A.N.: Okaay!!! I'm sorry it took so long, but my ISP was not working. It was horrible, but I got it fixed, obviously. But yaa! Anywhoo!
I absolutely love all of the reviews, everyone, and I am really greatful!
-as always: action taking place
*internal thought*
"I believe you," Buffy said, determination and truth in her green eyes, as they burned into his dark blue eyes. They were
filled with emotions, hope, and shock. Shock, that she let him kiss her, shock that she believed him, shock, that she had not left, and shocked that
he might still stand a chance. Spike just stood there for a moment, and Buffy took a deep breath and stared at him, "Spike, I-"
"What the hell just happened?" Xander came, and yanked Spike away from Buffy. Immediately, Buffy felt the loss of him holding
her.
"What does it look like just happened?" Spike glared at Xander.
"Xander, I, this is not what it looks like, we were just-" *ahhh, please not here, please!* *tell him the truth* *no* *fraidy cat* "I,
I was just.. thanking him.." *Damn wuss!! You've died and dealt with many end-of the world situations, and took it like a slayer. And now look,
you're scared shitless of Xander and his oh so, precious opinion.*
"Right, right! Do you think I'm dumb, I-ow!" Xander yelped, when Anya stamped on his foot hard.
"I thought that you said that you were gunna let them do what THEY wanted!" Anya said, looking at him.
"I know, I know, I just..sorry, I...ya. Look, Buffy, you can be with whoever you want, okay? It's not my choice, I just, impulse thing,
I guess," Xander sighed. *that wasn't too bad, go Xan-Man!* *Yeah, I think that I'll never think that again* Xander thought.
"Thank you, Xander, but there is really nothing going on between Spike and I. It was just a kiss," Buffy said. *stupid, stupid, stupid
stupid, stupid, stupid...* Buffy looked up, and saw the Scoobies looking doubtful, and Tara looked rather disappointed.
"Yeah, nothin at all goin on here," Spike added, though the bitterness dripped obviously from his voice. "Gotta get a fag. Be back in
a flash though." It was about 10:45 P.M. The reception started at five, and ended at two. He had to stay the whole time. That thought made him
walk faster out of the hotel. The gang just stood there, awkwardly silent, and watching him leave. They all hoped something would happen so
this awkwardness would pass. Luckily, the dj put on a fast song and everyone went and danced. Except for Buffy, who walked out of the
hotel and found Spike standing on the sidewalk outside, smoking.
"Spike-"
"You know what, don't even bother. I don't care anymore," he said, angrily, "I'm through this time, through with this. With you,
you and you're stupid bloody mind games. Just when I thought Dru was nuts and played the worst mind games possible, I bloody fall inlove
with you, and find that compared to you, Dru's mind games were like children's puzzles. The bloody chit at least knew what she wanted.
But not you, Buffy, never you. One minute it's 'Spike tell me you love me,' next it's 'Being with you makes me weak and selfish,' and all of
that crap! Then after I think it might finally be over, you go all what's that word you say? 'Postal' on me for having a date! I'm sick of this,
dammit. I'm just so sick and tired of everything you put me through, Slayer! All of it! You, you and the whole lot!" he yelled, pissed off,
but relieved to get it off of his chest. "You all always use me, and then kick me around, like I'm some damn box. I'm leavin! Leavin you, leavin
the Bit, and leavin you're bloody friends!" *yeah right*
Buffy stood there. She knew that she should defend herself and her friends, but she just did not want to. She found herself
needing to be held by Spike. So instead of screaming and shouting, Buffy stood there fighting back a wave of tears and catching a sob in her
throat, "Are you really leaving?"
Spike glared at her, before taking a drag of his cigarette, "What do you think?...Course not. You know how I get when I'm mad. Say
things, I do things, never mean it though," he said looking down sheepishly.
Buffy sighed, relieved, before quietly stating, "It was Xander's wedding."
"I damn well know that! What in the bleeding hell do you think I'm doing here, in this sodding outfit?" he exclaimed, angry that he
couldn't stay angry at her.
"I didn't wanna ruin it for him. I didn't want to see him unhappy on one of the best days of his life," she whispered, as a tear
fell from her face, and Spike saw it land on the ground. He sighed unhappily, and lifted her chin, and looked into her tearfilled eyes as more
began to fall.
"I always do that don't I?" Spike sighed bitterly. "Always seem to muck things up, royally. Make people unhappy, angry...It's like
a cycle. Always hurtin the one I love," *should not have drank so much. should not have drank so much* "Like with Cecily," Spike chuckled,
but a very bitter and unhappy chuckle. "I went and read that God-awful 'poetry' to her. Embarrassed the girl infront of all of her friends. Terrible.
