Trouble in Paradise ...
Carlotta : "We're not doing 'Moulin Rouge!!?' You mean I squeezed myself into this trashy costume and memorized an entire song about diamonds for nothing!!?"
Andre : "It wasn't our idea. The Vicomte has apparently decided he would rather do something else."
Carlotta : "What do you mean, 'The Vicomte has apparently decided ...!?' Decided what? To use his brain!? Correct me if I'm wrong, but he's never technically done anything useful around here. Ever."
Firmin : "She's right, you know. This is the first time he's said something even remotely intelligent. He usually just sits there and looks pretty. You know, like throw pillows. I wonder what brought about this sudden surge of brain activity."
Andre : "I personally wouldn't care if he began spouting physics equations in Latin! He's doling out the money by the truck load! Who cares how dumb or smart he is!?"
Erik : (Talking to a member of the chorus) "The reason you aren't getting enough breath support is because you have to release the muscles in your abdomen as you inhale. Also, your upper register sounds a little weak. Here's a simple exercise I think you might find very useful ..."
Carlotta : "Well it's scaring the hell out of me! One day he's yapping about the natural highlights in his hair, and the next thing I know he's doing Reyer's job better than Reyer and has you two nitwits eating out of the palm of his perfectly manicured hand! Plus, he wasted my time and for that he must pay! Francisco! Get over here right now!" (Francisco, the new lead tenor, obeys)
Francisco : (Love-struck) "Yes, mi amore?"
Meg : *CoughcoughWHIPPEDahem*
Carlotta : "Get my things! We're leaving, and we're not coming back until I get my way!"
Firmin : "Wait! Signora, you can't just leave! The production opens in two days! Who will we get to sing the lead?"
Carlotta : (Coldly) "Why don't you call Christine Daae and see if she's still available, since you're so buddy-buddy with her husband!"
Andre : "Uh ... well ... I suppose there's always a chance ..."
Carlotta : (Fuming) "That does it! Good day, gentlemen!"
Firmin : "Wait, please ... Monsieur le Vicomte, can't you do anything? She's leaving!"
Erik : "Yeah ... so?"
Andre : "So we need her!!"
Erik : "Do you really? I mean, why shouldn't we take her advice and ask Christine? I'm sure my wife would be happy to oblige. Sure, she's not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, but at least she doesn't remind you of the Hulk when she gets angry. Plus, from what I remember, she can actually carry a tune." (Carlotta flounces off towards the exit. She never makes it there, however, because she accidentally steps into one of those snare traps that grab you by the ankle and string you up, upside down.)
Carlotta : "AIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!! GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!!! WHAT IS THIS!!?" (She thrashes about, wildly, much like a caught fish suspended from a fishing line)
Firmin : "What the -?"
Andre : *sigh* "Not again." (He turns to the ballet girls) "That's it, we are all really getting tired of your practical jokes! The Opera house is no place for fun and games! Who's responsible for this?" (The girls stare at him, blankly) "Do you ladies even know how much you have cost the Opera because of your childish pranks?"
Carlotta : "SOMEBODY GET ME DOWN!!!"
Andre : "The missing powder puffs : 3 francs each ..."
Carlotta : "HELLO!? ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING!!?"
Firmin : "The ruined scenery : 175 francs total ..."
Carlotta : "ALL THE BLOOD IS RUSHING TO MY HEAD!!! DOES ANYONE CARE THAT I'M SEEING SPOTS!?"
Andre : "And now this : Catching our prima donna in a snare trap and stringing her up by the ankles!"
Erik : "Priceless." (Suddenly, a loud, booming voice is heard from above)
Voice : "YES! IT WORKED! IT ACTUALLY WORKED!!" (In a sing-song tone) "I CAUGHT ME A DI-VA! I CAUGHT ME A DI-VA ...!"
Erik : "Oh no ... He wouldn't ..."
