Lawbreaker's Eyes

by i-nv-u50

Murderer's Touch's Sequel. SLASH! CH8 Coan is an aloof Trainee, desperately lonely despite his Companion, but is hiding it from everyone, even him. A new Trainee arrives at the Collegium and Coan is drawn despite himself. But is it as safe as it seems?

5. Thaelin: Tormenting Guilt

Title: Lawbreaker's Eyes

Author: I_nv_u50

Rating: PG13

Disclaimer/Claimer: Characters so far are mine, but the world is Mercedes Lackey's.

Warning: Slash (m/m) ahead.

Author's Notes: Gah, sorry for the long wait . So saying (and for apology) the next chapter will be up in a couple of hours or so (or will already be up, depending on when you read this O.o)

The replies to Ch4 will be in that chapter ^^;;

Sorry for the long wait! ^^

Read, enjoy, and please review! ^^

"Work fast, don't you Thae?" Kylan remarked casually, and flopped down calmly on Thaelin's bed. "What about Cyril though? Weren't you sleeping with him?"

Thaelin shrugged, feeling vaguely uneasy. "I don't know what happened to Cyril. I haven't seen him since that night. And I don't want Coan as a boyfriend, Kylan."

Kylan shrugged again, the movement vaguely distorted by his lounging position. "Hey, it's not like you're going to see Cyril for a while, is it. You might as well take on a new lover."

"Like you?" Thaelin retorted, half angry. He honestly didn't want a new lover. He didn't need one at all. What he needed was friends, and he was happy that Coan had only offered that. "Besides, he's not nearly attractive enough."

Kylan rolled his eyes. "Cyril's spoilt you. If you think Cyril's looks are the only good looking kind out there, you won't have a hope. That Trainee isn't too bad looking. I suppose he gets more attractive the longer you look at him. He's got that kind of face, it seems."

Thaelin pulled a face at the blonde. "If you think he's so attractive, why don't you start sleeping with him?"

Kaelin grinned, half sheepishly, half teasingly. "I've got all I need. And all I want, for that matter."

"Then why am I even discussing this with you?" Thaelin asked heatedly, not expecting a real answer. "Go back to your Herald before he comes in here and smacks me around again."

Kylan sat up at that, his face serious for once. "I know he hasn't said it yet, but he is sorry for it."

Thaelin scowled at the blonde. "How do you know?"

Kylan smirked. "He didn't kick you out of the class today, did he?"

Thaelin snorted. "Whatever you say, Kyl. Just go already. I want to go to bed."

Kylan gave a mocking sigh. "All alone too, poor baby."

"Shut up, Kyl."

Kylan smirked, and opened the door. Just before stepping out though, he turned again and smiled sincerely at Thaelin. "I really am happy you're here, Thae. Maybe it'll seem a bit more like home is supposed to."

Thaelin blinked in surprise while Kylan gave him another brilliant grin, and walked out, closing the door behind him.

Thaelin stared at the door in astonishment for a few more moments, before laughing softly and lying back against his pillows, his eyes half closing leisurely. :What say you, love?:

Jesalis sent him a mental nuzzle. :I always knew he seemed deeper than he acted.:

:Who, Kylan?: Thaelin asked back, climbing underneath the covers and shutting his eyes.

:No, Coan.: Jesalis returned smugly. :Although that Kylan seems like a peculiar boy. Either that or he's more special than we give him credit for.:

Thaelin smirked sleepily. :Kylan? He's just peculiar.: He yawned. :Good night, dearheart.:

:Sleep well, love.: Jesalis returned, but Thaelin was already asleep.

The next morning, after he had bathed and dressed, Thaelin went outside to spend some time with Jesalis before breakfast. His previous lifestyle had him up early instinctively, and he could no more rise late than he could sleep early. But before he could start the walk to the Companion's Field, about the one place he knew exactly where to go to get there, Jesalis greeted him sweetly.

