Chapter Seven: The Difficulties of Lust
Lupin and Tonks were back in the house and headed toward the stairs to the party when they heard it.
"No! Riddikulus! Riddikulus! RIDDIKULUS!"
"What the-" Tonks began.
"Molly," said Lupin, and he started up the stairs; Sirius appeared behind him, followed by Tonks and Moody. Molly Weasley's sobs echoed down the corridors.
"Mrs. Weasley, just get out of here!" cried Harry. "Let someone else-"
Lupin burst into the room.
"What's going on?"
He stared at Molly, who was crumpled on the floor in a heap, sobbing, pointing a shaking wand hand at the writing desk across the room. The boggart who'd been hiding there had taken the form of Harry. Dead.
Lupin pulled out his wand. "Riddikulus!" he shouted. With a loud crack, the boggart changed into the full moon, then with another crack, it disappeared.
"Oh, oh!" Molly cried, as Lupin went down on his knees and drew her into his arms.
"Molly, don't," he said softly, patting her red hair. "It was just a boggart. Just a stupid boggart..."
"I see them dead all the time," Molly wailed, burying her face into his shoulder. He looked up at Tonks, who was hanging back by the door. She gave him an understanding look.
"All the time, and I dream about it," Molly said. She sniffed and wiped at her eyes. "Don't tell Arthur. I don't want him to know. Being silly..."
Lupin released her and handed her a handkerchief.
"Harry, I'm so sorry, what must you think of me?" she said, looking up at Harry, whose face was frozen in shock. "Not even able to get rid of a boggart..."
"Don't be stupid," said Harry, forcing a smile.
"I'm just so worried," she said, tears starting again. "Half the family's in the Order, it'll be a miracle if we all come through this...Percy's not talking to us...What if something dreadful happens and we never made up? And what's going to happen if Arthur and I get killed, who'll look after Ron and Ginny? And Harry?"
Lupin looked at her sternly. "Molly, that's enough. This isn't like last time. The Order are better prepared, we've got a head start, we know what Voldemort's up to-"
Molly winced at the sound of the name.
"Come on, Molly, it's about time you got used to hearing it," said Lupin firmly, glancing again at Tonks. "I can't promise no one's going to get hurt, nobody can promise that, but we're much better off than we were last time. You weren't in the Order then, you don't understand, last time we were outnumbered twenty to one by the Death Eaters and they were picking us off one by one..."
"Percy'll come round," said Sirius. "It's only a matter of time before Voldemort moves into the open. Once he does the whole Ministry'll begging us to forgive them. And I'm not sure I'll be accepting their apology."
Lupin looked over at Sirius, who had a dark, ugly expression on his face. Harry, meanwhile, looked frightened. Lupin looked back at Molly, who was collecting herself, wiping at her eyes with the handkerchief.
"And as for who's going to look after Ron and Ginny and Harry if something happened to you and Arthur," said Lupin, "what do you think we'd do, let them starve?"
Molly smiled weakly. "Being silly," she said again. "Don't tell Arthur."
"We won't," said Lupin. "Come on." He gave Molly his hand and helped her up from the floor.
"It's late," he said. "Perhaps we should call it a night. The children have to be up early tomorrow for the train."
"Right," grunted Moody. "Off you go, Potter."
Harry was ushered out by Sirius, who escorted him to the bedroom he was sharing with Ron. Lupin helped Molly out of the sitting room; she shrugged him off gently, insisting she was fine, that she needed to find Arthur, and she went down the stairs in search of him.
Moody stumped down the stairs and headed for the front door.
"Coming, Tonks?" he asked gruffly.
"Go on ahead, Mad-Eye," she said.
"Right then, see you tomorrow." He stumped out the front door.
Lupin and Tonks watched Moody leave, then turned to each other.
"Not exactly a festive end to the party," Tonks said, grimacing.
"No, it's not," said Lupin, shaking his head.
They didn't speak for a moment.
"It's starting, isn't it?" said Tonks. "This war."
Lupin looked at her and felt a pang. She looked very young at that moment, very innocent. It didn't seem fair, really, for her to have to experience this.
"I'm afraid so," said Lupin. "It will only get worse...from here."
He felt his throat close as his mind drifted back to the last time, fifteen years ago, when Voldemort was at the height of his power. How many had died. And worse.
"Remus, you all right?"
Lupin blinked at looked at Tonks, who had closed the distance between them and had placed her hand on his arm.
"Sorry," he said. "Just--reminiscing. It's late. I'm sure you must be exhausted."
"Yeah," she said. "G'night." She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek, letting her lips linger there a little too long. Lupin closed his eyes, allowing himself to inhale the vanilla scent.
