Phreaky Phriday
DISCLAIMER : Yes, I know I forgot to mention this earlier. I apologize profusely. *ahem* I do not own any of the characters herein, except for Phoebe and Laurette. All others I have simple "borrowed" and will return them whenever I feel like it. So don't hold your breath.
(Raoul, still sniffling through his non-existant nose, walks hurredly down the street, unaware of where he's going. As he does so, several people stop and stare quizzically at him)
Raoul : "What? What're you all staring at?" (The random gawkers disperse in fear) "Oh yeah, the mask ..." (Stops to think before draping the front part of the cloak over his head, which, of course, only makes him even more conspicuous . After about 2 minutes of this, he runs into a bread display.) "Ow! Dammit!" (Diving to pick up the scattered merchandise.) "Uh, sorry ... Sorry ... My bad ..." (Scurries away, trying to be nonchalant.) "No wonder Erik never leaves the Opera house. Maybe I should hide out there for awhile, just to be safe." (Brightens at the idea) "Hey, yeah! I'll finally get to see what it's like to be Erik!" (Rubs his hands together, gleefully) "Power ... Complete and utter power!" (Attempts an Erik -type laugh, but ends up choking instead) "Mwahahahaaaack coughcough - ack! *ahem* I, uh, guess I'll have to work on that ..." (Bows his head and walks briskly in the direction of the Opera.)
[Later, in Christine's old dressing room ...]
Raoul : (Attempting to break down the door) *mmpphh* "Stupid door ... I don't remember it being locked." (Bursts into the room, cracking open the lock) "Doesn't anybody trust anybody anymore?" (He adjusts the mask and scans the room briefly before locating the mirror) "Aha! That's how Erik got into Christine's room. I bet it takes me right into his house!" (Walks towards the mirror and is about to push on it when suddenly, a voice is heard from down the hall)
Voice : "Why the hell did they have to move me all the way back here? As if my feet weren't already in enough pain ..." (Rattles the doorknob)
Raoul : "Yipe!" (Begins frantically banging on the mirror)
Voice : "What the -? Hey, somebody broke in!" (Raoul throws his weight against the mirror and dives behind it just as Meg enters the room.)
Meg : *gasp* "I hope they didn't take my collection of rare masks belonging to murderous, enigmatic theatre ghosts!" (Dives beneath the bed)
Raoul : (From behind the mirror) "Heh heh ... At last, some real fun!" (Makes his voice deep and intoxicating) "Meg ... Meg Giry ..."
Meg : (Sits bolt upright and bangs her head) "OW! Dammitmothersonofa ..." (Emerges from under the bed) "Who said that?"
Raoul : "I did ... I am the Opera Ghost - No, wait! You didn't hear that, okay? Forget you heard anything! *ahem* What I meant was : I am the ... um, Teacher of Music ...? No, that's not it ... Devine Personification of Music ...? A Physical Manifestatation of Your Dead ... uh ... Damn, now I wish I had actually listened to Christine and that crackpot father of her's!"
Meg : (Approaching the mirror) "Save it. I don't care who you are or what you're selling. Just get out of my mirror and out of my dressing room."
Raoul : "But aren't you scared or confused or ecstatic or something?"
Meg : "Well, I am getting a little hungry."
Raoul : "Er, that's not quite the same thing ..." (A pause)
Meg : "Did you want something?"
Raoul : (sigh) "I thought you were afraid of ghosts."
Meg : "You're a ghost?"
Raoul : "Not just any ghost. I am THE Ghost. The Phantom of the Opera. The Big Guy. Master of all Your Fates. The Shiznit. Head Honcho, the Big Kahuna! I hold this building in the palm of my hand, and everyone here is my puppet. I do what I want, when I want, where I want. In fact, I could kill you now and nobody would ever know." (A satisfied pause)
Meg : "I see ... Well, I'm sorry, but I decided a while back to stop fearing silly things like murders and ghosts. It's a terrible strain on the vocal chords."
Raoul : "Hm ... This does present a bit of a problem ... Do you know of any other ballet rats who might be afraid of me?"
