Disclaimer : ...I got nothin'...except that I officially declare that Kirby could whoop Mario's Ass anyday of the week...ok, let's start this now
Spongebob Squarepants Madness Episode 2 : Squidward and Suicide Attempts
(at Squidward's tiki home)
Squidward : Damnit, my life sucks, maybe I should've had Sonia kill me last episode...I know! I'll commit suicide so I'll never have to see Spongebob, Patrick, or that money-holic Krabs again!...But how to do it...I know! I'll just jump out my top floor window head first (runs upstairs and jumps out headfirst, but doesn't die, just gets really badly hurt)...oww...
Spongebob : (appears out of nowhere) Oh no! Squidward! Don't move! I'll call the hospital!
(later that week after squidward's injury is healed, much to his dismay)
Squidward : I know! I'll flush my head down the toilet (tries to do it, but only gets his head stuck) ...Oh well, I'll enventually die from not eating from a week due to being stuck in here...(Spongebob once again appears out of nowhere)
Spongebob : Oh no! Squidward! Don't move! I'll call the hospital!
(next week, when his head has become unstuck)
Squidward : Damn! I have to find a way to commit suicide that works!...Oh I know! (runs outside in the open) Oh Flying Dutchman! I want you to come down here and take my soul so I can get the hell away from Spongebob!
Flying Dutchman : (appears in that little spooky manner) HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!...You seem to have a very sucky life! I really don't like doing this type of thing, but since I know about Spongebob, I will be merciful and get you out of he-(Spongebob appears out of nowhere, AGAIN) Oh hell no...
Spongebob : Heydutchman, why haven'tyoucalledImeanit'sbeen3daysandweweresupposedtogojellyfishingtodayand-
Flying Dutchman : AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! (leaves in fright, but forgot Squidward)
Squidward : .......god damnit...(goes in house) DAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNDAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNN! That's the 3rd attempt that Spongebob messed up for me!...I'll try two more times and if they don't work, well, I'm screwed...
(later that week)
Squidward : This one should work...first I'll walk in the house and then trip on the string in the doorway causing a catapult to launch me in the air, right into the wall...then when I fall I'll land on another string causing a ton of rocks to fall on me, then after I emerge, I'll stagger up the stairs only to trip over another string causing me to be grabbed by a rope and yanked right into the open furnace which will burn me alive, finally, just in case that doesn't kill me, right after I walk out of the furnace, I'll yank the rope next to the furnace causing a ton of snow to fall on me and I'll freeze to death!...Let the torturing begin! (he walks into his house, gets catapulted into the wall, lands on the string, a ton of rocks fell on him, he staggered up the stairs, tripped over another string, was grabbed by the rope, launched into the open furnace causing him to be burning alive, but he still wasn't dead...so then he staggered out of the furnace and pulled the rope and a ton of snow fell from the ceiling, but before it hit him..)
Spongebob : SQUIDWARD! Look out! *slow motion* NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (pushed Squidward out of the way and the snow fell on him, but since it was kind of hot and the snow had been starting to melt, Spongebob just sucked it all up...and then spit it back up) Whew!...that was close...(realizes the condition Squidward's in) Oh no! Squidward! Don't move! I'll call the hospital!
(next week, when Squidward's fully healed)
Squidward : GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!! That one was one of the most brilliant plans yet!...Well, if the next one doesn't work, I'm screwed...I know!...I'll find something on Amazon.com (goes and finds something good)...Why didn't I think of this first (orders it and 5 days later) Oh goody, it's here! This one is guarenteed to work...ok, I'll just load it and...(by the way, it's a gun) *MULTIPLE SHOOTS* (Squidward finally did it, he just shot himself...oh and outside his house, someone's car drives up)
Sonia : I think I actually will kill hi-(opens the door)-woah, it seems he got ahead of me...damn, I need to kill someone...oh well...I'll wait till next episode (gets back in her car and drives off)(aah randomness)
Spongebob : (appears out of nowhere AGAIN in Squidward's House) Oh no! Squidward! I'll get the mourners! (the mourners are all fish except Kirby who snuck there)
(later that day)
Spongebob : ....there's not much more we can say really, even though Squidward is gone, he will live on in our hearts forever...
