JUST A NOTE: I'm posting today so my posting days aren't on Cassia and Siobhan's posting days. Just to avoid confusion or cramming and all that stuff. ;) Anyway, I'll be back to the every-other-day thing again, but for now, you get a new chapter early. :D
LOL! Wow, everybody's got a question or two, huh? Well, I'm just going to answer the most popular ones for everyone to read:
#1 post popular: IS ARAGORN ALIVE?!
Answer: well- what do you think? Weigh the possibilities, and ask yourself- how many ways could he possibly have survived? I mean, really. Be honest. :D
#2 most popular: Will Legolas ever get over his pain?
Answer: Well, this is such a plot-related question, it's practically rhetorical. I can say this: He'd better, if he's not going to die of a broken heart.
#3 most popular: Is Thranduil cracked, or what?!
Answer: Well, it would certainly appear so, would it not? ;)
#4: Where in Middle Earth is ELROND?!
Answer: Unless and until we hear from him, I guess we'll have to assume he's in Rivendell, huh?
#5: Is Estel a ghost or something?
Answer: A ghost. What a fascinating idea, really. It's a very spooky plot-suggestion, and has great outlet for angst, doesn't it? *grin*
There you go, the FAQs of Nefredal…and I didn't answer a single one of them. *tries to decide whether she feels more like JKRowling or Gandalf* ;)
Okay, I'll actually answer one more:
#6: How long is the story?
Answer: Nefredal is a record of 17 Chapters, 119 pages. Woah. So, you're waiting has not been in vain, it's going to pay off, don't worry. ;)
Onto specific readers:
Krissnkriss: Thanks for showing up, even if you don't have much time. Don't worry about short reviews, knowing that you've been reading-and-enjoying my fic is enough for me! :D
Dujoran: I'm so glad you're enjoying it! Don't stress over getting reviews for every chapter, really, I understand if you're short of time. It's something we us mortals struggle with all the time. *glares at Legolas* idiot elves have no idea how lucky they are…death of a broken heart is nada compared to the difficulties of ff.net…that sounded wrong somehow. ;)
Lina: *mutters*…*Grimi unties her*…*pulls duct tape off of her mouth, and sticks it on Grimi's head* LINA SKYE WHEN I GET MY BOW SIGHTED ON YOU- *thinks* I'll shoot you with it, I guess. ;) LOL, and to spite you, I'm not going to answer ANY of your questions! HA! *smile fades* of course…I don't tend to answer questions anyway, do I? Hm, so much for that. ;) Never mind. EOMER! WHEN I GET MY BOW SIGHTED ON YOU…!
Lady of the Forest: *hugs Jenny* OH! It's so great to have ya! LOL yeah, I hope you don't mind me using your poem. I just liked it so much, and it worked so well for Nefredal. :) wow, that's so bizarre with your dream. I had dreams last night about how Siri (my sister, Hannah) being Legolas and me being Aragorn, and I was rushing off down the Paths of the Dead, and she said that she would go with me wherever I went. LOL! It sounds like an MC tale to me. :D
Halo: *tapes Halo's shoe to the floor to keep her from bouncing around*…*it doesn't work* LOL! Well, let us not be jumping to conclusions! Or- if we're going to deal with conclusions, could we draw them instead of jumping to them? Lowers the likelihood of things getting knocked off the wall. ;)
The Insane One: *rolls on the floor laughing* SHEESH! I was in tears through that thing, that was great. :D You are- nutty. Yup. N-U-T-I-E. :D And umn- *grabs Legolas out of TIO's grasp* let's not be adding a hair-pulled-induced headache on top of Legolas' already numerous troubles, kay? ;) LOL!
