Dudley Dursley had finished school. His grades were...let's just say
"less than stellar". His chances to go to university were less than good,
as a matter of fact; many of Dudley's teachers were at a loss as to what
path Dudley may follow. Coal miner was a popular answer, as was ditch
digger, and other manual labor jobs. Dudley had been coddled all his life,
and was finding out that it had all done him no good at all. He knew he
wasn't dumb, but his grades indicated quite the opposite. He also knew he
didn't have a "little" weight problem (as his mum had told him over and
over). He had a BIG weight problem. Dudley tipped the scales at 370 pounds,
and this he only knew, for his father had taken him to the factory, and he
had snuck up upon the big industrial scales when nobody else was around. In
short, life after school for young Mr. Dursley was not a good time.
Dudley's cousin, Harry Potter was home also. Normally, Dudley had taken great delight in tormenting his cousin, but as of late, he left his cousin alone. This was a good thing, as Harry Potter was a magic user, and would have threatened Dudley with some rather gruesome threats. When this had happened, Dudley had gone running to his Mum, or Da (well, actually he had gone flouncing to them), but as of late, it just did not hold his interest.
One late summer evening, Dudley sat alone, in the small garden behind 4 Privet lane, wondering where he was going with his life. He did not hear Harry Potter come up behind him, but noticed as his younger cousin sat down across from him.
"Dudley, I have noticed you have been rather withdrawn this summer, is there something wrong?" asked Harry.
"What do you mean by that? Now, go along and turn some poor toad into a prince or some other magical thing that you do! Just LEAVE me alone, or I'll tell mum you socked me, or threatened me, and then, you'll get yours!" snapped Dudley.
"Dudley, I don't know what is wrong, but, if you tell me, maybe I can help" said Harry.
"Why would you help me? I have done nothing but pick on you, torment you, and get you in trouble all my life"
"I don't know why, but let me ask you this: Why WOULDN'T I help you, if it were in my ability to do so?" Harry replied.
Dudley was at a loss. Nobody had ever offered to help him (other than Mum and Da, but, that was different). "I don't know why not. It just seems so odd, after all. Well, the big secret, the one Mum and Da will not tell you, is that I have not been accepted into any university. My grades are all terrible, and well below the minimum. One college even went so far as to say they didn't have remedial classes for remedial classes. I can't find a job, even though Da had called in all manners of markers. Nobody wants a fat, stupid kid. Ha! The Royal navy even told Mum that they had no use for battleships anymore, and that I was so fat, I couldn't make it through the doors...er hatches. In short, I am worthless. I can't see myself sitting here at home forever, and yet, I can't see myself doing anything. I'm a big fat loser!"
This was more than Dudley had ever said to Harry, and it seemed to Harry that his cousin, no matter how loathsome, needed a friend to talk to. Harry knew just where his rotund cousin was coming from, as Harry had felt very much the same before Hogwarts had come into his life. Harry knew how important it was to have a friend, someone to confide in, and, for the first time in his life, felt sorry for Dudley. He knew that he had to try to help, but the big question was, how?
"Right! So, you say there is nothing HERE for you? Well, we will just have to find something somewhere else!" Harry felt bad, because he had no idea what to he was going to do.
That night, the Dudleys sat in their parlor, watching the tele. Not much was on, other than the World Football league championship. The London Monarchs were playing the Glasgow Claymores, in what appeared to be a heated game.
Mr. Dursley, never known to not have an opinion on anything, was holding true to form tonight. "Fat lot of Yanks! Look at them, in all those pads! No real man would hide behind all those pads! Now, Rugby! There's a real man's game!"
Dudley had been watching half heartedly, until the stats on some of the linemen came up. All were listed at or better than 380 pounds and Dudley commented upon how badly one could be hurt by someone of that size.
"Bugger that! No way could they be hurt, with all that protection! Why, I'd bet that none of these lads could last 5 minutes in a rugger match, and the whole lot of them would be out after the first scrum!"