Meg : "Well ... Laurette's a pretty big chicken."
Raoul : "And where would I find her?"
Meg : "Rehearsal. With Mom."
Raoul : "Laurette. Rehearsal. Chicken. Got it. Thanks."
Meg : "No prob." (A pause) "Uh, is there anything else I can help you with?"
Raoul : "I don't suppose you would mind *ahem* introducing me?"
Meg : (Skeptically) "I dunno ..."
Raoul : "Please? For old time's sake? You used to be so good at it!"
Meg : "Well ... okay! But only because you make a good point." (Takes a few deep breaths, puts on an expression of complete and utter horror, and runs screaming out into the auditorium.) "AAAAIIIEEEEEEEE! HE'S BACK! THE GHOST IS BACK! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" (Instantly, people emerge from various corners of the building to join in the fainting, hyperventilating and shrieking)
Ballet Girls and Random Stage Hands : "He's here, the Phantom of the Opera! / The Ghost! The Ghost is back! / Everyone keep your hand at the level of your eyes! / etc." (Jammes faints dead away)
Meg : (Poking her with a stick) "Now cut that out! You're always upstaging me! It's my turn to faint, and you know it!" (Also faints)
Raoul : (Grinning devilishly) "Perfect ..." (Steps out of the mirror and calmly walks to the sound booth, where he surveys the scene before him) "Man, this is great! These people are going nuts and I haven't even done anything yet! Simply mentioning Erik's name is enough to cause at least 20 minutes of complete panic!" (Shakes head) "That guy does not know how good he has it." (Carlotta enters the auditorium)
Carlotta : "What is all this? What is going on here?"
Random People : "The Ghost! The Ghost! He's with us, The Phantom!"
Carlotta : "What!?" (Staggers up to center stage) "Oh, it is him! The vile being who killed my beloved Ubaldo!" (Weeps melodramatically and raises a fist to the air) "Have you come for me too, cruel murderer! Oh, padre mio!" (Begins spouting Italian)
Raoul : "I'd better put a stop to this." (Yells into a microphone-type thing) "NOW HEAR THIS!" (Everyone freezes) "I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OPERA GHOST AND YOU ARE ALL MY PUPPETS! YOUR LIVES REST IN THE PALM OF MY BEAUTIFULLY ELONGATED, ARTICULATE HAND! SUBMIT OR A DISASTER BEYOND YOUR IMAGINATION WILL OCCUR!"
Meg : (Yelling up to the booth) "What do you want us to do!?"
Raoul : (To himself) "Dang, I can't scare them when they all know I'm up here! UH ... I WILL LET YOU KNOW ... WHEN I THINK OF IT! UNTIL THEN ... BEWARE!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAAAAACCCKK -cough,cough, ack! Stupid dust bunny! *hem, ahem* UH, THAT IS ALL!" (Everyone shrugs and goes back to what they were doing. 10 minutes later, Andre and Firmin enter carrying several paper bags bearing the words, "Bagels, To-Go!")
Firmin : "Okay, we're back!"
Giry : "Took you long enough! I'm about ready to eat my own arm. Did you get the coffee?"
Andre : "Hey, you didn't see the line in there! Next time, you lazy bums can get your own stupid bagels." (Opens one of the bags and begins rummaging through it) "Who had the toasted poppy-seed with cinnamon and cream cheese?"
Meg : "I did. Did they have any NutraSweet?"
Raoul's Voice : (Booming throughout the auditorium) "BEWARE!!!! MWAHAHAHAHA! I'M HERE, I'M HERE, I'M -" (Suddenly, 'The Coconuts Song' begins to randomly play)
Music : "I've got a lov-a-lee bunch of coconuts, dee da lee dee! See them all a-standing in a row! Bum, bum, bum ..."
Raoul : "WHAT THE -? HEY, THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! WHERE'S MY SCARY MUSIC!?"
Music : "... Big ones ..."
Raoul : "HOW DO I SHUT IT OFF!?"
Music : "... Small ones ..."
Raoul : "STUPID MACHINE!!"
Music : "... Some as big as your head!"