She backed away from him.
"Good night, Tonks," he said, not wanting her to leave. But she started down the stairs. He watched her as she stumbled, righted herself, and headed down the stairs and out the door.
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Next day Lupin, Moody, Tonks, Molly and Arthur set to seeing Harry and his friends off to school. It went off well, for the most part, except that Sturgis Podmore had not shown up to participate in guard duty. Moody commented darkly on this, but Lupin couldn't focus on the absence of Sturgis too much. He was far too concerned about Sirius, who, disguised as the black dog, had insisted on accompanying Harry.
Lupin could not approve of his friend's decision to go out, even if he could appreciate how badly Sirius would want to see his godson off, would want to get the hell out of the house he hated so badly.
In the end Molly held her tongue, much to Lupin's relief. He did not relish any return to previous tensions.
For the following few weeks things settled back into a fairly quiet routine. Lupin traveled, mostly to the environs just outside London, seeking out recruits. He'd managed to obtain more Wolfsbane Draught from Snape. Sirius, stuck inside, had become surly and sullen; his only respite was writing to Harry and spending time with the hippogriff, Buckbeak. Kreacher, the house-elf at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, took to avoiding Sirius as much as possible, which suited Sirius just fine.
The Order had met only once in those few weeks; Snape showed up only long enough to report that a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher had been found. One hand-picked by Cornelius Fudge. Her name was Dolores Jane Umbridge, and she had previously served as Senior Undersecretary to Fudge himself. Lupin didn't like the sound of this. Even more unsettling was the not entirely subtle hints from this Umbridge woman about imminent changes that were to occur in the school, changes having to do with curriculum and the manner in which teachers taught their subjects. Snape seemed especially put out this year by losing the Dark Arts job once again, and by the sound of this Umbridge woman, Lupin couldn't help but feel the smallest, most infinitesimal hint of pity for Snape. That pity vanished the moment Lupin had asked Snape for a fresh supply of Wolfsbane Draught; Snape had sneered and once again taunted Lupin with threats to withhold it.
Lupin hadn't seen much of Tonks; he only knew she was pulling double-duty, first at her regular job as an Auror and second as a spy for the Order. He missed her company--her energy and sense of humor allowed him, however briefly, to mentally step away from the dangers he knew were coming.
It was a morning three weeks after Harry and his friends had gone back to school that he finally saw Tonks. She arrived in the late morning, looking exhausted.
"Hi, Remus!" she said brightly, covering up a yawn. She was standing in the doorway, her hair bright blue, her eyes dark, and she was holding a suitcase in her hand.
"Come in," said Lupin. She hugged him and kissed him lightly on the cheek. He felt suddenly, absurdly happy to see her. Then he noticed the suitcase.
"What's this?"
"Some of my stuff," said Tonks. "I'm going to be spending a bit more time over here and I figured it's easier to just grab a room and throw some of my things in it. Plenty of space here, and it beats having to go back and forth to my flat all the time."
"Oh," said Lupin. "You'll--be staying here, then?"
"Sometimes, yeah," said Tonks. "On my nights when I'm on duty. You know. Why, don't you want me here?" She grinned at him mischievously.
"Of course I do," said Lupin quickly, feeling a kind of thrill in the pit of his stomach. Tonks, under this roof, in a room down the hall from his...
Cut it out, said the voice in his head. Friends, remember?
"Anyway, I figured I'd take that room Ginny and Hermione were using," she said. "It's got a bathroom and looks appropriately Victorian and girly."
"Let me help you carry that up," said Lupin, taking the suitcase from her.
"Thanks," she said, smiling. "I'd probably drop the stupid thing, anyway."
They reached the bedroom formerly occupied by Hermione and Ginny and Lupin dragged the suitcase--which was extremely heavy--inside.
"Good lord, Tonks," he said, heaving the case onto the bed. "What do you carry in there? Your kitchen sink?"
"Very funny," she said, rolling her eyes. "Just clothes, cosmetics, the usual stuff. But it's probably my boots that are so heavy. Steel-toe and everything. I've got three pairs."
"Steel-toe boots?" Lupin said, trying not to steal glances at her as she pulled off her robes. Why did she have to wear such form-fitting shirts? And what right did she have to look so delectable in combat fatigue trousers, of all things? She looked very much like a hoodlum, in fact, with her tattooed bicep and her blue hair and her motorcycle boots and-oh my-the belly button ring that Lupin caught a glimpse of as she reached up to run a hand through her hair, causing her shirt to lift and expose the smooth skin of her tummy. He swallowed and gave a kind of forced laugh, trying to keep his mind on things aside from her very lovely skin. "I'd hate to be on the receiving end of a kick when you're wearing a pair of those."
