{*Tsuzuki-chan walks out with a sign again. She holds it up and smiles:
"Hello, minna-san!!! I got the idea for this fic when my friend wouldn't
shut up about this cat he got. Enjoy. Oh, I do like cats, really. If you
found my 'Bunny Story' nasty, you might want to steer clear of this one,
kiddies, 'cause it's worse. A lot worse. OOC Brad and probably everybody
else in Schwartz. R&R, please"*}
The Random Adventures of Schwarz!!! by Tsuzuki-chan (Seiichiro Tatsumi)
Brad looked over at his favorite picture on his desk. It was his Schu- chan...in a sexy thong...He gazed at it for sometime, thinking all of the little hentai things he wanted to do to the red head once his report was typed.
"What in the hell is that?!"
Brad heard something coming from outside the house. When he looked outside he saw something. He quickly ran outside.
---+++---
"What in the hell is that thing?" said Schuldig.
"I think we should eat it, personally," said Farfello as he polished his blade. Nagi looked at the man in horror.
"But it's...I think it was an animal at one point in time...," Nagi looked at the creature that sat in Brad's lap. "Plus, you're not s'post to put things in your mouth when you don't know where they've been!"
"How dare you talk about my kitty that way!" cried Brad. The "kitty" mewed/screeched/screamed/meowed in protest. Schuldig shuddered.
"It's smelly and creepy, too. I personally wouldn't want this thing in my stomach," the red-haired man said. "I'm almost afraid to ask, but...What is its name?"
"I think it should be Vomit!" chirpped Farfello. "Or Plague!"
"E-bola is good, too!" chimed Schuldig. The look on Brad's face was that of shock and horror.
"His name is Fuzzy!" said Brad as he grabbed his hair covered creature that MIGHT resemble a cat if you couldn't see out of one eye and the other was covered in a hazy film. "Why do you think such horrible things about him?!"
"He, which is a pronoun that might be pushing the limit for what ever this thing is," said Nagi coolly, "looks as if a very large prison inmate had raped it. And set it aflame. Then stepped on it. Many times. Then he was skinned and had his flesh reattatched with a glue gun. But I don't know, nor do I want to, what caused that strange green, flem-like substance that appears to be leaking from his mouth and butt. So, thus it would be fairly accurate to call it 'Plague', 'Vomit', or 'E-bola'. I personally think the last one is the most fitting name for....Fuzzy."
"You're all so mean!" said Brad. "Sure, Fuzzy might not be the best looking kitten, but you should at least try to accept that he's different from other kitties, and try to love him!!!" And with that, Brad stormed out of the kitchen with Fuzzy, who made a gurggling/meowing sound.
"Thanks for telling me about the green crap coming outta its butt, Nagi," Schuldig said sacrastically.
"It was a warning. I thought it might be a deadly acid or something," said the boy. "But what worries me is Brad. He's never...like this."
"It's frightening," said Farfarello. "That creature is proof that God should DIE!"
"I must agree with Farfie on this one," said Schuldig. "Anything that created an animal like that should die. But...Brad..."
"Eww...," said Nagi. "Fuzzy's bodily fluids got all over the table. Do you guys mind if I just throw away the table?"
"Not at all...," said Schuldig. "Farfie, go help Nagi with the table. I'm going to visit Brad and Fuzzy."
---+++---
Brad sat at his desk, and looked down at Fuzzy. Why where they so mean to him? Fuzzy was just a kitten he found. He loved Fuzzy very much, but Brad couldn't remember exactly how he met Fuzzy, despite it only being a couple of hours ago. He heard a knock at the door.
"Are you ready to accept Fuzzy as a member of this household?" cried Brad from his office.
"Sure, just let me come in," said Schuldig. There was a silence.
"Okay, you may enter!" said Brad.
Schuldig slowly opened the office door. There was a trail of that green snot stuff leading from where he was standing to Fuzzy. Schuldig looked at the rest of the office. Brad was normally a "neatness nazi" with the place, but now with Fuzzy here, it was in total disarray. Another frightening thing was that it appeared to Schuldig could have sworn that Fuzzy had swollen, or as better term might be "festered", and increased in sized. Then he looked up at Brad. To say "his hair was a mess" would be a total understatement. His normally clean suit was covered in that nasty- ass green mucus.
"Uh," said Schuldig. "I think I'll be leaving now."
And at that, Schuldig ran out of the office like a bat out of hell.
---+++---
"So...There's an extremely dangerous creature loose that causes people to lose their sanity, and eventually eats their brains and turns them into a zombie? Wouldn't Brad know about something like that?" asked Farfello.
