"Get away! How many times do I have to tell you?!" Juuhachigou shoved her brother to the ground. "You're no better then dirt! You're worse!"
'Nana looked up at her, feeling vague ghosts of emotions; echos from long ago. Another rage, another night of fighting; though he didn't ever fight back. She was stronger and faster then him, and it only pissed her off more.
"Dont stare at me like that!!" She punched him hard across the jaw; then she grabbed his arm and jerked him up. "You look so pathetic, Juunana." She smiled cruelly. "It's a real turn off," she said nonchalantly as she threw him into the living room wall, sending cracks up it.
'I'm not trying to impress you, Achi...' he thought as he stood up and brushed some of the plaster out of his hair. He watched her shove a lamp on to the floor, shattering it. "What're you upset about now?"
"Did I fucking say you could get up!?" Juuhachigou turned towards him and pushed him back into the wall. "Did I say you could get up?!!? You and your god damn 'Oh, I care' bullshit!! You're a liar and a bastard. And pitiful! I don't need you like you need me, Nana. I don't need you at all! I'm doing you a favor 'cause family's supposed to help each other. But I can drop you faster then you'll even know what happened."
Raven hair fell over Juunanagou's face, hiding his pain from his sister. The bruises she left never hurt; but she knew how to make him feel so bad on the inside. He loved her; she was more then a sister; she was his world; his flesh, his blood, his love.
"Oh, poor baby, nothing to say? No witty retort? You're such a failure, Juunanagou. You fill your life with lies, you pretend to care, but when it comes down to it, nothing bloody matters except you!! You're a god damn bastard!" She grabbed his hair and pulled him close to her face. "You are nothing. You are scum. You are the worst brother alive, and you are worthless." She forced him to the floor and slammed her foot into his side. He gasped.
"I do care-"
"You don't give a damn. The only reason you stay is because you can't make it on your own. You can't handle it out there. You're a masochistic freak, and the world don't like that, does it? The world doesn't like you."
Juunanagou rubbed his temples. Another migraine was starting; his temples throbbing always meant that. He didn't want to end up somewhere in the house passed out from pain while she was still like this. Last time she had punched a hole through the living room wall and torn out the door on their room. Not to mention he didn't exactly like his migraines; pills didnt make an andriod better though.
He loved her completely, and he believed she loved him; but god, she hurt him so badly. Sometimes she made him feel as though he should just be dead; he was only a burden to her.
"Look. Geru spent a good few years fucking with our minds and emotions, but I still got something for you. I love you. You know that. Plus Juuhachi, you're my sister, my twin. How the hell could I be hiding from the world here when I love you too much to hide? I don't care about the world, Achi. You're my life."
"You're a lying bastard!!" She punched him hard across the ear. "Go ahead. Keep lying to me. I've got plenty more where that came from. Open your mouth again" She waited, watching him with icy dangerous eyes.
Juunanagou looked back at her. He knew it was a test. He knew he should just ignore her. But he just couldn't bring himself to walk away. "Juuhachi-"
"You just have to push it don't you? You always do that!! Always have to push it! Always always always!!!" 'Achi grabbed his arm and pulled him down the hall; she shoved him into the closet at the end and slammed the door closed on him. "Stay in there, you bastard! Don't you fucking come out!" She slammed a chair under the door nob.
He sat down on the floor of the closet; his head was pounding and spots of white danced around his vision. At least it was dark in here.
Through the walls, he heard her in her room. Their room. "Why does he lie to me like that?! Why does he treat me so badly?! What did I do to make him like that? I tried to so hard, and all he does is hurt me, why do I even let him stay here?! Why don't I make him go away? God I hate that bastard!"
Juunanagou leaned back against the wall, his eyes closed. "I'm sorry Achi-chan... I love you.." He hated her when she acted like this, but he could never leave her. Because he loved her so much. She had been his first and only. He didn't want to let her go, but he wanted them to go back to how they had been. He didn't like fighting with Juuhachigou. But Gero had done a good job making sure she couldnt handle not fighting. Juunanagou wanted to kill Gero again and again and again.