"I never kick anyone unless they give me a good reason," she said. "So you're safe, I think." She smiled at him again, and for a moment they simply looked at each other.
"So," she said slowly. "I'm beat. Long night, you know. Patrolling. I think I'll grab a shower and a kip, if you don't mind." She sat on the chair near the bed and pulled off her boots.
"Oh, right," said Lupin awkwardly. "Uh, shall I wake you at some point?"
"Yeah," said Tonks, and Lupin felt his mouth drop open as she stood up and casually pulled her t-shirt over her head. Dear god, she was standing in front of him in her black bra and combat fatigue pants. "Give me five hours," she said, running a hand through her short hair.
"Certainly," said Lupin, watching as she began to fiddle with the fastenings of her trousers. The blood rushed to his groin as his eyes stole glimpses of the curve of her back, the dip in her smooth tummy, that outrageously sexy belly-button ring, the swell of her breasts.
"If you want to stay and watch, pull up a chair," said Tonks, grinning at him archly.
"Very funny," said Lupin, biting his lip in the hope that somehow it might make his neck and ears stop burning. "I'll just leave you to it, then. Have a nice shower, sleep well." As he said this an image of Tonks showering flashed in his mind and he found his hands straying to the front of his robes, to his crotch.
"I will," said Tonks, and she flashed him another smile, this one cheeky and flirtatious.
"Yes, do that," he said, shutting the door to her room and hurrying away down the hall. His heart was hammering. Suddenly he wasn't so sure having Tonks in the house on a regular basis was such a good idea.
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"I thought you'd be happy she was spending more time here," said Sirius as he helped himself to a roast beef sandwich.
"Well, yes," said Lupin nervously. "But...why is she moving in? Is it really necessary? She lives in London, doesn't she? Wouldn't she prefer her own flat?"
Sirius grinned. "I think she prefers to be wherever you are."
"Sirius-"
"I just call things as I see them, mate."
"There's nothing to see," said Lupin stiffly, standing up and pacing the room. "Tonks and I have spoken at length about this. We agreed to be friends, nothing more. I told her everything, and she accepts that we can't become-romantically involved."
"You told her everything?" Sirius said, arching his eyebrows.
"Most everything," said Lupin, feeling himself blush again.
"You didn't mention Narcissa?" said Sirius slowly.
"No," said Lupin, looking away. "I didn't mention Narcissa."
"Did you plan on it?"
"At some point," said Lupin. "I've never been to eager to discuss the subject of what happened between Narcissa and me, you know."
"I don't blame you," said Sirius. "You were a right mess after that whole thing."
"Yes, well," said Lupin uncomfortably. "I think after seventeen years I'm well shut of it. Over it."
"She's probably a Death Eater by now, anyway," said Sirius. "Like so many other members of my illustrious family. Except for Andromeda and Tonks, of course."
Lupin picked half-heartedly at a chicken sandwich. The good mood he'd felt upon learning of Tonks moving into the house had mostly evaporated. He was nervous now, uncertain of where things might lead. He had missed having her around these past several weeks, but now that she was here he wondered if he were not better off before she had arrived. He had thought he was old enough, disciplined enough to control his feelings for her. But instead he'd spent the better part of the morning and early afternoon trying to rid his mind of the image of Tonks peeling off her shirt, of what Tonks might look like standing under a steaming shower, the hot water coursing down her body. And with those images was the horrible rush of blood to his nether regions that had left his groin aching. He felt like a teenager, randy as hell and unable to control his own body. It was ridiculous. Well, it was her own damn fault, said a voice in his head. What was she on about, undressing right in front of him? Was this something all young people were doing these days, dropping drawers in front of whomever they felt like, whenever they felt like it? Or was it just something Tonks did? Perhaps, being among one of the very few female Aurors in the department, she found herself in situations where changing clothes in front of men was normal for her, and she had simply reverted to form in her room upstairs?
He tried to think about it logically. The truth was, Tonks wasn't beautiful. She was pretty, to be sure, but she was rather short. Her muscular, compact body lacked the kind of feminine, graceful lines that most blokes went mad for. Her breasts were not especially large or voluptuous. Her hair-regardless of whatever wild color it might be-was more often than not worn in that spiky, very tomboyish style, full of some kind of hair pomade that made it stand on end. She wore combat fatigues, for heaven's sake. And motorcycle boots. She dressed not unlike some kind of mercenary soldier. She was exactly the opposite sort of girl-woman-Lupin normally found attractive. She was certainly nothing like...Narcissa.
