(The two men blink frantically and attempt to adjust their eyes as a little
pixie-ish women comes into view.)
Pixie : "Wow, looks like I got here just in time."
Erik : "What the hell is going on here!? Who the devil are you?"
Pixie : (Dusting herself off) "The name's Phoebe. I'm a professional pixie and wish-granter."
Erik : "Okay ..."
Phoebe : "And I'm here to complete an assignment. Step aside, please." (Erik, dumbfounded, scurries into a far corner of the room as Phoebe releases Raoul from the Punjab lasso.)
Raoul : (Still slightly blue) "Thanks ... Er, am I dead?"
Phoebe : "Of course not, don't be stupid! Do I look like St. Peter to you?" (She receives blank stares) "Okay then ... As I said, I'm here to complete an assignment. In case you couldn't tell, I'm a pixie, and as stated in the Mystical Creature's Handbook, every pixie must earn his or her wings by performing a series of difficult tasks. This spell that I'm about to cast will be my final one! Don't you feel lucky?" (More blank stares) "Yeah, that's the spirit!"
Erik : "Wait, wait, wait, just a minute here! What are you talking about? What spell?"
Phoebe : "The one that I'm about to cast? I have it here on the assignment sheet, if you want to see it." (Hands piece of paper to Erik, who studies it for all of 3 seconds before crumpling it up and throwing it to the ground) "Hey! Watch it, pal! That's expensive company property you're crumpling there!"
Erik : (To Raoul) "Okay, okay, very funny, Victome, but I think you can stop now. The joke's really kind of wearing thin."
Raoul : (Very confused) "Huh?"
Phoebe : "No, I don't think you understand -"
Erik : (Cutting in) "I have to give you some credit, though, I suppose. I didn't think your puny little brain was capable of something like this." (Studies Phoebe intently) "How much did you have to pay this kid, anyway? She's not a prostitute, is she?"
Phoebe : "Oh, that does it!" (Waves her wand menacingly in Erik's general direction)
Erik : (Obviously unimpressed) "Uh-huh, that's real cute. But do you mind? I was kind of in the middle of something here and -" (Stops, and notices that Raoul is staring in utter horror at his feet. He looks down and gasps) "My feet! They're ... they're ..."
Raoul : (Recovering) "... Flippers ...?"
Phoebe : "Say you're sorry and I'll change 'em back."
Erik : "Bu - I mean ... You just - But she isn't ... Are you ...? And then he ... And you ... And my feet, they're ... But it's just so ... I mean it's ... At least I don't think ... That is to say -"
Phoebe : *sigh* "Close enough." (Waves wand again, returning Erik's feet to their original form)
Erik : (Blinking in disbelief) "How did you do that?"
Phoebe : (Rolling her eyes) "Look, maybe someday when I have time I'll explain it to you, but for now I'd really like to get this spell underway." (A pause, as she surveys the room) "Okay, Roger, I need you to stand over there."
Raoul : "Raoul."
Phoebe : "Whatever."
Erik : "You used mirrors, right? I bet that's how you did it! All great magicians use mirrors. Anyway, I should know ... *ahem*"
Phoebe : "No, I did not use mirrors! And I'm not a magician. Now pipe down or I'll turn you into a mime." (Erik quickly presses his lips together in an unhappy silence) "Okay, I think everything's all set. Are you guys ready?" (Raoul nods absent-mindedly. Erik suddenly looks confused but unwilling to open his mouth again.) "One ... Two ..." (Raises wand professionally)
Erik : (Unable to control himself) "Wait! You never told us what you were going to -"
Phoebe : "Three!" (After a quick flick of her wrist, she smiles contentedly and tucks the wand into her belt loop. Erik blinks rapidly)
Erik : "... So, that's it?"
Phoebe : (Busily scribbling something onto a clipboard) "Yup."
Erik : "No puffs of smoke? No glitter? No blinding flashes of light and fanfare music? Just what kind of a magician are you, anyway? You wouldn't last a week in Vegas, I can tell you that much."
