:: Misinterpretations ::

Gensomaden Saiyuki/Sailormoon

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailormoon, which rightfully belongs to Naoko Takeuchi. Nor do I own Gensomaden Saiyuki, which rightfully belongs to Minekura Kazuya.

Rating: PG

Pairings: Usagi+Sanzo, Rei+Sanzo

Warnings: language, bad monks, strange humor, purposeful OOCness, not to be taken entirely seriously

Notes: Some of you reviewers are really starting to worry me, so I'll be addressing specific people occasionally.

BloodyVixen: I said that only the Sanzo-ikkou would be In Character by the end of the fic. Patience, please. Sarcasm? What sarcasm? There was no sarcasm in my notes. More like exasperation, annoyance, and deadpan comments.

AnimaeChina: Thank you; I'll have that error fixed. As far as pairings go, you'll just have to see, but just remember that any crossover pairings are for humor's sake… please.

Sadie Joyce: … it's not a "Pluto Piece." It's a parody. Meaning that Pluto was vastly OOC. Has the fandom degraded so much that her actions in the first chapter are actually regarded as normal? Honestly…

O Genki Kitsune: Demands don't work on me. The results happen the way they happen because it's the most likely outcome.

For the Japanese Illiterate: hiragana is the simplest form of Japanese writing; kanji is the complicated form of hiragana-- kanji can represent one or more hiragana, depending on the symbol and placing of that symbol; katakana is a Japanese form of writing used to spell out foreign words (i.e. the English word heart would be written in katakana as haato); Seiten Taisei is what Goku is called in his demon form (Seiten Taisei Son Goku) and it roughly translates to Great Sage, Equal of Heaven (this title is derived from the original Chinese legend "Journey to the West"); senbei is a sort of Japanese cracker (the author thinks they taste very good ^^).

Sanzo leaned against the doorframe, not bothering to hide the slight upcurl of his lips, indicating a smirk. His violet eyes were trained calmly on the two stuffing their faces before him and the dark-haired priestess beside him. And from the looks of things, he was about to win the bet.

Of course, he didn't know what exactly he would be winning. He didn't care for this girl's money-- judging from their surroundings, they had landed in a completely different environment, and taking that into consideration the currency was more than likely to be much different from what was often used where he was from.

A vein popped out on his forehead. That Pluto woman had said there was going to be a great danger here. He had agreed to come down, but not to help fight. It wasn't any of his business until the enemy offended him personally. So if they ended up staying there any longer than necessary... scratch that, any time here was unnecessary. But if they didn't get back soon, Sanzo was going to kill someone.

Whether it was going to be the annoying blonde or the annoying priestess, he hadn't quite decided yet.

"Your friend seems to be slowing down," he observed, his expression suddenly blank.

The raven-haired priestess frowned, but said nothing. She just watched, not seeming to realize she was about to bite one of her nails off. Sanzo allowed himself a satisfied smirk.

"Geez," he heard the priestess mutter beneath her breath. "How can he possibly eat so much?"

"Hmph."

She glared at him. "That wasn't a rhetorical question!"

Sanzo's hand itched to grab his gun; she was so annoyingly like Gojyo! He wouldn't have any qualms shooting a woman. An annoyance was an annoyance, and not even a priestess could escape his wrath. God forbid he ever have any morals.

"I suppose," Sanzo said through his teeth, "it's because he went five hundred years without eating, so he's making up for lost time."

She stared, one eyebrow twitching. Obviously she wasn't sure if that was supposed to be a joke or not. "I can't believe this. You're supposedly a high-ranking monk -- a legendary high-ranking monk, a Sanzo -- and you're making up such a ridiculous lie like that?!"

That was it. Sanzo whipped out the demon banishing gun. Demon or no, he could kill her with one shot. "Wanna try dying?" he asked, pressing the barrel to the priestess' forehead.

"..."

"Thought so," he said, returning the gun to its place beneath his robes.

Some great priest Sanzo, thought Rei crossly as she folded her arms over her chest. Her eyes strayed to the blond monk, and her eyebrow twitched. How can he possibly wear leather under that?!

While she was grousing over the impossible fact that this very un-monk-like man was the great Genjo Sanzo, Usagi sat back on her heels, watching Goku continue to eat in fascination. She'd never met someone that could eat as much as her, let alone more!

"How old are you, anyway?" she asked the brunette. "Fourteen?"

He paused in his eating to glare at her, a partially eaten meat bun halfway to his mouth. "Eighteen."

Usagi stared. "But you're so short!" He was approximately her height, possible a couple inches taller.

Goku just shrugged, clearly not insulted, and took a large bite of the meat bun. "Mmm..."

"I win this bet," she heard a deep voice say. Usagi looked up to see Rei smoldering over something or another, glaring at the man who the boy in front of her had called Sanzo.