Raoul : "AHA! A CROWBAR!" (Loud crashing noises and sounds of circuits being shorted are heard from the sound booth, followed by heaving breathing and muttered profanities) *GASP, WHEEZE* .... "UH, ARE YOU GUYS SCARED, YET?"
Meg : "Did you want us to be?"
Raoul : *Grumblegrumble* "OH, NEVER MIND!!" (A pause) "HEY, ARE YOU GUYS GONNA EAT THAT LAST CINNAMON RAISIN BAGEL, OR WHAT?"
Firmin : (To Mme Giry) "What's this all about?"
Giry : (shrugs) "Got me. Apparently the Ghost is back."
Andre : "And you don't have any mysterious admonitions or strange, half- truths to let linger in the air before you randomly evaporate into the wall?"
Giry : "Nah. I kinda gave up on those. I guess I just don't see the point in being enigmatically superstitious anymore."
Meg : (Chewing a bagel) "Yeah, daytime television will do that to you."
Firmin : "Whatever. As long as we don't get any more stupid little notes." (A paper airplane suddenly floats down from somewhere above them. Firmin picks it and reads it aloud) "'MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!! BEWARE!!!!! Love, O.G. ... P.S. How come I didn't get a bagel?'"
[Later, in the Phantom's Lair ...]
Raoul : (Entering) "Man, I thought I'd never make it down here. You'd think he'd have a map or something ..." (Scans the room and notices the organ) "Ooh, that looks like fun!" (Sits and begins to randomly bang on the keys) "La la la laaaa! Do re mi fa so ...!" (Frowns thoughfully and stares at the blank sheets of paper resting on the stand in front of him) "Hmmm ... I suppose I could write an opera ... Except I don't really know how to do that ..." (Abandons the organ and decides to explore the rest of the lair, starting with Erik's bookshelf) "Wow ... Look at all these books! No wonder Erik knows everything about everything. He must read a lot. I guess that's cause he's got so much time on his hands, what with him being a freak and a hermit-man and all." (Takes a book off the shelf) "Shhha ... Shhhak-es ... Shak-es-pear-y ... Shak-es-peary? Who the heck is Shak-es-peary?" (Flips through the pages) "And why doesn't he have any pictures in his book? How are people supposed to follow the story?" (A pause, as he struggles to read the miniscule print)
"'But soft; What light through y-yon-der window breaks? It is the East, and Juliet is the sun ...?'" (Another pause) "Hm. Must be Science Fiction or something." (Sets the book down on a table and sighs) "This place isn't nearly as fun as I thought it was going to be. I can't get anyone to be afraid of me, there are rats everywhere, I don't know how to play the organ, it's dark, it's cold, and the books don't have any pictures! Plus, I'm all alone." (Suddenly, Ayesha appears out of nowhere, jumping from the top of the bookshelf onto Raoul's head) "Aaaaiiiiieeee! Demon kitty! Demon kitty! Get it off!" (Races around the lair, his arms wind-milling at incredible speeds, before tripping over the divan and landing face first onto a cushion) "OW! Uh ..." (Jumps up and notices Ayesha on the floor, looking slightly rattled. He slowly backs into a corner) "Nice kitty ... Good kitty ... It's me, Erik ... Your master ...?" (Reaches the wall and begins fumbling around for something to throw. He accidentally flips the lock that opens the door to Christine's room. The panel gives way, causing Raoul to fall backward into the room, where he shuts the door behind him.)
*phew* "That was close. I should've known Erik's cat would be blood-thirsty and demonic." (Scans the area around him) "Wow. This is pretty swanky- looking. For a cold-blooded murderer, he really has impeccable taste." (Examines the dresses hanging in a nearby wardrobe suspciously) "A little ... too impeccable ..." (Raises an eyebrow) "Huh! And they call me a fop!" (As his eyes come to rest on the dressing table mirror, an idea suddenly dawns on him) "Hey, yeah! That's what I'll do to spice things up a bit! I don't know why I didn't think of it before ..."
Uh-oh. What is Raoul up to now? And how is Erik doing with Christine? Stay tuned ...