Settiai: umn…*grins* hi. ;)
Maranwe: WOW! Gotta say, you're pretty clever, really. With plots and such. That's a very good point, the parallel between Iston and Nefredal's concepts. Yes, Unafraid is going to come into it…but where? 'fraid that'd be under MAJOR SPOILER so I can't say, but I'll tell you that you are VERY perceptive. :)
ImaginaryWhisper: LOL! Yeah, you should be an announcer or something…cool about the song! I translated "May it Be" into Elvish. That was really fun. :D
Elfling: Oh, don't worry, I know how that is, myself. I'm often torn between posting and reading on Cassia and Siobhan's stuff and posting and writing my own stuff. *sigh* But I completely understand if you can't post all the time, don't feel bad. At least you're reading and enjoying it, right? :D LOL! That was a lousy review, and didn't bode well for what's going on over here, did it? ;) I need to get back into the swing of reviewing Cassia and Sio's stuff. *sigh* ah well, working on it. :D
Bianca: Interesting idea…hm…*patpat* I'm so sorry you're nuts. ;)
Kobi: Thanks for coming!! It's so great to have you back!! :D
Larus: Holy Moly! Okay, let's see if I can answer everything for you. :D
TOO MANY NAMES
Well, I know that that was confusing. That, I must admit, I was worried about, writing it. But you're right, only so many of them will be important later on, and really, that's life, having more than just the main characters in trouble. There are a LOT of elves besides Legolas suffering from Bengwiil, I think was the point I was putting across.
MORE ACTION, LESS TALK
It's true, there is really a LOT of dialog in these opening chapters, but it gives you the feel of loss, confusion and mystery. Action will be in it, though, I guarantee that.
THE ROYAL FAMILY ARE NUTS
Well, Thranduil is struggling with Bengwiil…and several other things you don't hear about yet. Legolas is struggling with loss. You may recall, after Aragorn died, Arwen spent the rest of her days wandering aimlessly where Lorien used to be. It's in the Elves' nature. When they are dieing of a broken heart, they just- kind of die on the outside. That's why Legolas is so far-gone.
THE POEMS AND SONGS
Aaah, well, the idea of putting them there is credited to Cassia who has started putting poems, quotes and song-lyrics in certain places in her and Sio's stories. As for WHERE I get them, the first few were by my sister (Sarah) and one of my dedicated readers (Jenny). As for the songs, like Half-Life, I just hear them, and if I like them a LOT, I listen to them a lot. If ever I reach a point in my plot where I think a song would be nice, I just rifle through my favorite angst-songs. *shrug* I just love music though, so my head is like FULL of great Aragorn-and-Legolas kind of songs. :)
Hope that covers it! Thanks for the criticism. It was very helpful! :D
Okay, here we go! On with the confusion, commotion, mystery, and in this chapter- mist! ;)
******
Chapter 4
Mist of Memory
Walk away
Something's telling me to leave
Cause I can't pray
And I'm too tired to sleep or grieve
Moments come now
For reprieve
And I'll stay right here
Waiting for you
I'll stay right here
Waiting for you now
Please, please
Bring peace
~"Waiting" , Eli~
Edren whirled around at the sound of Legolas' door closing. The prince stood there, looking pained, but a just a little less pained.
"Ready?" Edren asked kindly, approaching the elf carefully. Legolas only nodded, and looked down at the floor. Edren laid a gentle hand on the elf's shoulder, and began walking down the hallway. "Daurré has gone to call on Átniir again," Edren said lightly, fixing his friend with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. Legolas returned the look weekly.
"You know, I have always thought that-"
"That he didn't give up hunting because he's afraid of wargs," Edren chimed in, causing Legolas to laugh lightly. "I know, it's true. Pity that Átniir is so fond of the creatures of the wood. Daurré would have made for a skilled hunter."
"Aye," Legolas agreed. "But I must admit, meleth is more important than hunting."
"Love and hunting," Edren shrugged. "I've managed to balance both, lucky one that I am."
Legolas smiled again, and then sighed. "Where are we going, Edren?"
"I'm taking you to my room," Edren told him softly. "My Thernäd and I would be more than happy to make room, for we've plenty. And I don't think you want to return to yours and certainly not Aragorn's room."
"No," Legolas responded quietly. "Hannon le, mellon nin."
"Don't mention it," Edren responded kindly, giving the prince's shoulder a squeeze. "But seriously, don't. Thernäd doesn't much care for guests who aren't thrilled to the point that they overlook thanks." And Legolas could only smile.
