By Tegan
Chapter 14: Of Mice and Men
Hermione used one of the plates of food, that she was bringing to Snape for breakfast, to tap lightly on the door to his rooms. A tingle of excitement ran through her as the door gently swung open. After the stressful events of the morning, she had finally had the chance to relax in the bath, and she felt much better for it. On her way from her rooms, she had been careful to stop by the library, to make Sirius and Harry aware that she would be in the lab working.
Hermione stepped through the doorway and approached Snape, as he sat working through figures at his desk. The smell of ham and eggs entered the room with her.
"So, what horrible things are we going to be doing today?" Hermione asked facetiously as she set the plates down on his desk.
Turning towards her, Snape raised his eyebrows, as his hand moved to rest upon her hipbone. Hermione could sense a slight smile behind his eyes as she gazed down at him.
"I want to test the potion to see if a different ratio of ingredients will result in fewer dosage problems."
They had been trying to develop a potion that would be resistant to the Killing Curse. Though their results had been promising, they had yet to create a mixture that would be effective in every instance.
Hermione knew he meant to experiment with Aconite and Opaleye, which were rare but potent substances. Vary the ratio, and the subject wouldn't need to worry about Avada Kedavra, having gone into cardiac arrest. Realizing the difficulty in combining the two, Hermione asked skeptically, "Don't the ingredients have to be mixed in equal parts?"
Snape leaned back in his chair and turned to his food as he responded, "Yes, yes, but the Mandrake juice makes the ingredients less volatile."
Taking a bite, he paused for a moment and continued, "Perhaps you could research different strengthening potions. Look for one that would lessen the long-term effects of the Opaleye."
Hermione nodded in silent contemplation. A potion using Forcyrup Powder or Julipeye Bark might work, but she wasn't sure how the substances would react to the Aconite. Potion making was an extremely complicated and subtle science, and though more adept at brewing than most, she would need to research and check her ideas thoroughly. Her thoughts were interrupted by Snape confessing, "I must say, I am cautiously optimistic about this new serum."
A small grin appeared on Hermione's face at the thought of him ever being optimistic. She added, "Another advantage is that Harry will be out of your way for awhile, keeping himself busy with Sirius." As she watched him, she realized her words had a decidedly unpleasant effect.
He cringed and turned away from her, picking absently at his food. After a short pause he replied sarcastically, "And all I must do is remain locked away in my rooms." He sighed, his expression softening, as he added, "I suppose it is a small price to pay for my sanity."
Sirius was obviously a subject to be avoided. Sensing that a small distraction was needed, Hermione snuck a piece of toast from his plate and casually leaned against the desk, smiling down at him. She noticed that the tension that has so pervaded his body just moments before, had now disappeared. His dark eyes stared back at her, glistening with affection, and a wave of emotions radiated through her body.
Hermione breathed out heavily and looked away, taking control of her feelings. She wasn't sure if his lovely, deep eyes had gotten the better of her, or if her bath had been particularly soothing, but she felt vibrant and at ease, even if somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew she would eventually have to perform the Killing Curse.
After a short debate over his last piece of toast, Hermione ventured, "May I ask you a question?"
He set down his fork and, looking up at her, said, "It seems you already have."
Hermione playfully hit his arm, but her voice became serious when she asked, "Before you cast Avada Kedavra, what do you see when you look at the mouse?"
He chose to misunderstand her by replying, "I see a mouse. What did you think?"
She pulled up a chair and flopped down, sighing, "That's not what I meant. Do you think of it as living?"
He pushed his plate away, contemplating his response. "Yes, but not as an individual. It's just a mouse, Hermione; something to be preyed upon by owls and other animals. Why should I have any qualms about killing one?"
Hermione shot up from her chair and began pacing, "You're right. I know you are. I eat meat everyday and never think twice about the creature my dinner used to be, but then again, I've never had to take an axe to its neck either."
He stood up and approached her, gazing into her eyes. Brushing her hair lightly from her face, he kissed her gently on the lips.
Snape smiled down at her, shaking his head. "You are making far too much fuss over this."
She looked away feeling her face become warm, "Don't laugh at me, Severus. I just don't want to fail again."
He leaned his forehead against hers and assured, "I'm not laughing, and you won't. The Spell won't be difficult if you focus."
He moved back to his desk to gather the scrolls and asked, "So, are you willing to practice the Killing Curse?"
Hermione sighed, "I'm not exactly excited, but I think I'm more prepared today."
Snape nodded silently and headed towards the laboratory.
