Chapter 49: Fragments of love
Title: Reunion time.
Author: Nikka
Author notes: Hi everyone, If you need to know about summary, rate and all the rest it's all in chapter 1 I'll just remind you that *English is not my native tongue* so you may find some spelling & grammar mistakes, you're more than welcome to let me know about them but remember you may find them while you read the story. Have fun.
Disclaimer: Angel & Buffy's characters are not my creation (wish they were) they belong to Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt. Other characters that are not familiar from the show do belong to me.
Author's remark: My chapters as of ch 12 will no longer be reproof by Sigma due to the fact that I have no internet and I'm asking someone else to post the remaining chapters for me. I want to take this opportunity and thank sigma for all the help. And I hope you will continue reading my story even without the excellent work sigma has done. Thank you again sigma for all your great work.
***
Cordy kept chanting. And the Dorkanious who was weakened was pulled into the portal. "Noooo." he screamed as the portal closed behind him. Cordy and Angel fell to ground simultaneity.
***
They fall so close to one another, almost as if they planned it. Their arms were only a few inches away from one another. She could feel her consciousness slipping back in its rightful place. She slowly opened her eyes. It was dark, so dark. Not even the moon shined through. She looked to her side and saw him lying beside her. The place looked like a battle zone. The trash that was in the corner flew to the other side and all the garbage spread on the ground. There were small lightings fluttering on the ground, Appearing and disappearing, Residues from the battle that took place. She could hear people calling her name.
"Stay back!" She cried out "Stay back!" she said again. "The place is full with energy, electricity." She explained. "I'll check on Angel, so stay back." she said and tried to stand up. At first she fell and quickly reassured the others she was fine. She tried again this time she succeeded. She kneeled beside him and placed his head on her lap. "Angel?" She caressed him. "Baby?" Her voice cracked, she wasn't sure that he made it. He didn't move. She looked at him as he lay there in her arms; he looked so peaceful almost asleep. "God You're impossible," she chuckled slightly. "There's no way for me to know if you're still here, it's not like I can check your pulse or breath, is it?" She smiled and kissed him on the forehead. "So I'm thinking waking up will be a good idea right about now." She kept caressing him hoping he'll move, twitch, and open his eyes. "I'm so sorry, baby. I should have never let it come this far. I tried warning you, I tried telling you to stay away, but did you listen? Do you ever listen? You had to be so stubborn and right, as always. Now you see why I had to lie to you, and look how much good that did."
***
"What's going on there? Who is she talking to? Maybe she's hallucinating." Xander speculated. "You know fighting to the death can do that to a person."
"Like you would know." Anya whispered but he heard her and frowned.
"Nice Anya, really, very supportive..."
"Shut up!" Buffy turned and scolded them. "This is no time for your every day bickering, in case you haven't noticed." She sighed in disappointment and turned looking at Angel and Cordy who still lay there in each other's arms.
***
. "Angel please wake up, I don't know what do to." Tears fall down her cheek. "All you had to do was stay away. Was it too much to ask? Angel?" There was no reply. She could feel him slipping away if hadn't already. "I don't understand?" She said trying to keep it together. "I was suppose to be the one laying like this, not him." She looked at Angel lying in her arm as tears came pouring down. "You said I'd die. That was my role, not his. How dare you bringing him into this to make a point. Is it fun for you, does it pleases you to see me in so much pain." She sniffled. "You said I would die!" She yelled out.
The group who still kept her distance looked at her confused. "Guys, maybe we should ..." Xander stopped half way through when he saw Buffy staring at him angrily. "Never mind."
***
"You said get ready, face your faith and believe in yourself. Was all of that just a lie? Did you bring me all this way and put me through hell and back just to see the man I love die?" She paused for a moment looking at Angel, a decision was formed, and she knew what she had to do, what she wanted to do, for him, for Connor. "I won't let it end like this, do you hear me angel? I won't be some modern story of Romeo and Juliet." She looked up to where the gang stood. They all looked worried and confused. She wished she could tell them how much she loved them, how much they mean to her. She hoped they knew. "Angel? Sweetie? I have a gift for you." She wiped away the tears and smiled at him. "I want you to make the best of it." She leaned down and kissed his forehead. "I want you to watch Connor grow up, I want you to fall in love, I want you to live life to the fullest, and never look back. Promise me that." She looked at the man she loved and knew it was the only way.
"Fred?" She shouted.
"Yes." Fred replied.
"When he asks, tell him; cause she loved you more than life itself." And then she leaned down and kissed him.
"What?" Fred looked confused. "What do you mean...?" A realization came to her. "Cordy no..." She cried out and ran towards her but it was too late. A bright light surrounded the two, she couldn't go any forwarder, the light was blinding.
***
As she kissed him he slowly opened his eyes to see her smiling face staring back at him. "Cordy?" He asked confused. All the emptiness he felt vanished. It was like waking up from a bad dream. "Cordy what happened? Did we make it?"
"Shhhh...." She placed her finger on his lips. "It's all right now, it's all going to be all right." She was glowing so brightly.
"You're so beautiful." He said as he stared at her glowing figure.
"I love you." She whispered to him softly and leaned down to kiss him. As her soft lips touched his he felt a small warm tremble flowing through him. They kissed passionately not wanting to let go. The light that surrounded them grow as the kiss continued. Finally She pulled back and a sad look replaced the smile he loved so. "Remember that and use your gift wisely."
"What Gift? Cordy I don't..."Suddenly a bright light came shouting out of her Angel was thrown back as she turned into a glowing light that soared straight up, so fast he couldn't even touch it.
