:: Misinterpretations ::

Gensomaden Saiyuki/Sailormoon

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailormoon, which rightfully belongs to Naoko Takeuchi. Nor do I own Gensomaden Saiyuki, which rightfully belongs to Minekura Kazuya.

Rating: PG-13

Pairings: Minako+Hakkai, humorous/disturbing implied Mercury+Mars/Mercury+Moon

Warnings: language, bad monks, strange humor, purposeful OOCness, not to be taken entirely seriously, humorous yuri

Notes: It's a bit shorter than the other chapters, but I think it works. Beware sarcasm and massive Ami-OOC-ness.

You people are still worrying me…

BloodyVixen: Look. This is NOT an Usagi-bashing fic. This is a parody of the other SMcrossover fanfictions. Meaning all of the senshi will be "bashed" in one way or another. Meaning only the Sanzo-ikkou will stay in-character.

Gee. That sounded familiar…

Dee-Chan: Not so much of the sanity as the common sense… which many of them clearly lack…

AnimaeChina: *grin* Ohh, you'll see…

For the Japanese Illiterate: dango is the shortening of odango, a round food often used in the Japanese version of SM to describe Usagi's hairstyle; youkai is the word used to describe demons in Saiyuki (on that note, Gojyo is half youkai, Hakkai is human-turned-youkai, and Goku possesses youkai-like powers but is not a demon); senshi is Japanese for warrior; Bakuretsu Hunters-- translated as Sorcerer Hunters, an anime/manga; fuku is Japanese for clothes; Ranma ½-- another anime/manga.

A frown graced Ami's lips. For the past half hour Hakkai had been explaining how they had come here, and for about ten minutes of that half hour he had been telling her about their original surroundings. It was odd, because...

"That sounds like you're from ancient China," she mused.

"If that's what you call it," Hakkai agreed.

She was having an interesting time, at least. Out of the four that had come crashing down -- literally -- on Rei's temple, Hakkai seemed to be the politest-- and the sanest.

"But... your clothes look so..." She trailed off, searching for the right word and trying to ignore Minako's swooning to her right. "Well, not quite modern, but you certainly don't look like you're from ancient China." Of course, for all they knew, these young men could be lying. Ami was suddenly suspicious.

"Ah... do they?" Hakkai glanced down at himself, and then shrugged. "I'm sure we look as odd to you as you do to us."

That was probably true...

Ami pulled out her computer. Where it came from one can't be sure, though it was likely stored in the same Hammer Space as Sanzo's fan. "Let me just do a quick scan," she murmured, her fingers flying over the miniature keyboard.

Hakkai seemed impressed with the handheld device. "Interesting..."

"Super Flying Moon Discs!"

The shout came so suddenly that Ami nearly dropped her computer. She managed to keep a hold of it, but in the next instant what looked to be a miniature heart spinning like a discus happened to fly astray and knock it from her hands. It clattered to the ground. It sounded as though something had snapped inside.

"..."

Hakkai, being the polite and helpful person that he was, picked it up and handed it back to the blue-haired teen. At that moment one of the keys decided to pop out and disappear into a crack on the cement floor.

Ami smiled kindly at Hakkai. "Please excuse me." She stood.

"Take your time," Hakkai responded.

The moment she was out of earshot, Minako pounced on him. At least, it felt like she did. Strange how she seemed to be able to do that when she was over a foot's distance from the older man. "Hi!" she said, a bit too eager and obvious. "I'm Aino Minako, I'm fifteen years old, and currently single! What's your name, age, and can you help me fix the single issue?"

Hakkai's smile seemed a bit too polite right then.

He caught sight of Sanzo and Goku, who seemed to be trying to leave the temple. "Goku?" he called, trying to ignore the shoujo sparkles flying around and from Minako. "Where are you guys going?"

The smaller brunette paused and grinned in his direction. "To find food!"

Sanzo gave Hakkai a blank stare. "We'll be back as soon as possible. Try to stay sane, and keep your youkai limiters on."

Hakkai watched them leave, mildly puzzled. He had more control over his demon self than Goku... so what was with the warning? A bad feeling of foreboding crept into his stomach, and the large, 3D hearts flying from behind Minako's head weren't helping to quell that feeling...

How Ami made it through the barrage of flying pink hearts and various balls of fire, she wasn't sure. Somehow she managed to remain unscathed as she approached her fighting friends.

"What are you two doing?" she asked, her voice taking on the tone of someone ready to scold a small child.

"OW!" Ultimate Sailor Mars growled, rubbing her head. "That was cheap, you dango-for-brains!"

Everlasting Princess Sailor Moon glared. "It was not!"

