Warning: OOC. Yaoi and Yuri. Relena-bashing.
Disclaimers: I don't own Gundam Wing. All I own is the fic. It's my own little demented idea which I happen to love dearly.
**BTW, this is when things get a bit weirder. Especially in the third scene when Prince Heero and Prince Quatre find out about something... oh yeah, just in case I didn't mention it earlier, both princes are 15 in the fic =)
And as I've said earlier, please read and review!!! Any comments or suggestions are greatly appreciated! =)
Enjoy~
Gundam Wing: The Musical
Second Scene: The Kitchen
*Catherine barges in the kitchen where Duo and Hilde are Hard at work. At the sound of the large oak doors closing behind her, Hilde immediately jumps to her feet and pretends to be sweeping the floor. Duo stands there stupidly before trying to hide underneath the table*
Catherine: Come on people! I need to prepare lunch. Hilde, be a dear and get some onions and carrots. I planted lovely ones out back. They're ready so start picking.
Hilde: *whines* But it's so far away!
Catherine: Oh shut up and get it!
Hilde: *grumbles* fine... *walks out, slamming the door behind her*
Catherine: *shoves a knife and basket of potatoes in Duo's face* Start peeling!
Duo: Okay... what's the occasion?
Catherine: Prince Heero found a bride.
Duo: *nearly cuts of his finger* say what?
Catherine: I said-
Duo: I know. He found a bride. Who is it?
Catherine: The annoying pacifist.
Duo: What?!? Prince Heero can't marry Prince Quatre! They're brothers!
Catherine: Baka! The blonde pacifist!
Duo: You're not making any sense...
Catherine: He's marrying Princess Relena. Now come on! Those potatoes wont peel themselves you know!
Duo: That can't be...
Catherine: Oh Duo, don't be sad. There will be other girls. Relena isn't the only cute one. Heck, I doubt she's even cute!
Duo: You thin I'm sad because of Relena?
Catherine: *blinkblink* There are too many gay people in this kingdom...
Duo: You're not helping!
Catherine: Sorry... *puts her arm around Duo's shoulders* But you seriously think that Prince Heero is-
Duo: A hot, suicidal dude?
Catherine: Er... besides that. What I mean is-
Duo: A misunderstood rebellious teenager with-
Catherine: Damnit, Maxwell can't I finish a sentence?!?
Duo: Sorry... But if you mean gay, then I believe he has tendencies.
Catherine: Amazing... what about the younger one?
Duo: *nods* Anyone that blonde cannot be straight. I have reason to believe he has a thing for Trowa. And from what I've heard...
Catherine: What? You mean my one and only younger brother who is the only one who can continue to carry our family name is gay?
Duo:Uh... no?
Catherine: Ah forget it. I always assumed he'd turn out to be gay anyway. So tell me... what about Prince Heero?
Duo: I don't know. I really don't know...
Catherine: You know... if you sing a song, you'd feel a lot better.
Duo: What is this, The Brady Bunch?
Catherine: Seriously! Start singing.
Duo: Okay... Ah! jack and Jill went up the hill to-
Catherine: NO! Sing a song with feeling!
Duo: Hm... Sing a song with feeling a pocket full of -
Catherine: BAKA! Something that will help lighten the load of your chest. I can't stand having unhappy gay people in my kitchen. Maybe you should start by telling me how you feel.That's a start.
Duo: Okay... *starts singing* (Hey Arnold Song- the one by Ronnie Matthews...)
I saw his face and WOW
Right then I took a vow
That we'd be together, just Heero and me!
That's the meaning of eternity...
Catherine: *as the music fades* You saw his face and WOW? Well that's a start...
Duo: So... What do I do?
Catherine: Well since you have chosen to confide in me, I feel compelled to help you. As of right now, I am your mentor.
Duo: Nani?
Catherine: You heard me. I am your mentor.
Duo: You are my mentor?
Catherine: Yes.
