Chapter 37: Inside outside

Title: Reunion time.

Author: Nikka

Author notes: Hi everyone, If you need to know about summary, rate and all the rest it's all in chapter 1 I'll just remind you that English is not my native tongue so you may find some spelling & grammar mistakes, you're more than welcome to let me know about them but remember you may find them while you read the story. Have fun.

Disclaimer: Angel & Buffy's characters are not my creation (wish they were) they belong to Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt. Other characters that are not familiar from the show do belong to me.

Author's remark: My chapters as of ch 12 will no longer be reproof by Sigma due to the fact that I have no internet and I'm asking someone else to post the remaining chapters for me. I want to take this opportunity and thank sigma for all the help. And I hope you will continue reading my story even without the excellent work sigma has done. Thank you again sigma for all your great work.

"God, if only I had a bad habit. I should get me one of those." She crashed on the bed, sighing. "How pathetic am I?" She took Mr. Gordo in her hands and lifted him up referring the question to him. "I know I want to see him. I know I miss him, but I won't." She turned to her side. "And you know why Mr. Gordo? Do you know why? Because I'm so pathetic I prefer to stay here and moan over the lost of my greatest love ever than be with him." She turned again laying on her back. "And Fred of all people? She showed me the light… Sort of speak. God I'm pathetic." She yelled out.

"No you're not." Buffy looked at Mr. Gordo confused until she realized the voice was coming from the doorway. She raised her head still lying and saw Dawn. "Go away Dawn I need some Buffy time." She leaned down.

"No, I think you need a physiologist, preferably one who specializes in multiple personalities, but that's not why I'm here."

Trying to ignore the insult she sat up and decided to hear what she had to say. "Fine, shoot. It can't get any worse."

"You just have to admit to yourself you're in love with Spike, that's all." Dawn smiled as she crossed her hands.

"I take that back, this is worse. What are you kidding me?" Buffy laughed.

"Laugh all you want, I see the truth. I notice all the things others don't." Dawn looked pretty confident in her conclusion. She walked towards the bed and sat next to Buffy. "You see, the advantage of always getting ignored is that you get to watch from the side. And after awhile people forget you're even there and speak freely."

Buffy didn't like the way Dawn depictured her situation. But she also knew she was right. "Dawn it's not that we ignore you. It's just that…"

"You ignore me. And don't worry I know it's for the greater cause." Dawn seemed pretty relaxed about the whole thing. "Buffy, the minute you admit to yourself your true feelings for Spike, is when you'll stop feeling pathetic and sad." Dawn summed in all up.

"That simple ha?" Buffy didn't reject the idea immediately, and Dawn liked it a lot.

"Yeah. Just go to him." She smiled and got up heading for the door.

"Wait!" Buffy called out to her and Dawn turned. "Is that it? Now you're bailing on me?"

"I'm sorry but my sister told me to stay in my room for the rest of the evening." She smiled and walked out.

"That little…" Buffy sat on the bed staring at Mr. Gordo and thinking about what her little sister said. Oddly enough she seemed to have a solution. Buffy didn't say it was prefect, but something is better than nothing, right? She got up grabbed her coat and went downstairs.

"How are you doing?" Xander came in caring a tray with a glass of juice and a sandwich. He laid the tray on the coffee table and sat on the edge of the couch where Cordelia laid.

Cordelia slowly sat up as Xander handed her the juice. "Are you gonna lecture me too, cause I'm Sorry but Spike beat you to the punch." She took a sip form the juice.

"No. I just wanted to see how you were." Xander's voice was weak and hard.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you." Cordelia handed him the glass and he put it on the tray. "I just can't hear anymore lectures about how Conor is already dead, and how I should give up and focus on the important issues."

I won't tell you what you already know, Cor. I just don't have the energy."

"Xander, don't give up we can still win this, it's not too…"

"Yes it is." he cut her off. "It is too late. I already lost everyone I ever cared about, except for Anya and something tells me she's next." He didn't cry, he sounded realistic in a spooky way.