"Um, not quite," replied Nagi. "Just the part about the 'dangerous creature on the loose and sanity loss'. Eventually, if exposed to the green flem stuff long enough, a person would..."
"Would what?"
"Have the urges to mate with the creature, and cause more to spawn."
"...So Brad's gonna hump something that resembles a groutesquely deformed offspring of a chinchilla and a cancerous rat?"
"What's a chinchilla?"
"The fuck if I know."
"Well, anyways," Nagi continued, "to spread the offspring on a greater scale, the creature would implant the eggs into the mate...so that means..."
"HAHAHA!!! Brad's gonna be a mother! And that means he's gonna have sex in a very uncomfortable place!"
"In the back of Volkswagon?" Nagi asked innocently.
"Um, no...er..," Farfello stuttered. He looked down at Nagi, who looked up at him curiously. "You...really don't know?"
Nagi shook his head, his true innocence making him more attractive to the silver-haired man. He'd never thought about how cute and sexy Nagi could be at times. Maybe it was where the thought train had delivered him. Farfello thought that if he and the rest of intelligent life would lose to these gross creatures, he'd at least get some fine Nagi ass before the creatures got to the boy first.
Then Farfello got an idea.
"I'll show you what I mean, Nagi. The creature might attack, and you should know what it's like," said Farfello as he pulled Nagi to his bedroom.
---+++---
Schuldig looked frantically for the two remaining sane people in the house.
'Where could they fucking be?! Fucking....Wait...I just pasted Farfello's room and it sounded like...No...I'll come back by there in a second. I was my imagination...'
And Schuldig repeated that last line over and over again.
---+++---
Brad looked at Fuzzy.
Fuzzy looked back at Brad and gurggled/groaned/meowed. Fuzzy pushed everything off of Crawford's desk and crawled over to him.
"Fuzzy!" Brad said, bushing and covering his face like a school girl. "I've NEVER done that!!! Wait...or have I???" Brad struggled to remember something about...that guy..who...
*_*_*_*_*_*
"Sck...Shu...Schuldig!!!" cried a more than tipsy Brad as he chased the extremely drunken Schuldig through the house and into the office. It was a party that Schuldig decided to hold on a whim, and he managed to get Nagi and even Brad into the bottle. "Don't...don't you do wa I think you're gonna do!"
"Ehehehehe," laughed the drunken red-haired man, "yeaaaa, I'm gonna do it fi'ally!" Clumsily, Schuldig pushed all of the papers off of Brad's desk. Folders, laptop, pens, everything spilled to the ground.
"Shit!" Crawford blurted out. Schuldig laughed again. "I'll hav'ta get tha up later..."
"Oh, shu' up," Schuldig said as he pushed his lips onto Brad's and forcing his tongue into's the mouth. To his surprise (for he wasn't digging into Brad's mind at the moment), the American responded with an equal passionate kiss. Schuldig then went into Brad's mind, and knew what he should do next. A wide grin spread across the German's face. He pushed Brad onto the desk and continued the kiss. Brad could feel Schuldig's hand run all over his body. The hand started to slip into the front of--
*_*_*_*_*_*
"My..head...hurts...Wait, where am I? It's one of those creatures that was in the report...and...it was...going to...OH MY GOD, SAVE ME!!!" screamed Brad. He head two sets of running footsteps come to the door.
"Hurt God!!!" screamed Farfello as he slid into the door with a loud thud. Eventually, the door fell down, and there stood Nagi and Farfello. Nagi was quickly straightening out the front of his suit, and he was sweating. Farfello was Farfello.
Quick to follow was Schuldig. "What in the hell is that?!"
"It's an extremely dangerous creat--" Nagi started.
"No, no, no, no, I mean, I'M the only one who can knock stuff off of Brad's desk!!! Now, you die." Schuldig jumped onto Fuzzy and started to beat the crap out of him. Brad quickly joined into the beating. Farfello started to help too. Nagi stood there in a trance, still amazed at what had happened minutes before in Farfello's room. He blushed slightly, but quickly came back to reality.
"Everybody!" he cried. "You have to set Fuzzy on fire to kill him!!!"
"On the shelf!" Brad said, pointing at a lighter. Nagi ran for it. The three that were beating Fuzzy started to move their fight near a window. The Japanese boy quickly came over and lit Fuzzy on fire. Fuzzy made that nasty gurggle/mew noise again as all four members of Schwarz pushed him/it out the window. It landed on the ground with a nice thud as he/it burned.