Duo: *sighs* I need a new mentor...
Catherine: Oh shut up and get back to work.
Third Scene: Dining Room
King Treize: *drinking loads of wine and is all tipsy*
King Zechs: I think you've had enough... give me the glass...
King Treize: NO!
King Zechs: Come on... give Zechsy the glass...
Prince Heero: Zechsy?
Princess Relena: Hee-kun, let's talk about peace!
Prince Heero: Omae o korosu.
Princess Relena: So once we get married, the first thing we do is throw away all your guns!
Prince Heero: There are two things wrong with that. One, I'd rather eat myself than throw away my guns and two, it would be a handy weapon when I still have to marry you.
Princess Relena: Oh Hee-kun, you're so funny! That's why I love you!
Prince Heero: Oh Relena, you're so stupid! That's why I want to kill you!
*Duo comes out pushing a large cart filled with delicious dishes*
Queen Une: it's about time! Hurry up already!
King Zechs: Treize! I demand you stop drinking! You know you have low tolerance for alcohol!
King Treize: No I don't... *winks as Duo passes by* Hey cutie...
King Zechs: *twitches*
Prince Heero: *Is watching Duo with interest*
King Zechs: Oh someone please give me a Midol!
Queen Noin: I have one, handsome... *winks*
King Zechs: No offence Queen Noin but I'm happily married and gay.
*A shrill feminine scream is heard*
Prince Quatre: AAAAAIIIEEE! Stop it! Leave me alone!
Dorothy: *purrs... but sounds more like a lion roaring* Why should I... Lover?
Prince Quatre: I am not your lover, Onna! Good gosh, I'm starting to sound like Wufei... that's the last time I go to him for advice.
*Everyone is silent for a moment as they eat. Duo retreats back inside the kitchen*
King Treize: *has become a bit more sober* I would like to propose a toast to my son and Princess Relena... Oh bugger! There's no more wine... *starts to giggle hysterically*
King Zechs: *sighs*
Prince Heero: I don't want to get married! Besides, shouldn't you consult Wufei first?
King Zechs: If we made him choose your bride, you'd never get married.
Prince Heero: My point exactly.
King Treize: Son, you don't always get what you want.
Prince Heero: I know. I always get what I DON'T want. Oh the injustice!
Princess Relena: Don't worry! When we get married, justice will rule this earth!
Prince Heero: Oh someone give me a gundam NOW!
Prince Quatre: Well... Maybe you should summon Wufei and ask him stuff. He might not agree with it but at least you can get a second opinion on the marriage.
King Zechs: Very well *rings a tiny bell and a burly guard comes forward* Summon Wufei, please.
Guard: Hai! *bows deeply and leaves*
King Treize: Why did you summon Wufei again?
Prince Heero: To ask if I should get married.
Prince Quatre: You know very well he would say no...
Prince Heero: You only figured that out now?
*A gong in heard and Wufei comes in wearing white silk chinese style pajamas*
King Treize: Wufei! Sit!Have you heard? Prince Heero's getting married! *giggles*
Wufei: You should have consulted me about it first. Who's the bride?
Princess Relena: Me!
Wufei: *looks at her with obvious dislike. He turns to Prince Heero* Good luck... you'll need it.
Prince Heero: That's it? Aren't you going to say she's not suited to be a wife?
Wufei: Get married in seven weeks. That is your trial period. If you're really not satisfied, kill her.
Prince Heero: I don't mind that part but I will not last seven weeks!
Wufei: Just try it. Now if you'll excuse me, Nataku needs to be worshipped. *leaves*
King Treize: I'm suddenly craving or Chinese... *drools* Egg rolls! Duck sauce! NOODLES!!!
King Zechs: *frowns* It's always Chinese...
Prince Quatre: Let's throw a bachelor party!
Prince Heero: Damnit people, what part of There will be no wedding don't you understand?!?
Prince Quatre: Oh come on. But who can we invite? Where should we have it?
