Hey, look it's an early release! I'm posting this today instead of Tuesday because I'm going out of town for a few days for my otouto's birthday, so I didn't want to end up posting it late. Glad to know everyone's enjoying my weekly postings, and I'll see you all next week again!
Chapter 06:
Heartsick
Elwing hardly slept that night. Between her escalating headache and her mind that just wouldn't stop turning over thoughts all night, she got maybe four or five hours sleep in total. The servants had learned that she was rarely up in time for breakfast, so generally left a tray just inside the door for her. Sometime around nine or ten in the morning she finally gave up her futile
attempts to sleep.
"I wish I'd thought to bring some aspirin with me." she groaned, "This headache only seems to be getting worse."
She ate a bit of breakfast, but she wasn't really hungry, so she got dressed and went out for a bit of a walk in an attempt to clear her head.
Over breakfast, Iris came to a decision. She'd noticed Elwing's restless night, and her constant complaints of headaches previous to that, and she was getting worried about her friend. When the meal was over, she took Mitsukake aside and explained the situation to him.
"So, you see, I'm afraid she might be catching something, and she has a bad habit of ignoring things like that until they knock her off her feet. I just wondered if you could check on her for me."
"I'll do that." Mitsukake nodded and headed off to Elwing's room.
Elwing leaned over the railing of a gazebo, eyes closed, trying to calm the throbbing in her head.
Chichiri, walking along the path to the lake, fishing pole slung over his shoulder, noticed her and threw a cheerful "Good morning, no da." her way.
Elwing looked up and smiled back at him. "Good morning to you too! How are you this lovely morning?" she asked.
"I thought you could feel things, don't you know how I am, no da?"
Elwing flinched. "I don't go where I'm not invited anymore, you taught me how not to, remember?" she flinched again and covered her mouth in a futile attempt to recall words already uttered, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I only meant I didn't want to be seen as prying." Elwing hung her head and a tear trickled down her cheek.
"It's okay, no da." Chichiri assured her, "I knew what you meant, no da."
"Sometimes I speak before thinking." Elwing admitted apologetically.
"Are you well, no da?" he asked, "You sound unhappy, no da."
"I'm fine, I just didn't sleep very well." she admitted, "You go ahead and fish." She made herself smile.
"See you later then, no da!"
She waved at him with a smile on her face until he was out of sight, then sank to her knees and cried quietly into her hands. "Oh, Chichiri," she whispered brokenly, "how could I have said that?"
Mitsukake finally found Elwing just in time to hear the last part of this conversation. "Hey." He said, and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder, "Are you alright?"
"Oh!" she said, and sat up very straight, "I didn't know you were there!" she hastily wiped her eyes, "I'm fine, I just have a bit of a headache, and my allergies have been bugging me somewhat." She mimed rubbing her eyes.
"I know you were crying, I was nearby. Iris told me you didn't sleep last night. She's worried about you." Mitsukake admonished.
"It's because of the headache that I couldn't sleep." Elwing admitted, "It's funny, you know, I can take away others' headaches with only a little effort, but I can't do a thing about my own." she laughed halfheartedly.
"There are things I can give you for your head, but will you be alright besides the headache?"
"I'll be fine, I just need to cry sometimes. I'm sure you have other pressing business to attend. If my headaches get any worse, I'll be sure to let you know." Elwing said dismissively and turned away.
Mitsukake sat down beside her. "I don't have any pressing business, and you've come to be like a little sister to me, I want to know what's making you cry."
Elwing sighed deeply. "You really want to know?" she asked.
Mitsukake nodded.
"Okay then. I'm crying because I'm in a hopeless love, and because I said something I shouldn't have to him and probably insulted him no end."
"It's Chichiri isn't it? The one you call your 'hopeless love'?" he asked. Her face fell and tears began trickling down her cheeks once again. "Have you told him yet?"
She looked up at Mitsukake, tear-streaked face showing surprise. "I couldn't do that! He's been hurt so much before. I don't want to dredge up old memories. And besides, who am I to push myself on one who has obviously shut thoughts of love away?" she started crying harder. "I'll be fine… really. I just need to get this out of my system. No offence, but could you leave for a bit? And perhaps make sure I'm not disturbed? I really don't like an audience when I'm crying." Elwing asked.
