Chapter 50: Goodbye
Title: Reunion time.
Author: Nikka
Author notes: Hi everyone, If you need to know about summary, rate and all the rest it's all in chapter 1 I'll just remind you that *English is not my native tongue* so you may find some spelling & grammar mistakes, you're more than welcome to let me know about them but remember you may find them while you read the story. Have fun.
Disclaimer: Angel & Buffy's characters are not my creation (wish they were) they belong to Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt. Other characters that are not familiar from the show do belong to me.
Author's remark: My chapters as of ch 12 will no longer be reproof by Sigma due to the fact that I have no internet and I'm asking someone else to post the remaining chapters for me. I want to take this opportunity and thank sigma for all the help. And I hope you will continue reading my story even without the excellent work sigma has done. Thank you again sigma for all your great work.
***
She was back in her bed. She looked at the clock, "God, 2:00 in the morning? Great now I know I'll have puffy eyes tomorrow morning." She rolled to the side closing her eyes forcing her unwilling body to fall asleep. Suddenly she heard a noise coming from behind her. Slowly without making any sudden moves she reached underneath the pillow and grabbed a stake. And then in a quick turn she jumped up raising the stake in the air. He caught her hand in mid air. "Spike?" She asked surprised. "You scared the hell out of me." She lowered her stake and sat down. "What do you think you're doing here, sneaking in like this?"
"I'm sorry, I thought you'd be asleep by now." He apologized. "I just wanted to leave this," He was holding a sealed envelope in his hand.
"Should I read this, or are you going to tell me what it say?" She took the envelope from him, not opening it.
"I'm leaving Sunnydale." He said to her surprise.
"Why? I thought we were okay, I mean I told everyone, what more do you want?"
"To be the man you deserve." He replied. "Xander is right Buffy, as much as I hate to admit it, He's right, I don't deserve you, not yet anyway, but I'm going to change that."
"How exactly? The only way Xander will ever accept you is if you discover you had a twin brother who has a great-great-great grandchild that looks exactly like you and answers to the name Spike." She said sarcastically.
"If only I wasn't an only child. Who am I kidding if I wasn't I'd probably eat my siblings like angel-face did." H smirked.
"Nice, really nice." An expression of revolution appeared on her face.
"Seriously Buffy, I need to do this, and I need you to be okay with that."
"You're asking for my blessing, why for? You always do as you please." She got up and walked towards him.
"With you it's different, always different." He gently caressed her face. "When I'm with you Buffy, I'm drowning, drowning in you. I can't think straight. And sometimes I forget who I really am; a vampire, a soulless vampire."
"But you can't hurt anyone."
"Can't been the operative word." He sighed as he took her hands into his. "I want you to love me, as much as I love you, I want to be your equal."
"I don't want you to go. I need you." She leaned her head on his shoulder.
"No you don't. You're strong, I'm the weak one, remember?" Nor man or beast, I'm something in between." He whispered to her. "Don't ever doubt the love I have for you, that can never change." He tipped her head and looked into her eyes. "You stole my heart slayer and it's yours to keep." He smiled softly, as a shiny tear came down her cheek. "Don't cry my beauty, you're better off you know."
"Don't say that." She pulled back in anger. "Don't presume like everyone else, that you know what's best for me, I can make that decision on my own."
"I'm sorry, you're right. But the thing is, this is more about me than it is about you." By her confused stare he knew he needed to explain. "I need to do this for me, to discover for myself my own worth. Not through the eyes of people surrounding me, but through my own eyes, my own actions and decisions."
"So when are you coming back. And I know I'm jumping the gun saying you'll be back..."
"I will be." he cut her off. "And I don't know when, I didn't really settle on a schedule." He took a step forward and held her waist puling her close to him. "I can never truly leave you Buffy, but you already knew that." He leaned down and kissed her. It was a sweet kiss, a gentle kiss. As she felt his lips pulling away she pulled him closer not wanting to let go. Finally they pulled back. Her eyes were shining like diamonds. "You are so beautiful." He twirled a lock of her hair in his finger. "I better go. I'm leaving on my bike and sunrise is coming." He leaned down and kissed her hand and turned to the window.