Then, Dru. Always makin her drive with me when we travelled, even when there were planes, because I'm too bloody afraid of them. She hated
it, wouldn't talk to me for days. Then when I threatened to kill her for you, that hurt her. Even she understood what was going on. I could
see it inn her eyes. They were lucid for a moment, before she left. Then, you. Bloody hell, did, do I make you unhappy! I tried to kill you, your
friends, I stalked you... Then at the tower...I-" Spike was really really working himself up.
"Spike, no-"
"I failed you, Buffy! I let the man cut Dawn, and then you died, " his voice started to become hysterical. "And that made the Nibblet
upset, you know that made her upset," Spike was practically crying, and Buffy didn't know what to do. It seemed like a dam had broken. A dam
that was filled up with...guilt. *guilt? what? Spike has no soul...* "Then the whole sleeping with me part, you said that it was killing you, and now,
look at you, you're crying. Crying. First you cried today when I yelled at you about Scilla, then you cried just now, and now you're crying again,
and- Oh God, I'm sorry," Spike was crying so hard that it was difficult for him to speak. Buffy walked over to him, and took his hands, and walked
him over to a bench. There, he sat sobbing into her chest, as Buffy stroked his face, and held him tightly.
Back inside the other scoobies had stepped out of the reception room, and were trying to find Buffy and Spike.
"Well, I do know one thing, there is definately something going on between Spike and Buffy. And I have a feeling that it is
incredibly complicated and deep," Anya said what everyone was thinking. Tara just kept on walking with them, feeling terrible about
not speaking up. But she would not betray Buffy by telling her secret.
"We've checked the bathrooms, the bar, the lounge, so where else is there to check?" Giles asked.
"Is that Buffy outside on that bench?" Xander pointed to a woman, not facing them, but her hair was blonde. They all nodded and
ran out to see.
Spike's crying finally stopped, and Buffy just sat there, holding him. He sat up, and she held both of his hands. "Spike, you don't
make Dawn or me unhappy. Dawn loved it when you watched her, she told me. She's always wanting to have you come over, and see us. And, me,
Spike, I make me unhappy. If I had just let you love me, I know it would have been easier," Buffy said, stroking his cheek, and feeling her eyes
fill with tears, happy ones. *time to tell him the truth!* "Spike, I-"
"Buffy?" a deep voice asked, and she looked up to see Riley!
"Riley!" Buffy yelled and stood up abruptly, as Spike wiped his face, and inhaled. "Riley, Riley and Sam! Hi! Wow, I thought you guys
were out of the country!" *aghhh, perfect timing! NOT*
"Well, were, but Anya and Xander had invited us to the wedding. And I really, really wanted to see how it turned out," Same said. She
looked nice in a navy blue strapless gown. Riley wore a black suit, he looked, well like Riley.
"Ah, well they should be inside, they'll be happy to see you," Buffy said, watching Riley and Sam's gaze go towards Spike, who
had his head in his hands on the bench.
"He all right?" Sam asked, concerned, noticing the mascara trails on Buffy's face.
"Um, yes. He's just a little bit, uh, sentimental..." Buffy lamely said, looking at him, and fought the urge to run over to him, and hold
him. Spike stood up, and inhaled, before walking over, coming into the light. His eyes were red, and puffy, but no one said anything.
"So, who's the lady, Crew Cut?" Spike asked, clearing his throat, trying to avoid the fact that he looked very, very, upset.
"Oh, um, Spike, yeah, this is my wife, Sam. Sam, Spike," Riley introduced them, wondering what had happened with him and Buffy.
"Pleasure," Spike said, as he shook her hand. *hmm., so Buffy wasn't snoggin him after all*
"Aw, same here," Sam smiled, noticing Buffy watching as they shook hands, rather possessively watching...*so, this must be her man*
"Right, well, we had better get in-" Buffy started, until she saw Xander, Anya, Willow and Tara coming out.
"Riley, Sam? Greetings!" Xander called and everyone exchanged hellos, Buffy walked over to her friends and away from Spike.
"Why don't you all go on over to the reception, we'll be right in," Buffy said, and they did, leaving Buffy and Spike alone. For once,
Xander just let it be.
"So, if you weren't snogging Riley, why'd you leave me? Or, what gave you the idea to leave me?" Spike asked Buffy.
"Did you think that seeing Riley made me want to leave you?" Buffy said.
