The daylight grew to darkness, and I was but a 10 minute walk from my room. I left Miki's room later than I'd expected, so I tried to hurry back. It was almost midnight, so I wasn't going to get that great of a rest before school the next day. It was extremely cold outside, and I only had a small jacket. I could see my breath.
As I rounded the corner of the block, a black car rolled up next to me in the streetlight. A good looking blonde guy leaned out of the window and said, "Hey sweetie, you wanna come with me?" I half wanted to say yes. After what happened last night, I could have just burst into tears and crawled into that guy's arms forever. I was tired of having such high aspirations for something that probably didn't mean a thing to him.
"No I'm okay," I repiled slowly, stepping my black and white saddle shoes away from his car.
"Where you headed?" He asked, trying to keep me engaged in the conversation.
"My room," I answered very matter-of-factly, and then I said goodnight and headed off. Now more than ever I wanted to start crying. But it was too cold to cry, and I hated that. I felt so much emotion swelling up inside my throat, so much anger and so much saddness. I wanted to let it out but it was stuck inside my chest, and while it beat on my insides, desparate to get out, I couldn't let it even if I wanted to. I can't be the victim. I'm completely apart from emotions like breaking down over a boy. I just don't work like that.
I headed up the stairs and into my room, where Himemya was already asleep. I could hear Chu-Chu's whistling snores from the doorway. The room's warmth opened my heart up, and my eyes flooded with my feelings. They poured over my cheeks and onto the floor, and I had to kneel down or I feared I would faint. I made a silent sort of breathing crying noise, so as not to wake Anthy. But it's so hard to cry quietly, and eventually the sobs came. Quieter but then louder, until I had to push my face into a pillow before I woke up the entire Academy.
"I hate him, I hate him..." I told myself, as I laid there in the tear soaked pillow, feeling utterly immoible and useless to myself and anyone else. I was truly as weak as everyone else. I had become vulnerable somehow, even though I had worked so hard to make myself a shell from those kinds of emotions. I had developed a strange swelling in my heart that moved up through my throat and down into my stomach, I had fallen in love.
As I rounded the corner of the block, a black car rolled up next to me in the streetlight. A good looking blonde guy leaned out of the window and said, "Hey sweetie, you wanna come with me?" I half wanted to say yes. After what happened last night, I could have just burst into tears and crawled into that guy's arms forever. I was tired of having such high aspirations for something that probably didn't mean a thing to him.
"No I'm okay," I repiled slowly, stepping my black and white saddle shoes away from his car.
"Where you headed?" He asked, trying to keep me engaged in the conversation.
"My room," I answered very matter-of-factly, and then I said goodnight and headed off. Now more than ever I wanted to start crying. But it was too cold to cry, and I hated that. I felt so much emotion swelling up inside my throat, so much anger and so much saddness. I wanted to let it out but it was stuck inside my chest, and while it beat on my insides, desparate to get out, I couldn't let it even if I wanted to. I can't be the victim. I'm completely apart from emotions like breaking down over a boy. I just don't work like that.
I headed up the stairs and into my room, where Himemya was already asleep. I could hear Chu-Chu's whistling snores from the doorway. The room's warmth opened my heart up, and my eyes flooded with my feelings. They poured over my cheeks and onto the floor, and I had to kneel down or I feared I would faint. I made a silent sort of breathing crying noise, so as not to wake Anthy. But it's so hard to cry quietly, and eventually the sobs came. Quieter but then louder, until I had to push my face into a pillow before I woke up the entire Academy.
"I hate him, I hate him..." I told myself, as I laid there in the tear soaked pillow, feeling utterly immoible and useless to myself and anyone else. I was truly as weak as everyone else. I had become vulnerable somehow, even though I had worked so hard to make myself a shell from those kinds of emotions. I had developed a strange swelling in my heart that moved up through my throat and down into my stomach, I had fallen in love.