"Yeah, but, Da, look at the size, and the speed, and how hard they hit! Why, I'd bet that they would KILL everyone on the field in a rugby match!" said Dudley.
Meanwhile, under the stairs, in his own private cupboard (this has GOT to end soon), Harry watched the same thing as the Dudleys on his small, 5-inch tele. A plan was beginning to formulate...
"So, I think maybe you should go to London, and see about this football..." finished Harry.
"It does seem to be an opportunity, and I do resemble the size of some of the players, but, I don't know anything about yank football!" said Dudley.
"Look, Dudley, you yourself said there is nothing here for me! Go and see if there is a chance for you in football! What have you got to lose?" countered Harry.
3 days later, a very excited Dudley met Harry in the garden. "I took your advice, Harry, and went to the Monarchs training camp. They said I was in no way fit to play football with them!"
"I'm sorry, Dudley, maybe it wasn't such a good idea..."
"No, no, listen, one of the coaches suggested I go to college in America! He made a call, and I'm off to Texas next week! I' won't be playing any time soon, but they say that with some conditioning, I can maybe make the real college team in a year or two! They said that my size was a great asset, but I will have to train real hard to change it over from fat to muscle! I'm so chuffed, I'm going to college!"
"But, Dudley, what has your mum and Da said? I can't see them too keen on this..." said Harry.
"Oh, bugger them! Look at where their best help has gotten me so far. Besides, when the coach came over, and told them that I would have university paid for in full, Da seemed quite a bit pleased with that (I think they are going to save a ton of money on food). I'm off to university next Monday, I have a lot of catching up to do, and a lot of work to condition myself!" Dudley turned, and headed off to the house. He stopped, and turned back. "Harry, you are the only person to ever help me, in any way, despite the fact that I have been a first rate ass to you all of our lives. I don't really know if this means much to you, but, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart!" Dudley engulfed Harry in a hug, a hug that Harry found to somewhat remind him of his friend and mentor at Hogwarts, Hagrid.
The next week, Dudley left for America, someplace in Texas, a school called oddly Texas A&M. Harry had always felt comfortable saying "Hogwarts", but, what kind of name is A&M? On Friday, harry made his way off to school as well, and none too soon. It seems that the Dudleys could not wait for Harry to be gone, having made some last minute plans for holiday in Spain. They practically threw Harry from the Vauxhall, and were off the moment that he had closed the bonnet on the sedan.
The school year at Hogwarts was as many others, an adventure in and of itself. Harry had to contend with all of the usual classes, and of course, there was Draco, Goyle, and Crabbe to contend with. The year, as all of the others, seemed to fly by, and soon, Harry was boarding the Hogwarts express for London. Harry sat alone, Ron and Hermione had gone off "to be alone". Harry didn't mind, he was happy for his friends.
The door to the compartment flew open, and Harry's 3 enemies, Draco, Goyle, and Crabbe entered, uninvited.
"Well, well, well, look who sits here all alone, without his mud blood and poor boy pals to protect him!" sneered Draco Malfoy.
"Malfoy, you may as well slither off, you and I both know that you are no match for me magically, and these two couldn't conjure up a glass of water from a faucet. Besides, you know the rules, no magic outside of Hogwarts by students!"
"All that is true, Potter, but, once this train disembarks, my associates Crabbe and Goyle are going to give you a right nasty thumping, so that you may enjoy your summer from a muggle hospital bed! And nobody will know a thing about it back in Hogwarts! I'm going to enjoy this Potter, you've had it coming for a long, long, time!" Draco was truly enjoying this, as he and Harry knew, that in a fistfight, the brutish Crabbe and Goyle hopelessly outgunned Harry. Harry felt very, very, alone.
Meanwhile, in London, Dudley had returned home from Texas for a brief hiatus. His father had instructed him to go, and pick up Harry from the train station. He had been given explicit instructions on what platform to wait at, and had told his maw (he really loved to look on her face when he called her that) he was hankering for a heap of vittles when he came home (that one had pretty much left them both speechless).