"No... wait." He stood up looking at the night sky that shined so brightly. "Don't leave me." He cried out. "Don't leave me..." He fall to his knees as the light disappeared from sight.
***
Angel was on his knees His head berried in his arms, unable to leave the spot where only minutes ago she stood, his hands touched the ground trying to feel her warmth.
Fred took the first step forward. She slowly walked towards him and as she reached him she kneeled down beside him and without saying a word placed her arms around him letting him drown his sorrow in her. She could hear him cry softly as tears ran down her cheek. Wesley and Gunn followed her and stood beside them staring at the ground trying to grasp it all.
***
"I think we should go." Buffy said quietly. "We should let them be." She looked at the grieving friends and finally understood what Spike mean when he referred to them as family. They were family to one another and she knew it shouldn't be here. She turned around and started walking away. One by one they followed her till only Willow and Xander still stood there.
"Come on Xand, let's go." Willow reached her hand and took his hand and started walking away. Without resisting he went with her, staring at the ground.
"It's weird you know?" He said.
"What is?" They were still holding hands, like a couple on a date.
"I spend most of my childhood years hating her and most of my high school years loving her, and then I didn't think of her, she was gone. But still I always knew she was there, a phone call from time to time, an update from a friend of a friend. Through out my life she's always been in the background." He stooped and took a big breath.
"And now she's not there anymore? I know I feel it too, except for the loving part, I wasn't gay then." She smiled so did he.
"The Cordelia who di... who went away today, wasn't the Cordelia who I knew all these years ago, hack she wasn't even the Cordelia who left Sunnydale 3 years ago." He sighed, not sure what to say next. "We didn't know her, not really. We knew what we wanted to know. We we're satisfied in seeing only her bad side."
"So what if we have? Will it do any good to feel bad about it now? I don't think so. We made a mistake, it doesn't mean we didn't care about her in our own way, she was our friend too, at least use to be."
"So we have the right to judge her?" Xander said.
"No. But we have a right to grief, just like you're doing now. You choose blame I chose sorrow. In the end we'll meet in the same place, like w always do."
"And where is that Willow?" He stopped and turned to face her.
"There." She pointed to the cemetery they stopped in front of, "By the headstone."
***
After a few minutes past Angel pulled back from Fred's embrace and stood up wiping the tears away. Fred got up as well. He turned to Face Wesley and Gunn.
"I don't understand what happened to her, I mean she just disappeared?" Gunn asked not sure what really happened.
"I don't know, I mean Cordelia was part demon and she did absorb a lot of the Dorkanious's energy..." Wesley was beveled. "Maybe she just went differently."
"You mean die?" Gunn's word echoed in their heads.
"So she is gone?" Fred asked hoping it wasn't true, that it was all just a nightmare.
"I'm afraid it's not a dream, but it's not as bad as you think." They all turned to see who said that.
"Doyle?" Angel looked surprised. He wasn't sure whether he was happy or sad to see him. "What are you...?"
"Sorry Angel, but not now, I don't have much time, they only gave me a few minutes to set things right." Doyle cut him off.
"What things?" Fred asked confused. She knew who Doyle was from stories but as far as she knew he was dead.
"You see; every living thing has a curse of life to go through till the end. Once it's finished every living thing moves on. Some in form of death, which is most people/demons; And some, very unique group of individuals, who gave from themselves to help others, to save others, those individuals move on to a higher plane of existences, a plane were they have no form, no body, but their consciousness is still aware, and they keep on helping others in different ways."
"Like you have?" Wesley was starting to understand where he was going with this.
"That's right, and Just like Cordy did." Doyle looked at Angel who still looked confused. "Angel? Cordy gave you something before she left, do you remember?"
"She said something about a gift, but I didn't get a chance..."
"She gave you life, her life. The powers gave her a second chance to life. After the battle was done she was suppose to die, but the powers gave her a gift of life which she chose to give to you, so you can live."
"But why?" Angel asked confused.
"Cause she loved you more than life itself." Fred who remembered Cordy's last wish said to him. "She asked me to tell you that she did out of love for you."
"She had no right." Angel said angrily, "she had no right deciding that for me. I lived for over 200 years, compared to me she barely lived."
"It's not a question of comparison, it's a question of love." Doyle steeped in. "She did what she wanted to do, what she believed she was destined to do..."
"Cause you told her to." Angel shouted at Doyle. "Once again the mighty powers playing with peoples life." Angel looked up to the sky, "Having fun are you? He lowered his head facing Doyle. "They played her and played me. They orchestrated this whole thing just so they can watch her choose death, the ultimate sacrifice."
"You have a right to your opinion." Doyle said calmly. "But just for the record, they didn't intervene in any way, they truly wanted her to go on, but life changed things. Believe it or not Angel, but they're some things that even the 'Mighty powers' can't control."
"Is it even possible?" Angel chuckled.
"When it comes to love it is." Doyle replied.
"So what now?" Fred asked after a few moments of silence past by.
"Now nothing, you go on with your life. You tell the world Cordelia chase died, you grief and you go on, knowing she's always there watching over you."
"I want her back Doyle1" Angel said all of the sudden.
"Angel buddy, you haven't been paying attention? This ascension thing, it's a one-way trip. She's not coming back, not ever. For this world and for you Cordelia is gone forever."
"So why did you bother telling us she wasn't dead?" Wesley asked in anger.
