Chapter 4 – Roads by Portishead
Josh promised Tori he would take her out to lunch on Thursday. Tori, hoping that spending time with her father might quell the never ending desire for Sam, readily agreed.
The office, hurried, stressed, angry, passionate flew past her as she walked into Josh's bullpen. Her thoughts were elsewhere, in the dark, in the night, lit by moonlight and blanketed by summer breezes. Tori walked in high heels and a tight skirt because she hoped that Josh wouldn't be alone; she was right. Toby came charging out his her father's office, eye darkened and mind occupied. Sam followed at his heels, glasses on and legs working to keep up with Toby's impassioned pace. He smiled, startled by Tori standing in the hall, face and lips emotionless but eyes alluring.
"Hey," He said softly, as if the quieter his voice the less the truth could escape.
"Hey," She responded and before he could leave, she touched his hand, red-nailed fingers running up to his wrist. He closed his eyes for just a second and tried not to shiver, tried not to think and tried to follow Toby before he noticed that Toby had stopped and was facing him in his disorientation. Did he see? Does he know? Why am I still thinking about her? The strengthen facade Sam had maintained for the past seven days was shattering with every step towards the Communications bullpen.
Sam tried to escape into his office, but the sounds of Toby's holler prevented him.
"Yeah?" He gave a mock-smile.
"Close the door." Toby was pacing, hands moving as if to contain something in his mind. Sam closed the door tentatively and stood waiting, caging up his desires. "What the hell are you doing? What the hell are you doing?" Sam flinched. "As if it wasn't bad enough that she's the daughter of the Deputy Chief of Staff, the daughter of your coworker, the daughter of your friend, and friends with the President's daughter she's only 18! Even if she was a nobody, this administration doesn't need a staffer who is dating a girl half his age!"
"She's not half my age." Sam muttered, truth seeping out of him, truth blocking his throat.
Toby lowered his voice, "No, don't tell me anything. Just stop it. Stop whatever you've started with Tori Lyman and never start it again, ok?"
Sam nodded and left, feet leading him not into his office but into the bathroom, where, retching, he expelled everything inside of him. He lost his salvation and his damnation and was now vomiting out his responsibility to her touch. Maybe he was as horrible as Toby thought he was. Using that child to warm his freezing soul, but wasn't she needy for his comfort as well? Or was she seeing Josh in his attention?
He called her when he knew Josh was not home. She answered and agreed to meet him somewhere that wasn't either of their homes. It would have to be at night and they'd have to dodge the press that occasionally followed Tori like a wandering ghost. They decided on a park near Tori's apartment on the soccer field.
She knew when she saw his shadowed form, hands in his pocket, suit still on, that it was over. He stood near the goal, body still and unlit by the moonlight. The field was dark, desolate without players, empty without victors and losers. Sam stood alone as the one solider left from the game; he stood in darkness without a trophy to show for his win or a sad face to show for his defeat. Tori didn't know whose side he was on now, as tragedy had succeeded in breaking another heart.
"I'm not in love with you." She said when he drew the sword out of her, bloody and warm. Falling to her knees, she thought she could justify her convulsing sobs, making the wound bleed with humiliation and desperation. But no pain was like the pain Sam knew in those moments, watching the innocent cry, her body soft like a baby bird fallen from the nest, and not being able to comfort her. There was a time when he could fill what was draining out her body, the tears he had been allowed to replace, but now all he could do from crying was to walk away from her. He was leaving her, alone on the battle field, alone in her love, alone in her lust, alone in her loneliness, alone and without hope. Heading back from where he came from, heading back into denial and suffering, Sam couldn't stop the tears from coming; the aching in his heart was growing and filling the emptiness. Now he was filled with agony rather then solitude.
"Zoey, I really need to talk to you. There's something I have to tell you." Tori clutched the phone to her ear, trying to shove down her pain from last night.
"Sure, of course. Come here and we can talk alone." Zoey meant the White House, the only place where she could walk around without Gina securing her every move.
"I can't…" Her voice was starting to get steadier, the ball of emotions hidden for the time being. "I'll see him…"
"Oh my God…" Zoey's voice fell into a hush. She knew; their late night game of "Tell Me a Secret" had reveled information that was filed away, but never spoken of again. "I can go there?"
"Josh is here, for once…" She smirked at the irony. "Let's just meet somewhere."
"I'll meet you on the corner of Pennsylvania and H; we can walk to the library together."
They ignored the scattered flashes of photographs as they usually did, hurrying to get to the library where most people didn't bother to follow them.
Once inside, they caught some chairs in the back, in the corner and Tori spilled her tears over the table, words swimming through the river of sobs, trying to make sense of what had happened. Zoey held on to her and wouldn't let her go until her crying had stopped and she was empty of emotions again.
"Let's go to the bathroom so I can try to cover up the traces of my crying." Tori said with a laugh a little stifled by the remainder of her tears. "If the press sees me, you know what the rumors will be tomorrow. 'Tori Lyman seen high on pot' or something like that." Zoey laughed softly as they walked to the bathroom where Tori painted on her happy mask and then followed Zoey back into the city. Zoey linked arms with Tori, and pulled her into a comforting amble down the street.