Gone was the fat, lethargic, pimple faced teenager. In his place, Dudley had grown an additional 4 inches, and was well on his way to becoming a giant among men. Dudley still weighed almost 360 pounds, but much of it was gone from his waist, and now resided in his chest, shoulders, arms, and legs. Gone was the schoolboy's clothing, and in it's place, Dudley had purchased an old west duster jacket, and a black cowboy hat. He also wore a very impressive size 13 cowboy boot. Dudley liked to call it his "Texas Ranger" outfit. In a city like London, more than a few heads swiveled when he strode down the street. And Dudley enjoyed this immensely. Dudley had matured a great deal, and had grown in ways he did not grasp. He no longer felt sorry for himself, and would not accept his parent's coddling him. Dudley's grades were very solid, despite getting an F in English (After all, what can a yank tell an Englishman about English? His father had expounded) Dudley would have none of it. "Paw, I got an F because I went to a kegger the night before, and I drank more beer than I had need to. I got sick with a hangover, and performed poorly on the final. It was my fault! I came really close to being kicked out, but I sat down with the dean, my professor, and the coach. I gave them my word that I would never touch alcohol while I was enrolled, and luckily, I was able to stay in school. Otherwise, I would have been home in January for good.
"Dudley, why didn't you come to us when this happened, we may have been able to help..."
"Paw, it was MY mess, and I was to blame. It was MY responsibility, and I fixed it" Yes, this indeed was a very different Dudley Dursley.
Dudley stood upon the platform, not knowing how or when Harry would arrive. His father had told him to just stand still; the little pest will find you! (Dudley intended to have as many talks with his parents as were needed in regards to Harry).
From the column next to him, out sprawled his cousin Harry. Harry looked quite the worse for wear, having already gotten a small taste of a thrashing from Mssrs Crabbe and Goyle. Harry jumped up, and was attempting to make a dash. He ran right past Dudley,who at least expected as much, due to the changes he had made to himself, and the odd, American Western Garb he wore.
"Harry! Slow down, boah! (Dudley also had taken to speaking like a Texan much more to his parent's dismay). Sheee oot!, You look lahk yer gunna run a 4 minute mahl!! What, got a mad bull on your tail?" Harry looked at the man who had just grabbed him, and at first, had no clue. Then, slowly, it dawned upon him; this giant was his cousin Dudley! Harry was so happy so his cousin so changed, that for a moment, he forgot about Crabbe and Goyle.
"There he is! Get im!" Crabbe and Goyle just materialized from a brick column. They came running, and, as they did so, Dudley quickly surmised what had taken place.
"Turning to his cousin, Dudley told Harry: "Paybacks begin now!" He quickly turned, and scooped both of the thugs into his enormous hands. "Right! Now, mah cousin is OFF LIMITS! I so much as see you even LOOKING at him, and I will smash both of you into PASTE!" Dudley lifted both of the boys clean into the air, one in each hand. "DO WE HAVE A CLEAR UNDERSTANDING?"
Both of the boys, never being what is known as bright, continued to struggle, suspended in the air by Dudley. Harry watch on in almost glee. "AH SAID... DO WE HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING? Cuz, if not, ah can make it even more clear to you both!"
Still, the two would be physical thugs struggled on. Harry was reminded of a fish on a line. Finally, Dudley grew tired of the two morons. With a mighty heave, both were thrown back at the brick column they had emerged from. As nobody was looking, harry knew it was fine, but, if anyone has seen the two boys fly into the brick column, and disappear, there could be some awkward moments. Harry heard both boys fall, and a muffled shout "You two idiots!" Harry knew then that Crabbe and Goyle had just bowled over one Draco Malfoy, and he laughed.