"Spike?" She grabbed his arm. He turned. "Before you go, there's something you should know." She took a big breath, hesitating if she should tell him or not.
"Yes?" He said.
"The curse, it's lifted. Angel is a free man, sort of speak."
"Why are you telling me this?" Fear surrounded him.
"So you'll know, noting changed for me." A big smile of relief spread across his face. "You better go." She said as she stared at the clock.
He climbed out the window, and as he stood on the other side of it, He turned back to look at her one last time. "Buffy? DO me a favor okay?"
"If I can" she smiled
"Don't do anything stupid and heroic, like saving the world, till I come back okay pet?"
"Don't call me that." She chuckled and saw him climbing down and driving off, into the night.
***
At 10:00 o'clock sharp they were all ready to leave. Fred and Gunn came early to help Angel pack Cordy's stuff, only to realize it wasn't necessary.
"Thanks you guys, but Buffy and I finished the packing last night." Angel explained.
"Uh." Fred said a bit disappointed. She thought they should have done it and not Buffy, but knew to let it be.
"Is Wesley arrived yet?" Angel asked as he closed up his suitcase.
"Damn man, Cordy was right. You do pack like a girl." Gunn said as he noticed that Angel barely got the suitcase to close. "You always wear black, what could you possibly have in that suitcase?" Gunn chuckled. "Probably Hair gel."
"Okay." Angel felt embarrassed. "As fun as I'm having seeing you two making fun at me..."
"I wasn't, only Gunn did." Fred defended herself.
"Still, I have something to finish up. So Gunn take Cordy's luggage downstairs and I'll meet you there in a minute."
As the two left the room, he was left alone, to look at the empty room he called home for the past week. He tried remembering their lives before this nightmare began. They were happy, in denial but happy. This week was as they sat the worse of times and best of times. He lost Cordy but got to tell her he loved her, and to hear her say it back. He knew things won't be easy, and they may be joking now, but the truth is, that it hasn't sunk in yet. They're still living in denial. She's not dead he keep telling himself, she just moved on. But then he remembers Doyle's words; she's dead to the world and to you. He knew he'll never see her again, never touch her face or see her smile, and for him it was like death. He lost her. That was a fact; he and the rest of the gang have yet to fully understand. The Scoobies sin their obliviousness are probably the only ones who aren't in denial, who see things for what they're really are.
"Angel?" He heard someone calling him from downstairs. "We're ready." He heard Fred say.
"Okay, I'm coming." He got up, took his suitcase and walked towards the door. He walked out and turned to look at the room one last time. It was funny, he feared leaving this room much more than he feared going back home, although there the memories were more vivid. Again the denial thing, as if he was expecting to see her at the Hyperion waiting for him to come home, As if.
***
"So..." Buffy stood in the living room alone with Angel not sure how to say goodbye to him. She got used to seeing him around that not seeing him will be strange.
"So Dawn will stay with me till the fu..." he stopped unable to continue.
"You agreed on L.A. then?" Buffy asked.
"I haven't spoken to her parents, but I don't think they'll mind. Its where home is, not Florida." Angel explained.
"Are you sure it's no trouble, I mean Dawn can be a handful", Buffy felt uncomfortable damping Dawn at Angel's at a time like this.
"It will only be for a couple of days." He said.
"That soon?" Buffy wondered out loud.
"Yeah, besides her parents and you guys, we're not expecting a big crowd." Angel took a step forward and hugged Buffy. "Thank you for everything." He whispered to her.
"My pleasure." She whispered back. "You hang in there, and if you need anything..."
"I know." He pulled back. "Don't hesitate to call."
"That's right mister, and I mean that." She smiled trying to hide the tears.
"I better go." He said as he took the blanket from the coat hanger.
"Had to leave in daylight." She joked as wrapped himself with the blanket.