Phoebe : "Thank heaven for that. And I am NOT a magician. I'm a professional Pixie and Wish-Granter, who just earned her wings."
Raoul : "Cool! Can we have a party?"
Erik : "But what did you do? I don't see any evidence of any sort of spell anywhere!" (Folds his arms across his chest) "I still say this is all some sort of tiresome joke."
Phoebe : "Oh really?" (Smirks) "Well why don't you take a look in that mirror over there and then tell me what you think?" (Erik stares at her quizzically and looks as though he's about to say something, when he is interrupted by Raoul, who has been attempting to blow his nose.)
Raoul : "AAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!"
Erik : (Jumping 2 feet in the air) "What the hell is wrong with you, Vicomte!? Are you trying to give me my second heart-attack?"
Raoul : "MY NOSE!! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY NOSE!!?"
Erik : "What are you talking about? What do you mean -" (Turns around and sees Raoul) "AAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!" (Looks down at his clothing) "AAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!"
Raoul and Erik : (Staring directly at each other, a la "Home Alone") "AAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!"
Phoebe : "I think I'm going to need something stronger than Advil ..."
Erik : "What did you do? What did you do!? Why do I look like him!?"
Raoul : "More importantly, why do I look like HIM!?"
Phoebe : "Because that's the spell. Every pixie, to earn his or her wings, must complete an incredibly difficult assignment as their final task. My superiors, after having observed you two for several months, concluded that it would be a most difficult task indeed to put you both in the other's shoes, so to speak. Therefore, I was told to cast a spell that would have you switch places for all of 24 hours and to document the results. Truthfully, I don't really think it's that hard an assignment. I think it was thought up mainly for their amusment. We don't get cable over there, you see, so good entertainment is hard to come by."
Raoul : (Lunging for Phoebe) "Change us back, you twisted little water nymph! I don't wanna be ugly! You hear me? I don't wanna be ugly!!"
Erik : "It would be a terrible tragedy for him, you know. His looks are all he has."
Raoul : (Dissolving into tears) "WAAAAHHHH!! It's TRUE!"
Erik : "On the other hand, I've never been handsome before. Too bad I have to be in Chagny's body. Now everybody's going to think I'm him." *shudder*
Phoebe : "But it's not about being handsome or ugly! It's about learning things about one another that you never knew before, and accepting your adversary as a person."
Raoul : *sniffle* "It is?"
Phoebe : *shrugs* "I dunno. That's just what it says here on my assignment sheet. Now, I'll be back at the same time tomorrow to reverse the spell. Do you have any questions?"
Erik : "Yes. Can you do something about her?" (Gestures toward Christine, who is still in her hypnotic trance.)
Phoebe : "No problem." (Claps her hands three times and disappears)
Christine : "Erik is the ... uh ... What was I saying ...?" (Turns to stare at Raoul) "What's wrong, Erik? You look so sad."
Raoul : "WAAAHHHHHH!" (Covers his face with his hands and runs out of the room.)
Christine : "Um, okay. Never seen Erik do that before." (Turns to Erik) "So do you think you can forgive me for inviting Erik over, Raoul?"
Erik : "Only if you promise to never call me that again."
Christine : "Well ... What should I call you?"
Erik : "Darling, Honey, Love-Button, but never, ever Raoul, Vicomte de Chagny."
Christine : *shrugs* "Okay. I only wanted you two to be friends, you know." (Sighs and puts her arms around his neck) "I still do." (Erik sighs euphorically) "I mean, just because he kidnapped me and tried to kill you, doesn't mean that we can't have him over for tea every now and then. I'll bet he even starts to grow on you. You know, once you get past the hideous features and compulsive murdering, he's really just like you and me, only brilliant ... Darling? Darling? Are you listening to me?"
Erik : "Yes Christine ..." *snaps fingers* "Platypus."
Christine : (Eyes glazing over) "Erik is the sexiest, most handsome, intelligent man alive. I will be his slave until the day I die ..."
Erik : (Grins sardonically) "This is going to be fun."