Harry turned, and took in the sight of his now hulking cousin. He was more than impressed; he was very close to speechless. Dudley stood before Harry, and he too had a hard time saying anything. Finally, he grabbed his smaller cousin, and once more, a great bearhug engulfed Harry. "Harry, you more than anyone else, helped me believe in myself. When everyone else said I couldn't, you were the only one who said I could. I'll never forget that, harry, as long as I live."
As they picked up Harry's belongings, a giant shadow loomed over them. Harry knew at once who was standing there, but, Dudley came up, ready to go again. Both Harry and Dudley recognized Hagrid, and Harry stepped up to the giant as if he were a puppy.
"Harry, just what happened back there, that Mr. Crab and Goyle were so unsereptitiously thrown through the portal?" To Dudley, it seemed as if the giant was angry, but, having known Hagrid for so long, Harry knew that Hagrid was carrying out an act.
"Hagrid, they were in the process of pummeling me, and my dear cousin Dudley merely intervened," said harry, as innocent as possible.
"Dudley? Dudley Dursley? Isn't he the one I gave the..." Hagrid started.
"Yessir, guilty as charged, that would be me" Dudley stepped forward, offering his hand to Hagrid. Hagrid and Dudley stood, face to chest (Hagrid was still larger, but, the comparison was striking to say the least.)
"Boy, look at ye! Yer as big as a blue ox! Er, sorry about the whole tail thing..." started Hagrid.
"Nonsense, I had it coming, sorry to put you in a spot like that! I was a little selfish snot! I'm sorry I didn't pick up on it sooner!" Hagrid also was impressed at Dudleys' about face.
Harry filled in Hagrid, and Dudley added in more, bringing Hagrid and Harry up to speed on Dudley's year.
"It seems America suits you well, Dudley, I'm happy for you. America is a great place, there is an opportunity for everyone there, whether the have an axe, or a hammer, or the clothes on their back. Well, gotta be getting back, I've a dragon with a bad case of the sniffles, and that is NEVER a good thing.
"Um, Mr. Hagrid?" began Dudley. "You mentioned I was as big as a blue ox, and then, you mentioned having an axe.... Would you happen to know the story of Paul Bunyan, and his blue ox, Babe?
"Laddie, whats this nonsense about giants, and blue oxes?" came the reply from Hagrid. "Lord, how I loved that ox."
Harry and Dudley looked at each other in amazement. Dudley spoke: "Well, cousin, let's get on our way home. Have you ever had 5 alarm chili?"
Dudley's cousin, Harry Potter was home also. Normally, Dudley had taken great delight in tormenting his cousin, but as of late, he left his cousin alone. This was a good thing, as Harry Potter was a magic user, and would have threatened Dudley with some rather gruesome threats. When this had happened, Dudley had gone running to his Mum, or Da (well, actually he had gone flouncing to them), but as of late, it just did not hold his interest.
One late summer evening, Dudley sat alone, in the small garden behind 4 Privet lane, wondering where he was going with his life. He did not hear Harry Potter come up behind him, but noticed as his younger cousin sat down across from him.
"Dudley, I have noticed you have been rather withdrawn this summer, is there something wrong?" asked Harry.
"What do you mean by that? Now, go along and turn some poor toad into a prince or some other magical thing that you do! Just LEAVE me alone, or I'll tell mum you socked me, or threatened me, and then, you'll get yours!" snapped Dudley.
"Dudley, I don't know what is wrong, but, if you tell me, maybe I can help" said Harry.
"Why would you help me? I have done nothing but pick on you, torment you, and get you in trouble all my life"
"I don't know why, but let me ask you this: Why WOULDN'T I help you, if it were in my ability to do so?" Harry replied.
Dudley was at a loss. Nobody had ever offered to help him (other than Mum and Da, but, that was different). "I don't know why not. It just seems so odd, after all. Well, the big secret, the one Mum and Da will not tell you, is that I have not been accepted into any university. My grades are all terrible, and well below the minimum. One college even went so far as to say they didn't have remedial classes for remedial classes. I can't find a job, even though Da had called in all manners of markers. Nobody wants a fat, stupid kid. Ha! The Royal navy even told Mum that they had no use for battleships anymore, and that I was so fat, I couldn't make it through the doors...er hatches. In short, I am worthless. I can't see myself sitting here at home forever, and yet, I can't see myself doing anything. I'm a big fat loser!"