"You know me, always have to leave in a big splash." He smiled and turned to the door. He looked at her one last time, leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. "For old time sake." He said and ran out into the van that was waiting for him.
Outside she saw the gang-waving goodbye as the van drove off. "I never thought I'd say that but I'll actually miss them." Everyone looked at Xander impressed. "Not Angel of course."
"Of course." Willow giggled. "Do you think he'll be allright?" Willow asked Buffy.
"I think so. Especially now that he has the curse thing lifted for good."
"What?" Everyone turned shocked.
"I'm guessing they didn't tell you." The nodding heads answered her question. "I'll tell you all about it later. She said and headed back to the house followed by everyone else.
"Where's Spike? I thought he'd be the first one to greet Angel farewell?" Xander asked.
"Spike is gone." Buffy replied.
"Gone-dead? You finally dusted him?" Xander said joyfully.
"No!" Buffy stared at him with her angry stare. "He left town for awhile."
"Why?" Tara asked.
"Apparently he decided he wasn't good enough for me, and needed to become a better man, a better person for me. Now I wonder where he got that idea from?" She looked at Xander with her shifty eyes.
"Don't look at me." He said defensibly. "If it was I. I'd tell him to stay away." **that's true** She thought to herself.
"I guess we'll never know." She said and walked towards the kitchen.
"I guess so." Giles smiled a little smile as he closed the door.
***
About a week later....
They walked into the lobby of the hotel. Fred placed Connor in his bassinet, Lorne turned to the counter to fix himself and everyone else a drink, surprisly enough.
"It was a beautiful service." Fred said. "I'm glad her parents didn't want to have a gathering afterwards, I don't think I could handle that."
The phone rang. "I'm not getting that." Gunn said. "I don't care if the world is ending tomorrow, we are not working today." He announced.
"It's okay the machine will get it..."And then Fred realized they haven't changed the message yet. "Oh no." She ran to the phone to pick it up but it was too late, the message already started.
"Hi you have reached Angel Investigations..." Cordy's voice echoed in the lobby, every syllable, and every note. As if time stood still they all listen to her voice hypnotized. Suddenly half way through it stopped. They all turned to see Angel unplug the phone. They didn't even notice he was back.
"Change the message, till then keep it like that." He ordered and walked up the staircase.
"Oh god." Tears filled her eyes. Gunn walked up to her and held her in his arms as she wept.
"We just need time, time heals all wounds." Wesley said trying to comfort the others as well as himself.
"That and Whiskey, lots of it." Lorne said and took a zip form his drink.
***
He sat on the bed; lights were off, when he heard a nock on the door. "What?" He said in a cranky tune.
Fred opened the door slightly and piped in. "Connor is up from his nap and I was wondering, if..."
"Not now." He cut her off, "I haven't slept in 3 days, and I need some rest." He explained.
"Don't we all." She smiled slightly. "But you barely spent anytime with him this passing week and I thought..."
"Fred!" He wanted to tell her to go away and leave him alone, but instead he looked up and saw her gentle face smiling at him, he knew she just wanted to help and that she was worried about him. "I just need some time alone, you get that right?" Fred nodded.
"I'll leave you be, but only if you promise tomorrow you'll spend sometime with Connor."
"I promise." He replied and she left the room closing the door behind her.
"Well?" Gunn asked as she descended the stairs.
"He wants to be left alone." She replied. "At leas for the rest of the evening."
"Should we let him, I mean he's been like this for a week, maybe it's time." Wesley wondered.
"Maybe, but give the man the day to say goodbye." Gunn who knew what it felt to lose someone close to you said.
"Here take the little peanut." Lorne handed Connor over to Wesley.
"Where are you off to?" Wesley asked.
"I have something to do." He replied and walked up the stairs.
***
He lay on the bed staring at the ceiling. The moonlight shined through the window and the light created little shadows on the ceiling. He couldn't stop thinking about the day she left. He couldn't say or think the word die, although to the world, at least this one, she was. If only kept hunting his thoughts. If only I'd done this, if only I'd notice that. His thoughts were interrupted by another nock. "Fred I told you tomorrow, I promise. "He called out.
