Disclaimer: They're not mine, I just borrowed them
because I thought they deserve to have some fun.
Category: Humour
Ratings: PG-13?
Pairing: SS/JP, SS/LM, JP/LE, LM/LE
Summary: To break down the hostilities towards Muggles,
Dumbledore opens a competition: each of the four houses
is to stage something Muggleish. Can the Slytherins
succeed in staging "something Muggleish" and still make a
point of what they are?
Sex, Drugs and Rock'n'Roll
By Ratwoman
Ratwoman@unicum.de
"We've as good as won!" Sirius said, while putting
another portion of mashed potatoes onto his plate.
Two months ago Headmaster Dumbledore had opened a
competition: To get over the hostilities and reservations
towards Muggles, each of the four houses was to stage
"something Muggleish" during the last two days of the
term. Now, the time had come; Gryffindor had been the
first house to stage the show they had prepared. They had
decided to stage the Arthurian legend. James had been
King Arthur, Lily Gwenwyfar, Sirius of course Lancelot,
Remus was Merlin, and Peter was Gawain. It had been a
huge success.
Even the Slytherins had applauded, if only reluctantly.
Afterwards the Hufflepuffs had played some scenes of
Tolkiens The Hobbit. It had been nice, but not as exiting
as King Arthur.
This morning, it had been the Ravenclaws turn; they had
chosen an immensely sophisticated play Samuel Becket.
Most had been bored.
Remus leaned back and listened to his friends'
discussion.
"Um, Padfoot, the Slytherins haven't been on stage yet."
James replied.
"Aw, they hate Muggles, I wouldn't be surprised if they
refuse to stage anything." Sirius said. "And if, they
won't be very eager, so, I think we've won."
Lily smiled. "I wouldn't be so sure, they're so
ambitious, they will even try to win at something they
despise."
"They are going to stage something, that much is
certain." Peter threw in. "I overheard Snape and Malfoy
talking about it."
"What did they say?" Sirius and James asked at the same
time.
"Malfoy told Snape not to get performance anxiety now."
Peter frowned. "And then Snape answered that he can't
walk in those high-heels."
"Huh?"
"I must have misheard him." Peter said, shaking his head.
"I guess so." Sirius said, looking confused.
Remus smiled. Whatever it was the Slytherins were about
to stage, he was looking forward to it. Slytherins were
quite creative, it certainly would be interesting.
*
At seven in the evening, the school assembled in the
Great Hall, which had been transformed into a Theatre for
these occasions.
James sat down with his friends in one row. The
Slytherins had been really secretive about what they were
going to stage. There were rumours going from Satanic
Rituals to a sit-in.
Before the curtain lifted, Lucius Malfoy stepped onto the
stage, wearing a long cloak covering him from the neck to
the feet.
"Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen," he said when the
crowd had silenced down. "Unfortunately, we don't have
enough actors for the musical we want to stage, so we
need two volunteers. Don't worry, we arranged that you
will sing playback." Lucius smiled his icy smile.
James wondered. Not enough actors? In the whole Slytherin
house? There definitively was something wrong.
"James, Lily," Lucius' smile became even icier. "Would
you please?"
James was about to say no when Lily smiled and raised to
her feet. "Certainly." she said.
"Lily!" James hissed.
"Scared?" she whispered. James sighed and followed her.
Sometimes it worried him that she could play him like a
flute.
"Follow me." Lucius said and went off stage. James felt
like he was walking open-eyed into a trap.
A small nervous looking boy went passed them onto the
stage as they left. James heard him declaring from the
other side of the curtain. Obviously he was the narrator.
"Which musical are you going to stage?" Lily asked
openly.
"The Rocky Horror Show." Lucius replied.
A huge grin spread on Lily's face. "And we are Brad and
Janet, right?"
"Yes," Lucius replied and drew his wand. "Don't worry,"
he said, "I'm just putting a spell on you that will make
you see on your inner eye the lines you have to say."
James was nervous, but didn't move as Lucius waved his
wand and murmured a few words.
Ok, he had not grown a second head or something.
"Oh, and could you please put off the playback for me?"
Lily said. "I'm a big Karaoke fan, you know?"
"Ok," Lucius said. After a pause he added, addressing
Lily: "We skipped the beginning with your engagement, it
will start with you walking through the rain towards the
castle. Oh, before I forget..." Lucius waved his wand
another time and James and Lily were dressed in Muggle
clothes. "Now, get onto the stage!"
"But..." James felt much more anxiety than before their
own play. Then, he had at least known what it was about.
"OUT!" Lucius ordered and gave them a shove.
The boy who was the narrator was still on stage when they
entered, saying his last few lines: "- but they being
normal kids and on a night out - well - they were not
going to let a storm spoil the events of their evening.
On a night out... It was a night out they were to
remember for a very - long - time."
The boy went off stage and the curtain raised, revealing
a second curtain at about the half of the stage,
depicting the outlines of a castle. From somewhere James
heard music playing and voices singing:
"There's a light
Over at the Frankenstein place
There's a light
Burning in the fireplace"
James was barely listening to the lyrics, as he was too
annoyed about the water dripping down from the ceiling,
obviously pretending that it was raining. Did they have
to make the show that realistic? Of course, it was just
raining on him and Lily.