"You can't beat on the enemy with your rod!"

"Oh yeah? Watch this!"

"OW!" Infuriated and slightly dizzy, Ultimate Sailor Mars whipped out a broom and delivered a few good whacks to her former-best-friend's head.

Ami stared, unable to believe that her friends were fighting... and so ridiculously, no less! "Excuse me--"

"Klutz!"

"Hussy!"

"Whiner!"

"Meanie!"

Ami sighed as she slowly began realizing the merits of Sanzo's infamous fan and gun (Hakkai had given her brief details on those) and wondered if there was possibly a peaceful way to settle this. Probably not, she realized, wincing as Everlasting Princess Sailor Moon delivered a sound thwack! to Ultimate Sailor Mars' head.

She felt irritation rising. Really, what were they fighting over, anyway?

Her question was answered almost as soon as she had phrased it in her mind.

"Give it up already! The great Genjo Sanzo would never want a brat like you!"

The blue-haired warrior nearly did an uncharacteristic anime-drop. All of the ridiculous fighting and childish insults was over a monk? And a violent, aloof, abusive monk at that, if what little she managed to pick up from his actions told at least a little bit of his personality.

"Ultimate Love Burns!" Ultimate Sailor Mars shrieked, sending a flurry of fiery shapes at Everlasting Princess Sailor Moon. Disturbingly enough, those shapes looked a lot like hearts, which were usually restricted to Minako and Usagi's attacks in the first place.

All of that aside, these attacks were the most uncreative and unrelated things Ami had ever heard! She felt something throb in her temple, and when she reached up to attempt to sooth the pain she realized the vein there was becoming prominent.

In fact she was feeling rather... short-tempered. Violent. This was unusual.

"Excuse me," Ami tried again, her voice strained.

"You can't steal my copyrighted attack shapes!" Everlasting Princess Sailor Moon was screaming.

"I can too! It's in the name of love!"

"CHEATER!!"

"That's enough, damnit!"

The last word slipped past Ami's lips without thought. Ultimate Sailor Mars and Everlasting Princess Sailor Moon were so shocked that they actually fell backwards, as though the word itself has slapped them in the face. Part of Ami was horrified at the expletive she had uttered, but another part, a foreign part, was overriding her with disturbing influence.

"You two think you're so much better, just because I'm physically the weakest senshi, don't you?!" she was shouting. "You think you're smarter than me? Don't make me laugh! Your knowledge always has and always will pale in comparison to mine! You're pathetic! You're weak excuses for warriors! You suck!"

If her conscience had been able to realize what she was doing, Ami would have fainted from the shock of what she was doing. What was going on?!

Ultimate Sailor Mars appeared baffled. "Ami?"

Everlasting Princess Sailor Moon was cowering behind the warrior of Mars, their earlier fight obviously forgotten. "Scary," she whimpered.

Ami had had enough, though. "It seems you two need to be taught a lesson," she said, unaware that she sounded like a whip-wielding dominatrix from Bakuretsu Hunters. She threw her hand into the air-- oddly enough the object she held wasn't her transformation pen, but her miniature computer.

"Mercury Techno Power, MAKE UP!"

After an elongated, particularly voltage-filled transformation sequence that is normally reserved for Jupiter's sequences, a new Sailor Mercury stood before them. Her outfit was vastly different from before. Compared to her new attire, the normal senshi fuku was modest. However, the biggest change was...

"I am Super-Smart Sailor Mercury," she said in a sickeningly strong and seductive voice. "In the name of Mercury, I shall punish you two for being so naughty!"

Rei raised an eyebrow, managing to look significantly worried at the same time. "Ami's become a porn star," she mumbled.

It wasn't far from the truth. With her sudden change of voice and rapid burst of breast growth (and really, she should have fallen over from the extra pounds she had gained so quickly in front) and disturbing new vocabulary, Super-Smart Sailor Mercury would have fit right into a hardcore bondage movie.

Ami let out a sudden high-pitched laugh at the look on her friends' faces. "Ohohoho!" she cried, pulling a long, thin whip from the depths of cyber space. "Time for your punishment!"

Everlasting Princess Sailor Moon emitted a loud squeal of fear before she turned and ran. Ultimate Sailor Mars swore and followed suit, desperate to escape the wrath of their formerly meek and shy friend. Super-Smart Sailor Mercury was skipping after them and cackling, looking very much as though she'd spent too much time reading Ranma 1/2 manga and imitating Kuno Kodachi.

Elsewhere, at the Time gates, Pluto was busy plotting the next big twist to come. After all, she was only a guardian of time; it wasn't like she had a job to do...