Finally, they reached a tall, oak door. Edren pushed it open slowly, looking around inside the room, before ushering Legolas in.
"Edren, what-"
"Sh!" Edren hushed, pushing the door quietly shut.
"What are you doing?" Legolas whispered this time.
"Oh," Edren blushed slightly. "Well, I didn't think that I'd actually get you out of your room, see, and so- well, Thernäd doesn't-"
"Edren? Is that you, love? Who are you talking to?"
"…doesn't know you're coming," Edren finished, and his cheeks turned crimson. Legolas had only a chance to raise his eyebrows, before a candle was lit, and revealed a tall, fair elf, standing in the doorway. Her blonde hair reached just beyond her shoulder in length, and was half-tied in a flower stem.
"Suilad, Thernäd." Edren tried to smile, glancing nervously over his shoulder at Legolas.
"Suilad," The other responded, half-annoyed, half-amused. But mostly amused, though she tried to hide it. "And what are you doing sneaking around your own home, Edren?" Thernäd finally sighed, the control over her smile beginning to slip.
Edren shuffled nervously back and forth on his heals. "Well, I was- I went to talk to the king…and uh…I found some things out, and- yes. Yes, and then- well, then I went to see Prince Legolas, and I…well, he…was…darling, are you really angry?"
Thernäd's smile could no longer be concealed, and she even laughed lightly. "Well, meleth nin, if I were to be angered every time you do something strange as this, I should be a *very* unhappy being."
Edren sighed in relief, and smiled. "Yes, I- I had guessed that…well, I thought…but yes, you- I am glad you're not angry."
Thernäd's smile widened, and she then fixed her eyes on the other companion. "And who, Edren, have you brought with you?"
"Oh!" Edren turned around, and found himself facing the back of Legolas' head. The prince was shaking all over. "Legolas?" He turned the elf around quickly, so he could see what was wrong. Legolas' lips were pursed together in an attempt to keep from laughing. But a dimple was appearing in the elf's left cheek, and his eyes shone with half-hidden merriment.
"Legolas!" Edren cuffed him on the shoulder, hardly able to keep from smiling himself. "Darling, it is Prince Legolas."
Thernäd put her hand to her chest, moving it away again swiftly, in a greeting. "Welcome to our home, your highness."
Legolas returned the gesture. "Hannon le-" He cut himself off, remembering what Edren had said about thanks. "Hon le pedo Legolas nin? Mav-le garo mi?"
//will you call me Leoglas? As you have always done?//
Thernäd smiled, and nodded, but not before giving Edren a hard, but amused look. "Very well, Legolas. It is good to see you again. Here, come back this way," she said gently, and walked across the living room towards a room on the other side.
Legolas followed silently, but not before sending one last grin in Edren's direction. The look was met with hostility, which only made it widen, and Legolas finally looked away so he wouldn't laugh. But as he did so, Edren couldn't help smiling at the back of his retreating head. And as the prince disappeared after Thernäd into the next room, Edren whispered aloud: "He smiled!" and he raised his eyebrows in incomparable surprise.
"Here, you may stay here as long as you need." Thernäd led Legolas to the simple queen size bed, in the corner. Beside it was a nightstand, and across from that was a small dresser. It wasn't a big room, true, but Legolas felt instantly at home.
"It's not big," Thernäd began to voice Legolas' first thoughts, so he quickly followed up with the rest of them.
"But it is comfortable, and friendly. And restful." Smiling, he took her hand and kissed it. "Thank you, my friend."
Thernäd smiled back, and nodded in a 'you're welcome'. Edren finally appeared in the doorway, and nodded towards the bed. "I'm afraid we have but two spare pillows. You are, I know, accustomed to having much more than that."
Legolas smiled, and sat down on the bed. "Alas, I am indeed, but it does not follow that I appreciate it, only that I've grown accustomed to annoyance." He reached over for one of the overstuffed pillows, and hugged it to his chest. "One shall be more than a enough for me."
