:: Misinterpretations ::
Gensomaden Saiyuki/Sailormoon
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailormoon, which rightfully belongs to Naoko Takeuchi. Nor do I own Gensomaden Saiyuki, which rightfully belongs to Minekura Kazuya.
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Minako+Hakkai, Minako+Kougaiji, Mercury+everyone, Gojyo+anything female
Warnings: language, bad monks, strange humor, purposeful OOCness, not to be taken entirely seriously
Notes: Sorry for the long update. The Saiyuki fandom is starting to swallow me alive. There are almost as many badfics there as there are here, and that's saying something. -.-
*cough* Anyway… Destiny's Light, your review made me grin, because I am hoping to at least throw in some huge hints toward the first pairing you mentioned—though I have no intentions of writing the second. Call it a squick, if you must…
Anyway.
For the Japanese Illiterate: soba is a type of Japanese noodle; "Yare yare, desu ne" is what Hakkai says that is equivalent to an exasperated sigh.
"Ohohoho~!"
The high-pitched, maniacal laughter startled Gojyo and Makoto from their deeply engrossing conversation-- contest of compliments was more like it, actually. Makoto was blushing furiously by that point, and Gojyo seemed to be enjoying himself immensely before the laughter and terrified screams brought them back to outside reality.
"What the f--" Gojyo started.
Thankfully, his profanity was cut off by Makoto's louder, "What in the world is Ami wearing?!"
One of Gojyo's crimson eyebrows rose as he saw the shy girl that had been talking to Hakkai skipping around the temple, chasing after two girls in rather strange but cute mini-skirted outfits. Well, she certainly doesn't look shy anymore, he thought, allowing his eyes to linger a bit longer than necessary.
"Is that behavior... ah... normal?" he asked the brunette beside him.
Makoto slowly shook her head. "No... I honestly have no idea what's going on. Ami isn't even the dominatrix type..." Makoto's green eyes narrowed. "That's odd..."
"Hm?" Gojyo didn't remove his eyes from the stunningly sexy blue-haired girl, wondering at the change that had come over her.
"Her... proportions... are much different."
They sure as hell are! However, Gojyo had enough sense not to say so in front of Makoto, so he simply shrugged.
Clearly the three girls' behavior was beginning to disconcert Makoto, especially when Ami cried for the world to hear, "DO NOT RUN FROM YOUR PUNISHMENT! Be good girls and come to me!" This exclamation was followed by more maniacal laughter.
"Y'know, even I can see there's something seriously wrong with that," Gojyo remarked. "And I don't know her."
"Oh, you have no idea," Makoto groaned, pressing two long fingers to her temple. "What am I going to do? I'd hate to have to beat them to their senses..."
"Ah, that's right; you're a martial artist, aren't you?" As always, Gojyo couldn't resist the opportunity to flirt. "It shows in the way you keep your body so well-toned."
Makoto blushed furiously, but couldn't hide her pleased grin. "In any case," she said quickly, obviously trying to hide her embarrassment. "I need to figure out a way to stop them. Hm..."
Elsewhere, Everlasting Princess Sailor Moon and Ultimate Sailor Mars had ducked into a broom closet, pressed close together as they tried to keep away from the door, as though suspecting Super-Smart Sailor Mercury would find them if they were too close to it. "Hey, Rei," Everlasting Princess Sailor Moon whimpered.
"Yeah?" the dark-haired girl whispered, her voice barely heard because of her fright.
"If we live through this, I swear you can have Sanzo..."
"No way, are you nuts?! I don't want a rude monk like him!"
"Oh. Why the change of heart?" the pig-tailed blonde inquired, puzzled.
Ultimate Sailor Mars waved a hand, saying in hushed tones, "Can't explain it. I was destined for someone else..."
"Eh?" Clearly Everlasting Princess Sailor Moon had no idea what her friend was talking about. Which was only natural, as it had nothing to do with anything at the moment...
Suddenly the closet door was thrown open. The too-large-breasted Super-Smart Sailor Mercury towered over them, despite the fact she was barely Ultimate Sailor Mars' height and only a few centimeters taller than Everlasting Princess Sailor Moon. Her blue eyes gleamed wickedly.
"I've found you, my pretties!"
Both girls screamed and scrambled for escape. They ended up running straight into opposite walls and falling down, unconscious. Laughing in a very loud, out-of-character manner, Super-Smart Sailor Mercury hogtied both girls and dragged them back outside.
Gojyo watched Makoto sweatdrop at the sight. "What in the world...?"
Gojyo couldn't help but be amused. "I wonder what they're being punished for?"
Super-Smart Sailor Mercury used her super-heightened hearing to listen to his question. She spun on one heel, one hand coming up to her mouth as she cackled in a villainous way. "They were fighting over that bad, bad priest! Therefore, they shall be punished in the most awfulest of ways!"
Makoto seemed to shrink in disbelief. "Awfulest?" she repeated. "Since when did Ami have such poor grammar?"
Gojyo was too busy checking the newly transformed young women to ask what she meant by that. Pity, he thought. I only sleep with legal-aged women...
Super-Smart Sailor Mercury seemed to have lost all sense of dignity she had once possessed. She strutted up to Gojyo, flashing a sly smile that looked very much out of place on her sweet, almost sad-looking features. "What about you, sexy?" she purred, tracing her gloved fingers over his chest. "Would you like to be tied up and used, too?"
Gojyo could see Makoto's horrified expression from the corner of his eye. He smirked, catching the blue haired girl's hand. "Tempting," he admitted.
Makoto appeared to be twitching.
"But I only sleep with women that are of legal age," he finished, pushing her hand away.