DISCLAIMER : Yes, I know I forgot to mention this earlier. I apologize profusely. *ahem* I do not own any of the characters herein, except for Phoebe and Laurette. All others I have simple "borrowed" and will return them whenever I feel like it. So don't hold your breath.
(Raoul, still sniffling through his non-existant nose, walks hurredly down the street, unaware of where he's going. As he does so, several people stop and stare quizzically at him)
Raoul : "What? What're you all staring at?" (The random gawkers disperse in fear) "Oh yeah, the mask ..." (Stops to think before draping the front part of the cloak over his head, which, of course, only makes him even more conspicuous . After about 2 minutes of this, he runs into a bread display.) "Ow! Dammit!" (Diving to pick up the scattered merchandise.) "Uh, sorry ... Sorry ... My bad ..." (Scurries away, trying to be nonchalant.) "No wonder Erik never leaves the Opera house. Maybe I should hide out there for awhile, just to be safe." (Brightens at the idea) "Hey, yeah! I'll finally get to see what it's like to be Erik!" (Rubs his hands together, gleefully) "Power ... Complete and utter power!" (Attempts an Erik -type laugh, but ends up choking instead) "Mwahahahaaaack coughcough - ack! *ahem* I, uh, guess I'll have to work on that ..." (Bows his head and walks briskly in the direction of the Opera.)
[Later, in Christine's old dressing room ...]
Raoul : (Attempting to break down the door) *mmpphh* "Stupid door ... I don't remember it being locked." (Bursts into the room, cracking open the lock) "Doesn't anybody trust anybody anymore?" (He adjusts the mask and scans the room briefly before locating the mirror) "Aha! That's how Erik got into Christine's room. I bet it takes me right into his house!" (Walks towards the mirror and is about to push on it when suddenly, a voice is heard from down the hall)
Voice : "Why the hell did they have to move me all the way back here? As if my feet weren't already in enough pain ..." (Rattles the doorknob)
Raoul : "Yipe!" (Begins frantically banging on the mirror)
Voice : "What the -? Hey, somebody broke in!" (Raoul throws his weight against the mirror and dives behind it just as Meg enters the room.)
Meg : *gasp* "I hope they didn't take my collection of rare masks belonging to murderous, enigmatic theatre ghosts!" (Dives beneath the bed)
Raoul : (From behind the mirror) "Heh heh ... At last, some real fun!" (Makes his voice deep and intoxicating) "Meg ... Meg Giry ..."
Meg : (Sits bolt upright and bangs her head) "OW! Dammitmothersonofa ..." (Emerges from under the bed) "Who said that?"
Raoul : "I did ... I am the Opera Ghost - No, wait! You didn't hear that, okay? Forget you heard anything! *ahem* What I meant was : I am the ... um, Teacher of Music ...? No, that's not it ... Devine Personification of Music ...? A Physical Manifestatation of Your Dead ... uh ... Damn, now I wish I had actually listened to Christine and that crackpot father of her's!"
Meg : (Approaching the mirror) "Save it. I don't care who you are or what you're selling. Just get out of my mirror and out of my dressing room."
Raoul : "But aren't you scared or confused or ecstatic or something?"
Meg : "Well, I am getting a little hungry."
Raoul : "Er, that's not quite the same thing ..." (A pause)
Meg : "Did you want something?"
Raoul : (sigh) "I thought you were afraid of ghosts."
Meg : "You're a ghost?"
Raoul : "Not just any ghost. I am THE Ghost. The Phantom of the Opera. The Big Guy. Master of all Your Fates. The Shiznit. Head Honcho, the Big Kahuna! I hold this building in the palm of my hand, and everyone here is my puppet. I do what I want, when I want, where I want. In fact, I could kill you now and nobody would ever know." (A satisfied pause)
Meg : "I see ... Well, I'm sorry, but I decided a while back to stop fearing silly things like murders and ghosts. It's a terrible strain on the vocal chords."
Raoul : "Hm ... This does present a bit of a problem ... Do you know of any other ballet rats who might be afraid of me?"