When the music faded, Lily said to James' amazement:
"Brad, let's go back, I'm cold and I'm frightened..."
Then he understood, as he suddenly saw his answering
lines written in the air before him: "Just a moment
Janet, they might have a phone."
They knocked at a door that was standing in the middle of
the stage. From offstage, William Lestrange entered; but
he didn't look like the usual pretty Slytherin he was: he
had a huge hunch on his back, grey, tangled hair and a
greyish skin. Lestrange opened the door, looking rather
hostile at them and said: "Hello?"
James read out the text he suddenly saw in the air: "Hi!
My name is Brad Majors, and this is my fiancée, Janet
Weiss. I wonder if you could help us. You see, our car
broke down a few miles up the road... do you have a phone
we might use?"
Lily perfectly played her role, clinging with a scared
expression to James' arm as they were led "inside" and
told that the master was having some kind of party this
night.
Vivienne Doors, Lestrange's girlfriend, came onto the
stage, dressed in a rather short housemaid's uniform,
making some odd joke about everybody being happy.
Suddenly, Lestrange started singing:
"It's astounding;
Time is fleeting;
Madness takes its toll.
But listen closely
Not for very much longer.
I've got to keep control."
Now his voice grew louder and shriller:
"But I remember doing the time-warp
Drinking those moments when
The blackness would hit me
And a void would be calling..."
Here the second curtain lifted and about everyone from
the Slytherin house from Fourth Year upwards was on
stage, wearing nothing but black lacquer or leather
fetish ...somethings. James gaped at them in shock; he
also heard surprised gasped from the audience, while they
were shouting:
"Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's do the time-warp again."
The dance they were showing looked rather rude,
especially the way they moved their hips forwards and
backwards at the chorus.
James looked at Lily. She pretended to look shocked, but
actually she was hiding a grin behind the hands she had
clasped before her face.
"But it's the pelvic thrust
that really drives you insa-ane"
One particular Slytherin girl who James knew as rather
shy surprised him by walking to the front of the stage
for a short solo:
"Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think
When this snake of a guy gave me an evil wink.
He shook me up, he took me by surprise
He had a pickup truck, and the devil's eyes.
He stared at me and I felt a change.
Time meant nothing, never would again."
Snake of a guy? Devil's eyes? James started to understand
why they had chosen this particular musical.
"Brad, do something!" Lily said in perfectly faked
anxiety when the dance was finished.
"Say, do any of your guys know how to Madison?" James had
to be careful not to burst out laughing at his lines, but
it got even better: "They're probably foreigners with
ways different than our own. They may do some
more...folk dancing."
God, this was kind of funny!
Then, a door at the back of the stage opened and in came
- Snape! He was wearing a long coat similar to the one
Malfoy had been wearing.
"How do you do, I
See you've met my
Faithful handyman." he sang while lazily walking up to
them.
James did not listen to the next few lines, as he was too
surprised that Snape's hair looked rather fine, as if he
had washed it recently. And his deep voice was really
sexy.
"Don't get strung out by the way I look.
Don't judge a book by its cover."
Snape was close to them now. Was he really wearing eye-
liner? Now he turned to Lily/Janet and sung to her,
wriggling his eyebrows:
"I'm not much of a man by the light of day
But by night I'm one hell of a lover."
James felt blood rushing to his cheeks. Was that
jealousy? Or rather...?
Suddenly Snape threw off his coat. James shrieked back in
shock. Seemed like the Slytherins wouldn't cease to
surprise him: Snape was wearing black fish-net stockings
with suspenders (hmm, why had James never noticed how
long his legs were?) high-heeled shoes, a corset, and
something black that was so short that James was not sure
whether it still counted as underwear.
Again, James heard gasps from the audience.
"I'm just a sweet transvestite
From Transsexual, Transylvania."
*
Remus was enjoying this show immensely. He was partly
Muggle, so he was one of the few people here who knew the
Rocky Horror Show. He just had never guessed that Snape
would make a good Frank N Furter. But he was just
perfect. All his movements were so sensual, and the
outfit... Suddenly Remus felt hot.
"That he's not ashamed!" Sirius whispered next to him.
Remus glanced at him, but Sirius was staring with utter
fascination at the stage. Remus smirked and returned his
attention onto the musical.
After Brad/James had said his lines about having trouble
with their car and just wanting to use his phone, Snape,
to James' most obvious horrors, wrapped his arms around
both James' and Lily's waists, singing :
"Well you got caught with a flat, well, how 'bout that?
Well, babies, don't you panic."
Remus giggled. The request not to panic never had been more
adequate, judging from the look of terror on James' face.
"By the light of the night it'll all seem alright.
I'll get you a satanic mechanic."
Remus grinned when Magenta/Vivienne and Columbia snuggled
up on Frank/Snape as he sang:
"Why don't you stay for the night?"
Magenta hissed: "night" and licked along Snape's neck.
"Or maybe a bite?"
Columbia said: "Bite" and bit Snape's shoulder.