"Cause I thought you should know. They didn't want me too." Doyle said and looked up. "But I insisted, I knew that that's what she would have wanted." Doyle paused for a moment. "Anyway I have to go, my time here is almost up."
"Will you see her?" Angel asked.
"I don't know, but don't worry she already knows." Doyle smiled.
"You don't even know what I wanted to say." Angel said surprised.
"That you love her, but you'll never forgive her." Doyle smiled a smile of satisfaction knowing he was right.
"And the visions? What's our link to the powers? Is it...?"
"No, not Angel." Doyle completed Fred's sentence. "Don't worry. Everything happens for a reason." He turned around and started to walk away when suddenly he stopped and turned around. "Angel?" He shouted. Angel turned. "The gift had a an extra perk, courtesy of the 'Mighty powers'."
"Yeah. What?" Angel shouted back.
"The curse." Doyle yelled. "It's lifted. "You're a free man." He smiled and disappeared.
***
Buffy was startled by the sound of the door been opened. Most of the gang fell asleep, on the couches. It was so late and they had a very long & emotional day.
"Hi." Angel said as they came into the living room. One by one the Scoobies began to wake up. "Buffy if you don't mind we'd like to spend the night here in Sunnydale and leave in the morning. If that's okay?"
"Of course." She replied. "And you don't have to leave if you need some time to arrange things."
"Thank you, but it won't be necessary." He grabbed a chair and sat down. "We decided to tell everyone she died in an accident. That's what we're telling her parents and we'd appreciate it if you'll stick to that version."
"So she's really... gone?" Xander asked.
"Yes, she is." Fred replied.
"Of course Angel." Buffy said.
"Do you know how to reach her parents?" Willow inquired.
"Yeah, it's okay, we'll take care of it. I think for now we just need to rest."
"Sure, Fred and Gunn can catch a ride with Anya and Xander, and your room is... we'll you know where it is." Buffy felt awkward, remembering that only a few hours ago that was Cordelia's room as well. All she could think of was what will her parents say? What about all her cloths and belongings? It drove her nuts that in times like this all she could think of was insignificants details that no one really cared about. Seeing Angel and the rest so sad and heart broken reminded her of how she felt not so long ago after her mom past away. Then Angel was there for her at least for a while, now the only thing she could do was, be there for him as much as he let her.
"Guys, is 10:00 okay?" angel asked and the rest nodded. He mumbled a good night as he walked up the stairs.
***
The house was so quite. Everyone was gone; it was only he and Buffy alone in the house. He lay in bed holding to her pillow trying to grasp every fragment of her scent that still lingered behind. He saw her cloths all over the room. Some were in the closet, others on the chair and floor and most still in the suitcase. It's like she always knew she really didn't need to unpack. Loneliness started to creep in, making her way through guilt, anger and sadness. It surrounded him, consumed him. He wanted her so much, he could smell her perfume, feel her soft lips on his, feel her warm embrace, listen to her funny bantering. He got up and walked towards the suitcase, he browsed through her things frantically looking for something. He knew she always had it with her. Finally he found it. He grabbed the picture like it was life itself. He looked at it as a soft tiny tear came down his cheek. It was a recent picture right after Connor was born. Connor was held in her gentle arms and Angel embraced her, they were smiling, they looked so happy and content, so at ease with one another. He remembered when Wesley brought the camera and they decided to have a picture-day as Cordy named it. They all had they're picture taken that day, she stared in not so few of them, yet that was the one she chose, the one she always had with her. She wanted to copies, one for home the other for the office. How clueless he was, when he inquired about the choice of pictures; she brushed it off saying that was the one she looked the best in. At that time he thought nothing of it, but now looking back, he knew the real reason and didn't understand how he could have been so blind. As if Cordy could ever come out wrong in a picture, or any thing else for that matter. She was the embodiment of beauty.
He crawled back to bed holding onto the picture, he pressed the pillow to his chest imagining he was holding on to her, memories filling his mind. Slowly memories turned into dreams as he fell asleep.
***
"Do you think she's watching us right now?" Fred lay in Gunn's arms staring at the ceiling.
"Don't know. Maybe she's busy right now, you know settling in to a new place." He smiled thinking of Cordy in a higher plane where they have no shoe stores in sight. "She probably asked if they could send her wardrobe up ASAP." They both chuckled.
"We did the right thing not telling them, right?" Fred questioned their decision about not telling anyone except Lorne, about Cordy's whereabouts.
"We promised the dead guy."
"His name is Doyle, Gunn! Not dead guy." Fred corrected him.
"Whatever. Still they would have freaked and probably tried to bring her back with some more black magic like they did to they're friend."
"Maybe, But they're still her friends. Some of them knew her for most of her life." Fred thought out loud.
"Still, neither of them can say they really knew her, but we can, so we get to decide what's best, just like family do." Gunn said firmly.
"Speaking of which, what exactly is Angel going to tell her parents?"
"Like we agreed, accident." Gunn thought it was obvious.
"Yeah but they'll want to see you know..."
"A body." Gunn completed the sentence and Fred nodded.
"We already talked about it, we'll tell them that Cordy's last wish was to be..."
"I know." Fred stopped him. "Don't say the word, it creeps me out as it is."
"I know, me too."
"And you don't feel like this is wrong on so many levels." Fred felt uncomfortable about lying to Cordy's parents.
