(Hey! Thanks for continuing reviews, will bear in mind that not everyone
likes slush. Hope you're all okay with full on frontal nudity
though...KIDDING! But I do warn you, later on in the fic will be a couple
more references of an...how can I put it? Ah, of a sexual nature, though
nothing too explicit. But there will be mild references. Just a warning.
Thank you very much. Oh, and by the way, Fish is concerned that I tell you
that Sauron is just a nickname...personally I think telling you the
aforementioned fact is an insult to your intelligence. I mean, what kinda
parents would call their little girl Sauron? Let's get smart, people!
Anyways, hope you enjoy yet another insane chapter!)
Scene 5
The figure in the long black coat stood uncertainly in the dark tunnel, his eyes roving from side to side. He was certain this was where the noises were coming from. Suddenly he heard it again, a voice raised in song. That was one of the voices he had heard before! Looking wildly around, he decided that there were no circumstances on earth that could prevent him from reaching the owner of that voice.
Then he saw the button. Built into the slimy brick, it was visible only close to, but he knew at once that it was the way forward.
He pushed it.
Nothing seemed to happen.
Ooh, déjà vu!!!
* * *
Dr Lecter's shoulder's slumped dejectedly at the pleasant ringing noise that reverberated around the room, and the point of the umbrella which had been menacing Fish's nose dropped to the floor.
"How tiresome," he sighed. "Right when I'm trying to do something important, someone comes to the door. It just won't do!"
Fish nodded sympathetically behind the mask. "It's the way of the world, Hannie-baby. Yet it is most impolite." She shot a frosty glare at the door. "Whoever shalt come through that door, let them be struck down at once by bolts of incandescent lightening from the heavens!"
Fortunately for her, as you will soon find out, Fish's curse had actually no effect. Or this would be a very short fic.
Lecter stared at her distractedly for a second, then waved his arm limply. "Quite so, quite so. Now please excuse me, my dear, for I have to get the door. When I return, you will be joining me for dinner," he said courteously, though the tip of his tongue appeared for a moment, moistening his lips.
Fish grinned happily. "Ooh, lovely, what are we having?"
Lecter smacked his forehead with his palm. The action of total despair would have been quite effective if it were not for the fact that he was still holding the umbrella. While nursing his face, several mumbled words could be heard from behind his hands, such as, "Of all the people...she had to...pushed the damn button!" Then he turned to her with a look of indescribable loathing. "I'm going to put this umbrella so far up yo-"
"Not so fast!" came a heroic voice from the doorway.
Two heads, one masked and crowned with spikes, the other sleek and already starting to swell, turned to look at the newcomer.
Someone squealed.
Someone swore.
"I hope you don't mind, but the door was open," apologised Alan Rickman, sidling around the doorframe.
(See, if he had indeed been turned into a small smouldering pile of ash through her curse, then Fish would have been unable to live with herself for ever after. Either that, or she'd remark, "Ooh, gloopy!")
* * *
On a desert island, slumbering beneath the translucent moon, something was about to happen. The sky was dark with that special faded black velvet colour known to night-lovers as the period before the sun came up. Two figures slept on the still warm sands, arms clasped protectively around each other. The larger one had long, black hair that mingled with the dark tresses of the smaller figure, creating a soft blanket that flowed down over their close shoulders.
But something was about to happen.
A pair of eyes opened suddenly. Sauron's face took on a look of complete calm, before rolling away from Jack's embrace. She stared at his naked form for a moment, her face becoming closed and bitter, before standing abruptly. She looked at Jack once more.
But what looked out from behind her eyes was not Sauron...
* * *
"OH MY GOD! IT'S ALAN RICKMAN!" yelled Fish, her voice going strangely high. "I LOVE YOU, SEVVIE-KINS! I LOVE YOUR FEET!" Then she stopped her squealing. "You're a bit shorter than I imagined..." she conceded, looking down at him.
Alan blushed, but looked determinedly up at her. "So what?" he retorted. "Appearances can be deceiving!"
"Erm," came Lecter's amused voice from behind the outraged actor, "Yours would have to be very well disguised..." Then he rolled his eyes. "Honestly, fate must be playing a damned joke on me. First someone interrupts me just when I'm about to permanently shut that incredibly aggravating mouth, and then they turn out to be so small they couldn't even serve as an amuse bouche!" He clicked his tongue disapprovingly. "How uncouth."
Fish was still staring. "Erm...you aren't exactly as I imagined..." she said with a slight eyebrow-wiggle.
Alan Rickman drew himself up to his full height. All twelve inches of it. "What, pray, do you mean by that?"
Fish tried to choose her words carefully, for possibly the first time in her life. She failed miserably. "Er...well, you're a little...little, really. You're...a gnome!"