Narcissa had been...entirely female. Tall, regal, beautiful. Feminine. Blonde hair that fell down her back. Lithe, long limbs and beautiful curves. Dresses that clung to her in all the right places. And the kind of cold, hard beauty Lupin associated with marble statues. Perfect, but entirely untouchable. Unreal. Even her name was something to be placed on a pedestal. Narcissa. And how appropriate a name it had turned out to be. The moment she'd learned of his condition she'd left him, seeking out someone far more respectable, in the person of Lucius Malfoy. Lupin swallowed his bite of sandwich. He'd been mad about Narcissa, blinded to her true character by her dazzling beauty, by the way she made love to him and told him all the things he thought he wanted to hear.
Tonks-even her name was all wrong. A tomboy, too young, given to the kind of cursing that would do a dockyard worker proud, clumsy as hell. And yet there he was, chewing a chicken sandwich and trying not to think about what she looked like naked. Before he realized it, he groaned out loud.
"What's the matter with you?" said Sirius grumpily as he took a swig of pumpkin juice. "You're looking right melancholy for a bloke who's allowed to leave this bloody house and go traipsing about London AND has the girl of his dreams living under the same roof."
"I told you, we're just--"
"Friends, right," said Sirius. "You always were a lousy liar, Remus."
"So I have feelings for her, so what?" said Lupin heatedly. "It's not like I can act on them."
"You could if you had any nerve," said Sirius.
"Are you TRYING to get Tonks and me into bed, is that it?" said Lupin, abashed.
"I'm trying to help you be happy, mate," said Sirius. "That's all."
"Sex isn't...isn't the most important thing in life, Sirius," said Lupin stiffly, even though he knew that sounded very prudish and uptight.
"Spoken like a man who hasn't had it in over fifteen years," said Sirius.
"And you have, then?"
"Prison, remember?" said Sirius. "Shagging opportunities don't come up much in prison. Unless you like getting it on with other blokes, which is not really my cup of tea. Then again the Dementors were there back then, sucking all the joy out of everything, and as shagging has always given me much joy, well, there you have it. And now I'm stuck in here, still lacking a nice woman who'll shag me stupid. And you've got a woman who almost certainly wants to shag you stupid and you have nothing standing in your way except fear."
"Will you listen to yourself?" said Lupin incredulously. "My god, you're talking about your cousin."
"Who's a grown woman," said Sirius, taking a bite of his sandwich. "And you can't sit there and tell me you haven't thought about it."
Lupin blushed. "Well..."
"I knew it," said Sirius, smirking. "And thank god for that. Because if you hadn't I'd start to wonder about you."
"We're friends," said Lupin, but he didn't look at Sirius. "That's all we can be. If I...occasionally have thoughts about her that venture outside the platonic, that's just something I shall have to contend with."
"My god, would you listen to yourself," said Sirius, shaking his head. "No wonder you were a prefect."
"What exactly are you trying to say?" said Lupin, feeling defensive as he always had whenever Sirius-or James, for that matter-had ribbed him for being a prefect, for being "the good boy."
"I'm trying to get you to see sense, mate," said Sirius. "It's not natural for a man to go without for that long. Why d'you think I'm so bloody cracked in the head? So cranky all the time? Because I haven't had the opportunity to give a nice woman a good rogering in almost a decade and a half. I'm amazed I haven't gone round the twist like Kreacher. You want to end up like me, do you?"
"So you're saying that sex is vital to my mental health, then?" said Lupin.
"Absolutely," said Sirius. "Otherwise you end up old and bitter and completely mental." He paused, and then pursed his lips, musing, "You know, maybe that's what Kreacher needs. I could find him a nice female house elf and they could--"
"Sirius, that's disgusting," said Lupin. "But thank you, that appalling image you've created has managed quite nicely to ruin sex for me forever. Oh, yes, and ruined my appetite as well. What a relief."
"Right," said Sirius. "Give yourself five minutes."
"Very funny," said Lupin.
"I'm just saying, it's a basic human need," said Sirius, grinning. "Maybe not quite up there with food and shelter and clothing but close enough. Man can't live by bread alone and all that."
"Good god," said Lupin, shaking his head and smiling in spite of himself. "You're incorrigible."
Sirius chuckled and finished his sandwich, then sat back in his chair and groaned good-naturedly.
"Yup, that's what's missing in my life," said Sirius. "A nice woman. I've been thinking, that Emmeline Vance is quite striking. What do you know of her? What's she like? Nice?"
"Emmeline Vance would tear you apart," said Lupin.
"Would she?" said Sirius, his eyes glittering wickedly as a wide grin spread over his face. "Excellent. Invite her round for tea sometime, won't you?"