"Baby, what do you suggest we say? Hey, guess what? Your daughter isn't dead; she just ascended to higher plane of existence." Gunn said in a sarcastic tune. "Yeah right they'll have us all committed." Gunn had a point, but still she couldn't shake off the weird feeling she had. "It's the only way. If my parents were still around, or if yours were out of the loop like Cordy's parents are, we would have said the same thing. Explaining the way she really died and lived is way too complicated, better keep it like this, and give them a gravestone to visit and a day in the year to moron. It's better off this way, you'll see." He gently caressed her hair till she fell asleep.
***
She walked to the bathroom when she heard noises coming from the master bedroom. She walked towards it and saw the door was half opened. She peeked inside to see Angel packing like crazy. She knocked on the door; startled he raised his head and stopped packing.
"Buffy? I didn't think you'd still be awake?"
"Couldn't sleep, my head is working over time with the thinking and wondering. If I think one more time 'what if' I'll scream."
"I know, me too." Angel let out a half smile, which quickly disappeared.
"Can I help?" She offered.
"That's okay, I got it." Angel refused the offer.
"Actually you would do me a favor, since I can't sleep and need something to occupy me.
"Okay." He said and continued packing. She walked in and sat on the floor beside him folding the cloths that were on the floor. "She never was a light packer, always had to take her entire wardrobe with her, 'just in case' as she put it." He chuckled slightly. Buffy didn't say anything, she just let him talk, and she felt that that's what he wanted. "You'd think that after all these years I'd grow a costume to death and, misery, my two companions."
"No one ever gets use to losing a loved one, no matter what." Buffy said quietly.
"I'm so sorry Buffy." Angel stopped packing and looked up. "I was so caught up in my own grief I didn't even think that all of this, brings back bad memories for you, about your mother."
"It's okay. I'm okay. Whatever you're feeling right now is normal and no one can judge you, or be angry with you. Least of all me."
"At first I was shocked, then confused. Sadness and loneliness came second, but now I'm just pissed as hell."
"You can't blame yourself..."
"I'm pissed at Cordy not me." Angel cut her off.
"Well that's new." Buffy raised an eyebrow.
"I'm pissed she lied, I'm pissed she didn't trust me enough to let me in, and mainly I'm pissed cause she chose her life over mine..."
"What?" Buffy asked shocked.
"What sense does that make?" Angel kept on not noticing Buffy's question.
"Angel?" Buffy grabbed his arm. He stopped babbling and looked up at her. "What do you mean 'She chose her life over yours'? I'm guessing something happened after we left." Angel forgot he didn't tell her about that part yet. They all agreed not to say anything about Cordy's ascension to anyone but Lorne, but as for the rest they all thought, well all except Gunn, that the Scoobies has a right to know about everything else, especially Buffy and especially about the curse. Angel took and unnecessary breath and began telling her everything that happened, everything he could. When he finished Buffy's mouth was wide open, she got more than she bargained for. "Wow." She said shocked, not sure what to make of it.
"I'm sorry I haven't told you, but I was looking for the right moment, which ever that means." Angel babbled.
"So the curse thing is that a sure thing?"
"Don't know." Angel shrugged his shoulders. "Haven't put it to test yet, but if the powers say it is... Well, you know the rest."
"I don't know what to say. I don't know what you expect of me." Buffy got up walked to the bed and sat down taking a big breath.
"Nothing." Angel followed her and sat beside her. "Nothing at all." He took her hand. "I'll always love you Buffy, you'll always be a part of my life. But the thing is, we changed. Our lives changed. I have a son now, and you have Dawn. We both have other people counting on us. I can't leave L.A. and you can't leave Sunnydale." He paused for a moment. "I'm not ready to love again, Buffy." Angel let go of her hand.
"I know." She whispered softly. "I have someone in my life as well."
"Spike." Angel tried to forget about that part of the equation.
"Yeah. And I don't want to hurt him." She looked into his brown eyes and smiled. "We sure have lousy timing, don't we?' They both chucked. "If we're meant to be, then somewhere along the way, we'll meet up again. But I'm thinking, and I guess so are you, that now isn't that time." Angel smiled happy she feels the same way. "Besides, you need serious healing before you could even date again net alone, love."
"Yeah." He mumbled.
"Come on, let's finish packing, if you're still planning on leaving tomorrow morning?"
"We are." He said and continued packing.
***
He was sitting on the couch, enjoying his drink when he heard a knock on the door. He got up and grabbed a sword that was lying on the table; he was expecting any visitors, especially at this time of night. He opened the door the sword in his hand. "Bloody hell."
"Can I come in?" Giles asked, when Spike just stare at him he took it as a yes. "You're probably wondering what am I doing here at this hour."
"Actually." Spike closed the door. "I was wondering what the bloody hell you're doing here in any hour." He chuckled.
"We need to talk." Giles replied.
"And the subject of your choice would be..." Spike said sarcastically.
"Buffy." Giles said.
"But of course. Isn't she you favorite topic, I know she's mine."
"I didn't come here to banter with you, or exchange insults." Giles was getting annoyed with him.
"Then why did you come here? What did you expect this conversation would achieve?" Spike started at Giles waiting for are ply.
"Maybe if you'll shut up and sit down you find out." Giles said and sat on a chair he found.
Spike walked to the couch and lay back holding his drink. "I'm listening, so spill."
***
TBC
Hi ppl,
Thank you for all your support, we're not finished, not yet. And guess what? As it turns out I may go on till chapter 51. I stopped writing this chapter in the middle when I realized it was getting to long. So all the rest I moved to ch 50, which means that ch 51 will be the closure, depending on my writing skills. So enjoy this one, for now and I'll have the two chapters up ASAP.
Oh and review please, for the grand finale...