"Xand…" Cordelia didn't know what to say to him. In her heart she knew he was right. She had the same feeling. She honestly believed that from all of them she'll be the last on to die, and not because she's lucky but the opposite. He'll let her live on and see everyone she ever loved die and then when all hope is gone, maybe then he'll let her die. Maybe. "I think I'll be the one left to mourn you all." She whispered softly almost afraid to say it out loud.

"I think you're right." Xander looked at her and then got up and walked away.

"What did she mean? Is this my faith to be left all alone, to see all my friends die." Cordy didn't like the idea of her grim future. The thought of seeing everyone she loved die scared her more than death. She looked at Doyle for answers.

"I'm sorry princess."

"You're sorry cause it's true or cause you can't give me a real answer?"

"Both." Doyle replied.

"Well I can't accept that. I don't think the Dorkanious or Angelus for that matter will let me live just for the fun of it. Well… maybe Angelus, but the Dorkanious strikes me as a head-on person. Not the type to play games."

"So what do you think? he got an alternative motive. Some hidden agenda?" Doyle asked.

"Yeah, and I bet she has all the answers." She looked at her self-laying on the couch asleep. "I need to find a way to tap into her mind, to find out what she knows. Can I? Is there some way to pull it off?"

"Spike are you here?" She called out as she entered the crypt. She knocked and knocked but there was no answer. "Probably out playing cards for kittens." She said to her self as she looked around. Oddly enough the place seemed better than earlier. "Most have tidied up the place." She said to herself smiling.

"Yeah, but not for you." Buffy jumped and turned around. There was Spike standing in the doorway holding a brown paper bag.

"Entertaining?" She asked.

"Ha?" Spike came in and closed the door behind him.

"The clean crypt, the shopping." She pointed to the bag he was carrying.

"Blood." He replied and headed for the fridge.

"So I was thinking…"

"What? I give you a happy and then you'll run off again while calling me names." Spike had no intention of letting her earlier behavior slide.

"Look I'm sorry I reacted the way I did, I just didn't expect this." Buffy tried to explain.

"If you kiss someone and undress him you should know how it would end."

"You know what I mean." Buffy didn't like his attitude. She knew she deserved it, but still.

"I don't want to play games Buffy…"

"Me too." She interrupted him.

"Let me finish." He snapped at her. "So I think for our sakes we should stop this thing we have. You may not feel a thing but as for me there are feelings involved." She never heard him speak so honestly and without any remarks.

"But that's what I came here to tell you… That you may not be alone in the feeling part."

Spike looked at her confused. He didn't know what to make of this. "Buffy whatever it is you think you fee…"

"That's just it." She walked up to him. "I'm not sure what I feel."

"Well there's a shocker." He frowned.

"Spike." She moved closer and took his hand. "All I know is that when I'm with you I want it to last and when we're apart I can't stop thinking of you."

"So what's the problem?" if she felt the same way why was she pulling away.

"The between time. The moment we let go and I see the world for what it is, I see us for who we are." She tried to explain.

"You mean you see me, the soulless killer, right? How can the protector of good, of mankind be with a vicious killer?" Spike backed away turning his back to her.

"No, you're not a killer, not anymore."

Spike turned quickly and grabbed her. "Of course I am, I'll always will be. I'm just on delay."

She felt scared, she actually feared him at that moment. He let go of her and turned away.

"Spike, I don't have easy answers. And I know that if we have a problem dealing with this, what would the world say." She reached out and placed her hand on his shoulder. "Look how Angel reacted."

"But of curse, we always go back to Angie, the great love, the one true love." Spike walked away creating a distance between them.

"Apparently not so true." Buffy looked down to the floor, still Fred's words echoed in her mind. "Angel loves another." She looked up at him.

"You mean vision girl." Spike didn't seem surprised.

"Yeah." She replied.