"It's not Fred." Lorne said from the other side of the door. 'I know you wanted to be alone." He opened the door and walked in. "But there's something I need to tell you."
"Okay." Angel sat. Lorne turned on the lights, which blinded Angel. "Can you turn it off!" Angel said while covering his eyes.
"Sorry I need to see you while I do this, and I don't see as well as you in the dark so..."
"Fine." Angel muttered. Lorne walked towards the bed and stood beside it. "You can sit down, you know." Angel offered.
No thanks; I think I should stand, for my own safety." Lorne started pacing back and forth. "I'll make it brief, in hope you won't be too angry with me." Lorne smiled a pitiful smile.
"Lorne?" Angel was losing his patience.
"Here." Lorne handed Angel a letter.
"What's that?"
"Before I left Sunnydale Cordy gave my a note with instructions and a bundle of letters. This is one of them." Lorne explained.
"Letters?" Angel stared at it confused. "Why would she...?" He stopped knowing exactly why.
"What was the instructions?" Angel asked. To Lorne surprise he seemed calmed.
"Little stuff, like delivering the letters. A few things abut her apartment and belongings, that kind of stuff." Lorne replied.
"So you've known all along and didn't think about telling me." Angel got up as Lorne took a step back. "Tell me, did she tell what music to play at her funeral?" Angel raised his voice. "Which flowers to chose?"
"Angel?' Lorne tried to calm him down. "I'm sorry you're angry, but I promise you I didn't know what would happened."
"But you know it wasn't something good if she gave you letters to give in her name." Angel was furious.
"Maybe a part of me, a little part speculated, but it didn't matter. She's my friend and she asked for my help..."
"Was your friend." Angel cut him off. "No thanks to you."
'Don't try to put the blame where it obviously don't belong." Lorne was getting angry as well. "What happened to her couldn't be avoided."
"How would you know, you weren't even there." Angel said as he turned around his back facing Lorne.
"I know the powers and I know her death was a mystical one, a prophesied one. There's nothing you could have done." Angel sat on the bed as Lorne came towards him. "You can be angry with me and blame me all you like. I know what I did was right, she trusted in me and I wasn't about to betray that trust."
"Anything else?" Angle asked angrily.
"No nothing." Lorne said and headed for the door. "I hope in time, you'll be able to understand why I did what I did, and be able to forgive." He said as he stood in the doorway.
"I thought you believe in your actions? I thought they didn't need forgiveness?" Angel asked cynically.
"They don't." Lorne replied. "I meant forgive yourself." And with that he walked out closing the door behind him.
***
Lorne walked down the stairs knowing he'd have to go thought hat again with the others. **What hell of a job you left me princess** Lorne thought. He thanked the powers he didn't have to go through the same thing with her parents. Luckily Cordy had the sense to know that a letter from the beyond would be hard to explain, so she asked him to open the letter, read it and tell her parents what it said, only make it sound like it came form her. The only thing she didn't think of was how to explain Lorne's appearances to her parents. He smiled, remembering their shocked and confused faces. He still couldn't believe they both Gunn's made up story. He reached the end of the staircase. "Great, here it goes again." He said to himself as he headed towards the group holding the letters.
***
He held the letter in his hands. It was still sealed. He couldn't get himself to open it, he couldn't bear to read her thoughts, her words right now, it would be like having her here with him. **Maybe that's not such a bad idea, Pretending for a while, that she never left.** He thought. He smelled the letter to see if it had her smell, he ran his finger on his name written in her handwriting. He took an unnecessary breath and opened the letter.
***
TBC
Hi ppl,
Like I thought, this story will not end in chapter 5o, I hope 51 will be enough. I know you're probably tired of reviewing and you just want to know how it all ends, but I still wan to know what you think. Although I know I want it to end, it could change depending you're reactions to this chapter and all the rest. So review. Enjoy this one and I hope I'll have the next one ready in a week or so.
Hang in there; we're almost there.
