Disclaimer: I own NOTHING. NOTHING I TELL YOU!!!
A/N: thnx to the reviewers!
Harry's life at Hogwarts was happier then he had remembered. No one treated him like a tormented hero for one thing and he was getting a chance to interact with his father before the…unfortunate incident. There was one thing seriously wrong with his life however,
"No Quidditch." He complained to Ron a week form when they had been transported.
"No Quidditch for me either Harry – Sirius is taking my place."
They both sighed. "I can't live without quidditch! It's like…"
"It's like the air we breathe."
"Oh please!" Hermione snorted into her book. Ron turned on her.
"Well what is for you then? The books we read is the food we eat? Library is the higher place we strive for?"
"Well, it's a better activity than quidditch!"
"Come on. Nothing is better than quidditch." Harry high fived Ron.
"You two listen to me. Whether we are back in time or not, this is a serious step in your magical education you should really be paying attention to you studies!" Hermione scolded them severely, raising her eyes from her book, albeit for a minute.
Ron made a face. "Look who's cranky."
"I'm not cranky!" she retorted indignantly shutting her book with a snap.
"Oh yeah? You want to know what's bothering you? The fact that you are no longer Miss– big-head-girl know-it-all. The fact that you have competitors. The fact that Harry's mum is as smart as you and you have Sirius and James to compete with."
Hermione swelled furiously.
"Er…Ron? What did I tell you about learning to control…" Harry muttered pulling at his sleeve.
Ron and Hermione however, were having a serious staring match. The arrival of the marauders didn't make it better…
"Ah jeez! I thought having Lily and James stare at each other for hours on end was bad enough and now you two! We just can't get peace around here." Sirius entered the portrait hole and exclaimed loudly. Harry shook his head sadly. Obviously, Sirius had not experienced a Ron versus Hermione before. He was about to find out in the nastiest way what Hermione was like when she was tetchy – especially when the source of her tetchiness was Ron.
"Black! Shut up!" she glared at him coldly. "You should also be studying you worthless brainless…" Hermione snatched up her books and her bag and stormed up the girl's dormitories. Sirius' face conveyed nothing but shock.
"She...she told me to shut up."
Ron ran his fingers through his hair and plopped down on the couch, "That was nothing." He said with a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.
"Nothing? What is something then?" Remus asked in his own quiet curious way.
"Hermione she's...she's lethal."
"When she gets angry…do you remember in third year when she slapped Mal - "
Ron poked Harry in the ribs.
"Mal – Malone?"
"Slapped him?" Remus asked, surprised. "She seems like such a nice girl."
"She is a nice girl." Lily joined in dropping her books on the table, an action that was surprisingly Hermione - like.
"I bet she is…" Sirius said sarcastically. "I know you'd say that Lily – she's your new library buddy isn't she?"
"Library buddies?" Ron asked exasperatedly. "What's next? Is Hermione going to instigate another year of S.P.E.W?"
"S.P.E.W?" the marauders asked simultaneously.
Harry laughed. "I forgot what it stands for."
"Society for the Protection of Elfish Welfare." Lily said from the depths of her book. Harry felt weird – his best friend and his mother. Best friends?!
"That is such a load of crap…" Sirius muttered.
"Tell me about it." Ron joined in. "It's SPEW for Merlin's sake!"
"SPEW." James repeated. "Has a nice…ring to it."
Everyone laughed. Lily, stood up, red in the face.
"You…you BOYS. You are so immature and self centred. It's all about you, yourself and you isn't it? What kind of selfish and egotistical pigs are you? Making fun of someone who is humane enough to think all magical creatures have equal rights." Shaking her head, Lily gathered up her things and pushed past the boys up to the dormitories.
"What's the bet they come down with the SPEW tin?" Ron said his freckled face breaking out into a grin.
"Shut up Weasley!"
"The spew tin?" Sirius asked with an incredulous expression on his face.
***
Hermione was belly down on her bed, trying to concentrate on her book. How had Ron gotten everything so accurately? Sure she liked Lily, she was the best friend for her – but that didn't stop her feeling jealous of the fact that she was head girl and not her.
"But this is not your year, you have your own year to go back to…" she told herself again. Maybe Ron was right. Maybe she was obsessive. A little. She wanted to go back downstairs and have another verbal screaming match with him. It made her feel strangely excited, every time Ron infuriated her – just seeing his face redden because of her… Then there was always the make up. Somehow he'd manage to get himself forgiven…no matter how much she told herself that "he had really done it this time".
There was a soft knocking on the door. Her heart leapt – was it Ron?
She cautiously got up from the bed and walked slowly crossed the dorm that she and Lily shared. The door opened and Lily walked in, in a huff.
"I can understand why you take refuge here. Those boys are so insufferable."
"Tell me about it." Hermione said, sighing.
"They were making fun of S.P.E.W." Lily said, making sure she didn't say spew for short, "I thought it was a great idea."
***
"They'd both think it was a good idea. See? They are both muggle borns. They can't get it through their heads that the damn elves LIKE being enslaved." Ron was telling the gathered marauders.
"So. The badge. Tell me about the badge." Sirius said through his laughter.
"We have to pay for that badge. Mostly people just bought it to er…er…" Harry tried to explain.
"Shut her up?" James supplied bluntly.
"Yeah. And then in fifth year she started knitting for them."
"Kintting? What was he knitting?"
"I think it was hats." Harry said.
"Though it didn't look like it." Ron sulked. "She got so prissy at us for making fun of her and that those hats. Honestly."