Thanks Nikka.
Title: Reunion time.
Author: Nikka
Author notes: Hi everyone, If you need to know about summary, rate and all the rest it's all in chapter 1 I'll just remind you that *English is not my native tongue* so you may find some spelling & grammar mistakes, you're more than welcome to let me know about them but remember you may find them while you read the story. Have fun.
Disclaimer: Angel & Buffy's characters are not my creation (wish they were) they belong to Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt. Other characters that are not familiar from the show do belong to me.
Author's remark: My chapters as of ch 12 will no longer be reproof by Sigma due to the fact that I have no internet and I'm asking someone else to post the remaining chapters for me. I want to take this opportunity and thank sigma for all the help. And I hope you will continue reading my story even without the excellent work sigma has done. Thank you again sigma for all your great work.
***
Cordy kept chanting. And the Dorkanious who was weakened was pulled into the portal. "Noooo." he screamed as the portal closed behind him. Cordy and Angel fell to ground simultaneity.
***
They fall so close to one another, almost as if they planned it. Their arms were only a few inches away from one another. She could feel her consciousness slipping back in its rightful place. She slowly opened her eyes. It was dark, so dark. Not even the moon shined through. She looked to her side and saw him lying beside her. The place looked like a battle zone. The trash that was in the corner flew to the other side and all the garbage spread on the ground. There were small lightings fluttering on the ground, Appearing and disappearing, Residues from the battle that took place. She could hear people calling her name.
"Stay back!" She cried out "Stay back!" she said again. "The place is full with energy, electricity." She explained. "I'll check on Angel, so stay back." she said and tried to stand up. At first she fell and quickly reassured the others she was fine. She tried again this time she succeeded. She kneeled beside him and placed his head on her lap. "Angel?" She caressed him. "Baby?" Her voice cracked, she wasn't sure that he made it. He didn't move. She looked at him as he lay there in her arms; he looked so peaceful almost asleep. "God You're impossible," she chuckled slightly. "There's no way for me to know if you're still here, it's not like I can check your pulse or breath, is it?" She smiled and kissed him on the forehead. "So I'm thinking waking up will be a good idea right about now." She kept caressing him hoping he'll move, twitch, and open his eyes. "I'm so sorry, baby. I should have never let it come this far. I tried warning you, I tried telling you to stay away, but did you listen? Do you ever listen? You had to be so stubborn and right, as always. Now you see why I had to lie to you, and look how much good that did."
***
"What's going on there? Who is she talking to? Maybe she's hallucinating." Xander speculated. "You know fighting to the death can do that to a person."
"Like you would know." Anya whispered but he heard her and frowned.
"Nice Anya, really, very supportive..."
"Shut up!" Buffy turned and scolded them. "This is no time for your every day bickering, in case you haven't noticed." She sighed in disappointment and turned looking at Angel and Cordy who still lay there in each other's arms.
***
. "Angel please wake up, I don't know what do to." Tears fall down her cheek. "All you had to do was stay away. Was it too much to ask? Angel?" There was no reply. She could feel him slipping away if hadn't already. "I don't understand?" She said trying to keep it together. "I was suppose to be the one laying like this, not him." She looked at Angel lying in her arm as tears came pouring down. "You said I'd die. That was my role, not his. How dare you bringing him into this to make a point. Is it fun for you, does it pleases you to see me in so much pain." She sniffled. "You said I would die!" She yelled out.
The group who still kept her distance looked at her confused. "Guys, maybe we should ..." Xander stopped half way through when he saw Buffy staring at him angrily. "Never mind."
***
"You said get ready, face your faith and believe in yourself. Was all of that just a lie? Did you bring me all this way and put me through hell and back just to see the man I love die?" She paused for a moment looking at Angel, a decision was formed, and she knew what she had to do, what she wanted to do, for him, for Connor. "I won't let it end like this, do you hear me angel? I won't be some modern story of Romeo and Juliet." She looked up to where the gang stood. They all looked worried and confused. She wished she could tell them how much she loved them, how much they mean to her. She hoped they knew. "Angel? Sweetie? I have a gift for you." She wiped away the tears and smiled at him. "I want you to make the best of it." She leaned down and kissed his forehead. "I want you to watch Connor grow up, I want you to fall in love, I want you to live life to the fullest, and never look back. Promise me that." She looked at the man she loved and knew it was the only way.
"Fred?" She shouted.
"Yes." Fred replied.
"When he asks, tell him; cause she loved you more than life itself." And then she leaned down and kissed him.
"What?" Fred looked confused. "What do you mean...?" A realization came to her. "Cordy no..." She cried out and ran towards her but it was too late. A bright light surrounded the two, she couldn't go any forwarder, the light was blinding.
***
As she kissed him he slowly opened his eyes to see her smiling face staring back at him. "Cordy?" He asked confused. All the emptiness he felt vanished. It was like waking up from a bad dream. "Cordy what happened? Did we make it?"
"Shhhh...." She placed her finger on his lips. "It's all right now, it's all going to be all right." She was glowing so brightly.
"You're so beautiful." He said as he stared at her glowing figure.
"I love you." She whispered to him softly and leaned down to kiss him. As her soft lips touched his he felt a small warm tremble flowing through him. They kissed passionately not wanting to let go. The light that surrounded them grow as the kiss continued. Finally She pulled back and a sad look replaced the smile he loved so. "Remember that and use your gift wisely."
"What Gift? Cordy I don't..."Suddenly a bright light came shouting out of her Angel was thrown back as she turned into a glowing light that soared straight up, so fast he couldn't even touch it.