Thanks Nikka.
Title: Reunion time.
Author: Nikka
Author notes: Hi everyone, If you need to know about summary, rate and all the rest it's all in chapter 1 I'll just remind you that *English is not my native tongue* so you may find some spelling & grammar mistakes, you're more than welcome to let me know about them but remember you may find them while you read the story. Have fun.
Disclaimer: Angel & Buffy's characters are not my creation (wish they were) they belong to Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt. Other characters that are not familiar from the show do belong to me.
Author's remark: My chapters as of ch 12 will no longer be reproof by Sigma due to the fact that I have no internet and I'm asking someone else to post the remaining chapters for me. I want to take this opportunity and thank sigma for all the help. And I hope you will continue reading my story even without the excellent work sigma has done. Thank you again sigma for all your great work.
***
She was back in her bed. She looked at the clock, "God, 2:00 in the morning? Great now I know I'll have puffy eyes tomorrow morning." She rolled to the side closing her eyes forcing her unwilling body to fall asleep. Suddenly she heard a noise coming from behind her. Slowly without making any sudden moves she reached underneath the pillow and grabbed a stake. And then in a quick turn she jumped up raising the stake in the air. He caught her hand in mid air. "Spike?" She asked surprised. "You scared the hell out of me." She lowered her stake and sat down. "What do you think you're doing here, sneaking in like this?"
"I'm sorry, I thought you'd be asleep by now." He apologized. "I just wanted to leave this," He was holding a sealed envelope in his hand.
"Should I read this, or are you going to tell me what it say?" She took the envelope from him, not opening it.
"I'm leaving Sunnydale." He said to her surprise.
"Why? I thought we were okay, I mean I told everyone, what more do you want?"
"To be the man you deserve." He replied. "Xander is right Buffy, as much as I hate to admit it, He's right, I don't deserve you, not yet anyway, but I'm going to change that."
"How exactly? The only way Xander will ever accept you is if you discover you had a twin brother who has a great-great-great grandchild that looks exactly like you and answers to the name Spike." She said sarcastically.
"If only I wasn't an only child. Who am I kidding if I wasn't I'd probably eat my siblings like angel-face did." H smirked.
"Nice, really nice." An expression of revolution appeared on her face.
"Seriously Buffy, I need to do this, and I need you to be okay with that."
"You're asking for my blessing, why for? You always do as you please." She got up and walked towards him.
"With you it's different, always different." He gently caressed her face. "When I'm with you Buffy, I'm drowning, drowning in you. I can't think straight. And sometimes I forget who I really am; a vampire, a soulless vampire."
"But you can't hurt anyone."
"Can't been the operative word." He sighed as he took her hands into his. "I want you to love me, as much as I love you, I want to be your equal."
"I don't want you to go. I need you." She leaned her head on his shoulder.
"No you don't. You're strong, I'm the weak one, remember?" Nor man or beast, I'm something in between." He whispered to her. "Don't ever doubt the love I have for you, that can never change." He tipped her head and looked into her eyes. "You stole my heart slayer and it's yours to keep." He smiled softly, as a shiny tear came down her cheek. "Don't cry my beauty, you're better off you know."
"Don't say that." She pulled back in anger. "Don't presume like everyone else, that you know what's best for me, I can make that decision on my own."
"I'm sorry, you're right. But the thing is, this is more about me than it is about you." By her confused stare he knew he needed to explain. "I need to do this for me, to discover for myself my own worth. Not through the eyes of people surrounding me, but through my own eyes, my own actions and decisions."
"So when are you coming back. And I know I'm jumping the gun saying you'll be back..."
"I will be." he cut her off. "And I don't know when, I didn't really settle on a schedule." He took a step forward and held her waist puling her close to him. "I can never truly leave you Buffy, but you already knew that." He leaned down and kissed her. It was a sweet kiss, a gentle kiss. As she felt his lips pulling away she pulled him closer not wanting to let go. Finally they pulled back. Her eyes were shining like diamonds. "You are so beautiful." He twirled a lock of her hair in his finger. "I better go. I'm leaving on my bike and sunrise is coming." He leaned down and kissed her hand and turned to the window.
