Disclaimer: No…their not mine, but I'll give them back when I'm done.

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Chapter 14- Stuck between a Jewel and a hard place

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Xander was trying to hide his anger, but discussing the last years events did nothing but leave a foul taste in his mouth. He was bitter, and he was angry-not only at whatever error it was that Willow made, but at himself also.

He hadn't talked about Añ ya much since she died, he couldn't really bring himself to say her name very often- every time he did he was reminded of his own failures. Not only that, but the fact that one of his eyes was of the glass variety didn't sit well in his stomach either.

More than once he told himself that he was wrong, regretting the fact that he never married her- that he never let her have her one measly dream. If he'd known their time would be so short…no…not the point here. The point is that Willow fucked something up, and that helped take away some of the guilt he'd been bearing and placed it on someone else's shoulders. Was it wrong to think that way, maybe…but it helped.

He watched as Willow began to speak. She looked like she was being careful with her words…maybe too careful. "Go ahead Willow," he said bitterly, "what is it that you saw?"

"Well…let me just say that it wasn't exactly a fu… mess up." She looked towards Xander, still a little uneasy about his use of language. He seemed so cynical it frightened her.

"All of magic is about give and take…finding a balance. You take something from the powers, they expect something in return and vice versa." She became more animated as she spoke now and began to speak more quickly, "sometimes, though, the powers reward you…Like if you assist in bolstering the greater balance, supporting the greater good, because although when it comes down to it the powers are neutral- they really would rather support the greater good…it's just…they can't..it's not how they work…"

"Okay Wils, I get that…being rewarded for doing a good deed…"

"Or for sacrificing too much." She said blandly, unsure of how he would take that.

Xander looked down, still having never come to terms with his loss…the pain was stifling. He had sacrificed too much.

"So what was it you saw Willow, you really seem be keeping us in suspense purposely." Giles said, as he pulled his glasses off of his face again, this time sticking the frame in his mouth and biting it nervously rather than just wiping them clean.

"I'm getting there…it's just…important you know this…the reasons behind it. You might not understand."

Willow took a deep breath and motioned for Giles to sit down. He was making her nervous with all of his little gestures. "I went to a very powerful see-er. I needed to find peace with myself. The power I'd invoked, although very good, was also very powerful…and it didn't just go away. I was very in-tuned with the earth and it's beings and it was a little…overwhelming. We meditated regularly and she showed me how to focus my energy…how to focus the light."

"I was out one day, alone…meditating, and I saw what happened while we escaped. I saw Spike, and the sacrifice he made. The thing was- while we didn't know what that amulet would do, he'd known all along…maybe not exactly, but he knew what would be expected of him in return for the gift the magic was letting forth. He was always smart about those things. He was ready though, and it made him happy. I saw him as he burned…with a smile on his face, happy that he'd done such a redeeming thing."

"He knew?" Dawn asked, "and he didn't say anything?"

"No, because he knew it was necessary…and part of the plan. But as the last piece of his body turned to ashes his soul left his body, but that didn't go as planned either."

"What do you mean?" Dawn asked, loving and respecting Spike more than she ever had before.

"He was given admittance to heaven…but he turned it down."

"How was he admitted to heaven?" Xander asked, "with everything he did…all that he'd done?"

"That wasn't him…well it was, physically…but it wasn't his soul. His sacrifice redeemed him. That's not the point though…he left heaven, and was given a choice. He could be re-born, start a new life and have a chance to begin all over again…or he could be sent back to the place he died, only he'd have no memory of anything that happened before his death."

"How is that even possible. Why would he be given a choice?" Xander was uneasy now, and a little bit saddened at the prospect that he'd never have that chance with Anya. It was then that Giles interjected…

"Oh dear Lord! It can't be…"

Willow only nodded, knowing now that Giles knew where she was headed. "It was prophesized from the very beginning."

Giles continued, "The vampire with a soul, who would redeem himself and make right his wrongs…we thought it was about Angel. It never occurred to me once Spike got his soul…are you saying that Spike has been Shanshu'd?"

"There's more though…"

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(Buffy's hotel room)

His hands were everywhere at once, but it wasn't enough.

She was aching for his touch. It had been so long. Even when he came back to Sunnydale after getting his soul back, even though he was there…she never told him. She couldn't give in to him because the time was never right, and she never really understood her feelings to begin with.

All she had known then was that they were connected. There was something about the both of them that kept bringing them back together.

Her hands reached up to touch the soft mess of curls on top of his head. She pulled back from his kiss then, and look into the deep azure of his eyes.

"sapphire" she said, almost to himself.

He looked at her curiously, while his hands still roamed up and down her back.

"Your eyes…I tried to remember while you were gone…the shade of blue…it was lost. Now I remember, like Sapphire's…how could I forget?"

He freed one of his hands from her back, and brushed a strand of hair that had fallen over her face. "It's funny…I saw you and thought emeralds."

She lifted up to him at that, her lips forming into the beginnings of a smile. "I guess we're both Jewels then."

"The same, we are. I can feel it." He moved his hand down her arm as if to demonstrate that his very touch would create a spark that would bind them. "I touch you, and I know…"

"What?" She asked, already knowing his answer but longing to here the words.

"Mine."

Simply stated in the manner of which a five year old might protect his favorite fire truck from another child's hands, yet it made all the sense in the world to her.

He looked into her eyes, seeking some sort of visible reaction- but what he saw in her eyes was unmasked lust. He knew then, he'd done something right.

When she reached up to draw him back to her kiss however, the moment was broken with the sound of the door to her room being pushed in with a crash.

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"Get away from him Buffy, you don't know what he's capable of!" Angel screamed, as he was stopped by the barrier of not being invited.

"Angel! This is not a good time…we need some time…" But Buffy was cut of by his anger.

"No! You have to let me in. He's strong, and we don't know how he came back yet. He doesn't remember anything…it's a very dangerous situation!"

It was then that she remembered what her initial thought had been. As his hand was still on her arm she realized how warm it was…hot really. She couldn't help but smile, lifting her hand to touch the place his still heart would be. Instead, what she felt was the pumping, pumping, pumping of an organ hard at work.

Angel's anger was building which was why he couldn't control it when his face changed to that of the demon.

When Spike saw him he acted on instinct. He ran towards the vamped out Angel and pushed him down fiercely, knocking him back into the hall.

It took Buffy a moment to realize what was going on…so much was happening so quickly. She moved quickly to hold Spike back.

"His face! Did you see! My God! Is he on drugs?"

"Spike…I know…he's a vampire!"

"Pfft…oh right…you're telling me…" But as he looked down to where Angel sat defeated on the floor he could see that she was right. Of all the things that had happened to him since his awakening this was by far the strangest."

As Angel changed back to his human face Buffy reached her hand down to help him up. "It looks like we have a lot to talk about…but not here." She said, looking around at the room that no longer had a door.

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"No fucking way!"

"Dawnie!" Willow said, "what is wrong with you people? Did you all turn into truck drivers while I was away?"

"It's the result of a bitter unfulfilling life." Dawn said, before finishing her initial thought. "That is too cool for words!"

Yeah, 'cool' Xander thought, trying to make sense of this whole situation.

"Are you sure that's even possible Willow?" Giles asked. "It's unheard of…I just don't understand…"

"There's only one way to find out. We have to go out there and see for ourselves."

"You saw all this in a vision?" Giles asked.

"I had a little bit of help," she smiled. But that part of the whole experience was not one she was ready to share.

TBC

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R/R