Usagi froze.

What... what is this strange feeling? she wondered, staring down at her hands. Her stomach felt light; fluttery, as though she had just eaten a bunch of butterflies rather than food. I haven't felt this since the last time I talked to Mamo-chan...

Realization hit her like a brick-- a really hard, painful brick. Wait, no! This couldn't be right! She was in love with Mamoru; they had been destined to be together since the first life they had shared together! How could she possibly fall for someone else so quickly and with so little regard to her One True Love?

Of course, Usagi didn't realize that she had been hit with a disturbingly common disease called Out Of Character. The symptoms were drastic, but often ignored.

Or perhaps there had just been something in the food... whatever the case she was feeling dizzy and rather... lusty.

Jealousy coursed through her as she watched Rei shout at the blonde monk. Sanzo seemed to be ignoring her, his beautiful, lovely, gorgeous violet eyes staring at the wall in exasperation. His fingers twitched so elegantly at his side. The vein on his forehead was swelling, and somehow it only added to his ethereal beauty.

Usagi knew she had to do something, anything, to gain his attention. And, of course, there was only one thing that guys loved most...

She fainted dead to the floor, crashing with a rather loud and ungraceful thud!

Goku looked up, startled. "Eh?"

"Usagi! What are you doing?!"

The blonde body on the floor twitched. One blue eye cracked open, trained on Sanzo, who was busy trying to light a cigarette. Geez, thought Usagi in irritation. Didn't he notice at all?

She sat up, smiling sweetly. "I'm fine," she said loudly. "I guess I'm just frailer than I thought." What was making these words fly from her mouth, she didn't know, but she did have enough sense left to realize that something was seriously wrong with her. Unfortunately, her body seemed to be moving against her will, doing things she wouldn't normally do, saying things she wouldn't normally say.

Rei cocked a dark eyebrow, frowning. "Since when have you been known to random fainting spells?"

"Ch'," Sanzo muttered beside her. "Damned lighter..."

Rei turned to scold him for attempting to smoke in her temple... but then she, too, froze, awestruck with Sanzo's sudden appeal. Why hadn't she seen it before? His beautiful, gold-spun hair, his heavily lidded purple eyes only a few shades lighter than her own, the way his lips curved so sensuously... Rei felt weak-kneed.

Wait. What? she was asking inwardly, confused by the sudden onslaught of cheaply stitched romantic feelings. But he's rude and horrible and he's the worst monk I've ever met...!

And yet the squishy feeling in her belly made her hormones think, But beautiful and sexy and dark and sensuous...

"So, ah... Sanzo?" Usagi chirped, smiling all too sweetly. "What made you decide to be a monk?"

"..." The priest gave her an exasperated look before taking a long drag from his cigarette. He seemed to be muttering something beneath his breath.

He must be shy, Usagi decided. Or unsure about his feelings... yes, that's it...

Before she could say anything else, however, Rei cut in. "Hey!" she cried, furious. "What do you think you're doing?!"

Usagi felt an unnatural surge of anger toward her best friend. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't think you can hide behind that innocent act of yours, you little hussy!" Rei hissed. "I saw you making eyes at the great Genjo Sanzo! Stop it!"

The blonde girl flared. "You're just jealous that he likes me more than you!"

"Jealous?! Ha! Who'd be jealous over a stupid, ditzy, clumsy little wuss of a leader like you?!"

Sanzo gave both girls a long stare, wondering -- quite irritably -- where they were getting such stupid ideas. Liking one more than the other? He'd rather shoot them both so they'd shut the hell up.

He seriously considered that as the high-pitched voices rose to an ear-shattering volume. Truly, it was looking like a good idea...

"Oh, yeah?! Well, for your information, I've been hiding secret powers all this time!" Usagi shouted. "And my 'stupidity' is only an act! I'm actually way smarter than Ami!"

Rei scoffed. "Maybe in a dream, you stupid rabbit! I'm the one with hidden powers and a high IQ level!"

Sanzo fingered the gun beneath his robes, taking an especially long drag of his cigarette. He realized the cigarette was already dangerously close to burning his fingers, so he dropped it to the floor and stamped it out. Now, where was that pack again...?

"Weak? Weak?! I'll show you weak, you traitor!" Usagi cried. "Come on, we'll fight!"

"Sounds good to me." Rei smirked. "And the winner gets Sanzo, deal?"

The vein in Sanzo's forehead pulsed to life again. "What?" he growled, his cigarettes forgotten.

Despite the apparent interest the girls had in him earlier, they completely ignored him now. "Deal," Usagi agreed. "But I'll definitely win."

"We'll see."

