TITLE:  "Turning the Tides"

AUTHOR:  Ardeth Saunders

RATING:  R [Language, Violence, and Sexual Situations]

SUMMARY:  A female detective makes Donovan's life hell when she suspects him of committing murder.  [Sequel to "Mission:  Aggravation," "Thorn In His Side," "Back For More," "The Long Road," and "It's All In Print."]

DISCLAIMER:  UC:  Undercover and its cast of characters belong to the writers, creators, NBC, and a dozen others.  NO infringement intended.  All other characters are original and belong solely to the vivid, sick, and twisted imagination of the author.

*  *  *

LOOKS CAN BE DECEIVING

Donovan smiled down at Pax.  She was wrapped up in the covers and had put her pillow over her head.  She moaned and groaned as her ignorant ass lover pushed and prodded her out of bed.  This was her damn vacation for Pete's sake and she deserved to sleep late.  Damn prick.  Days like these made her wonder why she loved his ass at all.  When his prodding and poking failed, he climbed onto the bed, halfway settling his body over hers.  Jesus, he weighed a ton!  He took hold of the pillow and drew it away from her head.  She covered her face with her arms and moaned again.  Hell no.  He would have to pick her up and throw her in the shower.  Of course, he wasn't adverse to that idea.  He'd done it a thousand times before, hadn't he?  It was one idea she seemed to like a lot, too.  Hmmm.  Maybe she should roll over and let him pick her up. 

"Why do you care if I'm awake," she groaned.  "You don't need me to be around you all damn day, do you?"

"Yes, Jonella," he said as he kissed her head.  "I have a few rare days off and I'd like to spend them out of this damn apartment.  Come on; get out of bed.  I promised Stasia I'd take her to the park, and we both want you to come along."

It had been a couple of months since Pax moved in with Donovan and she was still on shaky terms with his daughter.  Their tentative relationship had grown a little better and it didn't seem to freak Pax out to hold her or even give her a hug without first being asked.  The kid was nothing like her mother, praise Jesus, and Pax was okay with that.  It was difficult, but getting easier by the day.  She had even begun to call Pax something different than 'Spoon Lady.'  She couldn't quite say Jonella yet, but she managed something that made a nodding acquaintance to 'Donnie.'  Gawd, yet one more fucking nickname to add to the list.  Of course, Donovan's ex still didn't quite know how to react to the relationship or the engagement.  The first time she saw the ring on Pax's finger, she nearly died.  Pax watched as her eyes bugged out in shock.  Uh huh.  See.  Even foul-mouthed dragons can get a man, princess.  Bite me.  She tried to keep her childish thoughts at bay, but sometimes, it was difficult.  She'd always have a complex when it came to Remy Ellis.

"Okay, okay, you asshole.  Leave me alone and I'll get up, I promise," she said quietly.

Pax slumped on the metal bench.  Jesus she was tired.  She was getting too damn old to chase around a little child.  Stasia Donovan's legs might be short, but she could flat out run.  She left her to Donovan.  If she didn't stop and take a breath, she'd fall over dead from a coronary.  Jesus.  Just two months out of the CIA, and her body had already gone to pot.  She looked up when Donovan approached with Stasia running at the helm.  Remembering what happened to her before, Stasia slowed down and approached the bench at a slightly less charging pace. 

"Whew.  I need a gallon of water," Pax said.

Donovan smiled.  "You okay?"

"Maybe in a few days, I'll be okay."  She ran her hand through Stasia's golden locks.  "Blondie, you can really run."

She nodded happily, agreeing that she could, indeed run.  "Donnie no run?"

Pax shook her head.  "Nope.  Donnie no run, not today, tomorrow, or the next day."  She looked up at Donovan.  "I can see where she gets her stamina," she said with a grin.

He returned her smile.  "Yes.  Definitely a Donovan trait," he said with a lifted eyebrow.  He glanced down at his watch.  "Well, kiddo," he said as he lifted Stasia into his arms.  "Your mother is picking you up in about an hour.  I think we should go."

"Donnie carry Staddie," she asked.

"If her arms can hold out," Pax said.  "Come on, Blondie."

When they arrived back at the apartment, Donovan carried Stasia into her room to gather her things while Pax waited quietly in the living room.  She found herself chewing on her nails.  Ugh.  She stopped what she was doing.  It was such a bad habit and she knew she must break it.  She heard a knock on the door and she sighed a little.  Remy was behind it, she didn't need to open it to see.  She stood, approached the door, and swung it open.  Remy eyed Pax solemnly, waiting for her to get out of the way.  Pax moved back, allowing Remy to enter and Pax closed the door behind her.  Wow.  What a switch.  This used to be her place and now it's mine.  Well…sort of.  They had talked about moving, getting a place that could really and truly be theirs and no one else's.  When Pax turned around, Remy stood staring at her.