Alan glared furiously at her. "Okay, so they use lots of special effects to make me look taller in films, okay? Doesn't mean you can just go taking th- "
Then his face took on the most pathetic expression Fish had ever seen. "That...that voice..." he whispered, "That's the voice I heard...but you're...you're not..." As he spoke, his lip started to quiver, and his eyes filled with tears.
"Aww, Sevvie-kins, don't cry!" crooned Fish anxiously. "I'm sorry if I upset you! You're my favourite-est actor ever, you know! Even if you are a gnome! I even prefer you to Hannie-baby!"
"Hey!" came an outraged voice. Fish's head turned to see Lecter looking suddenly very weary and downcast.
"No, I do still like you, Hannie-baby, I mean, I liked you before I even heard about Alan..."
"Hey!" came the somewhat squeaky voice from her right.
"ONE MISERABLE IDOL AT A TIME, PLEASE!" yelled Fish, her temper dissipating.
Lecter stepped forward, raising the point of his umbrella. "Well, lovely as this has been, I'm afraid this merry scene has to come to rather an abrupt ending."
"Why?" asked Alan, tiny hands on tiny hips.
"Because I'm hungry, that's why," replied the doctor, licking his lips.
"Yes, and you never did tell me what you were having," scolded Fish, shaking her head belligerently. "You just hit yourself in the eye with your umbrella!"
Lecter raised his arms exasperatedly. "Okay, we all make mistakes sometime, you know?" he shouted angrily. "Bet you never do, Miss I'm-not-scared-of- anything-especially-not-terrifying-cannibalistic-mass-murderers! Bet you're just perfect in every way, shape and form! Like YOU could ever make a mistake!" he growled, sarcasm oozing from every orifice. "Look, I'm a cannibal, okay? Means I eat human flesh! Got it?" He glared at them, seeing only polite blankness behind their frozen smiles.
He looked down to a tug on his trouser leg.
"Excuse me," asked Alan Rickman courteously, "but what are we having?"
"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" yelled Lecter, gripping his sparse hair between white knuckles.
The gnome Rickman turned to Fish. "Been having a stressful day, has he?" he whispered sympathetically, indicating the doctor who had thrown himself onto the sofa, covering his head with both hands.
"Yes, I think he needs to take a break from his work," replied Fish above Lecter's somewhat muffled sobs. "Now, are you going to get me out of here or what?
Anguished moans, punctuated with snivels, came from Hannibal's direction. "They can't...*snivel*...they're just too much for a *snivel* person...I've tried and tried and they just won't...*sniff sniff*...I can't cope with this at my time of life...*sobs*...I need a holiday...*snivel*...be good for my heart...how can they be so uncaring...*fresh burst of crying*...they don't care, just trying to do my job...*sniffs*...I can't take it any more!"
He looked up from his little wet patch of sofa and discovered that he was alone. And that the door was open.
"Bugger."
Scene 5
The figure in the long black coat stood uncertainly in the dark tunnel, his eyes roving from side to side. He was certain this was where the noises were coming from. Suddenly he heard it again, a voice raised in song. That was one of the voices he had heard before! Looking wildly around, he decided that there were no circumstances on earth that could prevent him from reaching the owner of that voice.
Then he saw the button. Built into the slimy brick, it was visible only close to, but he knew at once that it was the way forward.
He pushed it.
Nothing seemed to happen.
Ooh, déjà vu!!!
* * *
Dr Lecter's shoulder's slumped dejectedly at the pleasant ringing noise that reverberated around the room, and the point of the umbrella which had been menacing Fish's nose dropped to the floor.
"How tiresome," he sighed. "Right when I'm trying to do something important, someone comes to the door. It just won't do!"
Fish nodded sympathetically behind the mask. "It's the way of the world, Hannie-baby. Yet it is most impolite." She shot a frosty glare at the door. "Whoever shalt come through that door, let them be struck down at once by bolts of incandescent lightening from the heavens!"
Fortunately for her, as you will soon find out, Fish's curse had actually no effect. Or this would be a very short fic.
Lecter stared at her distractedly for a second, then waved his arm limply. "Quite so, quite so. Now please excuse me, my dear, for I have to get the door. When I return, you will be joining me for dinner," he said courteously, though the tip of his tongue appeared for a moment, moistening his lips.
Fish grinned happily. "Ooh, lovely, what are we having?"
Lecter smacked his forehead with his palm. The action of total despair would have been quite effective if it were not for the fact that he was still holding the umbrella. While nursing his face, several mumbled words could be heard from behind his hands, such as, "Of all the people...she had to...pushed the damn button!" Then he turned to her with a look of indescribable loathing. "I'm going to put this umbrella so far up yo-"
"Not so fast!" came a heroic voice from the doorway.
Two heads, one masked and crowned with spikes, the other sleek and already starting to swell, turned to look at the newcomer.
Someone squealed.
Someone swore.
"I hope you don't mind, but the door was open," apologised Alan Rickman, sidling around the doorframe.
