The Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of it's characters. Heck, even the original used in this story isn't mine. She is all, like, proud property of my best friend, Blazer J. *nod* Yesh'm. I'm just borrowin' Victoria for my evil purposes.. whee! Oh, yeah, I totally don't own Evanescence, either. But as I have mentioned before, Amy Lee owns my ass..
Rating: PG-13, because I'm strange and too lazy? to use any lower rating, even if the fic fits it, y'know.
Summary: Ryou Bakura is insane, and he knows he is. So why is it that he's letting his dreams keep him alive? *Ryou/OC*
Author's Notes: Not toooo much to say this time.. 'cause, like, do I have to explain about Victoria? Really? Oh. Okay. Fine. :P Heh.. an original of a friend of mine's, sister of Seto Kaiba and two years younger, would fit amazingly well into the anime and manga if she wanted to. Blaze and I put way too much work into her.. Er.. but yeah. *shrug* I dunno, man, way more stuff'll be explained about her in either more of my fics or more of Blaze's.. so, uh. Yeah. Enjoy? Heh.
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An upended table within a black room, one single light hanging.. no, swinging from the ceiling, creating shadows that writhe and move, shadows that most surely are watching you. A person, definately a madman, hiding behind the table, having maneuvered it to be on it's side.
For the madman? A fort. Protection.
Laughter, yes, that's what one would hear in this room. The insane, scratchy cackles of the man behind the table, the man scratching at his skin, tearing at his eyes. Trying to make it stop. Trying to make what stop?
An itch. Yes. An itch in his brain, an itch he can't reach. An itch deep within his mind, within his spirit, within his very soul. Something one surely couldn't scratch.. And that's why he's laughing. He's laughing because he knows that it won't go away, he's laughing because he knows that no matter how hard he tries, or how hard anybody else tries, he'll still be laughing. Still laughing, cackling behind a table in his dark room, his dark room in his black, unattended house. Shadows laughing. Shadows watching. Shadows waiting to pounce.. That's what insanity is, isn't it? That's what it's like to know that you're crazy..
*Playground school bell rings, again.
Rainclouds come to play, again.
Has no-one told you she's not breathing?
Hello, I'm your mind, giving you someone to talk to.
Hello..*
But that was all wrong. All of that crap about insanity was wrong. Yes, there were times where you would stay in your room, brooding, thinking. Sometimes laughing at the truth, the fate you were cursed to live with.. And then the itching at your mind, yes. That was definately there. But, depending on the situation, the itching could be directed toward your heart, as well. Your heart or your mind.. or both, one just more demanding than the other. But giving up all of your time to just be alone? No, wait, not alone.. Giving up all of your time to just seem, well.., insane? No. That's not what insanity was.
That was just a stereotype.
Insane people live their lives, or at least attempt to. Seeming either happy or sad.. seeming completely normal, yes. Insane people would smile and wave at you, or curse you and make a rude gesture when your back was turned. It would depend on if the mad one liked your or not, wouldn't it? Just like any other person..
All of this was completely clear to Ryou. All of it was just plain, simple fact. Just one part of his life. One part of his fate. His destiny.. whatever you wanted to call it.
*If I smile and don't believe,
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream..*
To the public eye, he was plain, simple Ryou Bakura. Polite, gentle, and mostly unbearably nervous whenever it came to something he knew he shouldn't be doing; yes, he was just a kindhearted person, as was his nature to be so. Sixteen, and a transfer student with many acquantances, but not exactly one who had many friends. Sure, there was Yugi.. and his yami.. but Ryou had never gotten along too well with Yami, and he didn't think he ever really would. There was Tristan, and Anzu.. even though he never really liked Anzu too much, and Tristan could get insanely annoying at times.. There was even the Kaibas, well, two of them at least: Mai and Mokuba; Seto was as antisocial as ever, and often made his wife and little brother stay home, away from Ryou, Yugi, and everybody else.. And then, of course, there was Jounouchi and Shizuka Katsuya - the world's favorite pair of siblings, as Ryou often thought of them in disgust - but Shizuka could be so.. annoying.., and, well, Jou was with Victoria. For Ryou, it was bad enough that Jou even had his own little sister, still alive, still around to be with, but why did he have to have Victoria, too?
Ah.., Victoria, the one that he tried so hard to never mention when thinking to himself. He fancied her; liked her quite a bit, and knew that - if he ever got to know her more - he would fall in love with her. There wasn't any 'maybe' or 'might' to it, he just knew he would.
But could she ever love him back? No, he doubted that she could; if she fell for guys like Jounouchi, guys who were more open and outgoing like him, then she would never be able to love Ryou. She barely even noticed him, as it was, and when she did, she never really gave him so much as a second glance..
So many people seemed to hate Victoria, too, but Ryou could never understand why, and anybody he asked would just glower at him, and tell him to go away before leaving, themselves. It was so strange, because Ryou could see absolutely noting wrong with her.