Lupin and Tonks were back in the house and headed toward the stairs to the party when they heard it.
"No! Riddikulus! Riddikulus! RIDDIKULUS!"
"What the-" Tonks began.
"Molly," said Lupin, and he started up the stairs; Sirius appeared behind him, followed by Tonks and Moody. Molly Weasley's sobs echoed down the corridors.
"Mrs. Weasley, just get out of here!" cried Harry. "Let someone else-"
Lupin burst into the room.
"What's going on?"
He stared at Molly, who was crumpled on the floor in a heap, sobbing, pointing a shaking wand hand at the writing desk across the room. The boggart who'd been hiding there had taken the form of Harry. Dead.
Lupin pulled out his wand. "Riddikulus!" he shouted. With a loud crack, the boggart changed into the full moon, then with another crack, it disappeared.
"Oh, oh!" Molly cried, as Lupin went down on his knees and drew her into his arms.
"Molly, don't," he said softly, patting her red hair. "It was just a boggart. Just a stupid boggart..."
"I see them dead all the time," Molly wailed, burying her face into his shoulder. He looked up at Tonks, who was hanging back by the door. She gave him an understanding look.
"All the time, and I dream about it," Molly said. She sniffed and wiped at her eyes. "Don't tell Arthur. I don't want him to know. Being silly..."
Lupin released her and handed her a handkerchief.
"Harry, I'm so sorry, what must you think of me?" she said, looking up at Harry, whose face was frozen in shock. "Not even able to get rid of a boggart..."
"Don't be stupid," said Harry, forcing a smile.
"I'm just so worried," she said, tears starting again. "Half the family's in the Order, it'll be a miracle if we all come through this...Percy's not talking to us...What if something dreadful happens and we never made up? And what's going to happen if Arthur and I get killed, who'll look after Ron and Ginny? And Harry?"
Lupin looked at her sternly. "Molly, that's enough. This isn't like last time. The Order are better prepared, we've got a head start, we know what Voldemort's up to-"
Molly winced at the sound of the name.
"Come on, Molly, it's about time you got used to hearing it," said Lupin firmly, glancing again at Tonks. "I can't promise no one's going to get hurt, nobody can promise that, but we're much better off than we were last time. You weren't in the Order then, you don't understand, last time we were outnumbered twenty to one by the Death Eaters and they were picking us off one by one..."
"Percy'll come round," said Sirius. "It's only a matter of time before Voldemort moves into the open. Once he does the whole Ministry'll begging us to forgive them. And I'm not sure I'll be accepting their apology."
Lupin looked over at Sirius, who had a dark, ugly expression on his face. Harry, meanwhile, looked frightened. Lupin looked back at Molly, who was collecting herself, wiping at her eyes with the handkerchief.
"And as for who's going to look after Ron and Ginny and Harry if something happened to you and Arthur," said Lupin, "what do you think we'd do, let them starve?"
Molly smiled weakly. "Being silly," she said again. "Don't tell Arthur."
"We won't," said Lupin. "Come on." He gave Molly his hand and helped her up from the floor.
"It's late," he said. "Perhaps we should call it a night. The children have to be up early tomorrow for the train."
"Right," grunted Moody. "Off you go, Potter."
Harry was ushered out by Sirius, who escorted him to the bedroom he was sharing with Ron. Lupin helped Molly out of the sitting room; she shrugged him off gently, insisting she was fine, that she needed to find Arthur, and she went down the stairs in search of him.
Moody stumped down the stairs and headed for the front door.
"Coming, Tonks?" he asked gruffly.
"Go on ahead, Mad-Eye," she said.
"Right then, see you tomorrow." He stumped out the front door.
Lupin and Tonks watched Moody leave, then turned to each other.
"Not exactly a festive end to the party," Tonks said, grimacing.
"No, it's not," said Lupin, shaking his head.
They didn't speak for a moment.
"It's starting, isn't it?" said Tonks. "This war."
Lupin looked at her and felt a pang. She looked very young at that moment, very innocent. It didn't seem fair, really, for her to have to experience this.
"I'm afraid so," said Lupin. "It will only get worse...from here."
He felt his throat close as his mind drifted back to the last time, fifteen years ago, when Voldemort was at the height of his power. How many had died. And worse.
"Remus, you all right?"
Lupin blinked at looked at Tonks, who had closed the distance between them and had placed her hand on his arm.
"Sorry," he said. "Just--reminiscing. It's late. I'm sure you must be exhausted."
"Yeah," she said. "G'night." She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek, letting her lips linger there a little too long. Lupin closed his eyes, allowing himself to inhale the vanilla scent.