Edren smiled down at his friend, and put an arm around Thernäd's shoulders. "Then we shall leave you in peace. Maer fuin, Legolas."
"Maer fuin," the other replied, and managed to keep a smile while the two left the room, closing the door softly behind them.
Their voices could be heard in the hallway, as the two went to their bedroom.
"I am sorry that I did not tell you of Átniir, love," Thernäd whispered. "I found from her today that she told you everything."
"Worry not, Thernäd," Edren responded softly. "If you will forgive my inviting Legolas without your knowledge?"
"Forgiven, and quite forgotten. I am glad you asked him to stay with us again. Though…"
"What is it?"
"You gave him the 'she can't take thank you's' speech, didn't you?"
And laughter was easily heard, until it was smothered by a loving kiss, and then muffled by a closing bedroom door.
Once they were gone, Legolas' façade fell away. Gripping the pillow with all his might, he swallowed the growing lump in his throat, hoping it would keep the tears from his eyes. No matter how hurt he felt, no matter how long he cried, and no matter how convincing his smiles were, he couldn't change a thing. Aragorn was simply not coming back. And as Legolas looked down at the pillow in his arms, and the distant memory it brought surfaced in his aching mind, the thought of losing his best friend completely was almost too much to bare.
He lay down on his one pillow, pulling his feet up on the bed with him, and letting memories echo in his head.
"Goodness, how many pillows could you possibly need?!"
"Alas! Every time I leave home, someone comes in and straightens me room. The unfortunate thing is, they always add half of a million things I don't need, and certainly don't want! And obviously, pillows are one of those things…I can get you three more, if you should like."
Aragorn shook with silent mirth, and snatched one of the pillows. "Thank you, but I think one will do."
"To go with that bed role I *still* say you don't need!" Legolas laughed, and lay down on his pillow-tower.
"Yes, exactly!" Aragorn laughed in return.
"Well, maer fuin, Aragorn. Sleep in peace."
"And you as well, my friend."
Legolas couldn't help smiling at the memory. It was so vivid, it could have happened yesterday. It only lacked a few details…
Legolas sat upright, his eyes dancing panicked about the room. The sudden realization had hit him so hard, he voiced the worry aloud. "What did his laugh sound like? How did Estel laugh…" His mind whirled. He couldn't remember.
He shut his eyes tight, trying to breathe evenly. "Calm down," he commanded his tense body. "Ea na gwiil…think. What did his laugh sound like?" He fought hard to concentrate, and yet he still couldn't grasp the Ranger's familiar laugh. Biting his lip hard, he lay back down, and sighed shakily. "It matters not," he tried to tell himself. It didn't work. And tears came reluctantly through his thoughts.
Legolas shut his eyes, and shook his head. "I will *not* cry," he told himself quietly. But deep down, the never-ending pain of losing a dear friend, the longing to hear Aragorn say 'maer fuin' to him tonight, the constant loneliness of knowing no matter the wait, no matter the longing or loneliness, no matter the tears, it wouldn't change this. Nothing could bring Aragorn back. All this put together brought a tide of tears to the surface.
But though he didn't sob, he didn't attempt to stop the salty tide either. Opening his eyes again, he let them slowly become unfocussed, and prayed in his heart that the Ilúvatar would grant him peace in his dreams. "Peace and Estel," he pleaded of the night, as his mind turned to wandering in mist of dreams. "Just peace and Estel. Please…I want to hear him laugh again…I just want to hear him laugh."
*****
I really want to see you
I really want to touch you
If only I could hold you
In my arms again!
~"In My Arms Again" , Michael W. Smith~
*****
"Legolas?"
It took Legolas several moments to realize where he was. Finally, in the fog of nothing, he saw walls appear slowly before him. Dark curtains appeared as well, and then he saw a bed. He was kneeling before it, his head lying on the mattress and his hands clutching the blankets. He blinked.
"Legolas!"
He sat up suddenly, and looking at the bed before him, realized that there was no one in it. But- how was it possible? Where *was* he? Standing to his feet, he looked about wildly. "Aragorn!"
"Legolas?" The voice was distant and haunting.