Voice : *ahem* "YES, THAT IS RIGHT, IT IS I, THE OMNIPOTENT OPERA GHOST!!! COWER IN FEAR OF MY UNMISTAKEABLE POWER! COWER, I SAY! COWER! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
Erik : "He would." (The lights begin flickering on and off as the chandelier rocks menacingly from the ceiling.)
Raoul : "MWAAAHAHAHAHAHAAA! MWAAAHAHAHAHA!!! MWAHA -"
Carlotta : "Hey!! HEY!!!" (A pause)
Raoul : "Yes?"
Carlotta : "What the heck d'you think you're doing, you lunatic!? Why am I in this snare trap!?"
Raoul : "Duh ... Because you stepped on the little thingy that sets it off!"
Carlotta : *GrumbleGrumble* "I know THAT! What I meant was ... Oh never mind! Just get me down from here!!"
Raoul : "Sorry, no can do, sugar. I've got plans for you." (There is a clanking sound as Carlotta beings to rise up into the flies)
Carlotta : "Wait a minute!! What's going on here!? What kind of a sick joke is this!? Andre!! Firmin!! Tell him to get me down!!"
Firmin : (Timidly) "Er, Monsieur Opera Ghost ...?"
Raoul and Erik : "Yes?" (They turn to stare at Erik)
Erik : "I mean, uh, *ahem* ... Just ... clearing my throat ... heh ... heh ..."
Firmin : "Would you mind telling us what you are planning to do with out prima donna?"
Raoul : "Well, you see, I've been thinking, and ... Wait a minute! I don't have to answer to you! I don't have to answer to any of you! I'm the one in charge here! You all are supposed to be subjected to my every whim!"
Erik : "Ha!"
Raoul : "In fact, the very thought of me is supposed to strike fear into your little hearts! Now COWER BEFORE ME!!"
Andre : "But we -"
Raoul : (Warningly) "COWER ..." (Andre shrugs and leaps into Firmin's arms, who begins trembling with fright) "THAT GOES FOR THE REST OF YOU, TOO!" (The ballet girls faint, Mme Giry pops a few pills, and Carlotta continues to wail) "AND YOU, PRETTY BOY! LET'S SEE SOME WHIMPERING!" (Erik points to himself and mouths the word "Me?") "YEAH, YOU! THE GOOD-LOOKING KID WITH THE BLUE JACKET ... MAN, I LOOK GREAT IN BLUE ..."
Erik : "Give it up! The day I cower before you is the day Christine actually denounces her vow of chastity and knocks down the wall seperating your bedrooms!"
Carlotta : "SOMEBODY GET ME DOWN FROM HERE! WHAT IF HE TORTURES ME!? WHAT IF HE KILLS ME!? WHAT IF I'M NEVER HEARD FROM AGAIN!?" (She receives blank stares) "THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!" (Her voice fades out as she disappears into the ceiling)
Raoul : "AND NOW FOR THE GRAND FINALE ..." (Scary organ music begins playing as the lights flicker on and off again. The chandelier rocks back and forth) "MWAHAHAHAHAH! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHA - Hey! What the -? What's going on!? I pulled the stupid switch!" (Faint, frantic flicking noises are heard) "C'mon ... c'mon!" (A pause) "Oh, well that's just great! Just perfect! I blew a fuse! You know, for an upscale opera house, this place could really use some major renovations!"
Erik : "Hey!"
Raoul : "Arrrggghh!" (Jumping up and down on top of the chandelier) "You! Stupid! Chandelier! Drop, I say! Drop!!" (Stops to catch is breath before disappearing into the catwalks and reappearing with a hacksaw. Grunting and panting, he pathetically attacks the chandelier's chain as everyone watches in either horror, amazement, or, in Erik's case, humiliation.)
Erik : "I'll never be able to show my face around here again! Not that I ever could to begin with ..." (He sighs and walks backstage before locating a switch, which he pulls without effort. The chandelier comes crashing to the ground as Raoul desperately grabs for the other half of the chain and clings for dear life. There is a deafening crash followed by a lengthy pause)
Raoul : (From the ceiling) *GaspPantWheeze* "Well ...? How's that *Gasp* for a finale!?"