"Well, that was interesting. Let's go get smashed," said Schuldig as he put his arms around the others.
---+++---
{*Tsuzuki-chan walks out with a sign: "That was rather nasty. But this will be a series, so watch out."*}
The Random Adventures of Schwarz!!! by Tsuzuki-chan (Seiichiro Tatsumi)
Brad looked over at his favorite picture on his desk. It was his Schu- chan...in a sexy thong...He gazed at it for sometime, thinking all of the little hentai things he wanted to do to the red head once his report was typed.
"What in the hell is that?!"
Brad heard something coming from outside the house. When he looked outside he saw something. He quickly ran outside.
---+++---
"What in the hell is that thing?" said Schuldig.
"I think we should eat it, personally," said Farfello as he polished his blade. Nagi looked at the man in horror.
"But it's...I think it was an animal at one point in time...," Nagi looked at the creature that sat in Brad's lap. "Plus, you're not s'post to put things in your mouth when you don't know where they've been!"
"How dare you talk about my kitty that way!" cried Brad. The "kitty" mewed/screeched/screamed/meowed in protest. Schuldig shuddered.
"It's smelly and creepy, too. I personally wouldn't want this thing in my stomach," the red-haired man said. "I'm almost afraid to ask, but...What is its name?"
"I think it should be Vomit!" chirpped Farfello. "Or Plague!"
"E-bola is good, too!" chimed Schuldig. The look on Brad's face was that of shock and horror.
"His name is Fuzzy!" said Brad as he grabbed his hair covered creature that MIGHT resemble a cat if you couldn't see out of one eye and the other was covered in a hazy film. "Why do you think such horrible things about him?!"
"He, which is a pronoun that might be pushing the limit for what ever this thing is," said Nagi coolly, "looks as if a very large prison inmate had raped it. And set it aflame. Then stepped on it. Many times. Then he was skinned and had his flesh reattatched with a glue gun. But I don't know, nor do I want to, what caused that strange green, flem-like substance that appears to be leaking from his mouth and butt. So, thus it would be fairly accurate to call it 'Plague', 'Vomit', or 'E-bola'. I personally think the last one is the most fitting name for....Fuzzy."
"You're all so mean!" said Brad. "Sure, Fuzzy might not be the best looking kitten, but you should at least try to accept that he's different from other kitties, and try to love him!!!" And with that, Brad stormed out of the kitchen with Fuzzy, who made a gurggling/meowing sound.
"Thanks for telling me about the green crap coming outta its butt, Nagi," Schuldig said sacrastically.
"It was a warning. I thought it might be a deadly acid or something," said the boy. "But what worries me is Brad. He's never...like this."
"It's frightening," said Farfarello. "That creature is proof that God should DIE!"
"I must agree with Farfie on this one," said Schuldig. "Anything that created an animal like that should die. But...Brad..."
"Eww...," said Nagi. "Fuzzy's bodily fluids got all over the table. Do you guys mind if I just throw away the table?"
"Not at all...," said Schuldig. "Farfie, go help Nagi with the table. I'm going to visit Brad and Fuzzy."
---+++---
Brad sat at his desk, and looked down at Fuzzy. Why where they so mean to him? Fuzzy was just a kitten he found. He loved Fuzzy very much, but Brad couldn't remember exactly how he met Fuzzy, despite it only being a couple of hours ago. He heard a knock at the door.
"Are you ready to accept Fuzzy as a member of this household?" cried Brad from his office.
"Sure, just let me come in," said Schuldig. There was a silence.
"Okay, you may enter!" said Brad.
Schuldig slowly opened the office door. There was a trail of that green snot stuff leading from where he was standing to Fuzzy. Schuldig looked at the rest of the office. Brad was normally a "neatness nazi" with the place, but now with Fuzzy here, it was in total disarray. Another frightening thing was that it appeared to Schuldig could have sworn that Fuzzy had swollen, or as better term might be "festered", and increased in sized. Then he looked up at Brad. To say "his hair was a mess" would be a total understatement. His normally clean suit was covered in that nasty- ass green mucus.
"Uh," said Schuldig. "I think I'll be leaving now."
And at that, Schuldig ran out of the office like a bat out of hell.
---+++---
"So...There's an extremely dangerous creature loose that causes people to lose their sanity, and eventually eats their brains and turns them into a zombie? Wouldn't Brad know about something like that?" asked Farfello.
"Um, not quite," replied Nagi. "Just the part about the 'dangerous creature on the loose and sanity loss'. Eventually, if exposed to the green flem stuff long enough, a person would..."