Legolas turned to the bed again, and though saw nothing, felt what was sitting there. But this nothing, this vapor, this air, moved from the bed suddenly, and vanished beyond the doorway.
"Aragorn no!" Legolas ran to the doorway, and felt the feeling stay where it was, and it did not continue to the stairs. "Wait, don't go," he pleaded, backing up some so he could try to focus on the nothing.
A sigh echoed off the walls around them, and the vapor turned to fog that swirled and slowly made a shape. The shape became being, and the being colored. Finally, Legolas was looking into familiar blue eyes.
"Aragorn," Legolas whispered in relief, and reached out his arms.
Aragorn shook his head sadly, and held up a hand to stop the prince. "You know you cannot touch me, Legolas. You know I am gone."
"But- no." Legolas shook his head angrily. "I want to *hold* you again!"
"Legolas." Aragorn's voice was soft but stern. "Hauta han."
//stop this.//
"Stop what?" Legolas asked quietly. "Is it wrong to want you back?"
"No," Aragorn said simply. "Legolas, why do you despair?" he asked at last, his voice soft and sad.
Legolas felt a pang of guilt shake his heart. "I miss you," he whispered. "I miss you so badly."
"Oh, Legolas, I know," Aragorn whispered, and he shook his head sorrowfully. "I never meant to hurt you, and I didn't want to leave. I wish I could make you feel better."
"You can do that without touching me," Legolas told him quietly. "You're here now, so don't leave. Just stand here, speak to me, and don't go. And I shan't wake up."
"No, Legolas," Aragorn told him sternly. "You cannot live this way. It can hardly be said that you live at all. You must go back."
"I don't want to," Legolas admitted, sinking to the floor, and pulling his knees to his chest. "I just want to stay as close to you as I can. That's all I want anymore."
Aragorn sighed and sank to the floor as well. "Legolas, I asked you not to despair. Don't you understand? I don't wish you to live this way!"
"Istón." Legolas shook his head. "Oh, Aragorn, I am so, so sorry. I know what you asked of me, I see the truth in it, and I *do* honor your wishes! I do! And I don't *like* being this way. I don't *like* realizing that I don't remember our fondest of memories as clearly as I remember your death! But- I cannot help it. You can't ask me not to miss you."
"Oh…Legolas," Aragorn sighed closing his eyes. "I never asked you not to miss me. I know how strong our bond was. I could *never* have expected you to let go of me. That is why I asked you not to forget me. There is a midway point, my friend. Between despair and hope. You can remember me without despairing for my passing."
"I know this, I just-"
"No, no." Aragorn made as if to put a hand on Legolas' shoulder, but stopped halfway, and held it midair instead. "If you still have doubt in your mind, you do not understand."
"No, I have no doubt," Legolas whispered, looking longingly at his friend's outstretched hand, wishing to clasp it in his own. "I just don't think I can do it."
"You are in control of your own emotions, Legolas. You can *make* yourself let go. And I am not only asking you now, I am telling you. Legolas?" Legolas only nodded, and looked up to meet Aragorn's eyes. "Do not despair."
Legolas' throat closed up, and he looked down at the floor to keep the tears away. "Are you staying?"
"No."
His head jerked up. "But- Aragorn, you must! I need-"
"Legolas, I am no longer with you, but that does not leave *you* lifeless as I. Go. Go and do not forget me."
Aragorn's shadowy form began to look more and more like fog. Soon, he was only a glowing mist, and he began to float away.
"No! No, Aragorn, come back! I will not despair, I promise! I will do whatever you say, I will find a new hope! I swear it-" Legolas' throat constricted further speech, and tears began to run freely down his cheeks.
"Aragorn!" Legolas felt a calm hand clasp his own, and he looked about his room wildly.
"Sh…ea na gwiil, Legolas." Thernäd's voice came softly through his consciousness.
"No! No, Aragorn's leaving. I must find him!" Legolas pried Thernäd's gentle fingers off his arm, and he began running from the room.
"Edren!" Thernäd cried, trying to hold Legolas back by his shoulder this time. "Edren, help me!"