Queen Une: Don't bachelor parties have strippers?
Prince Quatre: They do? Oh well, why not...
Queen Noin: If there are, we'd be interested in going.
Prince Quatre: Erm... don't take this the wrong way but you're a bit too old to be a stripper.
Queen Une: BAKA! We just wanna go to the party. And I'll have you know I'm still young!
King Zechs: Sorry but no women allowed.
Queen Noin: So then why are you going?
King Zechs: I guess we can make this tiny exception...
Prince Quatre: Look, I'm sorry but this party is strictly for the younger generation only. And to be more specific, the younger MALE generation. So Dad, Queen Une and Queen Noin, you all cannot go.
Queen Une: *pouts* Spoilsport.
King Zechs: You know I'm not that much older than you. I'm only twenty.
Prince Heero: Huh? Oh! So that means you menstruated really early?
King Zechs: Uh...
Prince Quatre: So you were only five when you had us? That's so wicked awesome!
King Treize: I knew this day would come...
Prince Heero: You don't have to be ashamed about it...
Queen Une: *wonders how stupid both princes really are*
King Treize: You see... you're not our real children
Everyone: *GASPS*
Prince Quatre: Oh say it isn't so!
King Zechs: What Treize says is true. Did you really think that I menstruated? Or that women have... *whispers* sperm?
Prince Heero: All these years you lied to me and Quatre? Telling us that men menstruate? Father, how could you! You have deceived me! *Applause is heard and Dr. J walks in holding an oscar. He hands it to Prince Heero and exits quickly. Prince Heero beams and waves* Oh thank you! Thank you got all your support and- *snaps back into reality and tosses the award away* I mean... DISHONOUR!!!!!
King Treize: Sorry... but technically, you're still princes.
Prince Quatre: It's just not the same... so Heero and I aren't brothers?
King Zechs: Under the law you are.
Princess Relena: HEY! This is supposed to be about a wedding! MY wedding to be exact.
Prince Heero: I cannot marry you under such circumstances/
King Treize: You can. YOu're still a Prince and since I am legally your father, I have control over your life.
Prince Quatre: *music* (Carmen/Beethoven's 5th symphony)
You have deceived me, This hasn't relieved me
But I have to love you, cuz you are my dad!
Prince Heero: And besides *sings too*
Relena's a loser, how could you choose her
I don't want to marry, I want her dead!!
Everyone: He wants her dead!! He wants her Dead!!
Prince Heero: I'm gonna stomp her right on the head!!!
Queen Noin: Oh yeah? How?
Prince Heero: With my Golden Magic GUNDAM!
Queen Une: Golden magic gundam?
King Zechs: Don't you mean valiant sword?
Prince Heero: NO! With my golden magic gundam,,, DOYE!!!!
King Treize: Oh come on. This is supposed to be a celebration.
Prince Heero: I'd rather have my eyeballs ripped off and insides torn out while maggots are consuming my flesh than marry her.
Princess Relena: Oh how poetic!
King Treize: First things first... instead of seven weeks, make it two.
Prince Heero: What?! Didn't Wufei say seven weeks?
King treize: Well I say two weeks. Who are you going to listen to? Your father or some crazy-Nataku-justice-freak?
Prince Heero: crazy-Nataku-justice-freak.
King Treize: *blinkblink* Two weeks
Princess Relena: It would be better if we would get married right now...
Prince Quatre: Dad, I say listen to Wufei. Two weeks is too soon.
Prince Heero: For once, the pacifist and I agree!
Princess Relena: Oh! You want to marry me right now?
Prince Heero: Nani? I don't even want to marry you! I can't wait till these seven weeks are over so I can finally kill you! *stands up* I'm going for a walk. I would like to be alone...
King Treize: *watches as Heero leaves* Maybe boys DO menstruate
~~~~~
Hiya! Didya enjoy? It's really long, ne? Isn't it weird? But it gets weirder... hehe =)