"Frank should have the kid ready in a few minutes," Pax said.

Remy nodded.  "Good.  Thanks."  She stared at Pax for a few moments before saying, "There's something I want to say to you."

Pax rolled her eyes.  Here it goes.  Remy had yet to say anything about the living arrangements or the engagement ring.  She was well aware of both, but she hadn't touched it, and probably didn't want to.  She sighed a little and said, "Okay, let it out."

"I've made it no secret that I still love him," she began.  "He knows and you know.  I'm going to be watching and waiting in the shadows.  If you mess up once, I won't hesitate to be right back in.  We have a bond, a connection with our child, and that will never go away.  Watch what you do, because I'll have my eyes and ears open.  I just wanted you to understand that."

"You don't have to worry one ounce that I'm going to mess up, because I'm not.  I love him, too, and at this moment, on this day, he is mine.  I am a possessive bitch, so I'd suggest that as soon as you have your daughter, you get your ass out of my face once and for all.  You blew it, and that's something I don't intend to do."  Pax wanted to say more, but she hesitated.  She could hear Donovan bringing Stasia into the room.

With his daughter in his arms [she had squealed with delight at the sight of her mother], he glanced at Remy and then at Pax.  He noticed the look passing between them and he'd seen it many times when they were together.  Basically, they were having some type of turf war, but the victor wouldn't change.  As he handed Stasia over to Remy, he stood back with his arms crossed.  For five minutes or more, he lamented his lack of taking so damn long to make up his mind.  Much of this could have been avoided if he had only spoken up sooner.  Of course, he didn't know things were going to change so abruptly between Pax and him.  He said nothing.  He approached his daughter and gave her a final gentle kiss on her forehead.

"Donnie kiss Staddie bye bye," Stasia asked as soon as Donovan pulled away.

Pax sighed a little.  Stasia had never asked her for a kiss.  "Sure, Blondie, I can do that."  She approached the little girl and buffed her cheek a little.  Damn if she wasn't melting her heart a little.  "See you next time, okay?"

Stasia smiled.  "Okay, Donnie.  Bye bye."

As soon as Remy and Stasia were gone, Donovan approached Pax and wrapped his arms around her from behind.  "The ice is melting, Jonella.  I feel it inside you.  I've never wanted to push her on you, not after the hell you've experienced."

She laid her hands over his.  "It's okay, Frank," she said.  "You're not pushing.  It's weird, but it feels nice having a kid around once in a while."

"And what about you and my ex?"

Pax turned within his embrace and faced him.  "That might take some work.  She still loves you, you know, and I think she believes I'm beneath you or some shit.  I'm fine with her, though.  If she stays in one corner, I'll stay in mine."

He kissed her forehead and then stepped back as if he were assessing the room.  "You know, I think we should move."

"I want to," she said.  "I really do.  I don't feel comfortable in this place.  She seems to be all over it, you know?  Does that sound stupid?"

He shook his head.  "No, it doesn't.  I understand.  We can start looking tomorrow."

*  *  *

Months later, June arrived and the weather was nice and warm.  There wasn't a cloud in the sky.  Of course, why would a cloud dare ruin such a wonderful day?  Donovan looked all around him, incredulous at the amount of people in attendance.  Most of them were dressed in light summer outfits.  The big event wasn't necessarily formal.  Neither of them had actually wanted the affair to be black tie.  He glanced at his little girl.  She was so cute in her little pink sundress with matching barrettes.  She was amazed at the crowd herself and looked around at them with big, wondrous eyes.  She had probably never seen so many people in one place in her life.  Stasia kept making eye contact with her father to ensure that he hadn't disappeared.  She also began to look around for her "Donnie."  She couldn't see her anywhere and scanned the crowd before fixing her eyes on her father again.  Donovan was pleased with the progression in the relationship between Pax and Stasia.  Pax had finally grown a bit more at ease with Stasia and had begun to share her heart with her.  Stasia simply found another person willing to love her, and she latched on for all she was worth.

At the thought of Pax, he recalled that they had finally found a place that was completely theirs.  It was roomy and rattling with large windows and loft style bedrooms.  When Donovan saw the place, he couldn't help but comment that he'd seen enough lofts to last a lifetime.  Pax had elbowed him in the stomach and flat out demanded they shell out a security deposit.  Of course, Donovan loved the place as much as she.  But would he admit that right away?  Hell no.  In love he was.  Whipped he was not.  However, after that first night [spent making love, surprise surprise], he had to tell her he loved it.  The only disadvantage he found was the fact that there wasn't exactly a door for Stasia's bedroom.  It would be tricky, but they thought they could behave themselves until an alternative was found. 