Mitsukake nodded and patted her on the shoulder as he rose to go. Just as he was leaving, Tama jumped off his shoulder and settled, purring, on Elwing's lap. She smiled a bit, even through her tears, and stroked him.
"So, we have to go visit the old bag. Wonder what the Hell she'll make us do this time?" Tasuki mused.
"What's Taiitsukun like?" Iris asked him.
"She's old and wrinkled and ugly, but she's also damn powerful, I wouldn't wanna get in her way." Tasuki explained. "Why're you always hangin' around me?" he asked her suddenly, having only just realized it was just the two of them together again.
"Because you're more fun than anyone else, and I don't have anything better to do." she told him. 'And because I like you a whole lot, even if you do swear too much and laugh at me.' she admitted to herself, 'I know that somewhere under all that you have the capacity to care very much about your companions, and hopefully, someday, care a little about me.'
"Don't you have anythin' better to do? Why don't you hang around with Nuriko or Tamahome or somebody?"
"Actually, I do have to talk to Mitsukake about something." Iris admitted, "You haven't seen him around anywhere have you?"
"No, but you might find him in his room. He spends a lot of time mixin' herbs for his medicines."
"Thanks, I'll try that." Iris said, and rose to leave, "I'll see you later."
After Iris left, Nuriko walked in. "She seems to be spending an awful lot of time in your company, Tasuki, is there something you're not telling us?" he asked and winked as he plopped himself down on the bed.
"What the Hell are you implyin'?" Tasuki asked.
"Oh, I just thought maybe you were finally thinking about settling down with someone." Nuriko grinned.
"Are you fuckin' crazy? I fuckin' hate women!"
"But I thought you told Miaka that you didn't hate women anymore."
"Okay, I don't really, but they're so fuckin' cunnin'! You just can't trust them. I certainly damn well wouldn't wanna 'settle down' with one!"
"Oh, so the stories about you and Kouji are true!" Nuriko gloated.
"Hey! What the Hell are you talkin' about? What fuckin' stories, dammit?"
"The stories that you two are really gay."
"NO WAY IN HELL!!" Tasuki objected, "I'm not fuckin' gay! I just wouldn't ever want a wife. The things they can do to a guy… " he shuddered.
Nuriko gave Tasuki a strange look. "You sound almost as though you're afraid of women." he said, stunned.
"I'm not scared of anythin', dammit! It's just that I have FIVE older sisters who run my life anytime I'm home, and my mother's even worse. She almost smothered me to death when I was a baby. Shit! I don't even like thinkin' about it! Wouldn't you be a bit wary of women in my situation?"
Nuriko shuddered himself. "Wow, that is kinda scary! No wonder you never talk about your family!" he smiled again. "I'm sure Iris would be kind to you. She seems like a nice understanding girl."
"I say it again: Are you fuckin' crazy?! She's weird and violent, and she's always hangin' around."
"Maybe there's a reason for that." Nuriko suggested.
"Oh, just shut the fuck up. So, how are you and Houki gettin' along? Is she gonna share Hotohori with you?"
Nuriko glared at him. "Wanna get smacked?"
Tasuki just laughed harder, so Nuriko slammed him into the wall and stormed out.
Meanwhile, Iris was wandering the halls looking for Mitsukake. Her mind wasn't really on her quest, though, it was roughly split between worry over her friend's illness and thoughts of Tasuki. Even though she know her chances of winning his love were slim to none, it didn't stop her from wishing it was possible. Being here in this world was like a dream come true for her, but that dream would be incomplete if she couldn't somehow convince Tasuki that loving her wouldn't kill him. She was becoming more and more doubtful of this ever happening, though.
"Oh, why does he have to be so cute and so darned unreachable?" Iris complained to the sympathetic wall, "Personally, I think I might even be worse off than Elwing. At least, she told me, Chichiri used to have a fiancee, so she knows it's possible for him to fall in love. With Tasuki… " Iris sighed. "What is wrong with Elwing anyway? I've never seen her get a headache that didn't dip in intensity from time to time. This one seems to be getting steadily worse as time goes on." She just shook her head. Finally she noticed Mitsukake. "Hey, Mitsukake!" she called and ran up to him, "Did you find Elwing? How is she?"