"Let go," Legolas whispered in uneasy calm. "Let me go!" He gave Thernäd a push, landing the elf on the bed again, and without a backwards glance, he dashed out to doorway. Looking about frantically for the door, he ran to it, and jerked it open.
A hand landed on his shoulder firmly. "Legolas!"
"No! Leave me! Aragorn's leaving, I must go find him!"
"Legolas no!" Edren pulled the prince back into the entryway of the room, keeping Legolas from entering the hallway. "Hauta han!"
//stop this!//
Legolas' eyes grew wider, and Edren realized they were unfocussed. The prince was not fully awake. Without another word, Legolas shoved Edren as well. But his friend was not as light as Thernäd, and he was only thrown back a step. But it was enough.
Like a wild animal, Legolas ran down the hall, and swerved towards Aragorn's bedroom. "No, Legolas! Don't go back in there!" Edren cried, running down the hall with a silver pitcher clutched in his hand. But Legolas began wrenching at the door handle anyway, as though he hadn't heard him.
Just as the door was swinging open, Legolas whispering Aragorn's name all the while, it was pulled shut again. "Edren no!" Legolas tried to push his friend away again, but Edren gripped him firmly around the waist, and hoisted him away from the door.
Before Legolas could respond, Edren swiftly poured the contents of the silver pitcher over his head, and letting the pitcher fall clattering to the floor, held him firmly by his shoulders. "Legolas, lahrink!" He said shaking him lightly. "I am not your enemy. It is Edren."
Legolas shivered slightly, blinking ice water out of his eyes. Slowly, he focused on the elf before him. "Edren?" he whispered brokenly. "I- I…" He cut off in a choked sob, and blinked tears from his eyes along with the water. "Aragorn…" he whispered.
"Istón, mellon nin." Edren pulled his soaking friend into a quick embrace. "Sh…Istón."
"I'm s-s-so sorry." Legolas whispered, his teeth beginning to chatter from the cold water combined with the night air rushing through the windows around them.
"Ú -moe edvad, Legolas." Edren soothed, massaging his friend's back comfortingly. "You cannot help your pain."
//there is nothing to forgive, Legolas.//
"N-not just this. Everything. I- I have despaired for s-s-so long, I've f-forgotten you, and father, and-and even Estel. I was too busy despairing over Estel, I've forgotten everything he told me." He sighed shakily, and then pulled back from Edren so he could look him in the eye. "I saw him."
Edren swallowed hard. "You did?"
"He spoke to me. He told me not to despair, and reminded me of my life. He- he had to go…" Legolas' eyebrows creased into a look of confusion. "H-he left…I wanted him to s-stay…"
Unexpectedly, Legolas' knees gave out, and Edren only just managed to catch him under the arms. "Easy, my friend," he whispered, supporting the prince to his feet. "You have not slept or eaten much in days. You've now officially exhausted yourself, and it is not good for an elf to feel thus."
"No," Legolas admitted. "Thank you, Edren."
"Ea le govonnen," his friend responded, smiling, and grabbing the silver pitcher, before leading Legolas down the hallway once more.
It took them a little while to reach the room again, with Legolas only barely staggering on his feet. But finally, Edren pushed the room's door open again, and they were back. Thernäd rose from where she'd been told by Edren to stay until he returned with Legolas.
"Thernäd," Legolas whispered through chattering teeth. "I'm s-sorry-"
"Istón," Thernäd whispered, moving to Legolas' side, and throwing a blanket over his shoulders. "Come," she said softly and smiled, leading to two to Legolas' room once more.
Legolas lay down on the bed, and pulled the covers over him. "Hannon le," he whispered drowsily. He hated to lie down and just sleep after such an escapade, but he knew his body was tired, and after being emotionally drained for so long, sleep was nothing short of blissful release.
And as Edren and Thernäd whispered encouragements he was too tired to catch, he allowed his eyes to become unfocused once more, and begged Ilúvatar silently. "I don't want to see Estel this night. Please. Not until I have done as I've promised, and finally forsaken despair…"