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Chapter 5
We slowly walked back to the hotel, I have my arm securely wrapped around her, to protect her, to stop her shivering, to let her know I love her. When we got back to the room, she pulled the key out of her pocket and opened the door she walked over to the bed and sat down. I closed the door and just stood there looking at her, she looks so weak and fragile. She was avoiding my gaze, I took a step towards her and she pushed herself further on to the bed and lay down. She was tired, maybe we should talk about this tomorrow.
"I just want to sleep now, can we..."
"We can talk tomorrow." Did she want me to stay or not? I began to turn back to the door to go.
"Stay," she said, I turned around and she was indicating the side of the bed next to her, "with me."
"Are you sure?" she nodded.
I climbed upon the bed and lay down next to her. I switched the light off at the switch next to the bed. I didn't want to go to sleep just yet, Sydney turned slightly and grabbed my arm and brought it down so it was wrapped around her. As sleep over took her, I just lay there in the dark breathing her in, taking in her scent, I don't know how I survived those two years. I never thought I would be able to have her in my arms again, to just watch her sleep.
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I woke up with wrapped in Vaughn's arms, I feel so safe. I move slightly to look at the watch that I still had on, it was 8.45am. Now that I was awake, I knew I wasn't going to go back to sleep so I thought the best thing would be take a shower, so carefully without waking Vaughn up I released his arms. I went to my bag I had brought with me and took out a my toiletries' bag. Just as I entered the bathroom, I turned around to look at his sleeping form, he has still got his suit on and its all creased.
We are going to be having that talk soon, I am not sure what I am going to say except that I want him back. But there are so many doubts and questions in my mind, I just don't know where to start.
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I woke up to the noise of the shower running and some people chatting outside the room. For a moment I panic, she's not there, but then I realise she is in the shower. It has been a common feeling in the past two years, just that split second between you sleeping and being awake, everything would be fine, she'd be there. I would then realise the nightmare that had become life since she had disappeared.
I heard the shower stop, a moment later Sydney appears from the bathroom wearing just a white towel wrapped around her. Her hair was still dripping wet, she stared at me noticing that I was staring back.
"Oh, your awake, I'll just change into something more comfortable." She walked over to her overnight bag and just pulled out some clothes and headed back to the bathroom.
We are going to have to talk, I want her back so badly. Sydney emerged from the bathroom, wearing a pair of grey sweats and white tank top, she was still drying hair in a towel. She slowly walked over to the bed and sat down. I pushed myself up to a sitting position and we stared at each other for a moment before she said;
"I'm ready to talk" She stated.
"Alright, where do..." she cut me off.
"But, before we do, I want you to know at anytime, for whatever reason," she says avoiding my gaze, "you feel you've made a mistake by being here, you feel uncomfortable being here, you can leave, no questions asked."
"Sydney..."
"No, Vaughn I mean it." Our eyes meet and her eyes tell me to just accept what she had said.
"I want to know," she began, "why did you marry her, if you don't love her?"
"I...because I was trying to move on, survive, I was trying to forget you. I figured that if I could do that.... maybe it might stop hurting so much, that if I could get you off my mind, I would stop loving you so I could try and love someone else. But obviously that didn't work."
"Maybe you could have moved, if I hadn't come back to mess your life up again." She said sarcastically.
"God, Sydney, you could never mess my life up, you're the reason why I'm....."
"No, no, no, " she throw her hands up in the air, "I don't believe you."
I grabbed her hands and made her focus on me. Why doesn't she believe me? I could never have moved on in my heart, even though I thought there was a slim chance I would ever have seen her again, I still held on to that hope. I was barely surviving when she came back, if she hadn't come back, I don't know if I could have survived.
"Sydney.... believe that I love you, believe me that you are the best thing that ever happened to me. When you disappeared, I didn't know what to do, you are my life."
Her eyes had started to fill up with tears, she spoke, "I.... it is so difficult. I don't even know where I was for those two years, everything feels so distant. It feels like I don't belong in anyone's lives anymore, that I don't have the right to belong."
Weiss had kept me up to date on Sydney's progress, although he wasn't suppose to. He had told me that her regression therapy had not worked and she couldn't remember anything. I looked into her eyes; she was scared, afraid that no one could accept her, that people pitied her because of her current situation. I wanted to know where she had been, it had been like she had disappeared off the face of the earth.
"Syd, maybe you need time to get use to yourself being back, and then maybe you may remember," I said, "I swear Syd we will find out where you were and we will..." she cut me off.
"Vaughn, the CIA can handle that."
"Sorry, it's difficult to break old habits."
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We spoke for over an hour, about everything and nothing. It felt like old times at some points. He told me why he quit the CIA and about how everyone had coped when I went missing. We also talked about us and all the small things that had happened in the past two years while I was gone. After my stomach loudly rumbled interrupting our conversation, we decided to go get something to eat. He has gone back to his room, to change into some clean clothes.
A knock came at the door, it was Vaughn. He was wearing some jeans with a navy t-shirt. We took his car and drove until we saw a McDonalds and we decided just to have breakfast there, nothing fancy.
We were finishing off our meal, I realised for the whole time of leaving the hotel to now I hadn't thought about what had happened to me in the past two years and everything else.
"Hey, do you want to go for a 'sightseeing trip' around Santa Barbara, you know as we never actually made it here?" He asked.
This caught me by surprise, I thought that may be he would take me back to Los Angeles.
"If it's a bad idea just say..."
"No, it's a great idea." I said drinking the reminder of my coffee.
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I convinced Vaughn, that our first stop should be the zoo. At lunchtime, we made our way to the beach where we sat and ate our sandwiches we had bought. After an afternoon of shopping, we decided to call it a day and find somewhere to eat.
"How about La Superica?" He asked.
"Yeah." He wanted to take me there before, why not now?
We went on to have a lovely dinner meal, just relaxing in each other's company. I didn't feel like my life was the complete wreck that it was.
As we arrived back at the hotel, Vaughn walked me back to my room. We had decided earlier this morning to take things slow.
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*Flashback*
"Sorry, it's difficult to break old habits." He began to lean into me for kiss.
"Vaughn, no," I said pulling back, "what makes you think this relationship will work, after everything that has happened?"
"Sydney, we're great together, we were before and we can be now."
"As much as you pretend like nothing has changed, it has. Things can never be..."
"The same." he said finishing off her sentence. "I know things can never be the way they were, but Syd, I love you too much to let you go again. Give us a try."
One look into Vaughn's made up her mind. "Ok, I want to take this slowly, I don't want to rush into anything."
*End Flashback*
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We arrived at my room, "Well," he said leaning into to kiss me, "I will see you..."
"No."
"No?" He questions.
"I want you to stay with me tonight." I asked. I just need to know he's there.
"Of course."
We entered the room in silence. I got undressed and he did too, we climbed into bed. His arms encircled me, and I fall asleep.
I find myself strapped to a bed in what seems to be some medical lab. I can hear a couple of people approaching from behind me, they come around in front of me. It is Sloane and some man in a white doctor's coat I have never seen before.
"How long will this take, today?" Sloane asked the man.
"I'd say around two hours or so." The man said, looking for something in the cabinet on to the left.
I try to speak but nothing seems to be coming out.
"I will tend to her wound first and then begin the experiment."
Sloane just nods and walks off behind me to what I can only presume is the door. "Make sure she remembers nothing. She must believed she blacked out again."
"Of course, Sir, my patients never remember anything."
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TBC...................