Mitsukake nodded to Iris in greeting. "She seems a bit touchy. Certainly her headache is bothering her, but I don't really know what the source of it is. All I could tell was that she was very much on edge." He didn't mention Elwing's crying fit, or what she had said about her feelings for Chichiri. After all, he could see in Elwing that same need for privacy that was in him too, and felt it would be only fair to respect it.
In another of the palace's myriad hallways, Elwing was also looking for Mitsukake. Her headache had gotten to the point of being a migraine, and although Tama, being a sweet and helpful cat, was trying to lead her, she was having a hard time following him with her vision blanking out every so often and her equilibrium turned on its side. She felt almost drunk, and had to walk with her arm on the wall for support. Tama hurried back to her, and with a worried "Meow" circled around behind her ankles to turn her in the right direction.
Chichiri was still fishing as the sun went down, the beautiful and peaceful surroundings allowing him to turn things over in his mind.
'On the one hand, Elwing is an attractive young woman who is also kind and concerned with her friends. On the other hand, she seems to have been hurt at some time in the past, and I have no intention of compounding that.' he thought, 'If I care about her, how do I know she could ever care about me? Then again, she seems quite capable of handling her own sadness, so why should I think that just because my past is sad, she wouldn't be just as adept at dealing with the sadness I carry with me?' Chichiri lectured himself. 'I have taken holy vows, and yet, I can't use that as a way out of this dilemma, since marriage is certainly allowed in my sect of Chi'an.'
Chichiri broke off his musings as he became aware of an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Something's wrong with Elwing, no da!" he exclaimed, and popped into his kasa to where she was.
The scene which met Chichiri was one of distress. Elwing was leaning against the wall with an obviously concerned Tama-neko tugging at her skirt.
"What's wrong, no da?" he asked worriedly.
"I don't feel very good." Elwing moaned, "I wanna go to bed, but this darned cat won't let me." she complained.
"Lean on me, I'll help you, no da." Chichiri offered.
"Thanks." she said with a weak smile, "You're so nice." She leaned on his shoulder and he led her down the hallway toward her room.
Chichiri could feel heat radiating off her. "You have a fever, no da!"
"If you say so. Can I go to sleep now?"
"Not just yet, no da. We have to get you to your room first. I'd use the kasa, but that would probably make you fee worse, no da."
Elwing was concentrating her entire being on simply putting one foot in front of the other, and so didn't respond.
Luckily they weren't far from her room, so when her feet finally buckled out from under her, Chichiri was able to carry her the last few steps into the room and lay her gently on the bed.
"You just rest here, I'll get Mitsukake and I'll be right back, no da."
"No! Don't leave!" Elwing pleaded, grabbing his arm, "Stay here and talk to me. Please? I really don't feel very good, and I can't see anything in here. I need to focus on a voice. Please?!" she begged.
"Alright, Tama's a pretty smart cat, I'll send him, no da." Chichiri agreed. He picked Tama-neko up and looked very seriously at him. "I need you to get Mitsukake for me, no da." he instructed the cat. Tama meowed and ran off as soon as he was placed on the ground. "You see, I'm still here with you, no da." Chichiri reassured Elwing. He pulled up a chair beside the bed and began telling her a story about the seishi's trip to Hokkan-koku, and how Tasuki was so afraid of water.
Mitsukake and Iris were still talking, or rather, Iris was still talking to Mitsukake, when Tama found them. He meowed urgently and indicated that they should follow him, then took off at a run back toward Elwing's room, Iris and Mitsukake trailing behind. The commotion as they ran by alerted the rest of the seishi that something was wrong, and they followed as well. When they reached the room, Chichiri was sitting holding Elwing's hand, and she was seemingly unconscious. She didn't have enough energy to speak, anyway.
"Thank Suzaku you're here, no da!" Chichiri said to Mitsukake with a sigh of relief, "She has a fever of some sort, no da."
The room was crowded with all the seishi, Iris, and two of the palace guards, so Mitsukake shooed them out.
"I need room to work." he insisted, "If you could all wait outside, I'll see what I can do."
"Even me, no da?" Chichiri asked, dismayed.
"Even you. I'll let you know as soon as there is any change, but I just need to do this privately this time."
Chichiri acknowledged this, and went to wait outside with everyone else. Hotohori dismissed the guards, who had come because they thought someone might be under attack, and everyone else waited anxiously outside the door.
