He shook his head. "Estel."
Elladan pulled him in close. "I saw. Father is looking for him now."
"We must go help him. Estel could be hurt or-"
Elladan cut him off, "Only if you are truly well."
He began searching his brother for wounds but Elrohir brushed him aside and stared fixedly at the ground. "They we focused on Estel. They never touched me."
Elladan took a deep breath unable to speak words of comfort for he had none himself. "Lean on me then."
Together they set off towards the bottom of the cliff, fearful of what they may find and desperately praying that Estel may still yet live up to his name.
Elrond stood at the base of the cliff watching the small trickle of water flow through it's path. His mind was in turmoil. How he wished he hadn't acted so rashly. It was so unlike him to be lead into this trap and to have forced this issue. He shook his head. It was unbelievable that he had let this happen. And it was equally horrifying what that terrible necessity had made him do. His eyes unfocused as the memory raced back.
He saw the orc holding Elrohir tightly and across the way, right by the cliff-side had been Estel, held in place by the arrow pointed at his neck. Forced to make that terrible choice, forced to choose now between the son he had sworn to take in and protect, and the son he had loved for over 3000 years. For Elrond, the agony wasn't in the choice even, because his heart made that decision instantly, it was in Estel's eyes when he saw his step- father move. Estel's knowledge that Elrond was going to save Elrohir. That he was going to choose his son over his foster son and the slight smile of complete understanding just before taking the choice away from him. Estel had seen it, seen Elrond's fear driven desire to save Elrohir at all costs, even if that meant loosing Estel. So he had done this.
"oh Estel. If only I could have saved you both. If only." Elrond's grief for his failure swept through him now. He was only dimly aware of the twins coming up beside him.
"Father? Is he here?" Elrohir's desperation cut right into Elrond's heart.
"No. I have not found his-him"
Elladan's grip on his brother's arm faltered slightly at the bleak, despair in Elrond's voice. "I will search downstream. Take Elrohir." He handed over his mute and trembling brother and jogged off, following the current. The two remaining elves watched him go.
"There is nothing more we can do. I will take you home, my son."
When Elrohir didn't respond, Elrond bent to study his son's face. What he saw printed there shocked him. Elrohir's expression was of almost unbridled anger, raw fury. The younger elf, abruptly ripped his arm out of Elrond's grip and stalked off back towards Rivendell. Elrond stood still unable to move. He had three sons. One had just raced off on a hopeless mission, one he had let die and the other hated him for it. Elrond slowly started heading back towards his home. He thought again of Elrohir's mask of hatred. Oh yes, he hated him now, but no more than he hated himself. Estel. Estel. Hope, he thought bitterly, really has died with you.
Elrohir had managed to avoid contact with anyone in Rivendell and made it to his bedchamber before collapsing into fits of sobbing. His pain ran so deep that his crying shook his whole body. How he longed for comfort. Comfort from Elladan would be edged with the same grief he felt, comfort from his father-a hard, sudden wave of anger swept over him again. His father, Estel's father, who had let this happen. Who had let him die. Elrohir's anger had faded when he had seen his father's grief at the riverside. Elrond's despair had effected both twins and overwhelmed all other emotions. But now, now Elrohir was free from that bond and here, alone, his grief and his fury were unmatched in strength. Estel was dead. He had died of his choice, that much was clear from his actions but that smile. it haunted him. It was a smile of understanding. The calm expression that so many times he had seen on his face now here in this frozen horror-filled memory. He didn't understand and he needed to know. Elrohir swallowed his fury and tried to bury it deep inside himself. Why had his father moved when he knew Estel's life was in peril if he did? Why had Estel smiled at the knowledge that he was taking his own life? He couldn't go on without answers but before he could even rise to seek out the one being who had them, there was a quiet knock on his door. Elrohir stood completely still as Elrond entered his room.
They stood there, facing each other waiting for the other to speak. The silence stretched on until finally Elrond spoke. "Can you forgive me?"
The anger surged back now and Elrohir clenched his fists at his side. "You dare ask me for that? You DARE-after what you did. You moved, you risked his life!"
"I did worse. I ended his life."
This admission froze Elrohir. He had been thinking it, but really he had expected some type of explanation. He hadn't really taken this to heart until hearing it from his father. His anger faded finally to be replaced with a heavy sorrow. His brother was dead, killed by his own father. Nothing in this world made sense. "Then my answer must be no."
Elrohir turned away. He still needed his answers but he could no longer even face his elder. (For his mind now even refused to call him father) "I have answered your question. You will answer mine now." His voice was hard as rock. If he could have seen the naked pain on Elrond's face, he may have rethought he's actions but Elrohir was so lost in his own suffering that he could think of nothing else. "I must know why. Why did you move when that orc told you not to? Why did Estel. I don't understand. He was trying to tell me something. Trying to get some message through but." Elrohir took in deep breaths trying to hold back his tears. He would not cry here, not with his-not with Elrond at his back.
Slowly, as if trying to force the words from his throat, Elrond began to speak. "It was for you. Move and they shoot Estel, stay still and watch you die. I couldn't just stand there and do nothing. I couldn't. I didn't. Estel saw this and took away the choice. That's why he smiled. That's why I am truly and completely responsible for his death. And you're right. I don't deserve your forgiveness. I will leave you now. Elladan returns and is coming to you."
Elrohir fought the sobs now until he heard the door close and it became too much for his fragile body to hold back. He collapsed on the floor, great shudders flying over him as his grief engulfed him once more.
Elrohir heard screaming and he wasn't entirely sure if it was from his twin or his own voice. He shut his eyes, allowing shock to overtake him completely unwilling to witness his youngest brother's plunge to death. He turned his head away and heard rather than saw his twin and father kill the small band of Orcs that held them. Now, completely unhindered which of course, thought Elrohir, was Estel entire plan. He opened his eyes finally when the screams had faded and saw the tear-stained face that mirrored his own. "Did they hurt you, brother?"