Ryou's lack of proper reason for the wide dislike of Victoria make him think, no, know that it had to be someting to do with her family. He didn't care if he was wrong or not, he had himself convinced that people hated her for being a part of the family that she was.. Being one of Seto Kaiba's siblings, one of his younger siblings, no less, was surely a disadvantage, expecially when she herself could, at times, be as tempermental as he.. Yeah, that was the reason. It had to be!
*Don't try to fix me,
I'm not broken...*
Sighing, Ryou closed his eyes and leaned back against his locker. Wondering whatever his 'other' would do this time, now that he knew he would be late in coming home. It had to be something bad, because Bakura wasn't telling Ryou off mentally, and Bakura almost never failed to do that. Happy for something to distract him from further thoughts of Victoria, Ryou decided that he would play a twisted little guessing game.. Try to figure out how harsh the beatings would be, this time.
Two months ago, Bakura had beaten Ryou within an inch of his life, and the only thing Ryou did wrong was getting a plain, one hour detention. A one hour detention during school hours.. A one hour detention that had been completely Bakura's fault, in the first place.. And then, a month after that, Bakura figured out how to change the locks around so he could make sure Ryou never left his room, and kept him up there without any food for about a week..
Scarily, it wasn't exactly the beatings that made Ryou hate his yami so much, it was more the fact that Bakura would parade around as him; and that the darker half had adopted Ryou's last name for himself.. For some reason, all of that bothered Ryou the most. Besides, the beatings didn't matter too much. He was almost completely numb from them, by now. Broken to the point where he could barely feel it any more.
Shaking his head, Ryou pushed off of his locker, standing up straight and sighing one more time. He turned around and, glaring down at the lock, went about opening his locker.
"Alright..," muttered Ryou, tapping the lock a few times, and trying to remember his combination. After a few moments of silence, he allowed a slight smile, "twenty-nine... seve--" he trailed off, both eyebrows rising when he felt an almost silent prescence standing behind him, and an amused voice muttering random numbers into his ear.
"Seventeen.. six... four... eighteen.. thirty.. twenty-three.."
Trying to ignore it, Ryou spun the lock a few times before starting again, "Twenty-nine.., fourtee-- s-stop that! .. Twenty-nine.. seven... thr-- h-hey.. leave me alone.."
The quiet mumbling of numbers did not cease, and Ryou continued, desperately, to try and ignore it. He had to get home.. he had to get home fast, before Bakura decided he had been gone too long.. Wait..
"B-Bakura..! Stop it.. I.. I just.. j-just wait until.. until I get home.. o-okay..?" stuttering nervously, Ryou gave up on trying to open his locker, and spun around to face the person standing behind him. He was shocked to find himself staring into not a pair of brown eyes that mirrored his own, but a rather startling set of green; and the question he was next asked wasn't in the deeper version of his own voice, but a much softer, frighteningly familiar female one:
"Isn't Bakura your last name, or somethin'? And geeze, what're you so damn scared about? Jesus, you're practically sweating, you seem so frightened, Ryou.."
No.. not the dank brown eyes he had expected, but those emerald ones he feared even more; the voice that made him terribly weak in the knees..
Ryou instantly backed against his locker again, clearing his throat and staring off past Victoria's right shoulder. Not shaking as much as he had been before, when he had expected to find Bakura glaring back at him, no. Not at all shaking that much; not that much, but worse. To tell the truth, it had all been a bit unsettling for him, having Victoria standing that close, whispering playfully in his ear... oh, God, that had been her breath he had felt, hot against the side of his neck.. Ryou shivered, and his shaking became worse when Victoria placed a hand on his shoulder, tilting her head to the side and looking concerned. A concerned expression, yes, but one that soon changed to that of an annoyed one. Some of her long, blonde hair had fallen infront of her face, and she didn't really seem too pleased about it.
But Ryou had found it absolutely beautiful.. oh.. he was looking at her again.. Quickly, Ryou stared over Victoria's shoulder again. Immensely relieved when he felt her hand leave his shoulder.
"What's wrong, Ryou? And.. hey! Look at me while I'm talking to you, willya?"
Ignoring Victoria's request, no. Ignoring Victoria's command to look at her, Ryou tried to calm himself. Waiting a few moments for his initial shock to wear off. To him, it seemed like hours before he could finally find his voice, and ask the question that had begun to bother him, and Victoria didn't seem to mind at all.
"I.. I.. uhm.. Victoria? Wh-why.. aren't you.. y-you.. out.. um.. out with Jou?"
One of her eyebrows rose, and she blinked at the same time. Looking, for all the world, adorably confused. But no. Ryou wasn't looking. He didn't see that at all.. Gah. Damnit. He was looking..
"Jou? Who..? Oooh.. do you mean Jounouchi? As in Katsuya? Gah, I hate that jerk.. And I swear he has some kind of lil' incest thing going down with that bubbly bitch of a sister he has..," Victoria laughed. Grinning a bit. She crossed her arms beneath her breasts, leaning back slightly. Ah yes.., those breasts that Ryou certainly wasn't thinking about. No. He wasn't thinking about Victoria at all. And he wasn't looking at her, either..
