Syl's apartment, Los Angeles

I looked into the mirror and I wished I would see what others see in my; a strong young woman… I'd hoped that I could see myself the way Krit things I am. I couldn't do it… I only saw my own vision… the mask I used to wear around others; I had thrown away.

My face was pale, my hair unwashed; my eyes filled with fear. I was afraid of myself… of everything. I was terrified of my own hands. I held them up so I could see my palms; long, thin fingers with short nails. I inspected the murder weapons that were connected to my arms. I saw my middle finger; the one that had pulled the trigger; that finger was guilty. It hadn't been me that killed Avi; it was the finger. I had to get rid of the finger.

I abandoned the mirror and head up to the kitchen; I searched for a knife. I couldn't find one and stumbled back to my room when I suddenly noticed a scissor. It wasn't what I was looking for but it was strong enough to be useful. Besides; if I could kill my brother; I sure must be able to cut off my finger with a scissor.

"No."

I turned my head and saw Krit at the door. "I hide the scissor in attempt to prevent questions but I could see in his eyes he already knew my plan. He knew me so well; too well!

Krit walked to me and grabbed my hand, forcing me to let go of the scissor and I was afraid to resist in case I would hurt him; so I let go of the scissor.

"Why Syl", he cried. "Please tell me; you promised me you'd never leave me, you promised!" Krit cried out loud and tears were soaking my shoulder when he embraced me.

I was shocked, he'd really thought I would quit; that I would kill myself? If I wanted to kill myself, I would do it the right way and not with a stupid scissor. When I told him that, he started crying harder. He tried to speak, only a soft whisper left his lips; "Syl…"

I felt his strong arms around me and remembered the times he had kept me safe; safe from Lydecker's torn; safe from failure; safe from broken bones; but he couldn't safe me from myself. I wanted to explain it to him; I hoped I could make him see the real me; and I was afraid he would call Zack. I didn't want Zack around; he wouldn't understand it… Zack would judge me more then Krit. I didn't want to hear it from Zack.

"Please don't…"

"I won't…"

"Promised?" I asked.

Krit nodded and I saw the hesitation. "On one condition; I want you to talk to me." He sounded determent. Even little brothers can be stubborn. I closed my eyes and knew there was no realistic escape; of course I could shut him out; of course I could lie to Krit but he would now and then he would call Zack… no escape; I had to be honest.

"I hate myself; it's not like hating it when your favorite trousers have shrunk in the wash; it's worse. When I see myself… I feel like throwing up; I wanna cut the evil out of me so…"

Krit gasped. "You…"

"Don't interrupt me Krit; you want me to be honest then shut your moth and listen; I don't expect you to understand me; you're the one who wants me to be honest so let me…" Now I was crying too. "You don't see it Krit; when you look at me you don't see the real me; Lydenker did and I wish he had killed me instead Jack." There was nothing but bitterness in my explanation. "Do you realize what I've done? I killed Avi; I murdered him!"

Before I had ended my last sentence; Krit raised his hand and hit me in the face. "Don't you ever say that. Ever! Manticore killed him; this was not your fault…" He stepped back in shock; overwhelmed by his own reaction and recalled Tinga's words; "If we'd grown up like normal kids, we would have never been in that position which means we're not responsible for what happened; Manticore murdered Avi… and Jack; and Eva…"

Maybe it was the fact that Krit had smacked me; or maybe his words finally reached my mind; I remembered Eva leading us down the hallway… the gunshot and Lydecker appearing out of the shadow and suddenly when I looked saw his expression of anger; I realized he'd looked at me while shooting Eva.

"NO!!!" Krit's voice shouted through my apartment. He pushed me away and reached for his cell phone; in 2 seconds he had dialed the contact number… I saw it happen… I witnessed Krit while calling Zack. The seconds went on and I heard voices talking. I was able to filter the background noises; Zack was near the highway.

I knew what was happening but I wasn't really there; I felt like watching myself… watching the Syl who got betrayed by her little brother… watched the Syl who would soon be punished by Zack… he would force me to move… I watched it all… like I'd watched myself thousands of times before.

I was no longer in an apartment, no longer in Los Angeles; I was back at Manticore… I heard Lydecker yelling at me;

"You are nothing but useless 701! You failed. Repeat my words soldier!"

"I failed."

"Failure is not an option, 701…"

"Failure is not an option; I failed."

"Why did you fail soldier?"

"I failed due the lack of discipline, concentration and motivation. I failed, sir!"

"… She keeps repeating she failed, Zack!" Krit cried into the phone. "I can't get to her; she's totally mixed up; you have to come…" After Krit had finished the call, he took Syl to the tap and pulled her hands under the cold water.

But the only respond she gave was; "failure, I failed Krit; I really failed… I think I did… yes I failed…"