Meg : "Well ... Laurette's a pretty big chicken."
Raoul : "And where would I find her?"
Meg : "Rehearsal. With Mom."
Raoul : "Laurette. Rehearsal. Chicken. Got it. Thanks."
Meg : "No prob." (A pause) "Uh, is there anything else I can help you with?"
Raoul : "I don't suppose you would mind *ahem* introducing me?"
Meg : (Skeptically) "I dunno ..."
Raoul : "Please? For old time's sake? You used to be so good at it!"
Meg : "Well ... okay! But only because you make a good point." (Takes a few deep breaths, puts on an expression of complete and utter horror, and runs screaming out into the auditorium.) "AAAAIIIEEEEEEEE! HE'S BACK! THE GHOST IS BACK! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" (Instantly, people emerge from various corners of the building to join in the fainting, hyperventilating and shrieking)
Ballet Girls and Random Stage Hands : "He's here, the Phantom of the Opera! / The Ghost! The Ghost is back! / Everyone keep your hand at the level of your eyes! / etc." (Jammes faints dead away)
Meg : (Poking her with a stick) "Now cut that out! You're always upstaging me! It's my turn to faint, and you know it!" (Also faints)
Raoul : (Grinning devilishly) "Perfect ..." (Steps out of the mirror and calmly walks to the sound booth, where he surveys the scene before him) "Man, this is great! These people are going nuts and I haven't even done anything yet! Simply mentioning Erik's name is enough to cause at least 20 minutes of complete panic!" (Shakes head) "That guy does not know how good he has it." (Carlotta enters the auditorium)
Carlotta : "What is all this? What is going on here?"
Random People : "The Ghost! The Ghost! He's with us, The Phantom!"
Carlotta : "What!?" (Staggers up to center stage) "Oh, it is him! The vile being who killed my beloved Ubaldo!" (Weeps melodramatically and raises a fist to the air) "Have you come for me too, cruel murderer! Oh, padre mio!" (Begins spouting Italian)
Raoul : "I'd better put a stop to this." (Yells into a microphone-type thing) "NOW HEAR THIS!" (Everyone freezes) "I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OPERA GHOST AND YOU ARE ALL MY PUPPETS! YOUR LIVES REST IN THE PALM OF MY BEAUTIFULLY ELONGATED, ARTICULATE HAND! SUBMIT OR A DISASTER BEYOND YOUR IMAGINATION WILL OCCUR!"
Meg : (Yelling up to the booth) "What do you want us to do!?"
Raoul : (To himself) "Dang, I can't scare them when they all know I'm up here! UH ... I WILL LET YOU KNOW ... WHEN I THINK OF IT! UNTIL THEN ... BEWARE!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAAAAACCCKK -cough,cough, ack! Stupid dust bunny! *hem, ahem* UH, THAT IS ALL!" (Everyone shrugs and goes back to what they were doing. 10 minutes later, Andre and Firmin enter carrying several paper bags bearing the words, "Bagels, To-Go!")
Firmin : "Okay, we're back!"
Giry : "Took you long enough! I'm about ready to eat my own arm. Did you get the coffee?"
Andre : "Hey, you didn't see the line in there! Next time, you lazy bums can get your own stupid bagels." (Opens one of the bags and begins rummaging through it) "Who had the toasted poppy-seed with cinnamon and cream cheese?"
Meg : "I did. Did they have any NutraSweet?"
Raoul's Voice : (Booming throughout the auditorium) "BEWARE!!!! MWAHAHAHAHA! I'M HERE, I'M HERE, I'M -" (Suddenly, 'The Coconuts Song' begins to randomly play)
Music : "I've got a lov-a-lee bunch of coconuts, dee da lee dee! See them all a-standing in a row! Bum, bum, bum ..."
Raoul : "WHAT THE -? HEY, THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! WHERE'S MY SCARY MUSIC!?"
Music : "... Big ones ..."
Raoul : "HOW DO I SHUT IT OFF!?"
Music : "... Small ones ..."
Raoul : "STUPID MACHINE!!"
Music : "... Some as big as your head!"
