Not in this life

Disclaimer: We own nothing. The title of this story is a song by Natalie Merchant, no infringement intended, this story is for entertainment purposes only.

Summary: Nick's upset and takes it out on Sara.

AN: Sorry for the wait! Thanks to all those who reviewed!

Authors: bloodredcherry and raven

~*~

Sara watched the steam rise from the porcelain claw footed bathtub as she kneeled on the ground lighting a few choice candles. She planed on reading a good book and forgetting about Nick and everything that had happened in the past few hours. She still couldn't understand why Nick had been in such a bad mood- it wasn't like him at all...

She hadn't been so tense in her life, usually she could handle people biting her head off, friends and strangers alike... but something about tonight had been different.

Blowing out the match that she had used to light her candles she threw it in the sink and crawled into the steaming bubbly water

Letting out a small sigh she closed her eyes, shutting off the world and all of her problems.

Nick stood outside Sara's apartment building, not sure what he should do. Did he really want to bother her after how he treated her earlier? She still could be mad at him, for all he knew. He could easily make matters worse by harassing her more.

Shoving his hands into his pockets he looked down at the buttons for each tenant's home intercom and easily found hers.

"Grow up, man. Just do it"

Taking a deep breath he buzzed her apartment.

"Sa-" He cleared his throat, "Sara..."he licked his lips. "Are you there?" He paused then continued. "Listen Sara—Hello?"

Sara removed her face cloth from its place over her eyes. Where had that voice come from? Before she could move, the voice picked up again.

"Look I'm sorry. I know that you probably don't want to talk to me right now... I know you're home. I saw your car in the parking lot..."

"Nick" she said out loud.

She was slightly shocked... he didn't sound that angry anymore. She heard him give a disgruntled sigh... his voice echoed through her apartment.

"All I really wanted to say is that I'm sorry, all right? I didn't mean to be such a prick earlier, I shouldn't have taken my crap out on you.... and I'll explain it all to Grissom in the morning." There was a sharp pause and a long spurt of static. "Sara? are you there? Please say something"

Jumping quickly out of the tub she grabbed her housecoat and slid half way to her front door.

"Nick, I'm here." There was a moment silence and she thought he was gone. "Nick?"

"Yeah," he replied. "Listen I-"

Sara hit the buzzer and hung up the phone. A few minutes later there was a soft knock at her door. She unlocked her door and opened it, folding her arms.

"Oh," he said noticing Sara was only in her bathrobe, "sorry. I didn't know I was interrupting-"

"It's fine." Sara replied.

Nick licked his lips and looked around Sara's small apartment.

Why was he just standing there? Sara knew he meant to apologize, but she wasn't sure she wanted to hear it.

Why was she looking at him like that? Nick felt himself bristle-then he remembered why he was here and he took a deep breath.

"Listen," Sara said finally. "I'm tired."

Nick's hopeful face dropped. So that's the way it was going to be, she let him make an ass of himself and she wouldn't even accept his apology.

"I said I was sorry."

"I know you did." Sara countered.

"So that's all you have to say, 'I'm tired'?"

"Well I am tired. I'm sorry Nick if I just worked a double and need a little sleep."

Nick blinked, "okay then, sorry I ever came by."

Sara grabbed his arm, "what the hell is your problem?"

"It's not important."

"If it affects you on the job, it is important. I've never seen you like this before."

Nick looked down at Sara's hand grasping his arm, then up at her face. Her cheeks were flushed and her hair was pulled back into a loose bun.

He didn't know why he did it...he didn't even think, before he could put together a coherent thought he kicked the door closed grabbed Sara's face in his hands and kissed her.

She stumbled back, and when she hit the wall her elbow took the first contact.

"Shit," she cursed.

"Oh Jesus," Nick took his hand from her face and took her elbow, he turned it over and pushed up the soft fabric of her robe.

Sara could barely breath. Her mind was screaming—this is wrong! This is so wrong! But if it was so wrong then why did it feel like she was on fire.

"Sorry." Nick brushed his fingers over Sara's already bruising elbow.

Sara choked on her reply, "that's okay," she whispered. She hadn't meant for her voice to sound so thick. Nick looked up at her with a smirk and she felt her face flush.

Nick had resolved kissing Sara was exactly the wrong thing to do until he looked up into her face—her eyes that met his gaze, her lips were parted slightly. Her hair had fallen from it's silver clip into her eyes.

"That'll need some ice," Nick said breaking the silence.

Sara blinked a few times before finding her voice, "oh, yeah." Sara cleared her throat and Nick let go of her arm, he made his way into her family room as she made her way to the kitchen. She opened her refrigerator and pulled out a package of peas, she winced when she brought it against her elbow.

She walked across her apartment and sat on her couch, a safe distance away from Nick. She wanted to know what had happened to make him so angry but she didn't want to push, she knew with Nick it wouldn't make a difference. He wasn't going to tell her until he was ready.

They sat in awkward silence, the only sound was the frozen peas crunching as Sara shifted them more comfortably.

Pretending nothing had happened wouldn't help, she'd tried that one in highschool and all it had gotten her was one less friend.

She took a deep breath and forced herself to look over at him, he was staring intently at her coffee table.

She took a deep breath.

"Listen—" They said in unison.

"I was just—"

"I didn't think I'm sorry—"

Finally they both sighed and sat in the silence, soft lyrical music could be heard from Sara's tiny bathroom.

"I interrupted you," Nick went to stand.

"I said it was fine."

"No, go back to your bath," he stood.

"Nick…" Sara began.

"Listen, things got out of hand, it happens."

She looked into his face, "right." She replied.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye," Sara replied and then he was gone. She stood and walked to the front door, she locked it and turned.

All of a sudden the dimly lit bathroom and steaming bath didn't look so appealing, all Sara wanted to do was crawl into bed and go to sleep. She yanked the plug out of the drain and hit the lights.

TBC…may be a while for the next part but stay tuned!

Review and let us know what you think, but no flames!