"I can show you my favourite obsession..."
They all appeared so wonderfully decadent!
Remus let his gaze travel over the faces in the audience.
Especially the ones who were not Muggle-born were
watching with a kind of disbelieving fascination. He
glanced at the teachers' row. Dumbledore was looking
amused, but Professor McGonagall had clasped her hands
before her mouth, staring wide-eyed at the stage.
*
James had just recovered from the shock of seeing Snape
in stockings, when the back part of the stage was covered
by a curtain again, while Riff-Raff/Lestrange and
Magenta/Vivienne were starting to get them out of their
wet clothes.
His consternation was not played when they left them in
their underwear and then lifted the second curtain to
lead them to the laboratory.
"Well! How nice. And what charming underclothes you
both have." said Frank/Snape as if every day people were
walking around in underwear in his castle. "But here.
Put these on." James was really relieved when Frank/Snape
gave them bathrobes. "They'll make you feel less...
vulnerable. It's not often we receive visitors here, let
alone offer them" he paused. "...hospitality."
Again, he saw his text in the air before him:
"Hospitality!? All we wanted to do was to use your
telephone, Goddammit, a reasonable request which you've
chosen to ignore!"
Taking a step forward, Frank/Snape said: "How forceful
you are, Brad." Laying a hand on his chest, he added in
an obscene voice: "Such a perfect specimen of manhood.
So..." raising his eye-brows, "...dominant." James stared
in shock at Snape.
*
Remus watched with amusement the laboratory scene. Of
course, it was quite clear that the Slytherins did really
have enough actors, but taking two "volunteers" from
another house for the roles of Brad and Janet was a
brilliant idea. It successfully demonstrated how out of
place the two of them were. Especially James was great,
despite, or because he was not acting. He really WAS
confused and had no clue what would come next or what to
make of Snape's flirtations.
Snape played the mad scientist in a way that could also
be interpreted as a Dark Wizard, someone like Salazar
Slytherin. Looking with an empty face into the air, eyes
glowing, voice trembling, he said :
"..and that's how I discovered the secret, that elusive
ingredient, that SPARK that is the breath of life..."
His voice grew higher and shriller, ecstatic :"Yes, I
have that knowledge! I hold the secret! to life itself!"
Though, Salazar Slytherin probably had never looked so
sexy in fishnet stockings !
Remus leaned forwards with interest when Rocky, covered
in linen, was turned alive. Who'd play Rocky?
Rocky moved and tore off the linen, revealing - Lucius
Malfoy. Rocky/Lucius stood up, shaking his long blonde
hair. He was wearing nothing but very short golden
knickers.
He was playing a quite different Rocky than the one Remus
had seen in Muggle theatres; when Frank/Snape was chasing
him through the laboratory, Rocky/Lucius did not appear
to be scared by his maker, rather that he was taunting
him to catch him. Finally Frank/Snape got his creature,
pushed him against a wall and pressed a whip under his
chin, saying: "Well really. That's no way to behave on
your first day out. But since you're such an exceptional
beauty, I am prepared to forgive you."
Oh yeah, Lucius really was an exceptional beauty. Milk
white skin, well-defined muscles... no wonder that
Frank/Snape doted so much on him.
Remus grinned when Wilkes, a huge, rather ugly Slytherin,
entered the stage as Eddie, riding on a motor-bike.
"Did they steal my motor-bike?" Sirius hissed.
"Um, no, I'm sure it's another one." Remus replied.
Actually, he was not sure, but he better didn't tell
Padfoot, or he'd run onto the stage and make a scene.
Eddie/Wilkes threw a quite good Rock'n'Roll show,
until Frank/Snape chased him off stage and came back
with a bloody axe.
"Don't be upset... It was a mercy killing..."
Frank/Snape said more to the audience than to Rocky.
"Of course, the Slytherins approve of that !" Sirius
hissed.
"Always keep fiction and reality apart." Remus
answered, not taking his eyes off the stage.
"he had a certain naive charm," Frank/Snape said,
"but no muscle..."
The Music of "I can make you a man" was played again,
and snuggling up to Rocky/Lucius, Frank/Snape sang :
"But a deltoid and a bicep.
A hot groin"
Even Remus coughed in surprise, when Snape's hand cupped
Lucius groin,
" and a tricep.
Makes me, ..., shake,
Makes me want to take Charles Atlas by the...ha-ha-hand."
Remus grinned at the following "marriage scene" of Frank
and Rocky. Magenta/Vivienne and Riff-Raff/Lestrange opened
a small curtain hiding a four-poster bed, but on the
way there Snape twist his ankle in his high-heels and
almost fell. Lucius reacted quickly, caught Snape and
carried him over the threshold.
The curtain fell.
*
James was standing confused on the stage after the
curtain fell. Was the musical already over? He hoped so,
mostly because the sight of Lucius being almost naked had
made him hard, but then a few second and third year
Slytherins came on stage, levitating two beds behind them
and put them down in a position that the second curtain
could hide them if needed.
Lucius and Snape levitated the four-poster bed offstage,
then James was told: "Lie down in that bed and pretend to
be sleeping!"