"I thought that it would remind you of having a good relationship," Spike told her, looking down, so she would not notice the
hurt in his eyes.
"It was sort of that...Spike raised an eyebrow I mean, seeing Riley and Sam, made me see what I wanted. Someone that I didn't hafta
secretly be with. All I did was use you, you did what I asked. I didn't feel anything but desire when you said that you loved me," Buffy said. *you
mean you didn't let yourself feel anything but desire when he said that, dummy*
"Oh."
"They were just so perfect, ya kno? Like everything I wanted. The entire two hearts become one and crap. Just the way they held
eachother's hand, or looked at eachother, it made me know that they loved eachother. Not like you and I. I look at you, and I see love. But you look
and me and see-"
"Pity, disgust, hate, desire-"
"No, no hate, no disgust, not anymore," she looked up at him. There was not any hate or disgust, more like longing in her eyes.
Longing to be held, to be loved, needed, by him. Spike could've sworn that he saw something else, he never would allow himself to truly
believe he saw, love. But he would not get his hopes up, not just yet. Spike touched her face, and she practically leaned into his hand, as he
wrapped an arm around her waist to pull her close to him. Spike looked into her eyes, and nuzzled the tip of his nose agaisnt hers, causing Buffy
to put her head down and giggled. Spike chuckled, and pulled her against him, closer, so she could rest her head on his chest.
Inside an older couple, married for fifty-five years looked out the window, at the couple standing under the light outside.
"Harry, look- Isn't that sweet," the woman said, gazing at them, reliving a moment that she had shared with him in her mind.
"Very. Bet that they are newlyweds," Harry said, staring at Petunia, his wife, and resting his hand on hers.
"I hope they are as lucky as we are," she said.
"Well, they look as though they're on top of the world, dear."
"That's because they're inlove." She smiled and walked to the elevator with her husband.
Buffy stood there with her head agaisnt him. Inhaling the scent that he had. Feeling complete, in his arms. Just as she lifted her head up,
Spike bent down and captured her lips with his, taking a chance. He didn't know how she'd react, whether she'd scream or hit him. Though,
he didn't expect her to do what she did. Buffy depened the kiss, and separated his teeth, so she could snake her tonuge into his mouth. Spike
pulled back, looking at her. "We should go back into the dance room," he said, and Buffy agreed.
I absolutely love all of the reviews, everyone, and I am really greatful!
-as always: action taking place
*internal thought*
"I believe you," Buffy said, determination and truth in her green eyes, as they burned into his dark blue eyes. They were
filled with emotions, hope, and shock. Shock, that she let him kiss her, shock that she believed him, shock, that she had not left, and shocked that
he might still stand a chance. Spike just stood there for a moment, and Buffy took a deep breath and stared at him, "Spike, I-"
"What the hell just happened?" Xander came, and yanked Spike away from Buffy. Immediately, Buffy felt the loss of him holding
her.
"What does it look like just happened?" Spike glared at Xander.
"Xander, I, this is not what it looks like, we were just-" *ahhh, please not here, please!* *tell him the truth* *no* *fraidy cat* "I,
I was just.. thanking him.." *Damn wuss!! You've died and dealt with many end-of the world situations, and took it like a slayer. And now look,
you're scared shitless of Xander and his oh so, precious opinion.*
"Right, right! Do you think I'm dumb, I-ow!" Xander yelped, when Anya stamped on his foot hard.
"I thought that you said that you were gunna let them do what THEY wanted!" Anya said, looking at him.
"I know, I know, I just..sorry, I...ya. Look, Buffy, you can be with whoever you want, okay? It's not my choice, I just, impulse thing,
I guess," Xander sighed. *that wasn't too bad, go Xan-Man!* *Yeah, I think that I'll never think that again* Xander thought.
"Thank you, Xander, but there is really nothing going on between Spike and I. It was just a kiss," Buffy said. *stupid, stupid, stupid
stupid, stupid, stupid...* Buffy looked up, and saw the Scoobies looking doubtful, and Tara looked rather disappointed.
"Yeah, nothin at all goin on here," Spike added, though the bitterness dripped obviously from his voice. "Gotta get a fag. Be back in
a flash though." It was about 10:45 P.M. The reception started at five, and ended at two. He had to stay the whole time. That thought made him
walk faster out of the hotel. The gang just stood there, awkwardly silent, and watching him leave. They all hoped something would happen so
this awkwardness would pass. Luckily, the dj put on a fast song and everyone went and danced. Except for Buffy, who walked out of the
hotel and found Spike standing on the sidewalk outside, smoking.