She backed away from him.
"Good night, Tonks," he said, not wanting her to leave. But she started down the stairs. He watched her as she stumbled, righted herself, and headed down the stairs and out the door.
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Next day Lupin, Moody, Tonks, Molly and Arthur set to seeing Harry and his friends off to school. It went off well, for the most part, except that Sturgis Podmore had not shown up to participate in guard duty. Moody commented darkly on this, but Lupin couldn't focus on the absence of Sturgis too much. He was far too concerned about Sirius, who, disguised as the black dog, had insisted on accompanying Harry.
Lupin could not approve of his friend's decision to go out, even if he could appreciate how badly Sirius would want to see his godson off, would want to get the hell out of the house he hated so badly.
In the end Molly held her tongue, much to Lupin's relief. He did not relish any return to previous tensions.
For the following few weeks things settled back into a fairly quiet routine. Lupin traveled, mostly to the environs just outside London, seeking out recruits. He'd managed to obtain more Wolfsbane Draught from Snape. Sirius, stuck inside, had become surly and sullen; his only respite was writing to Harry and spending time with the hippogriff, Buckbeak. Kreacher, the house-elf at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, took to avoiding Sirius as much as possible, which suited Sirius just fine.
The Order had met only once in those few weeks; Snape showed up only long enough to report that a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher had been found. One hand-picked by Cornelius Fudge. Her name was Dolores Jane Umbridge, and she had previously served as Senior Undersecretary to Fudge himself. Lupin didn't like the sound of this. Even more unsettling was the not entirely subtle hints from this Umbridge woman about imminent changes that were to occur in the school, changes having to do with curriculum and the manner in which teachers taught their subjects. Snape seemed especially put out this year by losing the Dark Arts job once again, and by the sound of this Umbridge woman, Lupin couldn't help but feel the smallest, most infinitesimal hint of pity for Snape. That pity vanished the moment Lupin had asked Snape for a fresh supply of Wolfsbane Draught; Snape had sneered and once again taunted Lupin with threats to withhold it.
Lupin hadn't seen much of Tonks; he only knew she was pulling double-duty, first at her regular job as an Auror and second as a spy for the Order. He missed her company--her energy and sense of humor allowed him, however briefly, to mentally step away from the dangers he knew were coming.
It was a morning three weeks after Harry and his friends had gone back to school that he finally saw Tonks. She arrived in the late morning, looking exhausted.
"Hi, Remus!" she said brightly, covering up a yawn. She was standing in the doorway, her hair bright blue, her eyes dark, and she was holding a suitcase in her hand.
"Come in," said Lupin. She hugged him and kissed him lightly on the cheek. He felt suddenly, absurdly happy to see her. Then he noticed the suitcase.
"What's this?"
"Some of my stuff," said Tonks. "I'm going to be spending a bit more time over here and I figured it's easier to just grab a room and throw some of my things in it. Plenty of space here, and it beats having to go back and forth to my flat all the time."
"Oh," said Lupin. "You'll--be staying here, then?"
"Sometimes, yeah," said Tonks. "On my nights when I'm on duty. You know. Why, don't you want me here?" She grinned at him mischievously.
"Of course I do," said Lupin quickly, feeling a kind of thrill in the pit of his stomach. Tonks, under this roof, in a room down the hall from his...
Cut it out, said the voice in his head. Friends, remember?
"Anyway, I figured I'd take that room Ginny and Hermione were using," she said. "It's got a bathroom and looks appropriately Victorian and girly."
"Let me help you carry that up," said Lupin, taking the suitcase from her.
"Thanks," she said, smiling. "I'd probably drop the stupid thing, anyway."
They reached the bedroom formerly occupied by Hermione and Ginny and Lupin dragged the suitcase--which was extremely heavy--inside.
"Good lord, Tonks," he said, heaving the case onto the bed. "What do you carry in there? Your kitchen sink?"
"Very funny," she said, rolling her eyes. "Just clothes, cosmetics, the usual stuff. But it's probably my boots that are so heavy. Steel-toe and everything. I've got three pairs."
"Steel-toe boots?" Lupin said, trying not to steal glances at her as she pulled off her robes. Why did she have to wear such form-fitting shirts? And what right did she have to look so delectable in combat fatigue trousers, of all things? She looked very much like a hoodlum, in fact, with her tattooed bicep and her blue hair and her motorcycle boots and-oh my-the belly button ring that Lupin caught a glimpse of as she reached up to run a hand through her hair, causing her shirt to lift and expose the smooth skin of her tummy. He swallowed and gave a kind of forced laugh, trying to keep his mind on things aside from her very lovely skin. "I'd hate to be on the receiving end of a kick when you're wearing a pair of those."