Elrohir stood now, with help from Elladan. He shook his head. "Estel."
Elladan pulled him in close. "I saw. Father is looking for him now."
"We must go help him. Estel could be hurt or-"
Elladan cut him off, "Only if you are truly well."
He began searching his brother for wounds but Elrohir brushed him aside and stared fixedly at the ground. "They we focused on Estel. They never touched me."
Elladan took a deep breath unable to speak words of comfort for he had none himself. "Lean on me then."
Together they set off towards the bottom of the cliff, fearful of what they may find and desperately praying that Estel may still yet live up to his name.
Elrond stood at the base of the cliff watching the small trickle of water flow through it's path. His mind was in turmoil. How he wished he hadn't acted so rashly. It was so unlike him to be lead into this trap and to have forced this issue. He shook his head. It was unbelievable that he had let this happen. And it was equally horrifying what that terrible necessity had made him do. His eyes unfocused as the memory raced back.
He saw the orc holding Elrohir tightly and across the way, right by the cliff-side had been Estel, held in place by the arrow pointed at his neck. Forced to make that terrible choice, forced to choose now between the son he had sworn to take in and protect, and the son he had loved for over 3000 years. For Elrond, the agony wasn't in the choice even, because his heart made that decision instantly, it was in Estel's eyes when he saw his step- father move. Estel's knowledge that Elrond was going to save Elrohir. That he was going to choose his son over his foster son and the slight smile of complete understanding just before taking the choice away from him. Estel had seen it, seen Elrond's fear driven desire to save Elrohir at all costs, even if that meant loosing Estel. So he had done this.
"oh Estel. If only I could have saved you both. If only." Elrond's grief for his failure swept through him now. He was only dimly aware of the twins coming up beside him.
"Father? Is he here?" Elrohir's desperation cut right into Elrond's heart.
"No. I have not found his-him"
Elladan's grip on his brother's arm faltered slightly at the bleak, despair in Elrond's voice. "I will search downstream. Take Elrohir." He handed over his mute and trembling brother and jogged off, following the current. The two remaining elves watched him go.
"There is nothing more we can do. I will take you home, my son."
When Elrohir didn't respond, Elrond bent to study his son's face. What he saw printed there shocked him. Elrohir's expression was of almost unbridled anger, raw fury. The younger elf, abruptly ripped his arm out of Elrond's grip and stalked off back towards Rivendell. Elrond stood still unable to move. He had three sons. One had just raced off on a hopeless mission, one he had let die and the other hated him for it. Elrond slowly started heading back towards his home. He thought again of Elrohir's mask of hatred. Oh yes, he hated him now, but no more than he hated himself. Estel. Estel. Hope, he thought bitterly, really has died with you.
Elrohir had managed to avoid contact with anyone in Rivendell and made it to his bedchamber before collapsing into fits of sobbing. His pain ran so deep that his crying shook his whole body. How he longed for comfort. Comfort from Elladan would be edged with the same grief he felt, comfort from his father-a hard, sudden wave of anger swept over him again. His father, Estel's father, who had let this happen. Who had let him die. Elrohir's anger had faded when he had seen his father's grief at the riverside. Elrond's despair had effected both twins and overwhelmed all other emotions. But now, now Elrohir was free from that bond and here, alone, his grief and his fury were unmatched in strength. Estel was dead. He had died of his choice, that much was clear from his actions but that smile. it haunted him. It was a smile of understanding. The calm expression that so many times he had seen on his face now here in this frozen horror-filled memory. He didn't understand and he needed to know. Elrohir swallowed his fury and tried to bury it deep inside himself. Why had his father moved when he knew Estel's life was in peril if he did? Why had Estel smiled at the knowledge that he was taking his own life? He couldn't go on without answers but before he could even rise to seek out the one being who had them, there was a quiet knock on his door. Elrohir stood completely still as Elrond entered his room.
They stood there, facing each other waiting for the other to speak. The silence stretched on until finally Elrond spoke. "Can you forgive me?"
The anger surged back now and Elrohir clenched his fists at his side. "You dare ask me for that? You DARE-after what you did. You moved, you risked his life!"
"I did worse. I ended his life."
This admission froze Elrohir. He had been thinking it, but really he had expected some type of explanation. He hadn't really taken this to heart until hearing it from his father. His anger faded finally to be replaced with a heavy sorrow. His brother was dead, killed by his own father. Nothing in this world made sense. "Then my answer must be no."
Elrohir turned away. He still needed his answers but he could no longer even face his elder. (For his mind now even refused to call him father) "I have answered your question. You will answer mine now." His voice was hard as rock. If he could have seen the naked pain on Elrond's face, he may have rethought he's actions but Elrohir was so lost in his own suffering that he could think of nothing else. "I must know why. Why did you move when that orc told you not to? Why did Estel. I don't understand. He was trying to tell me something. Trying to get some message through but." Elrohir took in deep breaths trying to hold back his tears. He would not cry here, not with his-not with Elrond at his back.
Slowly, as if trying to force the words from his throat, Elrond began to speak. "It was for you. Move and they shoot Estel, stay still and watch you die. I couldn't just stand there and do nothing. I couldn't. I didn't. Estel saw this and took away the choice. That's why he smiled. That's why I am truly and completely responsible for his death. And you're right. I don't deserve your forgiveness. I will leave you now. Elladan returns and is coming to you."
Elrohir fought the sobs now until he heard the door close and it became too much for his fragile body to hold back. He collapsed on the floor, great shudders flying over him as his grief engulfed him once more.