"Would what?"
"Have the urges to mate with the creature, and cause more to spawn."
"...So Brad's gonna hump something that resembles a groutesquely deformed offspring of a chinchilla and a cancerous rat?"
"What's a chinchilla?"
"The fuck if I know."
"Well, anyways," Nagi continued, "to spread the offspring on a greater scale, the creature would implant the eggs into the mate...so that means..."
"HAHAHA!!! Brad's gonna be a mother! And that means he's gonna have sex in a very uncomfortable place!"
"In the back of Volkswagon?" Nagi asked innocently.
"Um, no...er..," Farfello stuttered. He looked down at Nagi, who looked up at him curiously. "You...really don't know?"
Nagi shook his head, his true innocence making him more attractive to the silver-haired man. He'd never thought about how cute and sexy Nagi could be at times. Maybe it was where the thought train had delivered him. Farfello thought that if he and the rest of intelligent life would lose to these gross creatures, he'd at least get some fine Nagi ass before the creatures got to the boy first.
Then Farfello got an idea.
"I'll show you what I mean, Nagi. The creature might attack, and you should know what it's like," said Farfello as he pulled Nagi to his bedroom.
---+++---
Schuldig looked frantically for the two remaining sane people in the house.
'Where could they fucking be?! Fucking....Wait...I just pasted Farfello's room and it sounded like...No...I'll come back by there in a second. I was my imagination...'
And Schuldig repeated that last line over and over again.
---+++---
Brad looked at Fuzzy.
Fuzzy looked back at Brad and gurggled/groaned/meowed. Fuzzy pushed everything off of Crawford's desk and crawled over to him.
"Fuzzy!" Brad said, bushing and covering his face like a school girl. "I've NEVER done that!!! Wait...or have I???" Brad struggled to remember something about...that guy..who...
*_*_*_*_*_*
"Sck...Shu...Schuldig!!!" cried a more than tipsy Brad as he chased the extremely drunken Schuldig through the house and into the office. It was a party that Schuldig decided to hold on a whim, and he managed to get Nagi and even Brad into the bottle. "Don't...don't you do wa I think you're gonna do!"
"Ehehehehe," laughed the drunken red-haired man, "yeaaaa, I'm gonna do it fi'ally!" Clumsily, Schuldig pushed all of the papers off of Brad's desk. Folders, laptop, pens, everything spilled to the ground.
"Shit!" Crawford blurted out. Schuldig laughed again. "I'll hav'ta get tha up later..."
"Oh, shu' up," Schuldig said as he pushed his lips onto Brad's and forcing his tongue into's the mouth. To his surprise (for he wasn't digging into Brad's mind at the moment), the American responded with an equal passionate kiss. Schuldig then went into Brad's mind, and knew what he should do next. A wide grin spread across the German's face. He pushed Brad onto the desk and continued the kiss. Brad could feel Schuldig's hand run all over his body. The hand started to slip into the front of--
*_*_*_*_*_*
"My..head...hurts...Wait, where am I? It's one of those creatures that was in the report...and...it was...going to...OH MY GOD, SAVE ME!!!" screamed Brad. He head two sets of running footsteps come to the door.
"Hurt God!!!" screamed Farfello as he slid into the door with a loud thud. Eventually, the door fell down, and there stood Nagi and Farfello. Nagi was quickly straightening out the front of his suit, and he was sweating. Farfello was Farfello.
Quick to follow was Schuldig. "What in the hell is that?!"
"It's an extremely dangerous creat--" Nagi started.
"No, no, no, no, I mean, I'M the only one who can knock stuff off of Brad's desk!!! Now, you die." Schuldig jumped onto Fuzzy and started to beat the crap out of him. Brad quickly joined into the beating. Farfello started to help too. Nagi stood there in a trance, still amazed at what had happened minutes before in Farfello's room. He blushed slightly, but quickly came back to reality.
"Everybody!" he cried. "You have to set Fuzzy on fire to kill him!!!"
"On the shelf!" Brad said, pointing at a lighter. Nagi ran for it. The three that were beating Fuzzy started to move their fight near a window. The Japanese boy quickly came over and lit Fuzzy on fire. Fuzzy made that nasty gurggle/mew noise again as all four members of Schwarz pushed him/it out the window. It landed on the ground with a nice thud as he/it burned.
"Well, that was interesting. Let's go get smashed," said Schuldig as he put his arms around the others.
---+++---
{*Tsuzuki-chan walks out with a sign: "That was rather nasty. But this will be a series, so watch out."*}