Raoul : "AHA! A CROWBAR!" (Loud crashing noises and sounds of circuits being shorted are heard from the sound booth, followed by heaving breathing and muttered profanities) *GASP, WHEEZE* .... "UH, ARE YOU GUYS SCARED, YET?"
Meg : "Did you want us to be?"
Raoul : *Grumblegrumble* "OH, NEVER MIND!!" (A pause) "HEY, ARE YOU GUYS GONNA EAT THAT LAST CINNAMON RAISIN BAGEL, OR WHAT?"
Firmin : (To Mme Giry) "What's this all about?"
Giry : (shrugs) "Got me. Apparently the Ghost is back."
Andre : "And you don't have any mysterious admonitions or strange, half- truths to let linger in the air before you randomly evaporate into the wall?"
Giry : "Nah. I kinda gave up on those. I guess I just don't see the point in being enigmatically superstitious anymore."
Meg : (Chewing a bagel) "Yeah, daytime television will do that to you."
Firmin : "Whatever. As long as we don't get any more stupid little notes." (A paper airplane suddenly floats down from somewhere above them. Firmin picks it and reads it aloud) "'MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!! BEWARE!!!!! Love, O.G. ... P.S. How come I didn't get a bagel?'"
[Later, in the Phantom's Lair ...]
Raoul : (Entering) "Man, I thought I'd never make it down here. You'd think he'd have a map or something ..." (Scans the room and notices the organ) "Ooh, that looks like fun!" (Sits and begins to randomly bang on the keys) "La la la laaaa! Do re mi fa so ...!" (Frowns thoughfully and stares at the blank sheets of paper resting on the stand in front of him) "Hmmm ... I suppose I could write an opera ... Except I don't really know how to do that ..." (Abandons the organ and decides to explore the rest of the lair, starting with Erik's bookshelf) "Wow ... Look at all these books! No wonder Erik knows everything about everything. He must read a lot. I guess that's cause he's got so much time on his hands, what with him being a freak and a hermit-man and all." (Takes a book off the shelf) "Shhha ... Shhhak-es ... Shak-es-pear-y ... Shak-es-peary? Who the heck is Shak-es-peary?" (Flips through the pages) "And why doesn't he have any pictures in his book? How are people supposed to follow the story?" (A pause, as he struggles to read the miniscule print)
"'But soft; What light through y-yon-der window breaks? It is the East, and Juliet is the sun ...?'" (Another pause) "Hm. Must be Science Fiction or something." (Sets the book down on a table and sighs) "This place isn't nearly as fun as I thought it was going to be. I can't get anyone to be afraid of me, there are rats everywhere, I don't know how to play the organ, it's dark, it's cold, and the books don't have any pictures! Plus, I'm all alone." (Suddenly, Ayesha appears out of nowhere, jumping from the top of the bookshelf onto Raoul's head) "Aaaaiiiiieeee! Demon kitty! Demon kitty! Get it off!" (Races around the lair, his arms wind-milling at incredible speeds, before tripping over the divan and landing face first onto a cushion) "OW! Uh ..." (Jumps up and notices Ayesha on the floor, looking slightly rattled. He slowly backs into a corner) "Nice kitty ... Good kitty ... It's me, Erik ... Your master ...?" (Reaches the wall and begins fumbling around for something to throw. He accidentally flips the lock that opens the door to Christine's room. The panel gives way, causing Raoul to fall backward into the room, where he shuts the door behind him.)
*phew* "That was close. I should've known Erik's cat would be blood-thirsty and demonic." (Scans the area around him) "Wow. This is pretty swanky- looking. For a cold-blooded murderer, he really has impeccable taste." (Examines the dresses hanging in a nearby wardrobe suspciously) "A little ... too impeccable ..." (Raises an eyebrow) "Huh! And they call me a fop!" (As his eyes come to rest on the dressing table mirror, an idea suddenly dawns on him) "Hey, yeah! That's what I'll do to spice things up a bit! I don't know why I didn't think of it before ..."
Uh-oh. What is Raoul up to now? And how is Erik doing with Christine? Stay tuned ...