"Spike?" She grabbed his arm. He turned. "Before you go, there's something you should know." She took a big breath, hesitating if she should tell him or not.
"Yes?" He said.
"The curse, it's lifted. Angel is a free man, sort of speak."
"Why are you telling me this?" Fear surrounded him.
"So you'll know, noting changed for me." A big smile of relief spread across his face. "You better go." She said as she stared at the clock.
He climbed out the window, and as he stood on the other side of it, He turned back to look at her one last time. "Buffy? DO me a favor okay?"
"If I can" she smiled
"Don't do anything stupid and heroic, like saving the world, till I come back okay pet?"
"Don't call me that." She chuckled and saw him climbing down and driving off, into the night.
***
At 10:00 o'clock sharp they were all ready to leave. Fred and Gunn came early to help Angel pack Cordy's stuff, only to realize it wasn't necessary.
"Thanks you guys, but Buffy and I finished the packing last night." Angel explained.
"Uh." Fred said a bit disappointed. She thought they should have done it and not Buffy, but knew to let it be.
"Is Wesley arrived yet?" Angel asked as he closed up his suitcase.
"Damn man, Cordy was right. You do pack like a girl." Gunn said as he noticed that Angel barely got the suitcase to close. "You always wear black, what could you possibly have in that suitcase?" Gunn chuckled. "Probably Hair gel."
"Okay." Angel felt embarrassed. "As fun as I'm having seeing you two making fun at me..."
"I wasn't, only Gunn did." Fred defended herself.
"Still, I have something to finish up. So Gunn take Cordy's luggage downstairs and I'll meet you there in a minute."
As the two left the room, he was left alone, to look at the empty room he called home for the past week. He tried remembering their lives before this nightmare began. They were happy, in denial but happy. This week was as they sat the worse of times and best of times. He lost Cordy but got to tell her he loved her, and to hear her say it back. He knew things won't be easy, and they may be joking now, but the truth is, that it hasn't sunk in yet. They're still living in denial. She's not dead he keep telling himself, she just moved on. But then he remembers Doyle's words; she's dead to the world and to you. He knew he'll never see her again, never touch her face or see her smile, and for him it was like death. He lost her. That was a fact; he and the rest of the gang have yet to fully understand. The Scoobies sin their obliviousness are probably the only ones who aren't in denial, who see things for what they're really are.
"Angel?" He heard someone calling him from downstairs. "We're ready." He heard Fred say.
"Okay, I'm coming." He got up, took his suitcase and walked towards the door. He walked out and turned to look at the room one last time. It was funny, he feared leaving this room much more than he feared going back home, although there the memories were more vivid. Again the denial thing, as if he was expecting to see her at the Hyperion waiting for him to come home, As if.
***
"So..." Buffy stood in the living room alone with Angel not sure how to say goodbye to him. She got used to seeing him around that not seeing him will be strange.
"So Dawn will stay with me till the fu..." he stopped unable to continue.
"You agreed on L.A. then?" Buffy asked.
"I haven't spoken to her parents, but I don't think they'll mind. Its where home is, not Florida." Angel explained.
"Are you sure it's no trouble, I mean Dawn can be a handful", Buffy felt uncomfortable damping Dawn at Angel's at a time like this.
"It will only be for a couple of days." He said.
"That soon?" Buffy wondered out loud.
"Yeah, besides her parents and you guys, we're not expecting a big crowd." Angel took a step forward and hugged Buffy. "Thank you for everything." He whispered to her.
"My pleasure." She whispered back. "You hang in there, and if you need anything..."
"I know." He pulled back. "Don't hesitate to call."
"That's right mister, and I mean that." She smiled trying to hide the tears.
"I better go." He said as he took the blanket from the coat hanger.
"Had to leave in daylight." She joked as wrapped himself with the blanket.