"No... wait." He stood up looking at the night sky that shined so brightly. "Don't leave me." He cried out. "Don't leave me..." He fall to his knees as the light disappeared from sight.
***
Angel was on his knees His head berried in his arms, unable to leave the spot where only minutes ago she stood, his hands touched the ground trying to feel her warmth.
Fred took the first step forward. She slowly walked towards him and as she reached him she kneeled down beside him and without saying a word placed her arms around him letting him drown his sorrow in her. She could hear him cry softly as tears ran down her cheek. Wesley and Gunn followed her and stood beside them staring at the ground trying to grasp it all.
***
"I think we should go." Buffy said quietly. "We should let them be." She looked at the grieving friends and finally understood what Spike mean when he referred to them as family. They were family to one another and she knew it shouldn't be here. She turned around and started walking away. One by one they followed her till only Willow and Xander still stood there.
"Come on Xand, let's go." Willow reached her hand and took his hand and started walking away. Without resisting he went with her, staring at the ground.
"It's weird you know?" He said.
"What is?" They were still holding hands, like a couple on a date.
"I spend most of my childhood years hating her and most of my high school years loving her, and then I didn't think of her, she was gone. But still I always knew she was there, a phone call from time to time, an update from a friend of a friend. Through out my life she's always been in the background." He stooped and took a big breath.
"And now she's not there anymore? I know I feel it too, except for the loving part, I wasn't gay then." She smiled so did he.
"The Cordelia who di... who went away today, wasn't the Cordelia who I knew all these years ago, hack she wasn't even the Cordelia who left Sunnydale 3 years ago." He sighed, not sure what to say next. "We didn't know her, not really. We knew what we wanted to know. We we're satisfied in seeing only her bad side."
"So what if we have? Will it do any good to feel bad about it now? I don't think so. We made a mistake, it doesn't mean we didn't care about her in our own way, she was our friend too, at least use to be."
"So we have the right to judge her?" Xander said.
"No. But we have a right to grief, just like you're doing now. You choose blame I chose sorrow. In the end we'll meet in the same place, like w always do."
"And where is that Willow?" He stopped and turned to face her.
"There." She pointed to the cemetery they stopped in front of, "By the headstone."
***
After a few minutes past Angel pulled back from Fred's embrace and stood up wiping the tears away. Fred got up as well. He turned to Face Wesley and Gunn.
"I don't understand what happened to her, I mean she just disappeared?" Gunn asked not sure what really happened.
"I don't know, I mean Cordelia was part demon and she did absorb a lot of the Dorkanious's energy..." Wesley was beveled. "Maybe she just went differently."
"You mean die?" Gunn's word echoed in their heads.
"So she is gone?" Fred asked hoping it wasn't true, that it was all just a nightmare.
"I'm afraid it's not a dream, but it's not as bad as you think." They all turned to see who said that.
"Doyle?" Angel looked surprised. He wasn't sure whether he was happy or sad to see him. "What are you...?"
"Sorry Angel, but not now, I don't have much time, they only gave me a few minutes to set things right." Doyle cut him off.
"What things?" Fred asked confused. She knew who Doyle was from stories but as far as she knew he was dead.
"You see; every living thing has a curse of life to go through till the end. Once it's finished every living thing moves on. Some in form of death, which is most people/demons; And some, very unique group of individuals, who gave from themselves to help others, to save others, those individuals move on to a higher plane of existences, a plane were they have no form, no body, but their consciousness is still aware, and they keep on helping others in different ways."
"Like you have?" Wesley was starting to understand where he was going with this.
"That's right, and Just like Cordy did." Doyle looked at Angel who still looked confused. "Angel? Cordy gave you something before she left, do you remember?"
"She said something about a gift, but I didn't get a chance..."
"She gave you life, her life. The powers gave her a second chance to life. After the battle was done she was suppose to die, but the powers gave her a gift of life which she chose to give to you, so you can live."
"But why?" Angel asked confused.
"Cause she loved you more than life itself." Fred who remembered Cordy's last wish said to him. "She asked me to tell you that she did out of love for you."
"She had no right." Angel said angrily, "she had no right deciding that for me. I lived for over 200 years, compared to me she barely lived."
"It's not a question of comparison, it's a question of love." Doyle steeped in. "She did what she wanted to do, what she believed she was destined to do..."
"Cause you told her to." Angel shouted at Doyle. "Once again the mighty powers playing with peoples life." Angel looked up to the sky, "Having fun are you? He lowered his head facing Doyle. "They played her and played me. They orchestrated this whole thing just so they can watch her choose death, the ultimate sacrifice."
"You have a right to your opinion." Doyle said calmly. "But just for the record, they didn't intervene in any way, they truly wanted her to go on, but life changed things. Believe it or not Angel, but they're some things that even the 'Mighty powers' can't control."
"Is it even possible?" Angel chuckled.
"When it comes to love it is." Doyle replied.
"So what now?" Fred asked after a few moments of silence past by.
"Now nothing, you go on with your life. You tell the world Cordelia chase died, you grief and you go on, knowing she's always there watching over you."
"I want her back Doyle1" Angel said all of the sudden.
"Angel buddy, you haven't been paying attention? This ascension thing, it's a one-way trip. She's not coming back, not ever. For this world and for you Cordelia is gone forever."
"So why did you bother telling us she wasn't dead?" Wesley asked in anger.