James did what he was told, seeing Lily lying down in the
other bed. The curtain raised and James closed his eyes.
He heard Lily and Snape talking; it sounded as if Snape,
alias Frank, was trying to seduce Lily, er, Janet. James
felt anger welling up but forced himself not to move.
After all, this was only a play, not reality.
Then suddenly Snape was over him, saying in a high
voice(pretending to be Janet): "Oh, Brad darling, it's no
good here. It'll destroy us."
James said his lines: "Don't worry Janet, we'll be away
from here in the morning.", but inwardly he cringed. What
was he to do in a bed with Snape?
Snape, alias Frank, alias Janet replied: "Oh, Brad you're
so strong and protective."
"YOU!" James called. Would this charade find an end now?
In his normal voice, Frank/Snape answered: "I'm afraid
so, Brad, but isn't it nice..."
Actually, Snape looked amazingly sexy, as he was
straddling his hips, looking down at him with an evil
smile. On no, the erection James had had earlier regrew!
"Why YOU! What have you done with Janet?"
"Nothing." Frank/Snape replied: "Why? Do you think I
should?" That was so much something Snape would say!
"You tricked me, I wouldn't have...I've never
never...never..." Never, indeed.
"Oh Yes yes, I know...but it isn't all bad, is it? Not
even half bad, I think you really quite enjoyed it."
Snape purred. "Oh come on, Brad, admit it, you liked it,
didn't you? There's no crime in giving yourself over to
pleasure, Brad. Oh Brad, you've wasted so much time
already..."
James wasn't able to hold himself back any longer. He
grabbed Snape at the back of his head and pulled him
down, catching his lips in a wild kiss. He saw Snape's
eyes widen in surprise as he pushed his tongue into his
mouth to explore every cavice, while his hands moved down
Snape's back to his almost bare buttocks.
After a much too short time Snape withdrew, whispering:
"Much as I feel flattered by your sudden enthusiasm, the
show must go on."
James looked up. The inner curtain had fallen, hiding the
two beds. Lily's/Janet's bed was already being brought
away, while Lily looked in open anger and jealousy at
James and Snape.
"I was just playing my role." James said.
"That's not how it looked like!" Lily hissed.
Snape stood up and stalked off. Lucius went to the
curtain to the outer part of the stage, telling Lily:
"It's our scene now."
Lily strutted on stage with a highly raised head.
James watched the Janet/Rocky scene through a gap in the
curtain. Lily was singing:
"I was feeling done in, couldn't win
I'd only ever kissed before.
I thought there's no use getting
Into heavy petting
It only leads to trouble
And seat wetting."
James grinned: that wasn't quite true. Then Janet/Lily
turned to Rocky/Lucius and sung in a challenging way:
"Now all I want to know is how to go.
I've tasted blood and I want more.
I'll put up no resistance
I want to stay the distance
I've got an itch to scratch
I need assistance."
To James horrors she leaned with her back against Lucius,
rubbing her body against him while she was singing:
"Toucha toucha toucha touch me
I want to be dirty
Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me
Creature of the night."
Did she have to overact like that just because he had
felt tempted by Snape for a moment?
"Then if anything grows, while you pose,
I'll oil you up and rub you down."
Lily turned around and moved her fingers over Lucius bare
chest. The Slytherin was looking slightly puzzled at her
eager performance.
"And that's just one small fraction
of the main attraction
You need a friendly hand and I need action.
Toucha toucha toucha touch me
I want to be dirty
Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me
Creature of the night."
When Lucius ran his hands down Lily's back, James was
about to storm onto the stage, but Snape held him back.
"That's just part of the show." Snape reminded him.
"But..."
Snape grinned. "Lily really goes. Guess she's angry
because of your... performance."
James angrily wanted to reply something, but then, Snape
looked so seductive when he was grinning. James quickly
took a few steps away.
*
Remus smirked when he noticed with what an enthusiasm
James and Lily were taking part in the seduction-scenes.
Well, no wonder, Severus and Lucius really looked like a
wet dream come true in their costumes.
Dr. Scott was played by Avery, but with his long white
beard he looked much like Albus Dumbledore in a
wheelchair. Remus cast a glance at the headmaster, but
Dumbledore was still smiling in amusement.
Remus thought, the Slytherins could hardly have chosen a
better musical. The Transsexual Transylvanians seemed to
incorporate everything that was rumoured about the
Slytherins.
"I knew he was in with a bad crowd, but it was worse than
I imagined...Aliens!" Remus grinned. He had half-expected
Scott/Avery to say Slytherins instead of Aliens, but they
didn't go so far.
Remus cast a glance at Sirius at a few lines from the
song about Eddie:
"From the day he was born
all he wanted
was Rock'n'Roll, porn,
and a motorbike"
That was something one could say as well about Sirius.
Well, the rest was more descriptive of a typical
Slytherin kid:
"When Eddie said he didn't like his Teddy
You knew he was a no-good kid.
But when he threatened your life
with a switch-blade knife"
"What a guy!" Frank/Snape called out enthusiastically.
"Makes you cry." Janet/Lily threw in.
