Chapter 13: Guilt & shame.
Title: Reunion time.
Author: Nikka
Author notes: Hi everyone, If you need to know about summary, rate and all the rest it's all in chapter 1 I'll just remind you that English is not my native tongue so you may find some spelling & grammar mistakes, you're more then welcome to let me know about them but remember you may find them while you read the story. Have fun.
Disclaimer: Angel & Buffy's characters are not my creation (wish they were) they belong to Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt. Other characters that are not familiar from the show do belong to me.
Author's remark: My chapters as of ch 12 will no longer be reproof by Sigma due to the fact that I have no internet and I'm asking someone else to post the remaining chapters for me. I want to take this opportunity and thank sigma for all the help. And I hope you will continue reading my story even without the excellent work sigma has done. Thank you again sigma for all your great work.
"Well I've heard the bloody tale already, so I'm out of here". Spike walked to the door and walked out. By now it was dark outside.
"What did he mean?" Xander wondered out loud.
"Ha?" Willow turned to him. She snapped out of her zombie look, all that has just happened stunned her.
"I asked, what did Spike mean when he said he knows the story already? How could he?" Xander Asked Willow again.
"I don't know Xand. I really don't know." Willow seemed confused. She was still trying to process all she has seen and heard.
"Look, Spike is not the issue right now." Cordy said to them. "Buffy is. And I think you need to hear what I saw, what I felt."
That got everyone's attention. Cordy took a chair and set around the table. The rest of the scoobies and AI team set as well. All looking at Cordelia. All looking for answers.
What I'm about to tell you is not easy. You may choose not to believe me, but I can reassure you what I'm about to tell you is the truth. I felt it myself, I still feel it." Cordelia took a big breath. How can she tell them? How will she tell them?
"Cordy?" Xander called her name gently. He knew she was angry with him, he didn't know why. But seeing her powers he wasn't about to piss her off just to satisfy his curiosity.
"I'm sorry." Cordelia apologized. She didn't even notice how her thoughts drifted.
"We're ready." Dawn said giving the final o.k. .
"I know you are sweaty, it's just… it's hard to find the words. I don't want to hurt your feelings and what ever I say, it's going to come out wrong". Cordy explained her hesitation.
"Just say it. We can handle it, I promise." Willow said impatiently to Cordelia.
Suddenly she felt a hand touching her hand she glanced aside and saw Angel next to her holding her hand. Now she felt safe. She knew what she had to do.
"When Buffy died, she didn't go to a hell dimension." Cordelia started to explain.
"So where did she go?" Anya jumped in.
"Anya!" Xander gave her look and she quieted down.
"I don't know exactly. But where ever she was at, she was happy." Cordy looked around. those last three words echoed in the room. She couldn't stop. not now. "She felt complete and done. They were finished, her life, her job, and her obligations. They were all done. Deep down she knew you would all be fine. She knew someone would take her place. Not just as a slayer, but as a parent as well, as a friend." Cordy stopped. She wanted to give it time to sink in. she knew it was too much for them to hear, but they had to.
"She…she was happy?" Dawn asked with tears in her eyes. "She was happy to leave me?"
"No dawnie, no." Cordy turned to face Dawn. "She didn't feel happiness for leaving you, she missed you. All of you. She felt happy knowing you were all safe, and that eventually you will go on with your life and be happy and built a life for yourself. That's what made her happy." Cordelia hopped Dawn listen to her. Really listen.
"And we took her out of there, right?" Willow asked Cordy not expecting an answer. "We pulled her out of the perfect place she was at. We yanked her out of heaven? Is that what you're telling me Cordelia? Is it?" This time Willow raised her voice. She was angry. More with herself then with Cordelia.
"Willow, I'm sorry." Cordy said to her.
"She lied to us." Xander said all of the sudden.
"What?" Tara asked not understanding what he meant.
"She lied to us Tara. We stood right here and asked Buffy where she was? Remember?" Xander looked angry also. "She said we saved her. She said thank you. She lied."
"Well what did you expect here to say; 'hi guys thanks for taking me out of haven and back here in this wonderful place where I can fight monsters, and pay bills and have a crappy job and have no love life.' Yeah that's sounds great Xander." Anya said sarcastically.
"No Anya. But she could have told us. We would have helped her." Willow said.
"Help how? Kill her again. Because that's the only way you could have helped her. Truly helpe her." Anya pushed on.
"Anya you're acting like we're the only one's guilty." Xander yelled at her.
"Well you two are the only ones on trial." Anya said while pointing at Xander & Willow.
"If you felt it was so wrong why didn't you say something before?" Tara asked.
"The same reason you didn't. You knew just like me that you couldn't talk Willow out of it. She was so in to it you could never convince her of anything else."