Donovan looked up as Pax approached.  He had never seen her so beautiful.  Her dress was a pale shade of blue and it flowed down to a full skirt.  She had managed to tame her wild hair and get it into a relatively neat style.  Although he liked it better down, she was lovely with it upswept as well.  That was okay.  Later, he could take it down.  As if on cue, soft music began to play and Pax took his hand.  Donovan looked at Stasia for the briefest of moments.  She was clapping her little hands while she watched two people she loved very much making their progression down the red carpet toward their new lives together.  Donovan couldn't believe it.  He truly could not believe it.

In the months preceding Donovan and Pax's move, Remy had been set up on a blind date with a man named Darryl Hilton.  He hadn't personally known this information, but she had been more than reluctant to consent to going out on this date.  In fact, at first, she had fought against.  She still loved [or thought she did] Frank Donovan and figured that he would soon tire of the novelty that was Jonella Paxton.  However, sooner or later, she would have to swallow her pride and accept the fact that he and…that woman were a bit more to each other than bed partners.  Tentatively, she had accepted the invitation from her closest girlfriend.  It had taken several dates for Darryl to break the hold Remy had on Donovan.  However, it happened.  They began dating steadily and when Darryl proposed, Remy didn't hesitate to accept.  Now, she was walking down the aisle, readying to marry him.  It had surprised her ex-husband and his fiancée to no end when she invited them to the wedding.  They were the last two people on earth that should have been attending.  However, in a way, she felt she should thank them both.  After all, if it hadn't been for their unexpected relationship, she never would have met Darryl.  Right at that moment, she was happier than she had been in years. 

Pax felt Donovan's hand tightening its hold on hers.  She glanced up at him to note that his eyebrow was lifted and there was a look about him.  What was it?  What had she labeled it?  Was it his shit-eating grin look?  Oh yes.  That's what it was.  She knew what he was thinking.  They were at a wedding in front of several witnesses with a minister holding a bible.  Witless prick.  There would be no two for one wedding today.  Uh uh.  Unlike most of her peers, weddings didn't exactly make her feel all squishy inside.  They didn't make her think of marriage or even want it.  Actually, she had been as startled as Donovan at being invited.  When she received the invitation, she had wisecracked about it [naturally].  She just wants us there so we can watch the kid.  However, Remy wanted Stasia in the wedding as a flower girl, and even planned to take her along on the honeymoon.  So, her tasteless wisecrack had no basis.  She had to admit, she owed Donovan's princess [well, she ain't exactly Donovan's princess anymore, is she…she's Hilton's now] a little credit in the deal.  Pax didn't know if she could be so selfless if the situations were reversed.  She returned Donovan's squeeze, suddenly feeling an irresistible and insane urge to arm wrestle with him.  Whoever wins will make the final decision.  If you win, I'll marry you.  If I win, we'll be eternally shacked up.  Thing was, she didn't exactly know how much of Donovan's act was a put on and how much wasn't.  She knew he wanted to get married, but he knew how she felt about the deal.  Marriage and Jonella Paxton just didn't make any damn sense.  Then there was another thought eating at her.  If they married, what would happen if they grew tired of each other?  It was a hell of a lot easier [in her twisted mind anyway] to break away cleanly in a cohabitation situation than it was to dissolve a marriage.  She didn't think she would truly grow tired of Donovan.  It hadn't happened yet and truthfully, she couldn't see it happening in the future.  This pushy ass beside her meant a lot to her.  Yet, she couldn't speak for him, could she?  He could easily grow tired of her.  Hell, she didn't know how he could put up with her ass in the first place.  There were times when she would have thrown herself out the door if she could.  She no longer doubted he actually loved her.  She had been reluctant to accept it at first, but now, it was a solid thought.  He wanted, loved, and was committed to her.  Committed.  Ugh.  It was a term people used when they threw someone in the nuthatch, but was also used with a couple willing to make some kind of permanent bond.  Weird how that worked out.  Pax didn't realize that she was staring at the couple standing before the minister until she heard the funky music signifying that they had taken the plunge.  The princess was no longer Remy Ellis-Donovan.  She was Remy Ellis-Hilton and Pax loved the shit out of that thought. 

Awkwardly, she stood with Donovan and watched as he grabbed up his daughter.  She was babbling at her father excitedly, repeating two words over and over:  Mommy and Darlee.  It seemed that she had just as much trouble with "Darryl" as she did "Jonella." 