:Bright the day, Chosen!:

He blinked and smiled lazily at nothing as he walked. :Heyla dearheart. What are you doing up so early?:

:Waiting for you to wake me up, of course.:

Thaelin laughed. :I'm doing a good job, it seems.:

Jesalis chuckled in his mind. :Actually Chosen, I have a favour to ask you.:

"Anything for you, love," Thaelin replied gallantly, his tone barely hiding laughter. "Just tell me what you need done and I'll do my best to oblige!"

There was a short pause. :Devoni says that Brynn wants to talk to you.:

Thaelin ignored the brief flash of apprehension. "Who's Devoni?"

:Brynn's Companion. He says Brynn's waiting in his suite.:

Thaelin stopped, and narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. "Hang on a moment. What is he going to do?"

:Devoni swears he just wants to talk. He won't hit a Herald Trainee, Chosen. You don't need to worry about that now.:

Thaelin grunted in a rare display of seriousness, and then let his habitual grin stretch his lips. "All right. How do I get there from where I am?"

Jesalis chuckled. :You're very bad at directions love, aren't you? Turn around and go past the trainee rooms, until you reach the Herald's Suites. Kylan will be waiting for you at the entrance.:

Thaelin was inexplicably relieved that Kylan would be there as well, regardless of what Devoni promised. It was a little harder trusting other people's Companions immediately…

:You know I'd never let anyone hurt you, right Thaelin?: Jesalis' mindvoice crooned into his mind, the tone so sad and honest that it made Thaelin's nose burn with unnoticed tears and his heart clench up.

"I'd never doubt you, dear heart. I believe you."

:Then trust me on this. Brynn will not hurt you again.:

Thaelin sighed, his worry suddenly depleted and his spirits lifting again. He changed the subject. :What do you think of Coan?:

Jesalis' tone was coloured yellow with teasing love when she replied. :Is Kylan right then? You want to bed the boy?:

"No!" Thaelin cried out, astounded. "Why does everyone think that?!"

He paused, and glanced around him, blushing. But the gardeners outside within hearing distance ignored him. He wondered if it was a common occurrence to see trainees yelling at mid air.

:Fairly common, Chosen.: Jesalis told him, amused again. :And I was only teasing.:

"I know," Thaelin mumbled, feeling his blush go down thankfully. He grinned at the sky once his face was cool again. "I don't want another lover anyway. I liked Cyril too much to sleep with someone else."

There was another pause. :Chosen… you know that the chances of Cyril being healthy and alive aren't very good, right?:

Thaelin sighed, his grin faltering. Before he could think up an answer that he wanted to say though, Kylan had tackled him from out of nowhere, and they went down in a tangle of limbs and muffled curses and whoops.

"Kylan!" Thaelin laughed, half outraged and half hysterical. "That was playing dirty!"

Kylan rolled off of him and sat up, still laughing. "I have it on the best authority," he gasped between sniggers, "that heralds should be prepared to fight dirty as well!"

Thaelin fought his laughter down to a more tolerable level, still sniggering every now and then. "Oh yeah? And who told you that, wiseass?"

"I did," said someone from above and behind them.

Thaelin blinked, and then scrambled to his knees and turned to face the young man who was watching them with a secretive gleam in his gray eyes.

Thaelin looked up at him, and then smirked. "Heyla, Herald."

Brynn offered a tight smile in return. He looked uncomfortable.

Thaelin felt maliciously glad. Served the Herald right, after all. It wasn't like he had been doing anything that merited being punched.

Kylan took one look at them both, caught in an awkward and somewhat hostile stalemate, and huffed, getting to his feet. "We'll be right back," he said to Thaelin shortly, and grabbed Brynn's arm to drag the Herald a little way away so Thaelin couldn't hear them.

Thaelin gave them their illusion of privacy and grinned harshly at the ground, picking the grass there idly.

And then Jesalis' stern tone cut through his less than pleasant thoughts. :Enough of that now.: she told him sharply. :Brynn was wrong to hit you, yes, but you cannot go disliking him forever. Petty battles between Heralds and Trainees do not increase teamwork and relations have to stay good or Valdemar will perish.:

Thaelin resisted the urge to snort incredulously. :Yea, like me not liking Brynn is going to cause destruction for the entire country. Whatever.:

:Maybe not your argument in particular,: Jesalis countered calmly, :but certainly, if many more trainees pick fights with heralds and vice versa. If every trainee didn't like a specific herald, then they would slack off in their work, because chances are that herald will eventually teach them something they need to know. And if irrelevant dislikes get in the way, they'll refuse to learn, whether they know it or not.:

Thaelin sighed in defeat. "Fine, fine. Whatever you say."