"So you're blaming me." Willow got up real quickly.
"Well, if the shoe fits…" Anya said.
The fighting rose. Each person blamed the other. They kept it on till Dawn stepped in.
"Stop it." She said loudly but no one listened. "S-T-O-P I-T" she yelled. This time everyone heard her. They all stopped arguing and looked at her. Her eyes were red from crying.
"I don't care which one of you decided to bring my sister back. I don't care she didn't tell you the truth. She was more then a friend to you then you ever were to her." Her words were like knifes to the scoobies. "The magistrate was right. You are selfish, we all are. Look at us. We just learned that Buffy was in heaven and we… well you took her out of there and instead of looking for her, we're… again you, standing here arguing about whom to blame. Have you no shame." Their heads were lowered; they knew the teenager was right. "I'm going to find my sister. You can stay here and fight. I don't care." Dawn walked to door and left leaving the rest stunned and ashamed.
"For the first time in 5 years you actually made me feel ashamed. You shame me". Giles said to them. "I'm going to help Dawn find Buffy I hope you will all have the sense to stay here." He looked at them. It was a look of disappointment, of shame. He left in hurry trying to catch up with Dawn.
After that no one spoke. They all felt ashamed of themselves. They all wished they could make it better, for Buffy not for them.
"So, I guess we're guilty. Work your mojo, take her back to where she belongs." Willow said to the magistrate who was still at the magic box.
"I'm afraid I can't." Willow looked confused by his answer. She was sure they would be found guilty. "You see you are guilty. I find you all guilty." The magistrate said.
"O.k. then. We know the punishment already. You change what ever we did. You undo it, right?" Xander said waiting for a confirmation.
"Wrong. I punish according to the situation at hand. Usually I reverse the spell and let you live with the knowledge that you lost your friend again. But in this situation it will only give you peace of mind."
"How can you say that? Loosing Buffy will make us happy?" Tara resented the idea.
"I didn't say happy, I said 'peace of mind'. There's a difference." The magistrate explained. "You are feeling ashamed, confused. You want to make it better for your friend and by that make it better for yourself as well. If Buffy returns to her heaven your guilt will be lifted. Yes you will miss her but you won't feel guilty or ashamed. And guilt and shame are more powerful punishments then grief will ever be." The magistrate smiled his wired smile at them.
"You mean you're keeping Buffy here because you rather see us feel guilt and shame then sorrow?" Willow tried to understand.
"Precisely my dear. Now I must go."
"Wait!" Tara said to him. "What about Buffy? She's in pain."
"I know. And I'm sorry for her. But despite your actions she do belongs here and with time she'll be fine. Be there for her, more then you've been so far." The magistrate picked up his hat and cane and walked towards the door.
"What about my visions?" Cordelia asked him.
"Your visions, my dear?" The magistrate didn't seem to understand her question.
"I had visions of scared people in dark corners, what about that?" Cordy asked.
"Ho, that was just to make sure you get here quickly. I asked a favor from the powers."
"What?!" Cordy was stunned. "You tricked me? How is it possible?"
"I'm sorry, but if I would have sent you visions about us talking you'd probably just have called to make sure everyone are well." The magistrate explained.
"How can I trust the powers again? How can I trust the visions they send me?" Cordy asked him confused.
"First of all you have no choice and secondly… don't worry this was a one time favor. Never again." And with that he opened the door and left.
"I… I can't believe they did that. They put me… us through all of this just so that they can learn the truth. Unbelievable". Cordy summed up the whole journey.
"So are we leaving now or what?" Gunn asked.
"No, not yet. We still need to make sure they are all fine." Angel said and glanced at the remaining of the scoobies.
"So I guess we're going back to Buffy's house?" Fred asked and everyone just nodded.
They picked up Conor's things and left the shop leaving Tara, Anya, Xander & Willow alone with their thoughts. They didn't speak they just stared at the floor trying to make sense of it all. It would take time, lots of time.
"I'm going home. My home" Anya said and walked to the door.
"Can I join you?" Xander asked.
"It is your home as well." She said and he took it as yes and followed her.
"We better lock up. Do you have the keys?" Tara asked Willow who still stared at the floor.
"Giles keeps an extra set under the counter on the left." Willow said quietly.
"Got it. Let's go sweaty, we can deal with this later." Tara said to Willow. Willow didn't say a word she got up and walked to the door. She knew if she gets home she'd have to face Buffy, Dawn & Giles.
"This is going to be a long night." Tara said to herself as she lucked the door.
TBC
Hi ppl, I want to write at least two more closing chapters. So hang on. I think it's important to the story to close some issues, important issues.
Review please. Thank you.
Nikka.