"Well I'm sorry you're hurting, but I'm not your consolation prize."

"I never said you were." Buffy tried to get closer but he kept pulling away.

"I want to love you not just sleep with you." He walked towards her. She felt her heart beating like crazy.

"I can't promise love." She said. Now they were standing face to face. She reached out and caressed his check.

"I'm not asking for love… not yet." He touched her lips. She shivered.

"Then what?" She closed her eyes letting his touch intoxicate her.

"No hate, no rejection." He leaned down almost kissing her stopping at the last moment. Buffy opened her eyes. "Can you promise that much?" He whispered.

"Yes." She said and gently kissed him.

"Doyle?" She called his name when he didn't answer her. "Is there a way?"

"Princess I don't think this is the best idea…"

"I don't care. Can it be done?" Cordy had a target and she wasn't about to give up.

"Yes. But it's risky."

"Fine, let's do it." Cordy didn't care about the risk involved

"Wait, don't you want to know why it's risky?"

"No, cause I don't care. Just tell me what to do Doyle." She ordered.

"Cor…"

"Doyle." She looked him straight into his eyes. "I'm not asking."

"Fine, but if something goes wrong you take the blame." Doyle knew he couldn't talk her out of it. "Remember your recent birthday?"

"You don't forget the day you become part demon. Although for you it was a birth thing."

"Anyway. Remember how you tried to get inside Angel's body?"

"Yeah, but I was kicked out after a few seconds."

"True, but that's because the powers didn't want you to go there, so they blocked the entrance." Doyle explained.

"So this time they won't?" Cordy asked confused.

"Don't know for sure. We'll have to wait and see."

"So what do I do? Just close my eyes and try to get inside of her." Cordy didn't think it would be that easy.

"Yeah. Just lay back and hope all goes well." Apparently it was that easy. "When you get inside you won't be able to move. Because you're trying to enter your own body the rules are a bit different. You'll feel like a visitor in her head. Just try to find what it is you're looking for before she senses you and wake up, or worse.

"What do you mean worse?" Cordy didn't like his tone. "What can she do to me?"

"Forget it, just go in and out as quickly as possible. Learn what you need and get out." Doyle preferred not to tell her everything. Not to scare her off.

"How will I know what to do?" She was still confused on the whole process.

"You'll know Cor. I can't explain it but you'll know."

"Okay then, here goes nothing." She closed her eyes and slowly descended to the couch laying where Cordelia laid. She felt a breeze and when she opened her eyes she was standing in the middle of the street.

(Little remark: here when I write Cordelia I mean the future Cordelia, and when I write Cordy I mean the astro Cordy).

"What are you doing here?" She turned to see who was talking to her. It was Cordelia.

"Looking for answers. Can you help me?" Cordy asked.

"I don't think you want to know." Cordelia replied.

"Yes I do." Cordy insisted. "Can you feel me inside?" Cordy remembered Doyle's warning about the 'worse part'.

"She can't, not yet. She will soon. You don't have much time." Cordelia replied. "If you're sure, I'll show you what you asked for."

"I am sure." Cordy said in confidence.

"As you wish." Cordelia clicked her fingers and everything rushed in. everything Cordy asked for.

Doyle was standing by the couch nibbling his fingernails. He was nervous. Only one minute past by, but with each minute he was getting more and more worried.

Suddenly Cordelia opened her eyes and Cordy was thrown out from her body on to the floor.

Cordelia screamed. Spike came rushing in.

"What is it, Cor? Had another vision?" He asked worriedly.

"No just a nightmare." She was breathing heavily.

"The Dorkanious again?" Apparently Cordelia has been having nightmare on a regular basis lately.

"No it was different, I can't explain it. Let's just forget about it." She sat up." Can you hand me that juice." She pointed to the glass on the coffee table.

"Sure." Spike handed her the juice. As she held it her hand shivered. "Are you sure you're fine?" Spike seemed worried.