This was more than Dudley had ever said to Harry, and it seemed to Harry that his cousin, no matter how loathsome, needed a friend to talk to. Harry knew just where his rotund cousin was coming from, as Harry had felt very much the same before Hogwarts had come into his life. Harry knew how important it was to have a friend, someone to confide in, and, for the first time in his life, felt sorry for Dudley. He knew that he had to try to help, but the big question was, how?
"Right! So, you say there is nothing HERE for you? Well, we will just have to find something somewhere else!" Harry felt bad, because he had no idea what to he was going to do.
That night, the Dudleys sat in their parlor, watching the tele. Not much was on, other than the World Football league championship. The London Monarchs were playing the Glasgow Claymores, in what appeared to be a heated game.
Mr. Dursley, never known to not have an opinion on anything, was holding true to form tonight. "Fat lot of Yanks! Look at them, in all those pads! No real man would hide behind all those pads! Now, Rugby! There's a real man's game!"
Dudley had been watching half heartedly, until the stats on some of the linemen came up. All were listed at or better than 380 pounds and Dudley commented upon how badly one could be hurt by someone of that size.
"Bugger that! No way could they be hurt, with all that protection! Why, I'd bet that none of these lads could last 5 minutes in a rugger match, and the whole lot of them would be out after the first scrum!"
"Yeah, but, Da, look at the size, and the speed, and how hard they hit! Why, I'd bet that they would KILL everyone on the field in a rugby match!" said Dudley.
Meanwhile, under the stairs, in his own private cupboard (this has GOT to end soon), Harry watched the same thing as the Dudleys on his small, 5-inch tele. A plan was beginning to formulate...
"So, I think maybe you should go to London, and see about this football..." finished Harry.
"It does seem to be an opportunity, and I do resemble the size of some of the players, but, I don't know anything about yank football!" said Dudley.
"Look, Dudley, you yourself said there is nothing here for me! Go and see if there is a chance for you in football! What have you got to lose?" countered Harry.
3 days later, a very excited Dudley met Harry in the garden. "I took your advice, Harry, and went to the Monarchs training camp. They said I was in no way fit to play football with them!"
"I'm sorry, Dudley, maybe it wasn't such a good idea..."
"No, no, listen, one of the coaches suggested I go to college in America! He made a call, and I'm off to Texas next week! I' won't be playing any time soon, but they say that with some conditioning, I can maybe make the real college team in a year or two! They said that my size was a great asset, but I will have to train real hard to change it over from fat to muscle! I'm so chuffed, I'm going to college!"
"But, Dudley, what has your mum and Da said? I can't see them too keen on this..." said Harry.
"Oh, bugger them! Look at where their best help has gotten me so far. Besides, when the coach came over, and told them that I would have university paid for in full, Da seemed quite a bit pleased with that (I think they are going to save a ton of money on food). I'm off to university next Monday, I have a lot of catching up to do, and a lot of work to condition myself!" Dudley turned, and headed off to the house. He stopped, and turned back. "Harry, you are the only person to ever help me, in any way, despite the fact that I have been a first rate ass to you all of our lives. I don't really know if this means much to you, but, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart!" Dudley engulfed Harry in a hug, a hug that Harry found to somewhat remind him of his friend and mentor at Hogwarts, Hagrid.
The next week, Dudley left for America, someplace in Texas, a school called oddly Texas A&M. Harry had always felt comfortable saying "Hogwarts", but, what kind of name is A&M? On Friday, harry made his way off to school as well, and none too soon. It seems that the Dudleys could not wait for Harry to be gone, having made some last minute plans for holiday in Spain. They practically threw Harry from the Vauxhall, and were off the moment that he had closed the bonnet on the sedan.