Pax walked back with Donovan and Stasia to the area where the couple was greeting their guests and preparing for the reception.  Neither of them intended to stay for that.  They wanted to say their goodbyes to Stasia and then leave.  Neither of them felt awkward being at the wedding, but the reception was a different animal.  She halfway listened as Donovan began saying his farewells to his daughter.  She would be with her mother and stepfather for three or four weeks.  Pax thought she was paying some attention, but apparently she wasn't.  Impatiently, Stasia began waving her arm toward Pax, as if screaming 'hey, look at me, bitch.'  She came out of her fog and realized that the child wanted a hug from her before they left. 

"Oh, good God, Blondie, I'm sorry," Pax said as she took the girl into her arms.  She felt Stasia's arms going around her neck and then Pax heard her saying a little three-word phrase she had never uttered to her before:  'I love you.'  Pax returned the hug and the sentiment, wanting to believe that she had only reciprocated because Stasia was expecting it.  But that wasn't exactly true.  She loved the little blonde shit as much as she loved her father.  "You be a good girl, okay Blondie?"

Stasia nodded happily and hugged Pax again.  "Bondie be good."

After Donovan gave Stasia one last hug and kiss, he took hold of Pax's hand and led them away from the reception.  When they were inside the car in relative privacy, Donovan glanced at her.  "Jonella?  Are you okay?"

"Huh?"  Goddamn it.  She had been in a fog again.  "Oh, yeah, sure.  I'm great."

"You've been wandering off all day, you know that," he commented as he brought the car to life.

She nodded.  "I know."  She snagged her seatbelt and secured it about her, knowing that Donovan frowned on people who wouldn't use them.  Normally, it wouldn't matter to her.  She would utter an indignant 'fuck off' and then do what she wanted.  Not today.  She was distracted.  "Still amazed that she invited me," she said, although that wasn't exactly the thought at the crux of the matter.  In fact, she actually didn't know what the hell was at the crux of anything.  "I've not exactly been nice to her."

"No, you haven't," he said distractedly as he turned to check his blind spot.  "Then again, she hasn't been nice to you, either.  Is that what's bothering you?  If it is, it's a silly thing to be brooding about."

She wasn't an emotional person.  Actually, in her former line of work, emotions were best left buried.  They fucked a person up, gave him or her a conscience, a sense of doing the right thing instead of the 'ordered' thing.  She still wasn't accustomed to it.  No amount of love and affection from Donovan could exactly change her overnight.  It was fun trying, though.  "No," she answered.  "Shit.  I don't know.  It's been a weird day, Frank.  I want to go home and put on something a little less…respectable," she said with a smile.

He had been in the process of backing out of the parking lot, but stopped when she made the 'respectable' comment.  He put the car in park and turned to look at her.  "You look beautiful," he said.  "I know I failed to tell you that today, but you do."

She reached out to him and allowed her finger to trace a gentle line along his jaw.  A bit of the old Pax slid into her for a second, and she was tempted to give his goatee a hearty tug.  She hesitated.  Save that for later.  "You'd say anything to get into a woman's drawers, wouldn't you?"

He took her hand and drew her closer to him.  "Maybe," he said, grinning wickedly.

"Maybe hell.  You're a horn dog, Frank.  Even in the old days."

"I know," he said before he began nuzzling the side of her throat.  "I always thought that was part of my appeal."

"It is to some degree," she said with a sigh.  He enveloped her with his scent and warmth.  God.  What kept her from all out attacking him in the jungle?  "I thought weddings were supposed to make women horny."

"You aren't," he asked against her skin.

"Duh.  What do you think?  Do you really, really want to do this out here?  In the car?  With a minister not twenty feet away?"

"Since when do you care about such things," he asked amusedly, slowly drawing away.  "This coming from the woman who once felt me up in front of my parents?  The one who had me making love to her in broad daylight behind a porch swing?"  He ran a finger gently down her arm.  "You have a point, though.  I never cared for backseat escapades.  There is so much more room in bed and the entire world doesn't see my ass."

"Can we get the hell out of here," she asked, her voice tinged with an almost needy plea.

"We can."

Once they made it home, he watched as she went directly upstairs.  He could see almost everything that she was doing [That's one advantage of living in a loft…] and he stood back with his arms crossed over his chest.  She had carried an armload of garments from their bedroom into the bathroom.  What the hell did she think she was doing?  When he passed by the bathroom, he peeked in and saw her just getting into her baggy pajama bottoms and half-shirt.  She noticed him standing in the bedroom when she entered.  Smiling, he watched as she collapsed face first onto their huge futon like bed.  She shifted her position just slightly and buried her face in her pillow.  She could hear him moving about in the bedroom, but couldn't see what he was doing.  A few moments later, he climbed into bed with her.  Jesus jumping Christ on a camel, he's naked.  He pressed his body against hers and settled his hand comfortably on the side of her hip.