"..." Sanzo shook his head as they stormed out past him. Honestly, if this was the kind of 'trouble' they were having, he was going to shoot that damned Guardian of Time. Whoever heard of a timekeeper in a miniskirt anyway? he thought in distaste, pulling a second cigarette from the pack with his lips. He was about to try the lighter when he heard a small telltale noise behind him. Exasperated, he flicked the lighter. The moment the cigarette was lit, his free hand flew up; grasping the large paper fan he always kept in handy, and delivered a sound smack to the person that had attempted to tackle him.

"Ow!" a feminine voice cried after a thud resounded. Sanzo glanced down, staring blankly at the blonde girl. She pouted up at him, but then smiled. "I was just going to ask for a kiss for good luck, but I suppose kisses can wait until afterwards."

Sanzo rolled his eyes, watching Goku make an odd face at the blonde from the corner of his eye. Well, at least he wasn't the only one put off by her weird behavior.

"Usagi!" Rei shrieked, storming over. "How dare you! Only the winner gets to touch him!"

"Touch me and die."

Again, he was ignored. "Hmph. You're just jealous that he touched me first," Usagi said childishly, folding her arms beneath her breasts.

Rei's eyes narrowed. "That's it! I'm using the new transformation! I was going to go easy on you and kick your sorry butt without my awesome powers, but you're just asking for it!"
"Then I won't hold back either!"

Sanzo twitched.
Rei threw her hand in the air, crying out some of the most ridiculous words Sanzo had ever heard. "Mars Über Shiny Ultra Sonic Power, MAKE UP!" In an overly dramatic transformation sequence -- full of flipping and winking and twirling and little flames that buzzed by Sanzo's head every few seconds -- she had gone from a fifteen year old modestly dressed priestess to a fifteen year old scantily clad warrior.

"I," she declared, "am the warrior goddess Ultimate Sailor Mars!"

Sanzo was wondering: if one of the fire sparks had landed on an unlit cigarette, would it have been enough to light one? A vaguely interesting idea, though he wasn't eager to try it anytime soon. No, a lighter worked just fine...

He heard Goku sigh in the background. "Geez," he whined. Sanzo looked over in time to see the slight brunette looking through the cupboards. "There's no more food..."

"Don't be stupid," Sanzo said flatly. "There has to be something."

Goku made a face. "Nothing that isn't in a box." He squinted at one of the small packages in his hand. "I can't even read the directions!" Which was only natural, considering they were from China and seemed to be expected to read modern Japanese. The kanji was similar to the Chinese script, but Goku couldn't recognize the hiragana and katakana script. That, and the kanji didn't flow properly for Chinese writing. It was a wonder they were even speaking Japanese, but a barrier as simple as language certainly couldn't stop the wanderers (or in this case, victims) on the path of True Love.

At that very same moment, Usagi laughed. "Impressive, Rei, but not good enough," she said. "Watch a true leader at work!" She threw her hand into the air dramatically. The broach that had been attached to her school uniform bow was clasped in her fingers. "Super Sparkly Moon Flash Power, MAKE UP!" Her transformation sequence was far more colourful, with flying hearts and rainbows and pink ribbons. Sanzo absently swatted at a heart that strayed too close.

In the end, the blonde girl was wearing a gaudy, too-frilly, too-colourful outfit similar to Ultimate Sailor Mars'. With her fingers in a slanted V-sign over her forehead, she triumphantly announced, "I am the Everlasting Princess Sailor Moon! In the name of my love, Genjo Sanzo, I shall punish you!"

Goku abandoned his fruitless search for immediately edible food in the priestess' small "kitchen" and wandered over to where the monk was standing. His hands were locked behind his head, one golden eye wide and the other squinted in his natural expression of disbelief. "What's going on?" he asked, as though he hadn't heard a word of what had been said earlier.

"Catfight," was Sanzo's reply. He obviously wasn't interested; he didn't look impressed to see Everlasting Princess Sailor Moon twirl a too-large rod in one hand and aim it at her supposed best friend. A flurry of pink hearts with white bird wings too tiny to logically provide any support darted out toward the fire warrior. Huffing, Ultimate Sailor Mars let loose a large burst of flames that burned the wings off the hearts, causing them to fall dead to the ground.

"... I'm hungry..."

Sanzo growled. On top of it all, he was whining again. "So go find something to eat!"

Goku shot him a sullen look. "Fine," he mumbled. "I'll just go wander around this place without anyone to keep me from getting lost."

Alarms went off in Sanzo's head; he wasn't so worried about the boy's getting lost as he was losing sight of him long enough for something drastic to happen. This place was horrid enough already, and if it drove Goku crazy it might somehow trigger his Seiten Taisei powers. That was something Sanzo was not eager to take care of.

"All right," he said, also seeing it as an excuse to escape the hormonal teenagers. "Let's go."

Goku grinned. "Yes!" he crowed, bouncing at Sanzo's heels as they passed the fighting warriors without giving them a second glance. "I want ramen, and meat buns, and senbei, and..."

"Shut up!"