As Hermione watched him descend the stairs, she felt a tightening develop in her stomach. Pushing back her fears, she followed, determined to remain focused and detached.
Hermione rationalized that she had eaten her share of meat without ever having thought about the animals her food had been. If she could now use that same detachment, she might be successful. Her strategy would work if she thought of the mouse, not as a living creature, but as a means to an end. Rather than becoming distracted by the rodent's features, she would concentrate on one specific area.
Another mouse was set in front of her, but she did not notice it, instead watching only the cage, the mouse a blurry background distraction.
Without analyzing, just acting, Hermione moved her eyes to the creature's neck, wishing it broken, dead. As she commanded the words, a bright green light jetted out from her wand. In an instant, the mouse laid dead, and Hermione felt empty and drained.
"Well done," Snape's voice called out from behind.
Though her ears were filled with his silky voice and smooth words, she could not quite manage a smile.
He moved closer and put his arms around her waist. Leaning down to kiss her neck, he murmured, "I knew you were not completely hopeless."
Hermione elbowed him in the stomach, but smiled weakly, understanding the meaning behind his words. With less effort than she knew was necessary, she tried to push away, his arms tightening around her. Relenting, she relaxed against him and asked in exasperation, "Must you twist every compliment into an insult?"
He laughed, "Hermione, you do know I find you exceptional?"
This time, Hermione's smile widened, causing Snape to release her from his embrace. Once again, he became focused on their work, though Hermione sensed that it was merely a cover for his discomfort at expressing emotions.
Walking over to the cage, he opened it. With a wave of his wand, the dead mouse disappeared.
Without looking at her, he said dryly, "It would be best if you practiced one more time, before participating in the experiment."
His eyes met Hermione's as her face darkened.
"Not now," he assured. "Such strong Dark Magic is very draining. Later. Perhaps tomorrow."
Having performed the thing she dreaded most, the rest of the day progressed quickly. Before she had realized it, they had worked well past dinner, and Hermione's stomach began to growl and churn and ache for food.
Tossing her book aside, she announced, "I'm hungry. Let's go eat."
"You go," Snape muttered as he scribbled some numbers onto a scroll.
Hermione watched him carefully, understanding his reluctance, but wishing to persuade, "You can't honestly expect to stay hidden in here until Sirius leaves can you?"
He pushed the papers away and answered with a quick retort, "And why not? It's much more comfortable in here than anywhere else in this house at present."
"You'll starve," she simply replied.
He waved his hand dismissively, "Well, come back with something then."
Hermione rolled her eyes. His stubbornness would likely make any of her attempts at persuasion futile.
She collected the plates from breakfast, noting that Dobby had not been in to clean, and moved towards the door.
And soon, she found herself scouring through the kitchen cabinets for something simple to make. She started slightly as a tiny hand tugged on her sweater from behind.
"What is Miss be needing? Dobby can help," a little voice squeaked near her knees.
Hermione turned around, reluctant to have Dobby help with anything.
She replied hesitantly, "No thank you Dobby. I'm just ...."
"Dobby can do that," he interrupted excitedly and, in an instant, a veritable feast was presented before her. The steaming beef and potatoes looked nothing like the disgusting mess Dobby had conjured up when they had first arrived.
Hermione smiled down at the little elf. She was pleased to realize he was beginning to regain his bearings after the trauma and guilt of losing his friends.
"Oh, Dobby. It looks wonderful," Hermione praised.
Their conversation was interrupted by Sirius as he entered the room with a swoosh and a smile.
"Hello there beautiful! What are you doing?" Sirius asked leaning nonchalantly against the kitchen counter.
This was not the man she wished to be near at the moment, and she began strategizing how best to cut their conversation short.
Even before she had time to respond, Dobby was bouncing up and down with excitement, his little head bobbing in and out of Hermione's field of vision.
Though most house-elves preferred to be felt rather than seen, Dobby was making his presence quite obvious.
Sirius had just lowered his eyes, grinning oddly at the elf, when Hermione replied nervously, "I'm just on my way back to the lab."
Luckily, Sirius did not seem to notice, distracted by Dobby's strange behavior. He blew out a, "Pfft," cajoling, "Take a break. Come join us in a game of Backgammon."
Hermione shifted, awkwardly holding the plates. "I can't. The experiments I'm working on are quite important."
"And are nothing that can't wait an hour or two," Sirius interjected.
That he could so easily dismiss her statement irritated Hermione to the point that she pointedly replied, "Actually they can't." She paused, "Unless of course, Dobby would like to take Professor Snape his dinner?"