"Cause I thought you should know. They didn't want me too." Doyle said and looked up. "But I insisted, I knew that that's what she would have wanted." Doyle paused for a moment. "Anyway I have to go, my time here is almost up."
"Will you see her?" Angel asked.
"I don't know, but don't worry she already knows." Doyle smiled.
"You don't even know what I wanted to say." Angel said surprised.
"That you love her, but you'll never forgive her." Doyle smiled a smile of satisfaction knowing he was right.
"And the visions? What's our link to the powers? Is it...?"
"No, not Angel." Doyle completed Fred's sentence. "Don't worry. Everything happens for a reason." He turned around and started to walk away when suddenly he stopped and turned around. "Angel?" He shouted. Angel turned. "The gift had a an extra perk, courtesy of the 'Mighty powers'."
"Yeah. What?" Angel shouted back.
"The curse." Doyle yelled. "It's lifted. "You're a free man." He smiled and disappeared.
***
Buffy was startled by the sound of the door been opened. Most of the gang fell asleep, on the couches. It was so late and they had a very long & emotional day.
"Hi." Angel said as they came into the living room. One by one the Scoobies began to wake up. "Buffy if you don't mind we'd like to spend the night here in Sunnydale and leave in the morning. If that's okay?"
"Of course." She replied. "And you don't have to leave if you need some time to arrange things."
"Thank you, but it won't be necessary." He grabbed a chair and sat down. "We decided to tell everyone she died in an accident. That's what we're telling her parents and we'd appreciate it if you'll stick to that version."
"So she's really... gone?" Xander asked.
"Yes, she is." Fred replied.
"Of course Angel." Buffy said.
"Do you know how to reach her parents?" Willow inquired.
"Yeah, it's okay, we'll take care of it. I think for now we just need to rest."
"Sure, Fred and Gunn can catch a ride with Anya and Xander, and your room is... we'll you know where it is." Buffy felt awkward, remembering that only a few hours ago that was Cordelia's room as well. All she could think of was what will her parents say? What about all her cloths and belongings? It drove her nuts that in times like this all she could think of was insignificants details that no one really cared about. Seeing Angel and the rest so sad and heart broken reminded her of how she felt not so long ago after her mom past away. Then Angel was there for her at least for a while, now the only thing she could do was, be there for him as much as he let her.
"Guys, is 10:00 okay?" angel asked and the rest nodded. He mumbled a good night as he walked up the stairs.
***
The house was so quite. Everyone was gone; it was only he and Buffy alone in the house. He lay in bed holding to her pillow trying to grasp every fragment of her scent that still lingered behind. He saw her cloths all over the room. Some were in the closet, others on the chair and floor and most still in the suitcase. It's like she always knew she really didn't need to unpack. Loneliness started to creep in, making her way through guilt, anger and sadness. It surrounded him, consumed him. He wanted her so much, he could smell her perfume, feel her soft lips on his, feel her warm embrace, listen to her funny bantering. He got up and walked towards the suitcase, he browsed through her things frantically looking for something. He knew she always had it with her. Finally he found it. He grabbed the picture like it was life itself. He looked at it as a soft tiny tear came down his cheek. It was a recent picture right after Connor was born. Connor was held in her gentle arms and Angel embraced her, they were smiling, they looked so happy and content, so at ease with one another. He remembered when Wesley brought the camera and they decided to have a picture-day as Cordy named it. They all had they're picture taken that day, she stared in not so few of them, yet that was the one she chose, the one she always had with her. She wanted to copies, one for home the other for the office. How clueless he was, when he inquired about the choice of pictures; she brushed it off saying that was the one she looked the best in. At that time he thought nothing of it, but now looking back, he knew the real reason and didn't understand how he could have been so blind. As if Cordy could ever come out wrong in a picture, or any thing else for that matter. She was the embodiment of beauty.
He crawled back to bed holding onto the picture, he pressed the pillow to his chest imagining he was holding on to her, memories filling his mind. Slowly memories turned into dreams as he fell asleep.
***
"Do you think she's watching us right now?" Fred lay in Gunn's arms staring at the ceiling.
"Don't know. Maybe she's busy right now, you know settling in to a new place." He smiled thinking of Cordy in a higher plane where they have no shoe stores in sight. "She probably asked if they could send her wardrobe up ASAP." They both chuckled.
"We did the right thing not telling them, right?" Fred questioned their decision about not telling anyone except Lorne, about Cordy's whereabouts.
"We promised the dead guy."
"His name is Doyle, Gunn! Not dead guy." Fred corrected him.
"Whatever. Still they would have freaked and probably tried to bring her back with some more black magic like they did to they're friend."
"Maybe, But they're still her friends. Some of them knew her for most of her life." Fred thought out loud.
"Still, neither of them can say they really knew her, but we can, so we get to decide what's best, just like family do." Gunn said firmly.
"Speaking of which, what exactly is Angel going to tell her parents?"
"Like we agreed, accident." Gunn thought it was obvious.
"Yeah but they'll want to see you know..."
"A body." Gunn completed the sentence and Fred nodded.
"We already talked about it, we'll tell them that Cordy's last wish was to be..."
"I know." Fred stopped him. "Don't say the word, it creeps me out as it is."
"I know, me too."
"And you don't feel like this is wrong on so many levels." Fred felt uncomfortable about lying to Cordy's parents.