Clenching his eyes shut, and pushing himself back against his locker more - wishing he could just fall through it and be away from this hallway forever - Ryou asked, his voice painfully quiet, "J-jerk..? Hate? But.. I mean.. aren't you.. aren't you t-two.. uh..?"
"Aren't we what? Ooh, I swear, Ryou, if you finish that sentance with 'together' I'm going to have to take you off to some asylum, or something, because that is just insane.. I mean, how the hell could I be with Katsuya if I'm with you? And why the hell would I want to be with Katsuya.. Yech.. Y'know, my brother's right about one thing.. Jounouchi is definately a dog."
"Y-you.. I.. what..? We? Er..," spluttered Ryou, his eyes opening and widening considerably, "you.. m-me?"
And there, that concerned expression was back again.. Ryou didn't understand. Why was Victoria Kaiba, the girl of his dreams, just standing there, pretty much saying outright that she was his girlfriend, of all things, and proclaiming that she hated Jounouchi. Why was she saying all of this to Ryou, let alone talking to him?
Wait. Dreams. That was it.. Ryou had to be dreaming. Why else would any of this be happening? There was abosolutely no other explination for it.. Ryou was asleep. He was at home, sleeping on the floor in his room, just dreaming about what he had always wished for. Ryou was soon interrupted from praising himself on the obvious, and thoroughly distracted from further thought about anything when he felt a pair of lips press against his own.
The shaking stopped, but it now felt as if all of Ryou's joints were frozen in place; but his knees still felt incredibly weak. His head was spinning, and he felt so dizzy. But, by the time Ryou's mind finally registered that Victoria was kissing him, she had already pulled away. She grinned a bit; Ryou was suddenly aware of exactly how close Victoria had become when kissing him, how close she still was. As numb as his body felt, he could now tell that she had wrapped both arms securely around him in a hug.
"Something's wrong with you, Ryou.. look, I have to go. If I don't get out there soon my idiot of a brother won't bother giving me a ride home.. so I'll call you later, okay? And then we'll talk about whatever's buggin' you..," Victoria's grin instantly switched to a smile, and, kissing him quickly, she let go of Ryou and took a few steps back, grabbing her backpack from where she seemed to have left it on the floor. Running off down the hallway, she stopped for a moment to turn and wave back at Ryou before dissappearing down another hallway.
Pushing away from his locker again, Ryou blinked a few times, bringing a finger up to his lips. He looked back down the hallway, blinking again when he saw Victoria was standing there again. Taking a step .. or twelve.. toward her, he tilted his head to the side, confused, and suddenly not nervous any more. Smiling, Ryou saw that she was waving again, and raised a hand to wave back, stopping himself when he noticed something extremely peculiar.. Victoria didn't really seem to be moving much, and, at first, Ryou thought that she had just been standing completely still with her hand in the air. But, no. Victoria was still waving, just very slowly, and her hand seemed to leave copies of itself behind, like empty, see-through shells.
He stood, watching, for at least half an hour, horrified. Not noticing when the ground broke beneath him and he began to fall into the pitch-black nothingness that awaited him below.
*Hello, I'm the lie living for you, so you can hide..
Don't cry.*
A sharp kick to the side woke Ryou up painfully, but he didn't bother opening his eyes. He'd let Bakura kick and hit him until whenever he would decide to leave, and then, once his other was gone, Ryou would get up off of the floor and allow himself at least five minutes of napping on his bed, for once. It didn't take too long for Bakura to get pissed off enough to just leave, and he left much sooner than usual. Pulling himself to his feet, Ryou stumbled over to and collapsed onto his bed.
Oh, how he had hoped, prayed, even, that his dreams were really his reality, and that his abuse-filled reality were really only dreams. Because then, he wouldn't have to deal with Bakura. He wouldn't have to deal with constantly lying to everybody.. he wouldn't have to deal with Jou, or any of the others. It would just be Ryou. Ryou and Victoria.., forever.. and it would be so perfect.. Ryou groaned quietly, annoyed; he burried his face against one of the pillows and sighed.
*Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping.*
But that, of course, would never happen. Bakura would never go away, no matter how many times Ryou tried to get rid of the Ring.., and the lying wouldn't stop. Lying was the only way Ryou could protect himself from people who weren't Bakura.. And Victoria? Hah. Like that would ever happen..
*Hello, I'm still here..*
Soon enough, Ryou had fallen asleep again. Not caring that, if Bakura came back to find him sleeping on the bed, he would get the beating of his life. Not caring that he was going to be late for school. Not caring about anything that had to do with the real world.. He just wanted to go back to that hallway, or the park, or the cafe.. somewhere he always found Victoria when he was dreaming. He didn't get what he wanted, though. When he opened his eyes to face his fake-reality, Ryou found himself still falling through the inky black void of nothingness that he had left behind when he had awoken only fifteen minutes before.
Falling and screaming. Screaming at the top of his lungs for any of his friends. Screaming so Victoria would come and find him again.
*All that's left of yesterday.*
And that, Ryou knew, was what it really meant to be insane.
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Uhm. Review, please. o.o;; no flaming, though. --; critics are sooo welcomed..