Erik : (Sarcastically) "I'll have to check the records, but I think it's already been done!"
Laurette : "Hey! Hey!! Scary Ghost Guy!! Can I bring you in to school next week for Show and Tell?"
Erik : "Absolutely not!!"
Raoul : (Struggling up to the catwalks) "And now to make good my escape!" (He grins) "I've always wanted to say that! If only I knew what it meant ..." (He disappears into the ceiling and is heard running through the flies, where he begins to untangle Carlotta)
Carlotta's Voice : "What do you think you're doing!? Stop that!! Put me down! I'll have your head for this!"
Firmin : "Remember the Queen of Hearts from 'Alice in Wonderland ...?'"
Raoul's Voice : "Onward, ho!"
Carlotta's Voice : "I beg your pardon? Who are you calling a Ho!?"
Andre : "Where do you suppose he's taking her?"
Erik : "Wait for it ..."
Raoul's Voice : "Ha! Now off to my secret Lair, located beneath the opera, across the lake in the fifth cellar, where no one will ever be able to find me! Mwahahahaha!"
Erik : "Bingo." (All look to Mme Giry)
Giry : "You have got to be kidding. There is no way any of you can make me go scrounging around down there again!" (Folds arms and looks defiant)
Andre : *shrugs* "Whatever. Somebody go find that Persian guy."
Giry : "What!? I mean, uh ... What ... was I thinking? Heh heh ... Of course I'll be happy to show you the way. Follow me please." (She turns and walks backstage) *grumble* "Stupid Persian guy ... Always stealing my bit ..."
Meg : "Technically, Mom, it was you who stole his bit."
Giry : "Look, do you want to come this time, or not?"
Frimin : "Monsieur de Chagny, we -" (Stops and notices he has also disappeared) "Well isn't that strange. Where do you suppose he went to?"
I think we can pretty much guess. Stay tuned ...
Carlotta : "We're not doing 'Moulin Rouge!!?' You mean I squeezed myself into this trashy costume and memorized an entire song about diamonds for nothing!!?"
Andre : "It wasn't our idea. The Vicomte has apparently decided he would rather do something else."
Carlotta : "What do you mean, 'The Vicomte has apparently decided ...!?' Decided what? To use his brain!? Correct me if I'm wrong, but he's never technically done anything useful around here. Ever."
Firmin : "She's right, you know. This is the first time he's said something even remotely intelligent. He usually just sits there and looks pretty. You know, like throw pillows. I wonder what brought about this sudden surge of brain activity."
Andre : "I personally wouldn't care if he began spouting physics equations in Latin! He's doling out the money by the truck load! Who cares how dumb or smart he is!?"
Erik : (Talking to a member of the chorus) "The reason you aren't getting enough breath support is because you have to release the muscles in your abdomen as you inhale. Also, your upper register sounds a little weak. Here's a simple exercise I think you might find very useful ..."
Carlotta : "Well it's scaring the hell out of me! One day he's yapping about the natural highlights in his hair, and the next thing I know he's doing Reyer's job better than Reyer and has you two nitwits eating out of the palm of his perfectly manicured hand! Plus, he wasted my time and for that he must pay! Francisco! Get over here right now!" (Francisco, the new lead tenor, obeys)
Francisco : (Love-struck) "Yes, mi amore?"
Meg : *CoughcoughWHIPPEDahem*
Carlotta : "Get my things! We're leaving, and we're not coming back until I get my way!"
Firmin : "Wait! Signora, you can't just leave! The production opens in two days! Who will we get to sing the lead?"
Carlotta : (Coldly) "Why don't you call Christine Daae and see if she's still available, since you're so buddy-buddy with her husband!"
Andre : "Uh ... well ... I suppose there's always a chance ..."
Carlotta : (Fuming) "That does it! Good day, gentlemen!"