"Baby, what do you suggest we say? Hey, guess what? Your daughter isn't dead; she just ascended to higher plane of existence." Gunn said in a sarcastic tune. "Yeah right they'll have us all committed." Gunn had a point, but still she couldn't shake off the weird feeling she had. "It's the only way. If my parents were still around, or if yours were out of the loop like Cordy's parents are, we would have said the same thing. Explaining the way she really died and lived is way too complicated, better keep it like this, and give them a gravestone to visit and a day in the year to moron. It's better off this way, you'll see." He gently caressed her hair till she fell asleep.
***
She walked to the bathroom when she heard noises coming from the master bedroom. She walked towards it and saw the door was half opened. She peeked inside to see Angel packing like crazy. She knocked on the door; startled he raised his head and stopped packing.
"Buffy? I didn't think you'd still be awake?"
"Couldn't sleep, my head is working over time with the thinking and wondering. If I think one more time 'what if' I'll scream."
"I know, me too." Angel let out a half smile, which quickly disappeared.
"Can I help?" She offered.
"That's okay, I got it." Angel refused the offer.
"Actually you would do me a favor, since I can't sleep and need something to occupy me.
"Okay." He said and continued packing. She walked in and sat on the floor beside him folding the cloths that were on the floor. "She never was a light packer, always had to take her entire wardrobe with her, 'just in case' as she put it." He chuckled slightly. Buffy didn't say anything, she just let him talk, and she felt that that's what he wanted. "You'd think that after all these years I'd grow a costume to death and, misery, my two companions."
"No one ever gets use to losing a loved one, no matter what." Buffy said quietly.
"I'm so sorry Buffy." Angel stopped packing and looked up. "I was so caught up in my own grief I didn't even think that all of this, brings back bad memories for you, about your mother."
"It's okay. I'm okay. Whatever you're feeling right now is normal and no one can judge you, or be angry with you. Least of all me."
"At first I was shocked, then confused. Sadness and loneliness came second, but now I'm just pissed as hell."
"You can't blame yourself..."
"I'm pissed at Cordy not me." Angel cut her off.
"Well that's new." Buffy raised an eyebrow.
"I'm pissed she lied, I'm pissed she didn't trust me enough to let me in, and mainly I'm pissed cause she chose her life over mine..."
"What?" Buffy asked shocked.
"What sense does that make?" Angel kept on not noticing Buffy's question.
"Angel?" Buffy grabbed his arm. He stopped babbling and looked up at her. "What do you mean 'She chose her life over yours'? I'm guessing something happened after we left." Angel forgot he didn't tell her about that part yet. They all agreed not to say anything about Cordy's ascension to anyone but Lorne, but as for the rest they all thought, well all except Gunn, that the Scoobies has a right to know about everything else, especially Buffy and especially about the curse. Angel took and unnecessary breath and began telling her everything that happened, everything he could. When he finished Buffy's mouth was wide open, she got more than she bargained for. "Wow." She said shocked, not sure what to make of it.
"I'm sorry I haven't told you, but I was looking for the right moment, which ever that means." Angel babbled.
"So the curse thing is that a sure thing?"
"Don't know." Angel shrugged his shoulders. "Haven't put it to test yet, but if the powers say it is... Well, you know the rest."
"I don't know what to say. I don't know what you expect of me." Buffy got up walked to the bed and sat down taking a big breath.
"Nothing." Angel followed her and sat beside her. "Nothing at all." He took her hand. "I'll always love you Buffy, you'll always be a part of my life. But the thing is, we changed. Our lives changed. I have a son now, and you have Dawn. We both have other people counting on us. I can't leave L.A. and you can't leave Sunnydale." He paused for a moment. "I'm not ready to love again, Buffy." Angel let go of her hand.
"I know." She whispered softly. "I have someone in my life as well."
"Spike." Angel tried to forget about that part of the equation.
"Yeah. And I don't want to hurt him." She looked into his brown eyes and smiled. "We sure have lousy timing, don't we?' They both chucked. "If we're meant to be, then somewhere along the way, we'll meet up again. But I'm thinking, and I guess so are you, that now isn't that time." Angel smiled happy she feels the same way. "Besides, you need serious healing before you could even date again net alone, love."
"Yeah." He mumbled.
"Come on, let's finish packing, if you're still planning on leaving tomorrow morning?"
"We are." He said and continued packing.
***
He was sitting on the couch, enjoying his drink when he heard a knock on the door. He got up and grabbed a sword that was lying on the table; he was expecting any visitors, especially at this time of night. He opened the door the sword in his hand. "Bloody hell."
"Can I come in?" Giles asked, when Spike just stare at him he took it as a yes. "You're probably wondering what am I doing here at this hour."
"Actually." Spike closed the door. "I was wondering what the bloody hell you're doing here in any hour." He chuckled.
"We need to talk." Giles replied.
"And the subject of your choice would be..." Spike said sarcastically.
"Buffy." Giles said.
"But of course. Isn't she you favorite topic, I know she's mine."
"I didn't come here to banter with you, or exchange insults." Giles was getting annoyed with him.
"Then why did you come here? What did you expect this conversation would achieve?" Spike started at Giles waiting for are ply.
"Maybe if you'll shut up and sit down you find out." Giles said and sat on a chair he found.
Spike walked to the couch and lay back holding his drink. "I'm listening, so spill."
***
TBC
Hi ppl,
Thank you for all your support, we're not finished, not yet. And guess what? As it turns out I may go on till chapter 51. I stopped writing this chapter in the middle when I realized it was getting to long. So all the rest I moved to ch 50, which means that ch 51 will be the closure, depending on my writing skills. So enjoy this one, for now and I'll have the two chapters up ASAP.
Oh and review please, for the grand finale...
Thanks Nikka.