"I thought you wanted to make love," he said.

"Hmm…I do, but later.  Right now, I want to take a nap," she said into her pillow.  "You got me up at the fucking crack of dawn."

He lowered his head.  "Well, you got me up in the car," he whispered in her ear.

"You're a horn dog, Frank.  Walking gets you up."

"So you don't want to make love with me now," he said.

She felt his body shifting and for a moment, she was certain he was actually going to get out of bed and leave her.  Yet, the hand on the side of her hip hadn't moved away.  In fact, it began to move over further and further still.  Shortly, she felt it sliding down between her legs where he began a slow caress.  She moaned a little.  Fucker never fought fair.  She turned her head and his lips covered hers, but the gentle caress didn't stop.  As the kiss deepened, he finally drew his hand away so that he could lower her to her back.  His hand slipped under her shirt and cupped a breast, his fingers teasing the nipple.  She took hold of his hand and pushed him back a little.  He leaned up on his elbow and watched as she sat up and came out of what she referred to as her 'sleepy suit.'  When that task was accomplished, he went to her and kissed her again, their bodies drifting back down to the bed.  He found himself grinning against her lips when he felt her hand slipping below his waist.  She certainly didn't waste any time.  She never did.  He truly loved her for that.  Within moments, he was inside her, loving her, still amazed that they had come so far so quickly.

As it turned out, Donovan was the only one who had the chance to nap any.  When he opened his eyes, the light had just begun to fade from the sky.  He found himself glad that he had the next few days off because he wasn't so sure how well he would sleep tonight.  The thought brought a wicked smile to his lips.  Hmm…very interesting developments were possible.  When he turned to his side, he noticed that Pax's back was to him and she was propped up on one arm.  The bedside lamp cast a dim glow on a book she seemed to be reading.  He moved closer to her and placed a gentle kiss on her shoulder.

"Are you okay," he asked for what seemed to be the billionth time today.

"Yeah.  Turns out I wasn't that sleepy after all, but you sure as shit sawed some logs," she commented lightly.

"Well, when you're put through a vigorous round of…activity, it tends to wear you out."

She snorted.  "Ha.  Men.  You're such babies."  She grew silent and could feel Donovan's eyes studying her, and she knew he wanted to ask again if she was okay.  She sighed a little and closed her book.  She hadn't been reading the damn thing anyway.  Her eyes had been focused on the engagement ring and the worse for wear silver band.  Before he moved, she had been twirling them distractedly.  "You remember when you asked me once what the E stood for in my name?"

"Yeah," he said.  Why is she suddenly dragging up ancient history?  It actually wasn't so ancient, but it seemed like an odd question.  Something had been eating at her all day, but she would never say so straight out.  She would dance around it vaguely until her thoughts were properly broadcast.  "I think the asshole in me mentioned something about an evil heartbreaking bitch."

She laughed at the memory.  "Goddamn, you were so jealous.  Anyway, off track.  Whoever named me must have hated me.  The E is Eliza.  Jonella Eliza Paxton.  Can you fricking believe that?  Jonella Eliza Paxton.  That's the only thing I miss about the CIA, I could change my name any way I wanted it."  She sighed again.  "Sometimes now, I wish I hadn't been fixed.  In the past, I never thought about it once.  I don't think I would have minded having another kid, you know?"

Pax hadn't moved an inch.  Her body was stiff and rigid, almost tense.  Donovan was about to venture into territory that might get him harmed, but he couldn't help it.  "You're saying you might have wanted to have a child with me if the circumstances had allowed it?"

"Ugh.  Ew.  No.  Talk about one butt ugly kid.  It would probably come out looking like a monkey or something."  Actually, she had been thinking exactly that, and was more than startled when he picked up on her train of thought almost instantaneously.  Shit the bed, I'm getting so damn wimpy these days.  Her wisecracking answer was her old way.  She had always had problems being honest with herself.  "I suppose I am," she said, finally admitting it.

He kissed her shoulder again, slipping his hand under her arm, and encircling her waist.  "I would have loved it.  Thank you for sharing that with me."

"Who else can I tell?  You're the only one who has ever truly been there for me," she said simply.  "And been there and been there and been there."

"I love you…Eliza."

She turned suddenly to her back and glared at him.  "You ass."

He smiled and kissed her lips gently.  "I thought you liked my ass." 

She sighed with disgust.  "You're a horn dog, Donovan."

____________________

To be continued…