"I never kick anyone unless they give me a good reason," she said. "So you're safe, I think." She smiled at him again, and for a moment they simply looked at each other.
"So," she said slowly. "I'm beat. Long night, you know. Patrolling. I think I'll grab a shower and a kip, if you don't mind." She sat on the chair near the bed and pulled off her boots.
"Oh, right," said Lupin awkwardly. "Uh, shall I wake you at some point?"
"Yeah," said Tonks, and Lupin felt his mouth drop open as she stood up and casually pulled her t-shirt over her head. Dear god, she was standing in front of him in her black bra and combat fatigue pants. "Give me five hours," she said, running a hand through her short hair.
"Certainly," said Lupin, watching as she began to fiddle with the fastenings of her trousers. The blood rushed to his groin as his eyes stole glimpses of the curve of her back, the dip in her smooth tummy, that outrageously sexy belly-button ring, the swell of her breasts.
"If you want to stay and watch, pull up a chair," said Tonks, grinning at him archly.
"Very funny," said Lupin, biting his lip in the hope that somehow it might make his neck and ears stop burning. "I'll just leave you to it, then. Have a nice shower, sleep well." As he said this an image of Tonks showering flashed in his mind and he found his hands straying to the front of his robes, to his crotch.
"I will," said Tonks, and she flashed him another smile, this one cheeky and flirtatious.
"Yes, do that," he said, shutting the door to her room and hurrying away down the hall. His heart was hammering. Suddenly he wasn't so sure having Tonks in the house on a regular basis was such a good idea.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I thought you'd be happy she was spending more time here," said Sirius as he helped himself to a roast beef sandwich.
"Well, yes," said Lupin nervously. "But...why is she moving in? Is it really necessary? She lives in London, doesn't she? Wouldn't she prefer her own flat?"
Sirius grinned. "I think she prefers to be wherever you are."
"Sirius-"
"I just call things as I see them, mate."
"There's nothing to see," said Lupin stiffly, standing up and pacing the room. "Tonks and I have spoken at length about this. We agreed to be friends, nothing more. I told her everything, and she accepts that we can't become-romantically involved."
"You told her everything?" Sirius said, arching his eyebrows.
"Most everything," said Lupin, feeling himself blush again.
"You didn't mention Narcissa?" said Sirius slowly.
"No," said Lupin, looking away. "I didn't mention Narcissa."
"Did you plan on it?"
"At some point," said Lupin. "I've never been to eager to discuss the subject of what happened between Narcissa and me, you know."
"I don't blame you," said Sirius. "You were a right mess after that whole thing."
"Yes, well," said Lupin uncomfortably. "I think after seventeen years I'm well shut of it. Over it."
"She's probably a Death Eater by now, anyway," said Sirius. "Like so many other members of my illustrious family. Except for Andromeda and Tonks, of course."
Lupin picked half-heartedly at a chicken sandwich. The good mood he'd felt upon learning of Tonks moving into the house had mostly evaporated. He was nervous now, uncertain of where things might lead. He had missed having her around these past several weeks, but now that she was here he wondered if he were not better off before she had arrived. He had thought he was old enough, disciplined enough to control his feelings for her. But instead he'd spent the better part of the morning and early afternoon trying to rid his mind of the image of Tonks peeling off her shirt, of what Tonks might look like standing under a steaming shower, the hot water coursing down her body. And with those images was the horrible rush of blood to his nether regions that had left his groin aching. He felt like a teenager, randy as hell and unable to control his own body. It was ridiculous. Well, it was her own damn fault, said a voice in his head. What was she on about, undressing right in front of him? Was this something all young people were doing these days, dropping drawers in front of whomever they felt like, whenever they felt like it? Or was it just something Tonks did? Perhaps, being among one of the very few female Aurors in the department, she found herself in situations where changing clothes in front of men was normal for her, and she had simply reverted to form in her room upstairs?
He tried to think about it logically. The truth was, Tonks wasn't beautiful. She was pretty, to be sure, but she was rather short. Her muscular, compact body lacked the kind of feminine, graceful lines that most blokes went mad for. Her breasts were not especially large or voluptuous. Her hair-regardless of whatever wild color it might be-was more often than not worn in that spiky, very tomboyish style, full of some kind of hair pomade that made it stand on end. She wore combat fatigues, for heaven's sake. And motorcycle boots. She dressed not unlike some kind of mercenary soldier. She was exactly the opposite sort of girl-woman-Lupin normally found attractive. She was certainly nothing like...Narcissa.