Inside the room, Mitsukake was worried. He was fairy sure Elwing's sickness was being caused by mental anguish of some sort, and he wasn't sure whether his healing powers would be of much help. He was willing to try, however. He knelt by Elwing's bed and extended his left palm over her, letting the green energies of his healing power flow through her. It actually seemed to work a little. Elwing lifted herself up on her elbows, but her gaze was abstracted and blank.
"Chichiri?" she whispered.
"No, it's Mitsukake." he corrected her, but she didn't seem to hear him.
"Chichiri, please, you have to decide! One way or the other it's your decision, but PLEASE make it!" she pleaded, "It's the indecision that's killing me!" she slumped back on the pillows, her strength spent, "Please? I love you… " her voice faded out as she slipped out of consciousness again.
Now Mitsukake knew the cure. He stepped out of the room to face the anxiously waiting crowd.
"Is she okay now?" Iris asked
"No." Mitsukake answered, "Her illness is one of her mind affecting her body, but I think I may know how to cure her. Could you watch over her until I return?" he asked Iris.
"Of course!" she agreed, and went to sit with her sick friend.
"Chichiri, I need to talk to you." Mitsukake laid a gentle hand on the older seishi's shoulder and steered him into Iris's presently empty room.
"Is there anything I can do, no da" Chichiri asked.
"That's what I need to talk to you about. Elwing managed to partly regain consciousness when I tried to cure her. She thought I was you." he explained, then repeated her words to Chichiri. "If you know what she meant, for goodness sake make your mind up."
"I had no idea, no da." Chichiri said, stunned, "I know what she meant, and I think I can make the decision now, no da."
Chichiri opened the door connecting the two rooms, then shooed Iris out into her own room.
Once Iris had closed the door behind her, Chichiri sat down on the bed and took his mask off, laying it on the chair.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen." he apologized, so serious he actually dropped his "no da's". He smoothed her hair away from her forehead. "You said I need to make a decision, so I'll make it. I love you, Elwing." he let his hand rest lightly on her shoulder, "I don't know why I wouldn't let myself believe it. I guess it's just that it's been so long since I felt this way about anyone." he clenched his other hand into a fist, "And because of it I almost got you killed! How could I be so stupid? I thought I'd learned from my mistakes, and yet once again someone I care about almost dies because of me. I would understand if… "
Elwing raised her hand weakly and placed it across his lips to silence him. "Shhh… It's okay, I'm all right now." she interrupted.
Chichiri smiled and gathered her into his arms and hugged her tightly to him. "You woke up, no da!" he said happily.
Elwing hugged him back, reveling in the feeling of being in his arms, a sensation she had all but given up all hope of ever knowing. "Why didn't you tell me sooner how you felt?" she asked him.
Chichiri pulled back to look her in the face. "I wasn't sure how you'd react, no da. There were a bunch of other little reasons, but that was the main one; that, and I was worried that, like Suzaku no Miko, you might have to go back home to your own world, and that would be more difficult for you if you knew how I felt about you. I've realized, though, that no matter what happens, it is better to at least have known love openly than to have loved only from behind my mask, no da."
"I have to admit that I wasn't much more forthcoming about my own emotions toward you." Elwing said sheepishly. She reached out to touch his face, running her fingers along the outside edge of his scar, "Since I already knew some of the pain of your past, I was loath to push myself in where my attentions might be less than welcome. Besides, I've never been very good at telling guys how I feel about them, I'm always afraid they'll laugh at me."
"But surely other men have commented on your beauty, no da?"
"No, not a single one. Besides, I wouldn't exactly say I'm beautiful… "
"Of course not, then you'd sound like Hotohori, no da. Saying you're beautiful is my job now, no da."
Elwing blushed and smiled sweetly. "You're so nice!" she said.
Chichiri took her face in his hands and looked at her seriously. "I wasn't joking, why is that so hard for you to believe, no da?"
"I'm willing to believe you, it's just, the only people who've ever told me that were relatives, and they're expected to be polite."
"I find that difficult to understand, no da. Surely one or two men at least would have complimented you, men being what they are. Was it perhaps that your father kept you under lock and key? I can think of no other reason, no da."
At the mention of her father, Chichiri saw a raw flash of pain pass over Elwing's features, then she sighed and did something he could not have hoped for; she let her defenses down. The changes which he had previously only seen when she meditated passed over her face, and although that face was sad, it now seemed somehow more real and alive.