"Und I did." Dr. Scott.
When Brad, Janet, Rocky and Columbia were brought off
stage to prepare for the floor show Remus wondered how
James and Lily would take it to have to wear suspenders.
*
"I won't wear that!" James called.
"C'mon." Lily said. Dammit, even Lily was on their side.
"I won't wear that!" James repeated stubbornly.
Lily just shrugged and went into a dressing room with the
black underwear, the fish-net stockings and the
suspenders they had given her. James sighed and went into
the other changing room. He hardly had a choice, it would
look cowardly when he backed out.
James had the feeling that he looked terribly ridiculous
in that stuff when he came out again. Lily didn't look
like his Lily at all, but kind of... sexy.
James swallowed hard and followed Columbia, Lucius and
Lily onto the stage.
At first Columbia was singing her solo, then Lucius,
alias Rocky, stepped forward:
"I'm just seven hours old,
And truly beautiful to behold."
Aw, no, James noticed that looking at Lucius made him
hard again. Unfortunately, that little underwear was not
hiding it.
With a rude movement of his hips, Rocky/Lucius added:
"And somebody should be told
My libido hasn't been controlled."
Oh yeah, James could imagine.
"Now the only thing I've come to trust
Is an orgasmic rush of lust.
Rose tints my world and keeps me safe from my trouble and
pain."
Now the playback for James came to use. James tried to
pretend to be singing while he wondered why he didn't
have such a cool text as Lucius:
"It's beyond me; help me Mommy!
I'll be good; you'll see.
Take this dream away.
What's this? Let's see,
I feel sexy!
What's come over me?
Wo! Here it comes again."
Lily was walking challengingly forwards, moving her hips
in a way she usually never did:
"I feel released; bad times decease.
My confidence has increased; reality is here."
*
Remus was surprised about Lily, she usually seemed to be
rather ... decent, but now she looked like a real Vamp.
James also looked cute in black fishnet-stockings and
velvet underwear. His confusion at what was happening
added a certain naive charme to his performance.
Then the inner curtain lifted and all the Slytherins
appeared on the stage again, singing:
"We're a wild and an untamed thing.
We're bees with a deadly sting.
You get a hit and your mind goes ping.
Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing.
So let the party and the sounds rock on.
We're gonna shake it 'till the life has gone.
Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and
pain."
Remus grinned. Really, very adequate, that they'd chosen
to perform the Rocky Horror Show.
"Am I the only one who suddenly wants to be one of them?"
Peter asked in a longing voice.
Sirius looked undignified at Peter: "You must be joking!"
he replied. Remus chuckled. Sirius wouldn't admit it even
if it was written on his forehead.
After they'd sung and danced for a while, Riff-
Raff/Lestrange and Magenta/Vivienne entered the stage.
Other than in the Muggle theatres, they were not wearing
futuristic clothes, but grey robes with violet belts.
"Aren't that Auror uniforms?" Peter asked.
Remus smiled and nodded his head, while Riff-
Raff/Lestrange announced:
"Frank N Furter, it's all over.
Your mission is a failure;
Your lifestyle's too extreme.
I'm your new commander;
You now are my prisoner.
We return to Transylvania.
Prepare the transit beam."
They staged the killing scene very dramatically. Columbia
threw herself before Frank/Snape and was shot with pink
light (Lestrange obviously was hiding his wand in what
looked like a laser pistol.)
Frank, alias Snape, was chased by Riff-Raff/Lestrange
across the stage before being shot, then Lucius as Rocky
knelt down beside his dead creator, screaming in pain and
rage, before he got shot.
"You did the right thing. Society has to be protected."
Dr Scott/Avery said.
Well, they could hardly become any more obvious. Two
Auror-like persons killed Frank and his friends, and an
unsympathetic character like Dr. Scott approved of it.
Remus was quite fascinated about the Slytherins
creativity.
*
"And crawling on the planet's face
Some insects, called the human race...
Lost in time, and lost in space,
And meaning."
With those words spoken by the boy who played the
narrator the curtain fell.
James was relieved, but also a bit sad that it was over.
He watched Snape slipping out of his high-heels with a
pain-contorted face, asking Vivienne: "How can you walk
with those?"
"With a lot of practice," she answered with a smile.
Lucius Malfoy was standing at the curtain, looking
nervous. "They're so quiet!" he said.
Paling, the Slytherins noticed that there was no
applause. Then suddenly, the house seemed to burst with
loud clapping sounds. The applaud seemed to never want to
die down when they re-entered the stage and bowed.
*
Breakfast, the next day.
Dumbledore was to give out the points for the plays
today.
Sirius looked scowling at his plate, eating nothing.
James smirked. "You don't seem to be so sure anymore that
Gryffindor won the competition, Padfoot?"
"Nah, Slytherin was just too cool."
James swallowed. Had Sirius really just admitted that the
Slytherins had been better than they? Then the end of the
world must be nigh.
"I wish Dumbledore was more of a prude." Sirius said.
"Then we'd have a chance, but so..."
James cast a glance at the Slytherin table. Snape was all
his old self again, his hair a mess. Yet there was
something sensual about his angular features... why had
James never noticed before yesterday?
