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Chapter Four

As I drove to Santa Barbara, I couldn't help but replay all of mine and Sydney's moments together. Our proper first date and how we never did get around to eating that meal, our ice hockey lessons and the times we would just lay in bed. I had plans for the future with Sydney, plans of marriage, a couple of kids, I even knew what house I wanted to buy with her.

I stopped and asked directions to the hotel where Sydney was staying, when I finally arrived there it was nearly 10 o'clock at night. I pulled my bags out of the back seat of my car and went to the reception area of the hotel, to book in. I phoned on my way so they had reserved a room for me.

"Sir, there is your key, your room number is 17. Your room is on the ground floor, just turn right out of here, it is the second from the end," the receptionist said, as she handed me the key to my room.

"Thanks," I said, "I was wondering if you help me, my friend is staying but I've forgotten her room number, her name is Sydney Bristow." The receptionist looked at me with an odd expression, I ran my hand through my hair, her staring was making me nervous, and that is when I realised I still had my wedding ring on.

"Sorry Sir, but we have a policy of not disclosing the names or the room numbers of people who are staying here. But," she said glancing down at my left hand with the wedding ring on it, "what did you say the name was again?"

"Sydney Bristow" She looks at her computer.

"Yes, she's in room 6, that is on the ground floor also, just take a left turn instead of a right out of here." She probably thinks I'm having an affair, it's very close to the truth, it may even be the truth.

"Thank You."

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I picked up my bags and go to find my room. I enter my room, dump my bags and go and sit on the bed. I put my head in hands, what exactly I'm I going to say to her? I hadn't even thought about it properly, I got to the hello part and no further. I look down at my hands, I should start by taking my ring off. I slip it off and put it in on the bedside table.

After a couple of minutes, I get up and head to the door making sure my key is in my pocket, if I'm not ready now to see her I never will be. I walk down to her room, I stand at the door for a couple of minutes and then I knock. The door slowly creeps open to reveal Sydney dressed in a baggy t-shirt and tracksuit bottoms. It is the most beautiful sight I've ever seen for a while, well two days anyway.

"Why are you here?" She asks with shock in her voice.

"Sydney, I..." I really should have thought out this conversation.

At that moment a couple walk past me who were going back to their room. Sydney grabs my arm and pulls me in her room, "Inside, I don't want people watching us like last time." Like at the pier.

She closes the door, and turns around to face me, "I asked why are you here?"

"I need to explain... tell you."

"We've already had this conversation, just go home, back to your wife."

"I can't we've split up."

Sydney was a little shocked at this, "Why?" But before I could answer, "Because of me, isn't it?"

"Sydney, you.... it.. our marriage has been heading that way for..." I was wrong to marry, to move on.

"What? You've only been married a couple months, how can it have been heading for, I.. this is too much." Sydney grabs the key off the table and runs out the door.

I go after her, "Syd!" I shout.

She turns around, "Don't come after me." I let her go off.

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I found myself running from the love of my life. I didn't know where I was going at first, but then I decided to go to the beach it was only a couple of minutes from the hotel.

Why is he doing this? He's broken up with his wife because of me. My heart is telling me that now is my chance; he needs me, he loves me. But my head is telling me that this is some quick reflex action to the conversation we had a couple of days ago and he'll realise his mistake and go back to her. God knows what his wife thinks.

I reach the beach, sit down pulling my knees up to my chest and stare out into the ocean. We were suppose to come here. I had imagined that he would have brought me down here after a romantic meal and we would have just strolled long the beach, trying to be normal.

The tears began to fall, he was making this harder on me, he doesn't want me, he wants a normal life, he'll realise his mistake. If I had stayed 'dead', he would have never split from his wife, I've messed his life up. If I had not disappeared two years ago, Vaughn and I would probably be married by now, I would have also left the CIA, whatever my mother or Sloane was up to so that I could have a normal life with him, the house with the white picket fence, the children playing in the garden.

I felt his presence behind me. How do I always feel his presence? He then sits next me, I push myself up to leave but he grabs my hand and I'm at his mercy.

"Don't go." That is all he says. For five minutes and we both enjoy the view, it feels like old times, but you can never go back. He breaks the silence.

"I was gonna bring here," he said. We would have made love on the beach.

"It's my fault..... your marriage broke up." He blames me, I know it.

"Syd..."

"Tell me what happened." I needed to know.

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*Flashback*

"You want the truth, huh?" I screamed as well.

"Yes!"

I suddenly calmed down, this is going to be difficult for her, "You better sit down."

"No, just tell me what's been going on." She, too, had calmed down, her voice pleading with me.

There is no easy way to tell her this, "Sydney, she didn't die she's.." She cut me off.

"What? When I met you said that your girlfriend, Sydney, had died, how can she be...... alive?"

"We all... we presumed she was dead, it was the only logical explanation as to why...."

"You told me she was dead! Where did she go?" Jessica suddenly realised, "She's back?"

"Yes." I state simply.

There was a silence between us for a couple of minutes, she broke the silence, "Michael, I know this must be a very confusing time for you now she's back. But I'm sure that she understands that you are now married and have responsibilities here."

"I don't love you, Jessica." I love Sydney.

"Michael, this is ridiculous, you are just a little confused with feelings right now, her coming back is a big shock to your system, its..." She walks over me and attempts to put her arm around. I push her away. I don't need your comfort.

"Jessica, will you just listen, I don't love you... I married you in a futile attempt to move on... to forget her." But Sydney always had my heart and always will.

"Michael, listen to yourself, we're going through a rough patch we can work this out."

"No, no, no, we're over, Jessica." I shout.

"What? Your gonna just run back into her arms?"

"If she'll take me."

She stood there a moment contemplating what I had said, maybe she will understand. She began to walk towards the staircase, as she reached the bottom of the stairs she turned around and said;

"Michael, I going to go to my sister's. You need space and I'm going to give it to you. Once you have realised that your feelings are here with me and stop chasing this fantasy, ring me, the number is in the address book." Chasing a fantasy? I am chasing the woman I love.

"We're over, Jessica, can't you see that."

"No, Michael, you'll realise soon that you've made a mistake, you're confused." With that she went up the stairs to pack.

*End Flashback*

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"After that I immediately left the house to go to see you at Will's house," he said. Obviously, Will told him where I was.

"So, it was me who split your marriage up." I said through my sobs.

"I don't love her, Sydney I want you back."

"I.. you.." It was becoming difficult to speak again. Vaughn moves from the spot where he was sitting to in front of me. He places both of his hands on my tear stained cheeks and wipes away my tears with his thumbs.

"I thought about this scene over and over in my head, when you went missing, how I would find you and I would just hold you and never let go." The raw emotion in his voice forced me to look up and into his eyes.

"I just want my life back, Michael." I flung myself into his arms and held on for dear life. I cried into his shoulder. I began to shiver and he pushed me back to look at me.

"You're shivering."

I just nodded my head.

"I should get you back to the hotel. We can talk more there." I don't feel like talking I just want him just to hold me.

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TBC............