Firmin : "Wait, please ... Monsieur le Vicomte, can't you do anything? She's leaving!"
Erik : "Yeah ... so?"
Andre : "So we need her!!"
Erik : "Do you really? I mean, why shouldn't we take her advice and ask Christine? I'm sure my wife would be happy to oblige. Sure, she's not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, but at least she doesn't remind you of the Hulk when she gets angry. Plus, from what I remember, she can actually carry a tune." (Carlotta flounces off towards the exit. She never makes it there, however, because she accidentally steps into one of those snare traps that grab you by the ankle and string you up, upside down.)
Carlotta : "AIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!! GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!!! WHAT IS THIS!!?" (She thrashes about, wildly, much like a caught fish suspended from a fishing line)
Firmin : "What the -?"
Andre : *sigh* "Not again." (He turns to the ballet girls) "That's it, we are all really getting tired of your practical jokes! The Opera house is no place for fun and games! Who's responsible for this?" (The girls stare at him, blankly) "Do you ladies even know how much you have cost the Opera because of your childish pranks?"
Carlotta : "SOMEBODY GET ME DOWN!!!"
Andre : "The missing powder puffs : 3 francs each ..."
Carlotta : "HELLO!? ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING!!?"
Firmin : "The ruined scenery : 175 francs total ..."
Carlotta : "ALL THE BLOOD IS RUSHING TO MY HEAD!!! DOES ANYONE CARE THAT I'M SEEING SPOTS!?"
Andre : "And now this : Catching our prima donna in a snare trap and stringing her up by the ankles!"
Erik : "Priceless." (Suddenly, a loud, booming voice is heard from above)
Voice : "YES! IT WORKED! IT ACTUALLY WORKED!!" (In a sing-song tone) "I CAUGHT ME A DI-VA! I CAUGHT ME A DI-VA ...!"
Erik : "Oh no ... He wouldn't ..."
Voice : *ahem* "YES, THAT IS RIGHT, IT IS I, THE OMNIPOTENT OPERA GHOST!!! COWER IN FEAR OF MY UNMISTAKEABLE POWER! COWER, I SAY! COWER! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
Erik : "He would." (The lights begin flickering on and off as the chandelier rocks menacingly from the ceiling.)
Raoul : "MWAAAHAHAHAHAHAAA! MWAAAHAHAHAHA!!! MWAHA -"
Carlotta : "Hey!! HEY!!!" (A pause)
Raoul : "Yes?"
Carlotta : "What the heck d'you think you're doing, you lunatic!? Why am I in this snare trap!?"
Raoul : "Duh ... Because you stepped on the little thingy that sets it off!"
Carlotta : *GrumbleGrumble* "I know THAT! What I meant was ... Oh never mind! Just get me down from here!!"
Raoul : "Sorry, no can do, sugar. I've got plans for you." (There is a clanking sound as Carlotta beings to rise up into the flies)
Carlotta : "Wait a minute!! What's going on here!? What kind of a sick joke is this!? Andre!! Firmin!! Tell him to get me down!!"
Firmin : (Timidly) "Er, Monsieur Opera Ghost ...?"
Raoul and Erik : "Yes?" (They turn to stare at Erik)
Erik : "I mean, uh, *ahem* ... Just ... clearing my throat ... heh ... heh ..."
Firmin : "Would you mind telling us what you are planning to do with out prima donna?"
Raoul : "Well, you see, I've been thinking, and ... Wait a minute! I don't have to answer to you! I don't have to answer to any of you! I'm the one in charge here! You all are supposed to be subjected to my every whim!"
Erik : "Ha!"
Raoul : "In fact, the very thought of me is supposed to strike fear into your little hearts! Now COWER BEFORE ME!!"