"You know me, always have to leave in a big splash." He smiled and turned to the door. He looked at her one last time, leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. "For old time sake." He said and ran out into the van that was waiting for him.
Outside she saw the gang-waving goodbye as the van drove off. "I never thought I'd say that but I'll actually miss them." Everyone looked at Xander impressed. "Not Angel of course."
"Of course." Willow giggled. "Do you think he'll be allright?" Willow asked Buffy.
"I think so. Especially now that he has the curse thing lifted for good."
"What?" Everyone turned shocked.
"I'm guessing they didn't tell you." The nodding heads answered her question. "I'll tell you all about it later. She said and headed back to the house followed by everyone else.
"Where's Spike? I thought he'd be the first one to greet Angel farewell?" Xander asked.
"Spike is gone." Buffy replied.
"Gone-dead? You finally dusted him?" Xander said joyfully.
"No!" Buffy stared at him with her angry stare. "He left town for awhile."
"Why?" Tara asked.
"Apparently he decided he wasn't good enough for me, and needed to become a better man, a better person for me. Now I wonder where he got that idea from?" She looked at Xander with her shifty eyes.
"Don't look at me." He said defensibly. "If it was I. I'd tell him to stay away." **that's true** She thought to herself.
"I guess we'll never know." She said and walked towards the kitchen.
"I guess so." Giles smiled a little smile as he closed the door.
***
About a week later....
They walked into the lobby of the hotel. Fred placed Connor in his bassinet, Lorne turned to the counter to fix himself and everyone else a drink, surprisly enough.
"It was a beautiful service." Fred said. "I'm glad her parents didn't want to have a gathering afterwards, I don't think I could handle that."
The phone rang. "I'm not getting that." Gunn said. "I don't care if the world is ending tomorrow, we are not working today." He announced.
"It's okay the machine will get it..."And then Fred realized they haven't changed the message yet. "Oh no." She ran to the phone to pick it up but it was too late, the message already started.
"Hi you have reached Angel Investigations..." Cordy's voice echoed in the lobby, every syllable, and every note. As if time stood still they all listen to her voice hypnotized. Suddenly half way through it stopped. They all turned to see Angel unplug the phone. They didn't even notice he was back.
"Change the message, till then keep it like that." He ordered and walked up the staircase.
"Oh god." Tears filled her eyes. Gunn walked up to her and held her in his arms as she wept.
"We just need time, time heals all wounds." Wesley said trying to comfort the others as well as himself.
"That and Whiskey, lots of it." Lorne said and took a zip form his drink.
***
He sat on the bed; lights were off, when he heard a nock on the door. "What?" He said in a cranky tune.
Fred opened the door slightly and piped in. "Connor is up from his nap and I was wondering, if..."
"Not now." He cut her off, "I haven't slept in 3 days, and I need some rest." He explained.
"Don't we all." She smiled slightly. "But you barely spent anytime with him this passing week and I thought..."
"Fred!" He wanted to tell her to go away and leave him alone, but instead he looked up and saw her gentle face smiling at him, he knew she just wanted to help and that she was worried about him. "I just need some time alone, you get that right?" Fred nodded.
"I'll leave you be, but only if you promise tomorrow you'll spend sometime with Connor."
"I promise." He replied and she left the room closing the door behind her.
"Well?" Gunn asked as she descended the stairs.
"He wants to be left alone." She replied. "At leas for the rest of the evening."
"Should we let him, I mean he's been like this for a week, maybe it's time." Wesley wondered.
"Maybe, but give the man the day to say goodbye." Gunn who knew what it felt to lose someone close to you said.
"Here take the little peanut." Lorne handed Connor over to Wesley.
"Where are you off to?" Wesley asked.
"I have something to do." He replied and walked up the stairs.
***
He lay on the bed staring at the ceiling. The moonlight shined through the window and the light created little shadows on the ceiling. He couldn't stop thinking about the day she left. He couldn't say or think the word die, although to the world, at least this one, she was. If only kept hunting his thoughts. If only I'd done this, if only I'd notice that. His thoughts were interrupted by another nock. "Fred I told you tomorrow, I promise. "He called out.