James blushed and looked away as he remembered how eager
he had been in the seduction scene.
Dumbledore stood up and announced:
"We're going to give out the points for the competition
now. Ravenclaw, for their sophisticated performance of
Samuel Becket's Not I: 20 points."
Everyone politely clapped their hands.
"Hufflepuff, for their amusing performance of scenes from
the Hobbit: 30 points."
Clap, clap.
"Gryffindor, for their performance of the Arthurian Legend: 40 points."
Sirius nodded his head. "Second place, as I told you."
"And Slytherin, for their stunning performance of the
Rocky Horror Show, 50 points."
Everyone applauded, though a bit forced. The show had
been amazing, but still no one really liked the
Slytherins.
"With that, this Year's House Cup goes to Slytherin!"
James watched Snape and the other Slytherins cheering at
their victory. He forced himself to smile. Gryffindor
couldn't always win.
***
The end
because I thought they deserve to have some fun.
Category: Humour
Ratings: PG-13?
Pairing: SS/JP, SS/LM, JP/LE, LM/LE
Summary: To break down the hostilities towards Muggles,
Dumbledore opens a competition: each of the four houses
is to stage something Muggleish. Can the Slytherins
succeed in staging "something Muggleish" and still make a
point of what they are?
Sex, Drugs and Rock'n'Roll
By Ratwoman
Ratwoman@unicum.de
"We've as good as won!" Sirius said, while putting
another portion of mashed potatoes onto his plate.
Two months ago Headmaster Dumbledore had opened a
competition: To get over the hostilities and reservations
towards Muggles, each of the four houses was to stage
"something Muggleish" during the last two days of the
term. Now, the time had come; Gryffindor had been the
first house to stage the show they had prepared. They had
decided to stage the Arthurian legend. James had been
King Arthur, Lily Gwenwyfar, Sirius of course Lancelot,
Remus was Merlin, and Peter was Gawain. It had been a
huge success.
Even the Slytherins had applauded, if only reluctantly.
Afterwards the Hufflepuffs had played some scenes of
Tolkiens The Hobbit. It had been nice, but not as exiting
as King Arthur.
This morning, it had been the Ravenclaws turn; they had
chosen an immensely sophisticated play Samuel Becket.
Most had been bored.
Remus leaned back and listened to his friends'
discussion.
"Um, Padfoot, the Slytherins haven't been on stage yet."
James replied.
"Aw, they hate Muggles, I wouldn't be surprised if they
refuse to stage anything." Sirius said. "And if, they
won't be very eager, so, I think we've won."
Lily smiled. "I wouldn't be so sure, they're so
ambitious, they will even try to win at something they
despise."
"They are going to stage something, that much is
certain." Peter threw in. "I overheard Snape and Malfoy
talking about it."
"What did they say?" Sirius and James asked at the same
time.
"Malfoy told Snape not to get performance anxiety now."
Peter frowned. "And then Snape answered that he can't
walk in those high-heels."
"Huh?"
"I must have misheard him." Peter said, shaking his head.
"I guess so." Sirius said, looking confused.
Remus smiled. Whatever it was the Slytherins were about
to stage, he was looking forward to it. Slytherins were
quite creative, it certainly would be interesting.
*
At seven in the evening, the school assembled in the
Great Hall, which had been transformed into a Theatre for
these occasions.
James sat down with his friends in one row. The
Slytherins had been really secretive about what they were
going to stage. There were rumours going from Satanic
Rituals to a sit-in.
Before the curtain lifted, Lucius Malfoy stepped onto the
stage, wearing a long cloak covering him from the neck to
the feet.
"Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen," he said when the
crowd had silenced down. "Unfortunately, we don't have
enough actors for the musical we want to stage, so we
need two volunteers. Don't worry, we arranged that you
will sing playback." Lucius smiled his icy smile.
James wondered. Not enough actors? In the whole Slytherin
house? There definitively was something wrong.
"James, Lily," Lucius' smile became even icier. "Would
you please?"
James was about to say no when Lily smiled and raised to
her feet. "Certainly." she said.
"Lily!" James hissed.
"Scared?" she whispered. James sighed and followed her.
Sometimes it worried him that she could play him like a
flute.
"Follow me." Lucius said and went off stage. James felt
like he was walking open-eyed into a trap.
A small nervous looking boy went passed them onto the
stage as they left. James heard him declaring from the
other side of the curtain. Obviously he was the narrator.
"Which musical are you going to stage?" Lily asked
openly.
"The Rocky Horror Show." Lucius replied.
A huge grin spread on Lily's face. "And we are Brad and
Janet, right?"
"Yes," Lucius replied and drew his wand. "Don't worry,"
he said, "I'm just putting a spell on you that will make
you see on your inner eye the lines you have to say."
James was nervous, but didn't move as Lucius waved his
wand and murmured a few words.
Ok, he had not grown a second head or something.
"Oh, and could you please put off the playback for me?"
Lily said. "I'm a big Karaoke fan, you know?"
