A/N: Eat my dust. No, Psychosis isn't finished yet, nor have I abandoned it. If you *really* want more, go boost some spam reviews! And I'll update. Heh. I just wanted to get this show on the road because I started it forever ago and found it again yesterday, before deciding to continue. Hope you enjoy.
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A Beautiful Life
*
Her back and shoulders lifted slightly as she breathed, her tiny nose making airy sounds and her mouth twitching softly. Eyes closed, she slept peacefully, sprawled out, face down, head to the side.
Leo stood in the dark, his body framed in the light coming from the doorway behind him. His arms were folded and his shoulder leant against the doorframe. He'd been watching her for half an hour now, lost in his own thoughts, his own love, grief, sorrow, compassion. She was so beautiful yet so alone in the world. How was a child supposed to grow without a mother?
No. She had him. He could be her father and mother if he had to. Because she was all that mattered now, all he had left.
Slowly he closed his eyes, feeling tears beginning to gather in them. He thought he'd cried all there was to cry, but still the tears would come, until his cheeks were raw and sore. Sometimes he felt the pain so much he never thought he'd get over it. But there were the highs as well as the lows, and the little girl sleeping in front of him, for Leo, she was the high.
Melinda.
His daughter. Piper's daughter. Even thinking her name brought a tight knuckle into his mouth and his head down. A tear slid down his cheek, and he quickly wiped it away. There was nothing that could be done now, nothing.
Leo sniffed quietly, trying to stay silent as to not wake the sleeping child. She slept on, breathing deeply. Melinda had always been able to sleep through earthquakes; a tiny noise wouldn't stir her in the slightest.
A hand touched Leo's shoulder from behind, and he quickly intook a short gasp of air and spun around, stumbling backwards, closer to Melinda, protective. Her before him, it was always to be that way. Her before him.
"Sorry," Paige whispered. "Didn't mean to scare you." She craned her neck into the room and glanced towards Melinda, checking up. Not that she needed to. Leo would never let anything happen to his child, not after what had happened to his own wife.
Stepping aside to let Paige in more, Leo relaxed. He didn't speak; he had nothing to say. Acknowledging this, Paige swallowed and paced into the room, keeping her breathing quiet.
"It's half three in the morning," she told Leo.
"I couldn't sleep." He replied simply.
Paige breathed in slowly, trying to remain strong. She looked into Leo's eyes, so full of pain and misery. Leo returned the glance. The look in her eyes mirrored his. He wasn't the only one who'd lost someone. Paige had lost her two sisters. Two people who had brought her into a family of so much love, so much closeness, and had helped Paige accept who she was. Now she was alone. All she had was her brother in law and her niece.
Melinda was what kept them both from being destroyed.
Pursing her lips, Paige nodded. "Me neither." She'd replied to his statement several minutes after he'd said it himself, but the thread of conversation was never thick anymore. "Nights are always the worst."
A small cough from the darker area where Melinda's bed was brought both their attentions sharply towards the sleeping child. Silence fell as they scrutinised the form of the tiny, frail human being, checking that she was safe.
Confirming she was okay, Leo turned back to Paige. "Night... I know. It's where you have more time to think about... things."
"I'm thinking about becoming nocturnal," Paige said, her voice slightly joking but not too much so. She'd lost a lot of her humourous personality since events had occurred that were so monstrous jokes and sarcastic wisecracks didn't seem to have a place in life anymore. Not a lot did.
Leo gave a small smile, and his eyes returned to Melinda. "She looks like her, don't you think?"
Paige felt her face crumple under the pressure of trying not to cry. A small gasp left her, and she choked on the tears that were forcing their way out. Her voice cracked, coming out high and thin, conveying the utter misery that dejected her face. "Leo every time I look at her I see them. Not just Piper. Phoebe too."
Her words and emotion touched Leo to the brink of breaking down himself. But he couldn't. Always someone had to remain, to be the strong one. It was always the way they had operated. If someone had broken, the other had to be tough, the pillar, until all was well again. Or at least bearable again. He allowed himself a few tears, hoping Paige wouldn't see he was close to her status.
Looking up, Paige tried to quieten her strangled breathing, and saw the glistening tears on Leo's cheeks. He was trying so hard not to cry, but it was fast becoming too much. It always became too much. Grief pulled her further in, and out of consideration for Melinda, she began to walk away, out of the child's room, out of sanctuary. Because even sanctuary was too painful, the memories were too strong.
Would life ever get any better?
A low moan escaped Paige's throat, and she hurried towards her own room, quickly closed the door behind her, and slid onto her bed. She picked up the framed photo of her, Piper and Phoebe, which Leo had taken on a beautiful fall day, where the brown leaves were littered around their feet and Piper's stomach bulged out with the life she was carrying inside her.
Paige examined the photo, the naturalness of it all, the glowing grin on Piper's face, Phoebe's obvious laughter, and Paige's content smile. Happiness captured, one moment of pure happiness. Paige's hands began to tremble. She would never feel this way again. Never again.
Choking out sobs of pain, Paige replaced the photo by her bedside, always the first thing she saw in the morning and the last thing she saw at night, just for that moment in the morning where she'd forgotten it all and believed that they were still here, still with those smiles of happiness and love.
