Disclaimer: Contrary to popular belief, I don't own Inuyasha, and never will. A/N: This is just a lighthearted spoof playing on all the Inuyasha fics out there. Nothing more, nothing less.
~Another Day in the Life~ By Burnt Rice Chapter
1: Sprout, plan, sprout!!!
Sessoumaru sighed. It was one of those elegant, pathetic sighs that made fan girls all over weep and dedicate their lives to the demon's well-being. Slumped across an armchair, Sesshoumaru was re-evaluating the meaning of life. Well, his meaning, to be more specific. He swept a strand of silver hair behind his ear. My life, he thought. What do I want to accomplish during my reign in this world? What shall become my legacy? How will I be remembered? The demon got up and proceeded to pace back and forth.
"Not that I haven't accomplished anything.", he said to himself. Of course, there was the whole'ruin my younger brother's day by half trying to kill him and reclaim my Tetsusaiga' thing, and 'leading my faithful yet gullible servant around in circles, while trying to convince him that we were doing something of utmost importance' ordeal, but that didn't seem like enough.
"Sesshoumaru-sama!" A young girl's voice could be heard from behind the demon's back. As soon as her voice had reached Sesshoumaru's ears, the rest of her scrawny body materialized from the shadows of the forests. "Yes, Rin?", he inquired. He wasn't one known for patience, but Rin was a special exception. He had adopted her from one of those weakling human fishing villages almost a month ago. He felt like a father to her, and had this warm fuzzy feeling whenever she was around. Of course, Sesshoumaru would rather die before admitting that to anyone else. He still had to lie about their circumstances whenever he hung around other demons: Rin was actually a priestess with extraordinary powers and abilities, who had fallen madly in love with him, due to his charisma and noble strength, so she followed him around wherever he went. "Why don't you destroy her?", a snake demon would ask. "It's obvious.", Sesshoumaru would answer. "I'm holding her for ransom, because her parents are filthy rich and powerful." And that was Sesshoumaru's so-called 'excuse'. His thoughts turning back to the present time, he managed to catch the last few of Rin's words.
".....and Jaken's playing dress-up with your clothes again."
Sesshoumaru scowled. "Not again. Do you know how long it took me to get those toad stains out of the fabric?" It was true. Sesshoumaru had a certain thing when it came to his clothes. He sighed once more. It was another one of his breathtaking sighs, the kind that made fish get up in the morning. And with a final feminine sweep of his cape/kimono, he floated off in Jaken's general direction, muttering about toad stains and of how humans were weak.
~*~*~*~*~*~
One hour later, after Sesshoumaru had finally convinced Jaken to give his clothes back, (if you could call threatening him with his poison claws a 'peaceful resolution'), Sesshoumaru became undoubtedly bored again. He had left Jaken to babysitting duty, and was now walking down an old worn path through the ancient forest. I wonder what my weakling half-brother and his little fan club is doing right about now, he pondered. Lately he had noticed that Inuyasha's latest phase had to do with love triangles of a sort. Sesshoumaru mentally went over the different situations that Inuyasha had frequently got into recently: Let's see......Inuyasha fights Kouga over Kagome even though he says he doesn't love her thing, the Inuyasha buys Kagome as a slave phase, while acting as if he were a prince thing, the whole Inuyasha loves Kikyo but then he realizes that she's pure evil and hatred and then chooses Kagome in the end thing, Inuyasha's monk follower and the demon exterminator set Inuyasha up with Kagome and then fall in love with each other ordeal, Inuyasha going through the well, fights with some hobo person, and then falls in love with Kagome phase, and the occasional random fangirl that goes through the well to this time, and makes all the bishounen fall in love with her, and then realizes that Inuyasha and Kagome are truly meant for each other, so leaves them to their own devices while keeping Kouga all to herself thing.
Gosh, it truly isn't fair, thought Sesshoumaru. Why does Inuyasha get all the fun? Mostly, he got stuck in situations that had him fall in love with Rin, or him starting off with Kagome and then her finally turning for Inuyasha, or vice versa. What was that? Three different scenarios? It was quite pathetic, really. That was when the demon felt a pulse. A feeling of hate, anger, revenge, with.....love? No, that wasn't it. False love. Blinded by pain. Sesshoumaru rolled his exquisite amber eyes. Another fun-filled death day with none other than Kikyo, he thought.
Sesshoumaru felt Kikyo's presence grow stronger. She must be feeling particularly vengeful today, thought the demon. Sesshoumaru felt Kikyo's presence reach his territory. Without turning around to face her, he stated, "What do you want today?"
Kikyo radiated towards Sesshoumaru, with the same dead look that she always wore. "Nothing more than your cooperation.", she replied.
This time Sesshoumaru answered with sarcasm, something he did not quite too often. "Well, if you need me that much, I guess I'll have to work with what I got. We'll need to start with your people skills........." "How amusing. Sesshoumaru just made a funny."
Kikyo retorted. "I have a plan. A plan to get Inuyasha......"
"Not again," said Sesshoumaru, impatience apparent in his tone. "We've tried those a million times. Can't you think of something more original than that?" "I don't see you putting in any effort.", snapped Kikyo.
"I have other priorities. Why don't you get a life?" Kikyo smirked, a sour one. "I'm dead, remember pretty boy? Besides, I have something you want." Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes. A great number of things flashed through his mind: Rin's been kidnaped, somehow Kikyo's gotten her hands on the Tetsusaiga, even the possibility of her winning that pie baking contest that he had entered yesterday. But he decided not to show her any signs of weaknesses. "I want nothing."
Kikyo smiled that smirk of hers. Her face is really starting to get on my nerves........, he thought. "Is that so? Isn't there something you've been wanting to learn? Something that's been nagging you for quite some time by now?"
Sesshoumaru gave Kikyo a glare. "You didn't........"
She chuckled. "Oh yes I did. I......" , She paused for a dramatic effect. "......know the meaning of life."
"How did you find out?!", he cried.
"You learn a lot of things while you're down there.", she replied.
Sesshoumaru's face gave a look of confusion. Impatiently, Kikyo pointed at the ground.
A moment of awkward silence passed. "Oh.........." Sesshoumaru finally said.
"A little slow on the uptake, aren't you, pretty boy?"
Sesshoumaru decided not to respond to that comment. His thoughts drifted unto what he could be doing right now, instead of talking with Miss Doom here. His mind drew a blank. He sighed, a sign of his resignation. (Somewhere in the background, a boom could be heard. Fangirls had swooned at the sound of Sesshoumaru's breath and fainted.)
"Fine. So what's the plan?"
"Thought you'd see it my way.........." And the little whisperings of what was soon to be Inuyasha's supposed demise had finally sprouted.
*~*~*~*~
End Ch. 1 Wow. That didn't go in the direction I was aiming for, but whatever. This was supposed to be a one shot, but I'm having too much fun writing this. Please Review!!!
1.