Nana wished he could get up and just hug Juuhachigou so tight
until it was all better. But that wouldnt work. Things didnt get better
by a hug. Life just kept laughing at you until it was done. "I want to
take care of you Juuhachi...but you won't let me..." He wished he'd
black out now. His head hurt so bad, he could barely move. He just
wanted it all to stop.
-----
Sun streamed onto Juunanagou's face, and his eyes opened slowly. He
was in their room, in their bed. He didn't remember moving himself.
Juuhachi was no where to be seen. He sat up and realized his head no
longer hurt; he could see straight as well. An ice pack fell from his
forehead as he sat up.
He stared at the clock on the night table: 2:17pm. He'd been out for nearly 20 hours. He put his legs over the side of the bed and stood up, pausing. It was okay. He was fine now. Well, not fine. He still had a dull ache but nothing he couldnt handle now. He sat the ice pack on his pillow and walked out of the room.
"Morning Achi," he said to the girl staring blanky at the defunct television set. He hoped she had calmed down.
Nothing. Not even a glance. She always did that, every time. She'd beat the shit out of him; she'd hurt as much as she could; she'd lock him away from awhile; then she'd take care of him like a mother and a child; then she ignored him.
He wanted to help her; but she wormed her way through a gate in her head that no one had a key for; then she'd worm her way out when she escaped. She didn't want his help, and that was hard. Juunanagou wanted to always know what she was feeling and know how she hurt. She wouldn't let him behind that gate.
He didn't understand at all. He wanted to know why she could hate him so violently one night and love him so much the next day, while pretending he didn't exist at all. He wanted it to go away. He wanted to love her again as his only love; he didn't want to love her and be afraid.
Juunanagou walked into the kitchen and stared out the window; locked together in misery and emptiness; hated and isolated in the forest. They loved each other. But no one loved them.
He knew there was still something left inside her, because she always took care of him. Or tried her best to. She always took him out of the closet, she always laid him in bed; she did her best to take care of the injuries she inflicted on him. And she still cried. But he didn't know how to reach that part of his sister anymore. He feared it was locked behind that gate.
"Juunanagou?" The blond cyborg stood in the doorway of the kitchen.
He looked at her. "Yes, Achi?"
She stood there for a minute, silent. Her eyes changed; they looked almost accusatory. "You never fight back."
"You're stronger then me. You're faster, too. Even if I were lucky enough to match you...I don't want to hurt you. I love you."
"That doesn't make it okay!! You can't let me keep doing it because you love me! That's stupid!"
"I don't 'let' you do it. You think I like feeling helpless and hurt? And it's not exacltly an ego booster to tell people my little sister can beat the shit out of me. But it's how we take care of each other. It's how Gero fucked with us. We can't have a normal life, Achi! I mean, look at us! Most of us is robot! We're a brother and sister that sleep together! Where's the normal life supposed to come into play? It doesn't Achi. I take us as we are. I want it to stop, yes, but I don't think it will."
"That's bullshit!! It can stop! It can!" Juuhachigou hugged herself. "But I don't know how...I try to stop..I try so hard..."
"Achi, it's okay.."
"No it isn't!!"
Juunanagou sighed. "Why do you get mad?"
"I don't know. I don't even know if it's mad. It's like..I'm frustrated. I hurt. I feel sad. It all eats me. And it doesn't ever let go and then it takes control! And you just let me!" Her eyes held a hollow look that said if she was more human, she would be sobbing right now, because her heart had just shattered.
"Shit, Juuhachi.." Nana walked over to her and grabbed her in a bear hug. "We're okay. We'll make it. Things change, they'll get better. We're all we got left, so don't start giving up on us, or else we're lost. And damn it, I'm not going to lose you."
Juuhachigou laid her head on his shoulder. "Are you sure we're not lost now? I mean, look at us...We live alone in the woods." She smiled a little.
"Maybe we are. But it could be worse. Just remember, I'm not indestructable." Nana pulled back a bit and kissed her.
"I'm sorry..."
Nana bear hugged her again. It wasn't going to stop. He knew that. He knew it was stupid to think it would. They had this conversation sometimes. They would both pretend it would get better. That both of them could change. They knew it was pretend. But it made Juuhachigou feel better. It gave her some hope. And that's what Nana wanted.