Jesalis gave a triumphant and smug snort in his head, and a hand appeared in his vision.

Thaelin followed the hand up the arm to the face. It didn't belong to Kylan as he had hoped and expected. It was Brynn, still looking uncomfortable, but now also slightly annoyed. Thaelin wondered if he had been getting a similar lecture from his Companion and Kylan.

He pushed the thought aside and glanced askance at Kylan, who was standing to the side patiently, his eyebrows raised.

Thaelin sighed again, and accepted the helping hand.

"So," Kylan started, carving a new pattern in the table with his beloved dagger. Brynn was watching the small, random movements with slight hostility in his eyes, but a mostly resigned expression on his face.

Thaelin couldn't quite hold back his grin at the sight. Brynn would just have to get used to Kylan fidgeting with his dagger. It was a permanent fixture.

"So," he repeated, and settled back to smirk across at the blonde, who made a face at him.

Brynn cleared his throat before Thaelin could respond in kind. "We did have something to talk about, you two."

"We?" Thaelin glanced up. "What do you mean?"

The serious expression on Brynn's face made him feel apprehensive, and he grinned to hide it, not at all comfortable with the look in the steady gray eyes. "What I mean is, now that we know you're a part of that gang, there are going to be some questions."

Thaelin sat bolt upright, his grin disappearing as it sank in. Kylan was regarding the ruined tabletop directly in front of him miserably. Thaelin was almost amused when Brynn, probably unconsciously, sighed and moved his chair closer to the visibly nervous blonde.

A second later, Thaelin knew why. He was absolutely furious. If Kylan had told the Heralds, and Taevan or somebody else heard from one of their numerous sources, then Cyril would die. Not to mention Kylan and himself. If he were Kylan, he'd be bloody uncomfortable as well.

"What in Havens did you tell them for?" he hissed across at the other teenager, who was very determinedly not meeting his eyes. "They'll kill us! They'll kill Cyril!"

"Cyril's probably already dead, Thaelin!" Kylan countered heatedly, leaning over the table so that he was almost nose-to-nose with Thaelin. "And they can't reach us here!"

"Yea well, they damn well nearly did," Thaelin snapped, his grin angry and fixed, completely ignoring the Herald sitting next to Kylan. "You almost died, and I almost died, and Cyril's probably already dead!"

Kylan stood up suddenly, pushing his chair back so fast that it fell over with a loud clutter. "I don't see you rushing out there to save him! You didn't want to keep him even when he did save you, against all odds! Don't go blaming me because you were too stupid to convince him to leave with you!"

There was a shocked silence. Kylan's cheeks were flushed with anger, and his breathing was slightly faster and harder than usual. Brynn was warily switching his attention between the two, carefully keeping an eye on the hand that was clenched around Kylan's dagger.

Thaelin felt all the blood drain out of his face.

After a moment, Brynn dared to speak. "Kylan… Kylan, put the knife down."

"No," Thaelin rasped out instead, a curious pain constricting his chest. "No, it's fine. I'll go."

Nobody made any move to stop him as he stumbled out of the door. Once he was in the corridor, he broke into a run, breakfast completely forgotten. All he wanted to do now was to be with Jesalis, somehow knowing she'd make him feel better in some way.

He didn't want Cyril to be dead. He didn't want Kylan to be right.

But he feared that they were both true, and that ate at him, making him angry and more miserable than he knew how to deal with.

He sprinted over the bridge into the Companions Field, noting how Jesalis was already cantering towards him from some side just in sight. His legs, already burning with acid, gave out before he could get to her though, and by the time he had dropped on his knees to the grass, Jesalis was already lowering her head over him, nuzzling the back of his neck comfortingly, her mind silent.

It made Thaelin wonder if she thought he was to blame too.