For some reason, Makoto didn't look any happier.
Super-Smart Sailor Mercury huffed. "Well, fine! I'll just make myself older!" She snapped her fingers, and two seconds later she was four years older, a few pounds heavier, some centimeters taller, and her breasts looked far to big to be considered normal.
Well, that certainly changed things! But admittedly, Gojyo was picky about women-- and cigarettes, for that matter. "Even more tempting, but--"
"Oh, no, you don't!" Makoto hissed, pushing past him to glare at Super-Smart Sailor Mercury. "He's mine! I've staked all claims!"
Gojyo sighed and took a step back, fishing out his pack of cigarettes. It had been way too long since he'd last inhaled some nice nicotine. Damned chain smoker in him...
"Gojyo..."
The slightly choked voice of his companion made the half-demon turn. He nearly facefaulted at the sight of Hakkai attempting to limp his way, with a hyper-active blonde clinging to his leg, hearts beating in her eyes and flying around her head.
"Uh... need some help there, Hakkai?" he asked, trying to settle for a neutral face. He wasn't too successful.
"No, no," the brunette declined politely. "I'm quite fine, for now... however..."
"Yeah?"
Hakkai's smile seemed strained. "If we stay here much longer, I'm afraid you'll want to run far, far away... I'm not sure how much longer I can keep my temper in check."
Gojyo arched an eyebrow. If Hakkai was concerned about losing control, then there was definitely something to be worried about. "Well, if there was a way to contact that Pluto chick--"
"Pluto?" The blonde clinging to Hakkai blinked at the name. "I know her. What do you need her for?"
"To get out of this damned crazy place," Gojyo replied bluntly.
A cry of despair cut through and a moment later Super-Smart Sailor Mercury was clinging to Hakkai. "No!" she pleaded, her large blue eyes shining with unnaturally bright tears. "I'm sorry! The one I truly loved all this time was you! Don't leave me!"
"You are quite the ladies' man, aren't you?" Gojyo asked his friend, amused.
"It would seem so, unfortunately..."
Makoto growled from behind Gojyo, electricity crackling around her body. "That's it," she snapped. "I'm taking you out!"
Hakkai appeared puzzled. "What is she so upset over?"
"You know, I'm really not sure anymore..." Gojyo mused.
Super-Smart Sailor Mercury whirled away from Hakkai, glaring. "Bring it on, weakling!"
Makoto's green eyes sparked. No one called her weak and got away with it, not while she was out-of-character!
She spread her legs apart, thrusting her arm into the air. "Jupiter Super-Spaz Transformation, MAKE UP!" she cried, not seeming to care that she had broken tradition by not adding the word power into her new transformation call. There was a tattoo of hardcore music, an ominous darkening of the sky, a bolt of lightening, and an explosion of sparkles.
She posed, taking on the stance of a karate master. "Come and get me," she growled, her eyes glinting at her blue-haired friend.
Super-Smart Sailor Mercury began to cackle. "How foolish! You forgot to name yourself, you slutty hussy!"
Gojyo sweatdropped. Exactly who is she calling a slut...?
The brunette girl smirked. "I am Mega-Voltage Sailor Jupiter! Come at me!"
Elsewhere, a few blocks away, Sanzo was sitting at a diner table, his nose buried in an ancient Chinese newspaper. Thankfully, it hadn't fallen out on their way to this strange new place.
A clap of thunder made him look up in time to see the sky darken briefly before going back to its normal sunny blue colour. He twitched. "The hell?" he muttered.
"Huh?" Goku glanced up from his sixth bowl of chicken curry and soba noodles. "What's wrong, Sanzo?" he asked around his food.
The blonde priest glared. "Shut up and eat!" Like hell he wanted to find out any more than he had to about his weird place.
Goku shrugged and went back to his chicken curry.
Gojyo shook his head. It was a pity these girls were clinically insane; they were awfully attractive for young ladies. "So when should we make our escape?" he asked, the question directed to Hakkai.
The brunette put a finger to his lips, seeming to seriously consider the question. "Well..."
"Sanzo-ikkou!"
Both young men started at the new male voice, turning to find a certain red-haired demon glaring furiously at them.
Hakkai smiled. "Actually, it's just Gojyo and I right now."
"Whatever!" the demon exploded, storming forward. "Explain this! Now!"
"How the hell did you get here?" Gojyo asked, chewing on the butt of his cigarette and clearly ignoring the demon's question.
Purple eyes narrowed at him. "I was brought by some weird green-haired lady. She said it was the will of my mother-- which is bullshit!" he shouted up at the sky, as though the strange woman he had mentioned would be able to hear him. "She dumped me here and told me to become a fifth member of your party!"
"Oh, my," said Hakkai mildly. "I don't think Sanzo would very much like that."
The demon shot him an exasperated look. "Like hell I'd join you voluntarily, anyway."
"Who are you?" the blonde intent on growing onto Hakkai asked, staring up at the newcomer with intense curiosity. Ohhh, he's so cute... Remembering Hakkai, she squeezed his leg harder. Not as cute as Hakkai, though!
The demon stared back at her, incredulous. "Who are you?" he shot back, taking a step backwards.
"KOUGAIJI!"
The voice exploded from the temple's entrance, where everyone turned to find Goku and Sanzo. Goku's golden eyes were wide and gleaming with excitement; Sanzo looked irritated enough to kill.
The new demon known as Kougaiji smirked faintly. "Monkey," he returned.
Gojyo rolled his bright red eyes to the sky, smirking faintly; he was half amused and half annoyed. "Children and teenagers have such one-track minds..."
Hakkai sighed. "Yare yare, desu ne..."