Is Erik right? Stay tuned to find out! (Note to Self : Stop with the hokey television announcer stuff)
Pixie : "Wow, looks like I got here just in time."
Erik : "What the hell is going on here!? Who the devil are you?"
Pixie : (Dusting herself off) "The name's Phoebe. I'm a professional pixie and wish-granter."
Erik : "Okay ..."
Phoebe : "And I'm here to complete an assignment. Step aside, please." (Erik, dumbfounded, scurries into a far corner of the room as Phoebe releases Raoul from the Punjab lasso.)
Raoul : (Still slightly blue) "Thanks ... Er, am I dead?"
Phoebe : "Of course not, don't be stupid! Do I look like St. Peter to you?" (She receives blank stares) "Okay then ... As I said, I'm here to complete an assignment. In case you couldn't tell, I'm a pixie, and as stated in the Mystical Creature's Handbook, every pixie must earn his or her wings by performing a series of difficult tasks. This spell that I'm about to cast will be my final one! Don't you feel lucky?" (More blank stares) "Yeah, that's the spirit!"
Erik : "Wait, wait, wait, just a minute here! What are you talking about? What spell?"
Phoebe : "The one that I'm about to cast? I have it here on the assignment sheet, if you want to see it." (Hands piece of paper to Erik, who studies it for all of 3 seconds before crumpling it up and throwing it to the ground) "Hey! Watch it, pal! That's expensive company property you're crumpling there!"
Erik : (To Raoul) "Okay, okay, very funny, Victome, but I think you can stop now. The joke's really kind of wearing thin."
Raoul : (Very confused) "Huh?"
Phoebe : "No, I don't think you understand -"
Erik : (Cutting in) "I have to give you some credit, though, I suppose. I didn't think your puny little brain was capable of something like this." (Studies Phoebe intently) "How much did you have to pay this kid, anyway? She's not a prostitute, is she?"
Phoebe : "Oh, that does it!" (Waves her wand menacingly in Erik's general direction)
Erik : (Obviously unimpressed) "Uh-huh, that's real cute. But do you mind? I was kind of in the middle of something here and -" (Stops, and notices that Raoul is staring in utter horror at his feet. He looks down and gasps) "My feet! They're ... they're ..."
Raoul : (Recovering) "... Flippers ...?"
Phoebe : "Say you're sorry and I'll change 'em back."
Erik : "Bu - I mean ... You just - But she isn't ... Are you ...? And then he ... And you ... And my feet, they're ... But it's just so ... I mean it's ... At least I don't think ... That is to say -"
Phoebe : *sigh* "Close enough." (Waves wand again, returning Erik's feet to their original form)
Erik : (Blinking in disbelief) "How did you do that?"
Phoebe : (Rolling her eyes) "Look, maybe someday when I have time I'll explain it to you, but for now I'd really like to get this spell underway." (A pause, as she surveys the room) "Okay, Roger, I need you to stand over there."
Raoul : "Raoul."
Phoebe : "Whatever."
Erik : "You used mirrors, right? I bet that's how you did it! All great magicians use mirrors. Anyway, I should know ... *ahem*"
Phoebe : "No, I did not use mirrors! And I'm not a magician. Now pipe down or I'll turn you into a mime." (Erik quickly presses his lips together in an unhappy silence) "Okay, I think everything's all set. Are you guys ready?" (Raoul nods absent-mindedly. Erik suddenly looks confused but unwilling to open his mouth again.) "One ... Two ..." (Raises wand professionally)
Erik : (Unable to control himself) "Wait! You never told us what you were going to -"
Phoebe : "Three!" (After a quick flick of her wrist, she smiles contentedly and tucks the wand into her belt loop. Erik blinks rapidly)
Erik : "... So, that's it?"
Phoebe : (Busily scribbling something onto a clipboard) "Yup."
Erik : "No puffs of smoke? No glitter? No blinding flashes of light and fanfare music? Just what kind of a magician are you, anyway? You wouldn't last a week in Vegas, I can tell you that much."
Phoebe : "Thank heaven for that. And I am NOT a magician. I'm a professional Pixie and Wish-Granter, who just earned her wings."