"Spike-"
"You know what, don't even bother. I don't care anymore," he said, angrily, "I'm through this time, through with this. With you,
you and you're stupid bloody mind games. Just when I thought Dru was nuts and played the worst mind games possible, I bloody fall inlove
with you, and find that compared to you, Dru's mind games were like children's puzzles. The bloody chit at least knew what she wanted.
But not you, Buffy, never you. One minute it's 'Spike tell me you love me,' next it's 'Being with you makes me weak and selfish,' and all of
that crap! Then after I think it might finally be over, you go all what's that word you say? 'Postal' on me for having a date! I'm sick of this,
dammit. I'm just so sick and tired of everything you put me through, Slayer! All of it! You, you and the whole lot!" he yelled, pissed off,
but relieved to get it off of his chest. "You all always use me, and then kick me around, like I'm some damn box. I'm leavin! Leavin you, leavin
the Bit, and leavin you're bloody friends!" *yeah right*
Buffy stood there. She knew that she should defend herself and her friends, but she just did not want to. She found herself
needing to be held by Spike. So instead of screaming and shouting, Buffy stood there fighting back a wave of tears and catching a sob in her
throat, "Are you really leaving?"
Spike glared at her, before taking a drag of his cigarette, "What do you think?...Course not. You know how I get when I'm mad. Say
things, I do things, never mean it though," he said looking down sheepishly.
Buffy sighed, relieved, before quietly stating, "It was Xander's wedding."
"I damn well know that! What in the bleeding hell do you think I'm doing here, in this sodding outfit?" he exclaimed, angry that he
couldn't stay angry at her.
"I didn't wanna ruin it for him. I didn't want to see him unhappy on one of the best days of his life," she whispered, as a tear
fell from her face, and Spike saw it land on the ground. He sighed unhappily, and lifted her chin, and looked into her tearfilled eyes as more
began to fall.
"I always do that don't I?" Spike sighed bitterly. "Always seem to muck things up, royally. Make people unhappy, angry...It's like
a cycle. Always hurtin the one I love," *should not have drank so much. should not have drank so much* "Like with Cecily," Spike chuckled,
but a very bitter and unhappy chuckle. "I went and read that God-awful 'poetry' to her. Embarrassed the girl infront of all of her friends. Terrible.
Then, Dru. Always makin her drive with me when we travelled, even when there were planes, because I'm too bloody afraid of them. She hated
it, wouldn't talk to me for days. Then when I threatened to kill her for you, that hurt her. Even she understood what was going on. I could
see it inn her eyes. They were lucid for a moment, before she left. Then, you. Bloody hell, did, do I make you unhappy! I tried to kill you, your
friends, I stalked you... Then at the tower...I-" Spike was really really working himself up.
"Spike, no-"
"I failed you, Buffy! I let the man cut Dawn, and then you died, " his voice started to become hysterical. "And that made the Nibblet
upset, you know that made her upset," Spike was practically crying, and Buffy didn't know what to do. It seemed like a dam had broken. A dam
that was filled up with...guilt. *guilt? what? Spike has no soul...* "Then the whole sleeping with me part, you said that it was killing you, and now,
look at you, you're crying. Crying. First you cried today when I yelled at you about Scilla, then you cried just now, and now you're crying again,
and- Oh God, I'm sorry," Spike was crying so hard that it was difficult for him to speak. Buffy walked over to him, and took his hands, and walked
him over to a bench. There, he sat sobbing into her chest, as Buffy stroked his face, and held him tightly.
Back inside the other scoobies had stepped out of the reception room, and were trying to find Buffy and Spike.
"Well, I do know one thing, there is definately something going on between Spike and Buffy. And I have a feeling that it is
incredibly complicated and deep," Anya said what everyone was thinking. Tara just kept on walking with them, feeling terrible about
not speaking up. But she would not betray Buffy by telling her secret.
"We've checked the bathrooms, the bar, the lounge, so where else is there to check?" Giles asked.
"Is that Buffy outside on that bench?" Xander pointed to a woman, not facing them, but her hair was blonde. They all nodded and
ran out to see.
Spike's crying finally stopped, and Buffy just sat there, holding him. He sat up, and she held both of his hands. "Spike, you don't
make Dawn or me unhappy. Dawn loved it when you watched her, she told me. She's always wanting to have you come over, and see us. And, me,
Spike, I make me unhappy. If I had just let you love me, I know it would have been easier," Buffy said, stroking his cheek, and feeling her eyes
fill with tears, happy ones. *time to tell him the truth!* "Spike, I-"
"Buffy?" a deep voice asked, and she looked up to see Riley!