(See, if he had indeed been turned into a small smouldering pile of ash through her curse, then Fish would have been unable to live with herself for ever after. Either that, or she'd remark, "Ooh, gloopy!")
* * *
On a desert island, slumbering beneath the translucent moon, something was about to happen. The sky was dark with that special faded black velvet colour known to night-lovers as the period before the sun came up. Two figures slept on the still warm sands, arms clasped protectively around each other. The larger one had long, black hair that mingled with the dark tresses of the smaller figure, creating a soft blanket that flowed down over their close shoulders.
But something was about to happen.
A pair of eyes opened suddenly. Sauron's face took on a look of complete calm, before rolling away from Jack's embrace. She stared at his naked form for a moment, her face becoming closed and bitter, before standing abruptly. She looked at Jack once more.
But what looked out from behind her eyes was not Sauron...
* * *
"OH MY GOD! IT'S ALAN RICKMAN!" yelled Fish, her voice going strangely high. "I LOVE YOU, SEVVIE-KINS! I LOVE YOUR FEET!" Then she stopped her squealing. "You're a bit shorter than I imagined..." she conceded, looking down at him.
Alan blushed, but looked determinedly up at her. "So what?" he retorted. "Appearances can be deceiving!"
"Erm," came Lecter's amused voice from behind the outraged actor, "Yours would have to be very well disguised..." Then he rolled his eyes. "Honestly, fate must be playing a damned joke on me. First someone interrupts me just when I'm about to permanently shut that incredibly aggravating mouth, and then they turn out to be so small they couldn't even serve as an amuse bouche!" He clicked his tongue disapprovingly. "How uncouth."
Fish was still staring. "Erm...you aren't exactly as I imagined..." she said with a slight eyebrow-wiggle.
Alan Rickman drew himself up to his full height. All twelve inches of it. "What, pray, do you mean by that?"
Fish tried to choose her words carefully, for possibly the first time in her life. She failed miserably. "Er...well, you're a little...little, really. You're...a gnome!"
Alan glared furiously at her. "Okay, so they use lots of special effects to make me look taller in films, okay? Doesn't mean you can just go taking th- "
Then his face took on the most pathetic expression Fish had ever seen. "That...that voice..." he whispered, "That's the voice I heard...but you're...you're not..." As he spoke, his lip started to quiver, and his eyes filled with tears.
"Aww, Sevvie-kins, don't cry!" crooned Fish anxiously. "I'm sorry if I upset you! You're my favourite-est actor ever, you know! Even if you are a gnome! I even prefer you to Hannie-baby!"
"Hey!" came an outraged voice. Fish's head turned to see Lecter looking suddenly very weary and downcast.
"No, I do still like you, Hannie-baby, I mean, I liked you before I even heard about Alan..."
"Hey!" came the somewhat squeaky voice from her right.
"ONE MISERABLE IDOL AT A TIME, PLEASE!" yelled Fish, her temper dissipating.
Lecter stepped forward, raising the point of his umbrella. "Well, lovely as this has been, I'm afraid this merry scene has to come to rather an abrupt ending."
"Why?" asked Alan, tiny hands on tiny hips.
"Because I'm hungry, that's why," replied the doctor, licking his lips.
"Yes, and you never did tell me what you were having," scolded Fish, shaking her head belligerently. "You just hit yourself in the eye with your umbrella!"
Lecter raised his arms exasperatedly. "Okay, we all make mistakes sometime, you know?" he shouted angrily. "Bet you never do, Miss I'm-not-scared-of- anything-especially-not-terrifying-cannibalistic-mass-murderers! Bet you're just perfect in every way, shape and form! Like YOU could ever make a mistake!" he growled, sarcasm oozing from every orifice. "Look, I'm a cannibal, okay? Means I eat human flesh! Got it?" He glared at them, seeing only polite blankness behind their frozen smiles.
He looked down to a tug on his trouser leg.
"Excuse me," asked Alan Rickman courteously, "but what are we having?"
"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" yelled Lecter, gripping his sparse hair between white knuckles.
The gnome Rickman turned to Fish. "Been having a stressful day, has he?" he whispered sympathetically, indicating the doctor who had thrown himself onto the sofa, covering his head with both hands.
"Yes, I think he needs to take a break from his work," replied Fish above Lecter's somewhat muffled sobs. "Now, are you going to get me out of here or what?
Anguished moans, punctuated with snivels, came from Hannibal's direction. "They can't...*snivel*...they're just too much for a *snivel* person...I've tried and tried and they just won't...*sniff sniff*...I can't cope with this at my time of life...*sobs*...I need a holiday...*snivel*...be good for my heart...how can they be so uncaring...*fresh burst of crying*...they don't care, just trying to do my job...*sniffs*...I can't take it any more!"
He looked up from his little wet patch of sofa and discovered that he was alone. And that the door was open.
"Bugger."