Raoul : "Cool! Can we have a party?"
Erik : "But what did you do? I don't see any evidence of any sort of spell anywhere!" (Folds his arms across his chest) "I still say this is all some sort of tiresome joke."
Phoebe : "Oh really?" (Smirks) "Well why don't you take a look in that mirror over there and then tell me what you think?" (Erik stares at her quizzically and looks as though he's about to say something, when he is interrupted by Raoul, who has been attempting to blow his nose.)
Raoul : "AAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!"
Erik : (Jumping 2 feet in the air) "What the hell is wrong with you, Vicomte!? Are you trying to give me my second heart-attack?"
Raoul : "MY NOSE!! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY NOSE!!?"
Erik : "What are you talking about? What do you mean -" (Turns around and sees Raoul) "AAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!" (Looks down at his clothing) "AAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!"
Raoul and Erik : (Staring directly at each other, a la "Home Alone") "AAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!"
Phoebe : "I think I'm going to need something stronger than Advil ..."
Erik : "What did you do? What did you do!? Why do I look like him!?"
Raoul : "More importantly, why do I look like HIM!?"
Phoebe : "Because that's the spell. Every pixie, to earn his or her wings, must complete an incredibly difficult assignment as their final task. My superiors, after having observed you two for several months, concluded that it would be a most difficult task indeed to put you both in the other's shoes, so to speak. Therefore, I was told to cast a spell that would have you switch places for all of 24 hours and to document the results. Truthfully, I don't really think it's that hard an assignment. I think it was thought up mainly for their amusment. We don't get cable over there, you see, so good entertainment is hard to come by."
Raoul : (Lunging for Phoebe) "Change us back, you twisted little water nymph! I don't wanna be ugly! You hear me? I don't wanna be ugly!!"
Erik : "It would be a terrible tragedy for him, you know. His looks are all he has."
Raoul : (Dissolving into tears) "WAAAAHHHH!! It's TRUE!"
Erik : "On the other hand, I've never been handsome before. Too bad I have to be in Chagny's body. Now everybody's going to think I'm him." *shudder*
Phoebe : "But it's not about being handsome or ugly! It's about learning things about one another that you never knew before, and accepting your adversary as a person."
Raoul : *sniffle* "It is?"
Phoebe : *shrugs* "I dunno. That's just what it says here on my assignment sheet. Now, I'll be back at the same time tomorrow to reverse the spell. Do you have any questions?"
Erik : "Yes. Can you do something about her?" (Gestures toward Christine, who is still in her hypnotic trance.)
Phoebe : "No problem." (Claps her hands three times and disappears)
Christine : "Erik is the ... uh ... What was I saying ...?" (Turns to stare at Raoul) "What's wrong, Erik? You look so sad."
Raoul : "WAAAHHHHHH!" (Covers his face with his hands and runs out of the room.)
Christine : "Um, okay. Never seen Erik do that before." (Turns to Erik) "So do you think you can forgive me for inviting Erik over, Raoul?"
Erik : "Only if you promise to never call me that again."
Christine : "Well ... What should I call you?"
Erik : "Darling, Honey, Love-Button, but never, ever Raoul, Vicomte de Chagny."
Christine : *shrugs* "Okay. I only wanted you two to be friends, you know." (Sighs and puts her arms around his neck) "I still do." (Erik sighs euphorically) "I mean, just because he kidnapped me and tried to kill you, doesn't mean that we can't have him over for tea every now and then. I'll bet he even starts to grow on you. You know, once you get past the hideous features and compulsive murdering, he's really just like you and me, only brilliant ... Darling? Darling? Are you listening to me?"
Erik : "Yes Christine ..." *snaps fingers* "Platypus."
Christine : (Eyes glazing over) "Erik is the sexiest, most handsome, intelligent man alive. I will be his slave until the day I die ..."
Erik : (Grins sardonically) "This is going to be fun."
Is Erik right? Stay tuned to find out! (Note to Self : Stop with the hokey television announcer stuff)