The school year at Hogwarts was as many others, an adventure in and of itself. Harry had to contend with all of the usual classes, and of course, there was Draco, Goyle, and Crabbe to contend with. The year, as all of the others, seemed to fly by, and soon, Harry was boarding the Hogwarts express for London. Harry sat alone, Ron and Hermione had gone off "to be alone". Harry didn't mind, he was happy for his friends.
The door to the compartment flew open, and Harry's 3 enemies, Draco, Goyle, and Crabbe entered, uninvited.
"Well, well, well, look who sits here all alone, without his mud blood and poor boy pals to protect him!" sneered Draco Malfoy.
"Malfoy, you may as well slither off, you and I both know that you are no match for me magically, and these two couldn't conjure up a glass of water from a faucet. Besides, you know the rules, no magic outside of Hogwarts by students!"
"All that is true, Potter, but, once this train disembarks, my associates Crabbe and Goyle are going to give you a right nasty thumping, so that you may enjoy your summer from a muggle hospital bed! And nobody will know a thing about it back in Hogwarts! I'm going to enjoy this Potter, you've had it coming for a long, long, time!" Draco was truly enjoying this, as he and Harry knew, that in a fistfight, the brutish Crabbe and Goyle hopelessly outgunned Harry. Harry felt very, very, alone.
Meanwhile, in London, Dudley had returned home from Texas for a brief hiatus. His father had instructed him to go, and pick up Harry from the train station. He had been given explicit instructions on what platform to wait at, and had told his maw (he really loved to look on her face when he called her that) he was hankering for a heap of vittles when he came home (that one had pretty much left them both speechless).
Gone was the fat, lethargic, pimple faced teenager. In his place, Dudley had grown an additional 4 inches, and was well on his way to becoming a giant among men. Dudley still weighed almost 360 pounds, but much of it was gone from his waist, and now resided in his chest, shoulders, arms, and legs. Gone was the schoolboy's clothing, and in it's place, Dudley had purchased an old west duster jacket, and a black cowboy hat. He also wore a very impressive size 13 cowboy boot. Dudley liked to call it his "Texas Ranger" outfit. In a city like London, more than a few heads swiveled when he strode down the street. And Dudley enjoyed this immensely. Dudley had matured a great deal, and had grown in ways he did not grasp. He no longer felt sorry for himself, and would not accept his parent's coddling him. Dudley's grades were very solid, despite getting an F in English (After all, what can a yank tell an Englishman about English? His father had expounded) Dudley would have none of it. "Paw, I got an F because I went to a kegger the night before, and I drank more beer than I had need to. I got sick with a hangover, and performed poorly on the final. It was my fault! I came really close to being kicked out, but I sat down with the dean, my professor, and the coach. I gave them my word that I would never touch alcohol while I was enrolled, and luckily, I was able to stay in school. Otherwise, I would have been home in January for good.
"Dudley, why didn't you come to us when this happened, we may have been able to help..."
"Paw, it was MY mess, and I was to blame. It was MY responsibility, and I fixed it" Yes, this indeed was a very different Dudley Dursley.
Dudley stood upon the platform, not knowing how or when Harry would arrive. His father had told him to just stand still; the little pest will find you! (Dudley intended to have as many talks with his parents as were needed in regards to Harry).
From the column next to him, out sprawled his cousin Harry. Harry looked quite the worse for wear, having already gotten a small taste of a thrashing from Mssrs Crabbe and Goyle. Harry jumped up, and was attempting to make a dash. He ran right past Dudley,who at least expected as much, due to the changes he had made to himself, and the odd, American Western Garb he wore.
"Harry! Slow down, boah! (Dudley also had taken to speaking like a Texan much more to his parent's dismay). Sheee oot!, You look lahk yer gunna run a 4 minute mahl!! What, got a mad bull on your tail?" Harry looked at the man who had just grabbed him, and at first, had no clue. Then, slowly, it dawned upon him; this giant was his cousin Dudley! Harry was so happy so his cousin so changed, that for a moment, he forgot about Crabbe and Goyle.