Andre : "But we -"
Raoul : (Warningly) "COWER ..." (Andre shrugs and leaps into Firmin's arms, who begins trembling with fright) "THAT GOES FOR THE REST OF YOU, TOO!" (The ballet girls faint, Mme Giry pops a few pills, and Carlotta continues to wail) "AND YOU, PRETTY BOY! LET'S SEE SOME WHIMPERING!" (Erik points to himself and mouths the word "Me?") "YEAH, YOU! THE GOOD-LOOKING KID WITH THE BLUE JACKET ... MAN, I LOOK GREAT IN BLUE ..."
Erik : "Give it up! The day I cower before you is the day Christine actually denounces her vow of chastity and knocks down the wall seperating your bedrooms!"
Carlotta : "SOMEBODY GET ME DOWN FROM HERE! WHAT IF HE TORTURES ME!? WHAT IF HE KILLS ME!? WHAT IF I'M NEVER HEARD FROM AGAIN!?" (She receives blank stares) "THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!" (Her voice fades out as she disappears into the ceiling)
Raoul : "AND NOW FOR THE GRAND FINALE ..." (Scary organ music begins playing as the lights flicker on and off again. The chandelier rocks back and forth) "MWAHAHAHAHAH! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHA - Hey! What the -? What's going on!? I pulled the stupid switch!" (Faint, frantic flicking noises are heard) "C'mon ... c'mon!" (A pause) "Oh, well that's just great! Just perfect! I blew a fuse! You know, for an upscale opera house, this place could really use some major renovations!"
Erik : "Hey!"
Raoul : "Arrrggghh!" (Jumping up and down on top of the chandelier) "You! Stupid! Chandelier! Drop, I say! Drop!!" (Stops to catch is breath before disappearing into the catwalks and reappearing with a hacksaw. Grunting and panting, he pathetically attacks the chandelier's chain as everyone watches in either horror, amazement, or, in Erik's case, humiliation.)
Erik : "I'll never be able to show my face around here again! Not that I ever could to begin with ..." (He sighs and walks backstage before locating a switch, which he pulls without effort. The chandelier comes crashing to the ground as Raoul desperately grabs for the other half of the chain and clings for dear life. There is a deafening crash followed by a lengthy pause)
Raoul : (From the ceiling) *GaspPantWheeze* "Well ...? How's that *Gasp* for a finale!?"
Erik : (Sarcastically) "I'll have to check the records, but I think it's already been done!"
Laurette : "Hey! Hey!! Scary Ghost Guy!! Can I bring you in to school next week for Show and Tell?"
Erik : "Absolutely not!!"
Raoul : (Struggling up to the catwalks) "And now to make good my escape!" (He grins) "I've always wanted to say that! If only I knew what it meant ..." (He disappears into the ceiling and is heard running through the flies, where he begins to untangle Carlotta)
Carlotta's Voice : "What do you think you're doing!? Stop that!! Put me down! I'll have your head for this!"
Firmin : "Remember the Queen of Hearts from 'Alice in Wonderland ...?'"
Raoul's Voice : "Onward, ho!"
Carlotta's Voice : "I beg your pardon? Who are you calling a Ho!?"
Andre : "Where do you suppose he's taking her?"
Erik : "Wait for it ..."
Raoul's Voice : "Ha! Now off to my secret Lair, located beneath the opera, across the lake in the fifth cellar, where no one will ever be able to find me! Mwahahahaha!"
Erik : "Bingo." (All look to Mme Giry)
Giry : "You have got to be kidding. There is no way any of you can make me go scrounging around down there again!" (Folds arms and looks defiant)
Andre : *shrugs* "Whatever. Somebody go find that Persian guy."
Giry : "What!? I mean, uh ... What ... was I thinking? Heh heh ... Of course I'll be happy to show you the way. Follow me please." (She turns and walks backstage) *grumble* "Stupid Persian guy ... Always stealing my bit ..."
Meg : "Technically, Mom, it was you who stole his bit."
Giry : "Look, do you want to come this time, or not?"
Frimin : "Monsieur de Chagny, we -" (Stops and notices he has also disappeared) "Well isn't that strange. Where do you suppose he went to?"
I think we can pretty much guess. Stay tuned ...