Chichiri followed the urge he had felt the other day and traced the line of her jaw and cheek with his hand. "This is the face I fell in love with, no da." he said gently, "What makes it so sad, no da?"
"A lot of things, actually, but most of them come from the fact that my father left us when I was four."
"He died, no da?"
"No, left."
"How can that happen, no da?" Chichiri asked, confused.
Elwing explained to him the system of divorce in her world.
"That must have been hard, no da." he sympathized.
"I was the one who was strong for everyone else, even though I was only four, so I had to be really good at being cheerful. That's why I try to keep my sadness from showing on my face." she explained.
"Well, we can take turns being strong for one another then, no da." Chichiri smiled. Elwing smiled back, and thought to herself that she must be the luckiest girl anywhere. Suddenly she remembered something. "I guess I don't need this anymore." she said, unclasping the necklace she wore and taking a ring off it.
"What's that, no da?"
"This?" her ears blushed, "Well, I found this outside my door one day, and I looked at it as a sign. No one claimed it, so I kept it. You see, in my world, a man will sometimes give a woman a ring which belongs to him, and if it doesn't fit her, she'll usually wear it on a chain around her neck so it can rest above her heart. Anyway, I kept the ring to pretend that someone had given it to me."
"May I see it, no da?"
"Sure." Elwing handed it over.
Chichiri turned the ring in his hands as he examined it. "Do you realize it has my character on it, no da?" he asked.
"It does?" Elwing said, surprised.
Chichiri pointed out "sho" in the center of the ring's design.
"You're right! I never thought of that! The same symbol means 'number' in my writing system, you see."
Chichiri tried on the ring and found that it fit perfectly. "I thought so, no da."
"Thought what?"
"I know this ring, no da." He looked very sad.
"What's wrong?" Elwing asked, reaching out to catch the single tear which trickled down his cheek.
"I don't know how it got to your world, but this ring was an engagement gift, no da. After Kouran died, I threw it into the raging river, na no da."
"You should keep it, then. Such strange coincidences never happen by accident."
"Thank you, no da." Chichiri said, cheering up again. "We should probably let the others know you're awake, no da."
"That might be a good idea." Elwing agreed.
"You just stay here, no da. I'll let everyone else in, no da." He leaned down and kissed her, putting all his love into that simple act of brushing lips, then put his mask back on and went to the door. "Watch this, no da." he whispered. He made a cutting motion with his right hand, opening the door, and Iris, Tasuki, Nuriko, and Tamahome fell into the room.
"Stupid Obake-chan, listening at doors!" Tasuki accused Tamahome.
"Look who's talking, Fang boy! And don't call me Obake-chan!" Tamahome yelled back. The two of them started to fight, and everyone else tried to ignore them.
"We were just leaning on the door." Iris insisted, and Elwing laughed.
"Yeah, sure. Whatever you say, sister dear."
"Are you feeling better?" Chiriko asked.
"I think I'll live." she smiled at Chichiri, who smiled back.
"What was wrong?" asked Hotohori.
"I'm not even really sure." Elwing looked over at Chichiri again, who shrugged.
"We found the cure, that's all that matters, no da."
"What could cure something even Mitsukake couldn't?" Chiriko asked.
"The truth, no da." Chichiri said simply.
"And the truth shall set you free!" Iris quoted.
Elwing laughed and everyone else looked confused. "It's an old saying from home." she explained, "When's dinner?" she asked, "I'm suddenly very hungry."
Chiriko's stomach growled in agreement, and everyone laughed.
"I guess dinner should be soon." Nuriko suggested. Elwing yawned.
"You should sleep for a bit, no da. I'll come and wake you when it's time for dinner, no da." Everyone filed out of the room. The last to leave was Chichiri. "Sleep well, no da." he said, smiling back at her.
"I will now." Elwing said, "I'll have sweet dreams, I know." She blew a kiss after him as he went out the door, then snuggled under the covers and went right to sleep, still exhausted from her illness.
::Grins:: Yay! Fluffy stuff! Hope you all enjoyed, now go brush your teeth! ::laughs:: okay, maybe it wasn't quite THAT bad for sweet-overload. Next chapter things are starting to move, and it's off to see "the old bag" as Tasuki insists on calling her. Oy, Ta-chan, I don't think she likes that name…… -_-;;;