Hermione knew the effect her words would have as Dobby quivered, "D-D-Dobby is not allowed near Professor. Noooo."
Hermione held back a smile, until Sirius responded harshly, "So he has you fetching for him now."
"Not at all," she answered looking him in the eyes. "I was hungry, and it's as little work to return with two plates as it is with one."
Sirius huffed, "Yes, well don't let Snape take advantage of you. He's a conniving git. I wouldn't put anything past him."
Hermione stared speechless, not knowing what had affected her more; Sirius' verbal abuse of a man she cared about and truly liked, or the fact that Snape would be seen as taking advantage of her if their current relationship ever became known.
She was saved from having to respond by Dobby crashing into Sirius' leg with a pot of cold soup. As Sirius wadded through the slop, Hermione quietly exited the room, making a mental note to thank Dobby the next time they spoke.
Carrying two steaming plates, she entered Snape's rooms to find him sitting against the far corner of the sofa reading. He looked up from his book as she entered.
He seemed slightly surprised as he said, "That didn't take long. What did you make?"
Though expecting the worst, Hermione replied casually, "Oh, I didn't make it. Dobby did. It seems he's a bit more himself today."
The muscles on Snape's face tensed as he looked at her suspiciously.
"Dobby is certainly not going to poison us," and she smiled, handing him the dish.
She sat down next to him, resting her plate on her lap and commanded, "Eat."
She glanced over, covertly watching as he smelled and examined and picked at the food before finally venturing a bite.
Hermione chuckled, "You know, Harry eats your cooking in much the same way."
"He's wise not to trust," Snape muttered inspecting the food closely.
Hermione's eyes widened in disbelief, "That was probably the first time you called Harry wise."
"And most likely the last," he replied absently, still focused on the plate on his lap.
As Hermione took a bite of her own food, she asked, "So what are our plans for tomorrow."
"It would be best if you spent some time with," and he sneered, "your friends." He poked the potato with his fork adding dryly, "I can handle things fine on my own."
Hermione nodded silently, disappointment showing on her face. Her response seemed to please Snape as he sat back, relaxing slightly.
Sweeping a stray hair from her face, he said, "I like having you around, Hermione. You must know that." Running his fingers along her jawline, he continued, "I would much prefer if there was no one here, but us."
"That is saying very little, considering your opinion of others here."
Snape withdrew his hand and replied, "I was referring to anyone else."
Hermione wondered if that said more about his fondness for her or his solitude.
He continued, "Regardless, I hope that once the wretched holidays are over, we will at least be rid of one of our annoying companions."
"You certainly don't like Christmas do you?"
He answered grimly, "Only a little more than I like Black." Hermione calculated his response placed holidays somewhere between death and a plague of boils.
"But you do like the holidays I suppose," he asked raising his eyebrows.
His question prompted Hermione to set her plate aside, bringing her knees protectively to her chest. She sighed, "I used to, but now there is too much to miss. I haven't seen my parents in so long." Laying the side of her head upon her knees, she looked into his eyes and continued, "I wish the holidays could wait until the war is over."
She brought her legs around, so that they curled under her and rested her arm against the sofa back. She studied Snape's face, longing to truly know him. Hermione loved him, yet, she did not understand him. She asked hesitantly, "How long has it been since you last saw your family?"
Snape replied coldly, "Both my parents have been dead for more than a decade, but I hardly miss them."
He breathed out heavily moving his plate to the side table and leaned forward, staring into the fire. "I know it's callous, but my parents were a punishment to be around." He paused contemplating his answer, "My mother was completely disagreeable, but at least I could respect her. Why she ever married my father, I will never know. She certainly never liked him. He was the stupidest man, only interested in his little toys and trinkets." Snape sat back and added quickly, "Though he was more easily ignore than my mother."
Crossing his arms tightly in front of him, he shook his head and continued more harshly, "Holidays were always my mother berating my father and me. I realize that their flaws were by no means unique. Most people are either stupid or cruel or both. I've learned that it is best to avoid spending much time with people in general."
His arms unwrapped, and one hand moved to warmly cover hers, "I would never have expected anyone so pleasant as you to ever be with me."
A lump caught in her throat, so that her only response was to kneel forward and kiss him. All her emotions poured out through this contact as her mouth moved, tasting, touching, exploring.
Time passed and they eventually parted. His hand moved to her face, and he hoarsely forced out, "I don't know what I would do if I lost you. You're presence makes things tolerable."
And as she listened to the emotion and sincerity in his voice, any doubts or fears she still harbored fell away. A rush of emotions flooded into her heart, and she molded into his embrace.