Even a second later, when she properly woke up and realisation smashed into her like a truck out of control, and the grief came again, it was worth it, just for that moment. The small moment when she truly believed none of this had happened. That one moment where happiness seemed achievable. That one moment when she was happy.
*
*
A Beautiful Life
*
Her back and shoulders lifted slightly as she breathed, her tiny nose making airy sounds and her mouth twitching softly. Eyes closed, she slept peacefully, sprawled out, face down, head to the side.
Leo stood in the dark, his body framed in the light coming from the doorway behind him. His arms were folded and his shoulder leant against the doorframe. He'd been watching her for half an hour now, lost in his own thoughts, his own love, grief, sorrow, compassion. She was so beautiful yet so alone in the world. How was a child supposed to grow without a mother?
No. She had him. He could be her father and mother if he had to. Because she was all that mattered now, all he had left.
Slowly he closed his eyes, feeling tears beginning to gather in them. He thought he'd cried all there was to cry, but still the tears would come, until his cheeks were raw and sore. Sometimes he felt the pain so much he never thought he'd get over it. But there were the highs as well as the lows, and the little girl sleeping in front of him, for Leo, she was the high.
Melinda.
His daughter. Piper's daughter. Even thinking her name brought a tight knuckle into his mouth and his head down. A tear slid down his cheek, and he quickly wiped it away. There was nothing that could be done now, nothing.
Leo sniffed quietly, trying to stay silent as to not wake the sleeping child. She slept on, breathing deeply. Melinda had always been able to sleep through earthquakes; a tiny noise wouldn't stir her in the slightest.
A hand touched Leo's shoulder from behind, and he quickly intook a short gasp of air and spun around, stumbling backwards, closer to Melinda, protective. Her before him, it was always to be that way. Her before him.
"Sorry," Paige whispered. "Didn't mean to scare you." She craned her neck into the room and glanced towards Melinda, checking up. Not that she needed to. Leo would never let anything happen to his child, not after what had happened to his own wife.
Stepping aside to let Paige in more, Leo relaxed. He didn't speak; he had nothing to say. Acknowledging this, Paige swallowed and paced into the room, keeping her breathing quiet.
"It's half three in the morning," she told Leo.
"I couldn't sleep." He replied simply.
Paige breathed in slowly, trying to remain strong. She looked into Leo's eyes, so full of pain and misery. Leo returned the glance. The look in her eyes mirrored his. He wasn't the only one who'd lost someone. Paige had lost her two sisters. Two people who had brought her into a family of so much love, so much closeness, and had helped Paige accept who she was. Now she was alone. All she had was her brother in law and her niece.
Melinda was what kept them both from being destroyed.
Pursing her lips, Paige nodded. "Me neither." She'd replied to his statement several minutes after he'd said it himself, but the thread of conversation was never thick anymore. "Nights are always the worst."
A small cough from the darker area where Melinda's bed was brought both their attentions sharply towards the sleeping child. Silence fell as they scrutinised the form of the tiny, frail human being, checking that she was safe.
Confirming she was okay, Leo turned back to Paige. "Night... I know. It's where you have more time to think about... things."
"I'm thinking about becoming nocturnal," Paige said, her voice slightly joking but not too much so. She'd lost a lot of her humourous personality since events had occurred that were so monstrous jokes and sarcastic wisecracks didn't seem to have a place in life anymore. Not a lot did.
Leo gave a small smile, and his eyes returned to Melinda. "She looks like her, don't you think?"
Paige felt her face crumple under the pressure of trying not to cry. A small gasp left her, and she choked on the tears that were forcing their way out. Her voice cracked, coming out high and thin, conveying the utter misery that dejected her face. "Leo every time I look at her I see them. Not just Piper. Phoebe too."
Her words and emotion touched Leo to the brink of breaking down himself. But he couldn't. Always someone had to remain, to be the strong one. It was always the way they had operated. If someone had broken, the other had to be tough, the pillar, until all was well again. Or at least bearable again. He allowed himself a few tears, hoping Paige wouldn't see he was close to her status.
Looking up, Paige tried to quieten her strangled breathing, and saw the glistening tears on Leo's cheeks. He was trying so hard not to cry, but it was fast becoming too much. It always became too much. Grief pulled her further in, and out of consideration for Melinda, she began to walk away, out of the child's room, out of sanctuary. Because even sanctuary was too painful, the memories were too strong.
Would life ever get any better?
A low moan escaped Paige's throat, and she hurried towards her own room, quickly closed the door behind her, and slid onto her bed. She picked up the framed photo of her, Piper and Phoebe, which Leo had taken on a beautiful fall day, where the brown leaves were littered around their feet and Piper's stomach bulged out with the life she was carrying inside her.
Paige examined the photo, the naturalness of it all, the glowing grin on Piper's face, Phoebe's obvious laughter, and Paige's content smile. Happiness captured, one moment of pure happiness. Paige's hands began to tremble. She would never feel this way again. Never again.
Choking out sobs of pain, Paige replaced the photo by her bedside, always the first thing she saw in the morning and the last thing she saw at night, just for that moment in the morning where she'd forgotten it all and believed that they were still here, still with those smiles of happiness and love.
Even a second later, when she properly woke up and realisation smashed into her like a truck out of control, and the grief came again, it was worth it, just for that moment. The small moment when she truly believed none of this had happened. That one moment where happiness seemed achievable. That one moment when she was happy.
*