"Ok," Lucius said. After a pause he added, addressing
Lily: "We skipped the beginning with your engagement, it
will start with you walking through the rain towards the
castle. Oh, before I forget..." Lucius waved his wand
another time and James and Lily were dressed in Muggle
clothes. "Now, get onto the stage!"
"But..." James felt much more anxiety than before their
own play. Then, he had at least known what it was about.
"OUT!" Lucius ordered and gave them a shove.
The boy who was the narrator was still on stage when they
entered, saying his last few lines: "- but they being
normal kids and on a night out - well - they were not
going to let a storm spoil the events of their evening.
On a night out... It was a night out they were to
remember for a very - long - time."
The boy went off stage and the curtain raised, revealing
a second curtain at about the half of the stage,
depicting the outlines of a castle. From somewhere James
heard music playing and voices singing:
"There's a light
Over at the Frankenstein place
There's a light
Burning in the fireplace"
James was barely listening to the lyrics, as he was too
annoyed about the water dripping down from the ceiling,
obviously pretending that it was raining. Did they have
to make the show that realistic? Of course, it was just
raining on him and Lily.
When the music faded, Lily said to James' amazement:
"Brad, let's go back, I'm cold and I'm frightened..."
Then he understood, as he suddenly saw his answering
lines written in the air before him: "Just a moment
Janet, they might have a phone."
They knocked at a door that was standing in the middle of
the stage. From offstage, William Lestrange entered; but
he didn't look like the usual pretty Slytherin he was: he
had a huge hunch on his back, grey, tangled hair and a
greyish skin. Lestrange opened the door, looking rather
hostile at them and said: "Hello?"
James read out the text he suddenly saw in the air: "Hi!
My name is Brad Majors, and this is my fiancée, Janet
Weiss. I wonder if you could help us. You see, our car
broke down a few miles up the road... do you have a phone
we might use?"
Lily perfectly played her role, clinging with a scared
expression to James' arm as they were led "inside" and
told that the master was having some kind of party this
night.
Vivienne Doors, Lestrange's girlfriend, came onto the
stage, dressed in a rather short housemaid's uniform,
making some odd joke about everybody being happy.
Suddenly, Lestrange started singing:
"It's astounding;
Time is fleeting;
Madness takes its toll.
But listen closely
Not for very much longer.
I've got to keep control."
Now his voice grew louder and shriller:
"But I remember doing the time-warp
Drinking those moments when
The blackness would hit me
And a void would be calling..."
Here the second curtain lifted and about everyone from
the Slytherin house from Fourth Year upwards was on
stage, wearing nothing but black lacquer or leather
fetish ...somethings. James gaped at them in shock; he
also heard surprised gasped from the audience, while they
were shouting:
"Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's do the time-warp again."
The dance they were showing looked rather rude,
especially the way they moved their hips forwards and
backwards at the chorus.
James looked at Lily. She pretended to look shocked, but
actually she was hiding a grin behind the hands she had
clasped before her face.
"But it's the pelvic thrust
that really drives you insa-ane"
One particular Slytherin girl who James knew as rather
shy surprised him by walking to the front of the stage
for a short solo:
"Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think
When this snake of a guy gave me an evil wink.
He shook me up, he took me by surprise
He had a pickup truck, and the devil's eyes.
He stared at me and I felt a change.
Time meant nothing, never would again."
Snake of a guy? Devil's eyes? James started to understand
why they had chosen this particular musical.
"Brad, do something!" Lily said in perfectly faked
anxiety when the dance was finished.
"Say, do any of your guys know how to Madison?" James had
to be careful not to burst out laughing at his lines, but
it got even better: "They're probably foreigners with
ways different than our own. They may do some
more...folk dancing."
God, this was kind of funny!
Then, a door at the back of the stage opened and in came
- Snape! He was wearing a long coat similar to the one
Malfoy had been wearing.
"How do you do, I
See you've met my
Faithful handyman." he sang while lazily walking up to
them.
James did not listen to the next few lines, as he was too
surprised that Snape's hair looked rather fine, as if he
had washed it recently. And his deep voice was really
sexy.
"Don't get strung out by the way I look.
Don't judge a book by its cover."
Snape was close to them now. Was he really wearing eye-
liner? Now he turned to Lily/Janet and sung to her,
wriggling his eyebrows:
"I'm not much of a man by the light of day
But by night I'm one hell of a lover."
James felt blood rushing to his cheeks. Was that
jealousy? Or rather...?
Suddenly Snape threw off his coat. James shrieked back in
shock. Seemed like the Slytherins wouldn't cease to
surprise him: Snape was wearing black fish-net stockings
with suspenders (hmm, why had James never noticed how
long his legs were?) high-heeled shoes, a corset, and
something black that was so short that James was not sure
whether it still counted as underwear.
Again, James heard gasps from the audience.
"I'm just a sweet transvestite
From Transsexual, Transylvania."
*
Remus was enjoying this show immensely. He was partly
Muggle, so he was one of the few people here who knew the
Rocky Horror Show. He just had never guessed that Snape
would make a good Frank N Furter. But he was just
perfect. All his movements were so sensual, and the
outfit... Suddenly Remus felt hot.