"Ah!" Sirius exclaimed clapping, "she was hoping that the elves would pick it up and become free. I can see the genius of her plan."
"Come on guys…stop it. You are being mean."
"Moony. It's just harmless teasing. We all know girls love it." James said coolly.
"We also know," Remus said wryly, "that people who make fun of girls are just immature idiots who like them."
James and Ron flushed and opened and closed their mouths furiously.
"That's why you should take my approach, love'em and then drop'em." Sirius told them with an air of arrogance.
"You should also know people who treat girls like that end up all alone and lonely and until they get old and are useless as a piece of dry stick." Remus told Sirius with a raised eyebrow.
"Now who could that be?" Sirius asked with an air of mock concern.
"I think." James said, breaking the ice, "that we show our transfer students here," he said indicating Ron and Harry, "what Hogwarts students do for fun."
"Prongs. You mean - ?"
"It's a long time since we've played a prank on anyone…"
Peter squealed in excitement.
"That's going to be my rat someday…" Ron muttered darkly.
***
"That's Snape." James pointed at the greasy haired boy, sitting by the lake, his nose stuck in a book.
Ron and Harry nodded – he still had the greasy ill favoured look that didn't change through time. There was a perpetual sneer on his face whether he was reading or talking.
"We played this joke on him. Fifth year, took his pants off for everyone to see." James shook with laughter.
"Afterwards – he did an anti gravity charm on his pants." Sirius finished. "He's very smart our Snivelly…but not smart enough."
"So. What is it that we are going to do?" Harry asked nervously. He hoped it was something that was not so very cruel…as much as he hated Snape.
"Just transfigure him to a giant krill and feed him to the squid. So simple." Sirius complained angrily.
"Sirius. We are not looking to KILL anyone." Remus said reasonably.
James pulled out a wand.
"This is not really a wand. It's a wand – for squibs. I found it in Filch's office."
"What does it do?"
"It is specifically designed to do one task. The one I stole was a scourgifying wand. Cleans most stains."
"But we are going to alter the wand so that it does something else."
"What?" Ron and Harry asked impatiently.
Sirius and James both grinned nastily. Remus shook his head and Peter just looked puzzled.
"Well, when ever he does a spell, any sort of spell – it will make hair sprout from his nose." James finished triumphantly.
Harry and Ron burst out laughing – "Are you serious?"
"Yep. Here, let me show you."
Sirius snatched the wand out of James' hand and pointed the wand at James. James calmly sat, with a goofy grin on his face.
"Scourgify!"
Hairs sprouted, long and black and frizzy from Sirius' nose, and reached down to his neck – making him look unusually hideous.
"Oh nasty!" Ron exclaimed, unable to conceal his laughter. Harry snorted through his hands lest he caught Snape's attention.
Smiling, Sirius removed the hairs with a flick of his own wand. "So. Now comes the hard bit. Who is going to steal Snivelly's wand and replace it with this wonder?"
Ron and Harry looked at each other and blinked. They had never really played a prank on anybody though they did plenty of rule breaking.
"I think you should decide between yourselves. It's a dare." James said reasonably, but not really reasonably at all.
Peter exhaled and seemed to deflate in relief while Remus rubbed the bridge of his nose shaking his head.
"Um…"
"Harry, you do it,"
"No Ron you do it."
"Come on! Decide or else I'll have to do it."
"Harry you have nimbler fingers." Ron said triumphantly. "You are a seeker."
All activity stopped.
"A seeker?" James asked sceptically.
"Er…yeah. I was a seeker at my school."
"Oh. Well then, I think we should have a friendly sometime." James said shrugging in an arrogant way that annoyed Harry. He just couldn't help himself – he was proud of his quidditch skills.
"Yeah, maybe we should sometime." He replied coolly.
Ron seemed to writhe in guilt. "Anyway, I'll do it." He said in an apologetic manner. He took the wand from Sirius' grasp and stood up resolutely, noting the fierce spark of competition between father and son.
***
As he drew near Snape, Ron felt dread pooling in his stomach. To him, this seventeen year old Snivelly was still his potions master – he didn't fear him but Ron had common sense enough (But not quite enough, as Hermione would say) to realise tugging Snape's chain was never a good idea. He drew big breathes and could sense the five pairs of eyes boring into the back of his head. With his long legs forming long strides, he walked down the grassy slope down to where Snape was sitting with his book stuck in a spotted old book.
He noted the wand sticking out from Snape's robes. It was so easy… so easy to just pull it out.
'No. He'd feel it. Think Weasley think!'
Shrugging and thinking 'what the hell' instead any plan remotely successful, Ron made a mad grab for Snape's wand and at the same time made a show of tripping and falling down heavily beside his future potions master.
Immediately, Snape's perpetual sneer grew bigger and his face was graced with a look of intense dislike and annoyance.
"Watch it you idiot!" he spat.
Ah…it was so familiar to have Snape call him that…
"Sorry." Ron muttered, trying hard to keep from bursting out into loud guffaw, "This is your wand right?" he said, sticking out Filch's squib wand.
Snape snatched it from his hand as it was diseased and pocketed the wand with a look of pure hatred as he caught sight of Ron's yellow and gold tie.
"Stupid Gryffindor, so big headed and idiotic that he doesn't even know where he is going." Snape spat and walked away, his greasy hair hardly stirring (because it was so greasy it had stuck together) as he walked furiously away.
"I think Snivelly, the stupid one is you." Ron muttered. He turned round and gave a thumbs up to the marauders and Harry.
A/N: Hoped you liked this chapter – remember to review!