Kirby : Right up until you all die which is in a few seconds! (jumps out of the way) Now Sonia!
Sonia : YAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! (Sonia and Manic then drive up in their car and Sonia starts shooting everywhere with her rapid fire gun) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! (everyone gets shot and dies except Spongebob who runs into the pineapple screaming like a little girl)...ahhh, glad I got that out of my system! Hop in Kirby!
Kirby : So what are the 3 of us doing tonight? Beer til we're knocked out until noon the next day, or you and me having sex while Manic beats up on the stress reliever (the stress relivier is actually Mario)
Sonia : ....Sex
Kirby : sweeeeeeeeeeeetttttttt....(they drive off)
Spongebob : Phew...huh? (sees about 1000 dead bodies)....now I'm gonna need a helluva lot of coffins...
End of Episode 2
I have some questions to clear up
1. Sonia, Manic, and Kirby can breathe because the rules of physics sometimes don't apply to this fic.
2. Sonia is a mad killer because she's had too much beers.
3. Manic only drives her wherever she wants because he's also drinking too much, she's slightly older than him, she'd kill him to if he didn't, oh and he's payed well for it, since he gets to beat up Mario.
4. Kirby is Sonia's main partner because he has also drunk way too much, plus he's promised by Sonia to have sex twice a week if he does it.
5. Mario is the stress relivier because...*sniff* I hate him!...Ok, I basically like the games, but I....HATE....HIM!!!!...ok I'm done ranting now...
6. Someone gets killed nearly every episode because I wanted this to be PG-13 and I couldn't picture the Spongebob crew saying stuff like D***, S***, and F***...actually, in their state, I could picture Sonia, Manic, and Kirby saying stuff like that...hmm...I'm onto something...
Well, anyway, Look out for Episode 3 soon! Bye for now!
Spongebob Squarepants Madness Episode 2 : Squidward and Suicide Attempts
(at Squidward's tiki home)
Squidward : Damnit, my life sucks, maybe I should've had Sonia kill me last episode...I know! I'll commit suicide so I'll never have to see Spongebob, Patrick, or that money-holic Krabs again!...But how to do it...I know! I'll just jump out my top floor window head first (runs upstairs and jumps out headfirst, but doesn't die, just gets really badly hurt)...oww...
Spongebob : (appears out of nowhere) Oh no! Squidward! Don't move! I'll call the hospital!
(later that week after squidward's injury is healed, much to his dismay)
Squidward : I know! I'll flush my head down the toilet (tries to do it, but only gets his head stuck) ...Oh well, I'll enventually die from not eating from a week due to being stuck in here...(Spongebob once again appears out of nowhere)
Spongebob : Oh no! Squidward! Don't move! I'll call the hospital!
(next week, when his head has become unstuck)
Squidward : Damn! I have to find a way to commit suicide that works!...Oh I know! (runs outside in the open) Oh Flying Dutchman! I want you to come down here and take my soul so I can get the hell away from Spongebob!
Flying Dutchman : (appears in that little spooky manner) HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!...You seem to have a very sucky life! I really don't like doing this type of thing, but since I know about Spongebob, I will be merciful and get you out of he-(Spongebob appears out of nowhere, AGAIN) Oh hell no...
Spongebob : Heydutchman, why haven'tyoucalledImeanit'sbeen3daysandweweresupposedtogojellyfishingtodayand-
Flying Dutchman : AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! (leaves in fright, but forgot Squidward)
Squidward : .......god damnit...(goes in house) DAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNDAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNN! That's the 3rd attempt that Spongebob messed up for me!...I'll try two more times and if they don't work, well, I'm screwed...