"It's not Fred." Lorne said from the other side of the door. 'I know you wanted to be alone." He opened the door and walked in. "But there's something I need to tell you."
"Okay." Angel sat. Lorne turned on the lights, which blinded Angel. "Can you turn it off!" Angel said while covering his eyes.
"Sorry I need to see you while I do this, and I don't see as well as you in the dark so..."
"Fine." Angel muttered. Lorne walked towards the bed and stood beside it. "You can sit down, you know." Angel offered.
No thanks; I think I should stand, for my own safety." Lorne started pacing back and forth. "I'll make it brief, in hope you won't be too angry with me." Lorne smiled a pitiful smile.
"Lorne?" Angel was losing his patience.
"Here." Lorne handed Angel a letter.
"What's that?"
"Before I left Sunnydale Cordy gave my a note with instructions and a bundle of letters. This is one of them." Lorne explained.
"Letters?" Angel stared at it confused. "Why would she...?" He stopped knowing exactly why.
"What was the instructions?" Angel asked. To Lorne surprise he seemed calmed.
"Little stuff, like delivering the letters. A few things abut her apartment and belongings, that kind of stuff." Lorne replied.
"So you've known all along and didn't think about telling me." Angel got up as Lorne took a step back. "Tell me, did she tell what music to play at her funeral?" Angel raised his voice. "Which flowers to chose?"
"Angel?' Lorne tried to calm him down. "I'm sorry you're angry, but I promise you I didn't know what would happened."
"But you know it wasn't something good if she gave you letters to give in her name." Angel was furious.
"Maybe a part of me, a little part speculated, but it didn't matter. She's my friend and she asked for my help..."
"Was your friend." Angel cut him off. "No thanks to you."
'Don't try to put the blame where it obviously don't belong." Lorne was getting angry as well. "What happened to her couldn't be avoided."
"How would you know, you weren't even there." Angel said as he turned around his back facing Lorne.
"I know the powers and I know her death was a mystical one, a prophesied one. There's nothing you could have done." Angel sat on the bed as Lorne came towards him. "You can be angry with me and blame me all you like. I know what I did was right, she trusted in me and I wasn't about to betray that trust."
"Anything else?" Angle asked angrily.
"No nothing." Lorne said and headed for the door. "I hope in time, you'll be able to understand why I did what I did, and be able to forgive." He said as he stood in the doorway.
"I thought you believe in your actions? I thought they didn't need forgiveness?" Angel asked cynically.
"They don't." Lorne replied. "I meant forgive yourself." And with that he walked out closing the door behind him.
***
Lorne walked down the stairs knowing he'd have to go thought hat again with the others. **What hell of a job you left me princess** Lorne thought. He thanked the powers he didn't have to go through the same thing with her parents. Luckily Cordy had the sense to know that a letter from the beyond would be hard to explain, so she asked him to open the letter, read it and tell her parents what it said, only make it sound like it came form her. The only thing she didn't think of was how to explain Lorne's appearances to her parents. He smiled, remembering their shocked and confused faces. He still couldn't believe they both Gunn's made up story. He reached the end of the staircase. "Great, here it goes again." He said to himself as he headed towards the group holding the letters.
***
He held the letter in his hands. It was still sealed. He couldn't get himself to open it, he couldn't bear to read her thoughts, her words right now, it would be like having her here with him. **Maybe that's not such a bad idea, Pretending for a while, that she never left.** He thought. He smelled the letter to see if it had her smell, he ran his finger on his name written in her handwriting. He took an unnecessary breath and opened the letter.
***
TBC
Hi ppl,
Like I thought, this story will not end in chapter 5o, I hope 51 will be enough. I know you're probably tired of reviewing and you just want to know how it all ends, but I still wan to know what you think. Although I know I want it to end, it could change depending you're reactions to this chapter and all the rest. So review. Enjoy this one and I hope I'll have the next one ready in a week or so.
Hang in there; we're almost there.
Thanks Nikka.