Narcissa had been...entirely female. Tall, regal, beautiful. Feminine. Blonde hair that fell down her back. Lithe, long limbs and beautiful curves. Dresses that clung to her in all the right places. And the kind of cold, hard beauty Lupin associated with marble statues. Perfect, but entirely untouchable. Unreal. Even her name was something to be placed on a pedestal. Narcissa. And how appropriate a name it had turned out to be. The moment she'd learned of his condition she'd left him, seeking out someone far more respectable, in the person of Lucius Malfoy. Lupin swallowed his bite of sandwich. He'd been mad about Narcissa, blinded to her true character by her dazzling beauty, by the way she made love to him and told him all the things he thought he wanted to hear.
Tonks-even her name was all wrong. A tomboy, too young, given to the kind of cursing that would do a dockyard worker proud, clumsy as hell. And yet there he was, chewing a chicken sandwich and trying not to think about what she looked like naked. Before he realized it, he groaned out loud.
"What's the matter with you?" said Sirius grumpily as he took a swig of pumpkin juice. "You're looking right melancholy for a bloke who's allowed to leave this bloody house and go traipsing about London AND has the girl of his dreams living under the same roof."
"I told you, we're just--"
"Friends, right," said Sirius. "You always were a lousy liar, Remus."
"So I have feelings for her, so what?" said Lupin heatedly. "It's not like I can act on them."
"You could if you had any nerve," said Sirius.
"Are you TRYING to get Tonks and me into bed, is that it?" said Lupin, abashed.
"I'm trying to help you be happy, mate," said Sirius. "That's all."
"Sex isn't...isn't the most important thing in life, Sirius," said Lupin stiffly, even though he knew that sounded very prudish and uptight.
"Spoken like a man who hasn't had it in over fifteen years," said Sirius.
"And you have, then?"
"Prison, remember?" said Sirius. "Shagging opportunities don't come up much in prison. Unless you like getting it on with other blokes, which is not really my cup of tea. Then again the Dementors were there back then, sucking all the joy out of everything, and as shagging has always given me much joy, well, there you have it. And now I'm stuck in here, still lacking a nice woman who'll shag me stupid. And you've got a woman who almost certainly wants to shag you stupid and you have nothing standing in your way except fear."
"Will you listen to yourself?" said Lupin incredulously. "My god, you're talking about your cousin."
"Who's a grown woman," said Sirius, taking a bite of his sandwich. "And you can't sit there and tell me you haven't thought about it."
Lupin blushed. "Well..."
"I knew it," said Sirius, smirking. "And thank god for that. Because if you hadn't I'd start to wonder about you."
"We're friends," said Lupin, but he didn't look at Sirius. "That's all we can be. If I...occasionally have thoughts about her that venture outside the platonic, that's just something I shall have to contend with."
"My god, would you listen to yourself," said Sirius, shaking his head. "No wonder you were a prefect."
"What exactly are you trying to say?" said Lupin, feeling defensive as he always had whenever Sirius-or James, for that matter-had ribbed him for being a prefect, for being "the good boy."
"I'm trying to get you to see sense, mate," said Sirius. "It's not natural for a man to go without for that long. Why d'you think I'm so bloody cracked in the head? So cranky all the time? Because I haven't had the opportunity to give a nice woman a good rogering in almost a decade and a half. I'm amazed I haven't gone round the twist like Kreacher. You want to end up like me, do you?"
"So you're saying that sex is vital to my mental health, then?" said Lupin.
"Absolutely," said Sirius. "Otherwise you end up old and bitter and completely mental." He paused, and then pursed his lips, musing, "You know, maybe that's what Kreacher needs. I could find him a nice female house elf and they could--"
"Sirius, that's disgusting," said Lupin. "But thank you, that appalling image you've created has managed quite nicely to ruin sex for me forever. Oh, yes, and ruined my appetite as well. What a relief."
"Right," said Sirius. "Give yourself five minutes."
"Very funny," said Lupin.
"I'm just saying, it's a basic human need," said Sirius, grinning. "Maybe not quite up there with food and shelter and clothing but close enough. Man can't live by bread alone and all that."
"Good god," said Lupin, shaking his head and smiling in spite of himself. "You're incorrigible."
Sirius chuckled and finished his sandwich, then sat back in his chair and groaned good-naturedly.
"Yup, that's what's missing in my life," said Sirius. "A nice woman. I've been thinking, that Emmeline Vance is quite striking. What do you know of her? What's she like? Nice?"
"Emmeline Vance would tear you apart," said Lupin.
"Would she?" said Sirius, his eyes glittering wickedly as a wide grin spread over his face. "Excellent. Invite her round for tea sometime, won't you?"