"Yeah, just side affects.

"Cordy." Doyle rushed over to her. "Are you all right?" She was shaking and her eyes were filled with fear and terror. "What did you see? What happened?"

"Get me out of here." She yelled.

"Cordy, get you were?" Doyle didn't understand.

"Send me back. Send me back to Angel. I know all I need to." She said in panic.

"Are you sure? It's a one-way ticket. The spell won't work a second time." He explained.

"I'm sure Doyle, send me home."

"Okay." He grabbed her hand and helped her to her feet. "Tell Angel I said hi." He smiled at her.

She hugged Doyle. "You are the best friend I could ever ask for. Keep watching over us."

"I will princess. I will." He took her hand. "Bye, hope you enjoyed your little journey."

She smiled at him and closed her eyes. "Bye Doyle." She whispered.

Suddenly she felt a splitting headache. She grabbed her head. "God my head." She said to herself. She slowly opened her eyes. She looked around. She was lying in bed covered with a blanket. The light was dim. She sat up. Her head was spinning. There was no one else there. She saw the crib and wanted to check on Conor. She pulled the covers and slowly stood up. She looked around but then collapsed to the floor.

Dawn was passing through the corridor when she heard a thumping noise coming from the bedroom. She piped inside to see what happened and saw the bed was empty. She rushed in and by the side of the bed on the floor she found Cordy. "Oh god, Cordy." She leaned down.

Cordelia slowly opened her eyes." I fell." She whispered to Dawn before fainting again.

"Buffy… Angel." Dawn yelled out as loud as she could. "Anybody." She cried out again hoping they can hear her.

They did. Angel came rushing through the door a few seconds later. "What happened?" He asked in panic when he saw Cordy on the floor.

"I found her like this. She spoke to me, she said she fell." Dawn explained.

"Was she awake. Angel asked as he took Cordelia in his arms and lifted her placing her on the bed. The rest of the group joined them.

"I think she was. I'm not sure." Dawn said.

"What is it? Is she awake?" Wesley walked towards the bed.

"Gunn turn on the light! Fred, get me a glass water!" Angel ordered and they both did, as he said. No arguments.

"Cordelia can you hear me." He said to her softly, caressing her face. "Cordy wake up."

She sighed, her eyes started to open slowly. Angel smiled. Fred came in with the glass of water and handed it to Angel. She smiled when she saw Cordy was awake.

"Angel?" Cordy whispered.

"I'm here." He supported her head as he brought the glass of water to her mouth. She took a sip.

"Am I back?" Now her eyes were wide open.

"Yes, you're safe." He smiled at her.

If only he knew she thought to herself. If only he knew, none of them was safe. "How long was I gone?" She tried to sit up. Angel helped her.

"Almost two days." He replied.

She looked around. Everyone was smiling at her. The light was hurting her eyes. She blinked. "The light, it's too bright." She barely finished the sentence before Gunn adjusted the light. "Thank you." She smiled at him.

"Are you all right?" Angel looked at her making sure she was fine.

"Yeah, I'm just a bit dizzy."

"Here, take another sip." He handed her the glass so she can drink. Her hand shook. He noticed that but said nothing.

"We were so worried about you." Wesley said. She looked at him with a smile.

"So was I." She replied.

"You were worried about us? How come?" Angel was surprised.

"It's a long story and there's a lot to fill you in on. Starting with the Dorkanious." Cordy explained.

"Oh we know about him. We got your message." Fred explained.

"You did. I wasn't sure it would get through." She smiled. "I told Doyle it would."

"Doyle?" Angel was confused. "You saw Doyle?"

"He was my guide." She said it with pride. "He was with me the whole time. Through it all."

"All? Cordy where were you? what did you see?"

TBC

Hi ppl,

Thank you s much for your support. I love reading you're reviews, so keep sending them.

I'll try to post the next ch soon. Keep reading and let me know what you think.

Thanks Nikka.