"Riley!" Buffy yelled and stood up abruptly, as Spike wiped his face, and inhaled. "Riley, Riley and Sam! Hi! Wow, I thought you guys
were out of the country!" *aghhh, perfect timing! NOT*
"Well, were, but Anya and Xander had invited us to the wedding. And I really, really wanted to see how it turned out," Same said. She
looked nice in a navy blue strapless gown. Riley wore a black suit, he looked, well like Riley.
"Ah, well they should be inside, they'll be happy to see you," Buffy said, watching Riley and Sam's gaze go towards Spike, who
had his head in his hands on the bench.
"He all right?" Sam asked, concerned, noticing the mascara trails on Buffy's face.
"Um, yes. He's just a little bit, uh, sentimental..." Buffy lamely said, looking at him, and fought the urge to run over to him, and hold
him. Spike stood up, and inhaled, before walking over, coming into the light. His eyes were red, and puffy, but no one said anything.
"So, who's the lady, Crew Cut?" Spike asked, clearing his throat, trying to avoid the fact that he looked very, very, upset.
"Oh, um, Spike, yeah, this is my wife, Sam. Sam, Spike," Riley introduced them, wondering what had happened with him and Buffy.
"Pleasure," Spike said, as he shook her hand. *hmm., so Buffy wasn't snoggin him after all*
"Aw, same here," Sam smiled, noticing Buffy watching as they shook hands, rather possessively watching...*so, this must be her man*
"Right, well, we had better get in-" Buffy started, until she saw Xander, Anya, Willow and Tara coming out.
"Riley, Sam? Greetings!" Xander called and everyone exchanged hellos, Buffy walked over to her friends and away from Spike.
"Why don't you all go on over to the reception, we'll be right in," Buffy said, and they did, leaving Buffy and Spike alone. For once,
Xander just let it be.
"So, if you weren't snogging Riley, why'd you leave me? Or, what gave you the idea to leave me?" Spike asked Buffy.
"Did you think that seeing Riley made me want to leave you?" Buffy said.
"I thought that it would remind you of having a good relationship," Spike told her, looking down, so she would not notice the
hurt in his eyes.
"It was sort of that...Spike raised an eyebrow I mean, seeing Riley and Sam, made me see what I wanted. Someone that I didn't hafta
secretly be with. All I did was use you, you did what I asked. I didn't feel anything but desire when you said that you loved me," Buffy said. *you
mean you didn't let yourself feel anything but desire when he said that, dummy*
"Oh."
"They were just so perfect, ya kno? Like everything I wanted. The entire two hearts become one and crap. Just the way they held
eachother's hand, or looked at eachother, it made me know that they loved eachother. Not like you and I. I look at you, and I see love. But you look
and me and see-"
"Pity, disgust, hate, desire-"
"No, no hate, no disgust, not anymore," she looked up at him. There was not any hate or disgust, more like longing in her eyes.
Longing to be held, to be loved, needed, by him. Spike could've sworn that he saw something else, he never would allow himself to truly
believe he saw, love. But he would not get his hopes up, not just yet. Spike touched her face, and she practically leaned into his hand, as he
wrapped an arm around her waist to pull her close to him. Spike looked into her eyes, and nuzzled the tip of his nose agaisnt hers, causing Buffy
to put her head down and giggled. Spike chuckled, and pulled her against him, closer, so she could rest her head on his chest.
Inside an older couple, married for fifty-five years looked out the window, at the couple standing under the light outside.
"Harry, look- Isn't that sweet," the woman said, gazing at them, reliving a moment that she had shared with him in her mind.
"Very. Bet that they are newlyweds," Harry said, staring at Petunia, his wife, and resting his hand on hers.
"I hope they are as lucky as we are," she said.
"Well, they look as though they're on top of the world, dear."
"That's because they're inlove." She smiled and walked to the elevator with her husband.
Buffy stood there with her head agaisnt him. Inhaling the scent that he had. Feeling complete, in his arms. Just as she lifted her head up,
Spike bent down and captured her lips with his, taking a chance. He didn't know how she'd react, whether she'd scream or hit him. Though,
he didn't expect her to do what she did. Buffy depened the kiss, and separated his teeth, so she could snake her tonuge into his mouth. Spike
pulled back, looking at her. "We should go back into the dance room," he said, and Buffy agreed.