"There he is! Get im!" Crabbe and Goyle just materialized from a brick column. They came running, and, as they did so, Dudley quickly surmised what had taken place.
"Turning to his cousin, Dudley told Harry: "Paybacks begin now!" He quickly turned, and scooped both of the thugs into his enormous hands. "Right! Now, mah cousin is OFF LIMITS! I so much as see you even LOOKING at him, and I will smash both of you into PASTE!" Dudley lifted both of the boys clean into the air, one in each hand. "DO WE HAVE A CLEAR UNDERSTANDING?"
Both of the boys, never being what is known as bright, continued to struggle, suspended in the air by Dudley. Harry watch on in almost glee. "AH SAID... DO WE HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING? Cuz, if not, ah can make it even more clear to you both!"
Still, the two would be physical thugs struggled on. Harry was reminded of a fish on a line. Finally, Dudley grew tired of the two morons. With a mighty heave, both were thrown back at the brick column they had emerged from. As nobody was looking, harry knew it was fine, but, if anyone has seen the two boys fly into the brick column, and disappear, there could be some awkward moments. Harry heard both boys fall, and a muffled shout "You two idiots!" Harry knew then that Crabbe and Goyle had just bowled over one Draco Malfoy, and he laughed.
Harry turned, and took in the sight of his now hulking cousin. He was more than impressed; he was very close to speechless. Dudley stood before Harry, and he too had a hard time saying anything. Finally, he grabbed his smaller cousin, and once more, a great bearhug engulfed Harry. "Harry, you more than anyone else, helped me believe in myself. When everyone else said I couldn't, you were the only one who said I could. I'll never forget that, harry, as long as I live."
As they picked up Harry's belongings, a giant shadow loomed over them. Harry knew at once who was standing there, but, Dudley came up, ready to go again. Both Harry and Dudley recognized Hagrid, and Harry stepped up to the giant as if he were a puppy.
"Harry, just what happened back there, that Mr. Crab and Goyle were so unsereptitiously thrown through the portal?" To Dudley, it seemed as if the giant was angry, but, having known Hagrid for so long, Harry knew that Hagrid was carrying out an act.
"Hagrid, they were in the process of pummeling me, and my dear cousin Dudley merely intervened," said harry, as innocent as possible.
"Dudley? Dudley Dursley? Isn't he the one I gave the..." Hagrid started.
"Yessir, guilty as charged, that would be me" Dudley stepped forward, offering his hand to Hagrid. Hagrid and Dudley stood, face to chest (Hagrid was still larger, but, the comparison was striking to say the least.)
"Boy, look at ye! Yer as big as a blue ox! Er, sorry about the whole tail thing..." started Hagrid.
"Nonsense, I had it coming, sorry to put you in a spot like that! I was a little selfish snot! I'm sorry I didn't pick up on it sooner!" Hagrid also was impressed at Dudleys' about face.
Harry filled in Hagrid, and Dudley added in more, bringing Hagrid and Harry up to speed on Dudley's year.
"It seems America suits you well, Dudley, I'm happy for you. America is a great place, there is an opportunity for everyone there, whether the have an axe, or a hammer, or the clothes on their back. Well, gotta be getting back, I've a dragon with a bad case of the sniffles, and that is NEVER a good thing.
"Um, Mr. Hagrid?" began Dudley. "You mentioned I was as big as a blue ox, and then, you mentioned having an axe.... Would you happen to know the story of Paul Bunyan, and his blue ox, Babe?
"Laddie, whats this nonsense about giants, and blue oxes?" came the reply from Hagrid. "Lord, how I loved that ox."
Harry and Dudley looked at each other in amazement. Dudley spoke: "Well, cousin, let's get on our way home. Have you ever had 5 alarm chili?"