(later that week)
Squidward : This one should work...first I'll walk in the house and then trip on the string in the doorway causing a catapult to launch me in the air, right into the wall...then when I fall I'll land on another string causing a ton of rocks to fall on me, then after I emerge, I'll stagger up the stairs only to trip over another string causing me to be grabbed by a rope and yanked right into the open furnace which will burn me alive, finally, just in case that doesn't kill me, right after I walk out of the furnace, I'll yank the rope next to the furnace causing a ton of snow to fall on me and I'll freeze to death!...Let the torturing begin! (he walks into his house, gets catapulted into the wall, lands on the string, a ton of rocks fell on him, he staggered up the stairs, tripped over another string, was grabbed by the rope, launched into the open furnace causing him to be burning alive, but he still wasn't dead...so then he staggered out of the furnace and pulled the rope and a ton of snow fell from the ceiling, but before it hit him..)
Spongebob : SQUIDWARD! Look out! *slow motion* NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (pushed Squidward out of the way and the snow fell on him, but since it was kind of hot and the snow had been starting to melt, Spongebob just sucked it all up...and then spit it back up) Whew!...that was close...(realizes the condition Squidward's in) Oh no! Squidward! Don't move! I'll call the hospital!
(next week, when Squidward's fully healed)
Squidward : GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!! That one was one of the most brilliant plans yet!...Well, if the next one doesn't work, I'm screwed...I know!...I'll find something on Amazon.com (goes and finds something good)...Why didn't I think of this first (orders it and 5 days later) Oh goody, it's here! This one is guarenteed to work...ok, I'll just load it and...(by the way, it's a gun) *MULTIPLE SHOOTS* (Squidward finally did it, he just shot himself...oh and outside his house, someone's car drives up)
Sonia : I think I actually will kill hi-(opens the door)-woah, it seems he got ahead of me...damn, I need to kill someone...oh well...I'll wait till next episode (gets back in her car and drives off)(aah randomness)
Spongebob : (appears out of nowhere AGAIN in Squidward's House) Oh no! Squidward! I'll get the mourners! (the mourners are all fish except Kirby who snuck there)
(later that day)
Spongebob : ....there's not much more we can say really, even though Squidward is gone, he will live on in our hearts forever...
Kirby : Right up until you all die which is in a few seconds! (jumps out of the way) Now Sonia!
Sonia : YAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! (Sonia and Manic then drive up in their car and Sonia starts shooting everywhere with her rapid fire gun) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! (everyone gets shot and dies except Spongebob who runs into the pineapple screaming like a little girl)...ahhh, glad I got that out of my system! Hop in Kirby!
Kirby : So what are the 3 of us doing tonight? Beer til we're knocked out until noon the next day, or you and me having sex while Manic beats up on the stress reliever (the stress relivier is actually Mario)
Sonia : ....Sex
Kirby : sweeeeeeeeeeeetttttttt....(they drive off)
Spongebob : Phew...huh? (sees about 1000 dead bodies)....now I'm gonna need a helluva lot of coffins...
End of Episode 2
I have some questions to clear up
1. Sonia, Manic, and Kirby can breathe because the rules of physics sometimes don't apply to this fic.
2. Sonia is a mad killer because she's had too much beers.
3. Manic only drives her wherever she wants because he's also drinking too much, she's slightly older than him, she'd kill him to if he didn't, oh and he's payed well for it, since he gets to beat up Mario.
4. Kirby is Sonia's main partner because he has also drunk way too much, plus he's promised by Sonia to have sex twice a week if he does it.
5. Mario is the stress relivier because...*sniff* I hate him!...Ok, I basically like the games, but I....HATE....HIM!!!!...ok I'm done ranting now...
6. Someone gets killed nearly every episode because I wanted this to be PG-13 and I couldn't picture the Spongebob crew saying stuff like D***, S***, and F***...actually, in their state, I could picture Sonia, Manic, and Kirby saying stuff like that...hmm...I'm onto something...
Well, anyway, Look out for Episode 3 soon! Bye for now!