"That he's not ashamed!" Sirius whispered next to him.
Remus glanced at him, but Sirius was staring with utter
fascination at the stage. Remus smirked and returned his
attention onto the musical.
After Brad/James had said his lines about having trouble
with their car and just wanting to use his phone, Snape,
to James' most obvious horrors, wrapped his arms around
both James' and Lily's waists, singing :
"Well you got caught with a flat, well, how 'bout that?
Well, babies, don't you panic."
Remus giggled. The request not to panic never had been more
adequate, judging from the look of terror on James' face.
"By the light of the night it'll all seem alright.
I'll get you a satanic mechanic."
Remus grinned when Magenta/Vivienne and Columbia snuggled
up on Frank/Snape as he sang:
"Why don't you stay for the night?"
Magenta hissed: "night" and licked along Snape's neck.
"Or maybe a bite?"
Columbia said: "Bite" and bit Snape's shoulder.
"I can show you my favourite obsession..."
They all appeared so wonderfully decadent!
Remus let his gaze travel over the faces in the audience.
Especially the ones who were not Muggle-born were
watching with a kind of disbelieving fascination. He
glanced at the teachers' row. Dumbledore was looking
amused, but Professor McGonagall had clasped her hands
before her mouth, staring wide-eyed at the stage.
*
James had just recovered from the shock of seeing Snape
in stockings, when the back part of the stage was covered
by a curtain again, while Riff-Raff/Lestrange and
Magenta/Vivienne were starting to get them out of their
wet clothes.
His consternation was not played when they left them in
their underwear and then lifted the second curtain to
lead them to the laboratory.
"Well! How nice. And what charming underclothes you
both have." said Frank/Snape as if every day people were
walking around in underwear in his castle. "But here.
Put these on." James was really relieved when Frank/Snape
gave them bathrobes. "They'll make you feel less...
vulnerable. It's not often we receive visitors here, let
alone offer them" he paused. "...hospitality."
Again, he saw his text in the air before him:
"Hospitality!? All we wanted to do was to use your
telephone, Goddammit, a reasonable request which you've
chosen to ignore!"
Taking a step forward, Frank/Snape said: "How forceful
you are, Brad." Laying a hand on his chest, he added in
an obscene voice: "Such a perfect specimen of manhood.
So..." raising his eye-brows, "...dominant." James stared
in shock at Snape.
*
Remus watched with amusement the laboratory scene. Of
course, it was quite clear that the Slytherins did really
have enough actors, but taking two "volunteers" from
another house for the roles of Brad and Janet was a
brilliant idea. It successfully demonstrated how out of
place the two of them were. Especially James was great,
despite, or because he was not acting. He really WAS
confused and had no clue what would come next or what to
make of Snape's flirtations.
Snape played the mad scientist in a way that could also
be interpreted as a Dark Wizard, someone like Salazar
Slytherin. Looking with an empty face into the air, eyes
glowing, voice trembling, he said :
"..and that's how I discovered the secret, that elusive
ingredient, that SPARK that is the breath of life..."
His voice grew higher and shriller, ecstatic :"Yes, I
have that knowledge! I hold the secret! to life itself!"
Though, Salazar Slytherin probably had never looked so
sexy in fishnet stockings !
Remus leaned forwards with interest when Rocky, covered
in linen, was turned alive. Who'd play Rocky?
Rocky moved and tore off the linen, revealing - Lucius
Malfoy. Rocky/Lucius stood up, shaking his long blonde
hair. He was wearing nothing but very short golden
knickers.
He was playing a quite different Rocky than the one Remus
had seen in Muggle theatres; when Frank/Snape was chasing
him through the laboratory, Rocky/Lucius did not appear
to be scared by his maker, rather that he was taunting
him to catch him. Finally Frank/Snape got his creature,
pushed him against a wall and pressed a whip under his
chin, saying: "Well really. That's no way to behave on
your first day out. But since you're such an exceptional
beauty, I am prepared to forgive you."
Oh yeah, Lucius really was an exceptional beauty. Milk
white skin, well-defined muscles... no wonder that
Frank/Snape doted so much on him.
Remus grinned when Wilkes, a huge, rather ugly Slytherin,
entered the stage as Eddie, riding on a motor-bike.
"Did they steal my motor-bike?" Sirius hissed.
"Um, no, I'm sure it's another one." Remus replied.
Actually, he was not sure, but he better didn't tell
Padfoot, or he'd run onto the stage and make a scene.
Eddie/Wilkes threw a quite good Rock'n'Roll show,
until Frank/Snape chased him off stage and came back
with a bloody axe.
"Don't be upset... It was a mercy killing..."
Frank/Snape said more to the audience than to Rocky.
"Of course, the Slytherins approve of that !" Sirius
hissed.
"Always keep fiction and reality apart." Remus
answered, not taking his eyes off the stage.
"he had a certain naive charm," Frank/Snape said,
"but no muscle..."
The Music of "I can make you a man" was played again,
and snuggling up to Rocky/Lucius, Frank/Snape sang :
"But a deltoid and a bicep.
A hot groin"
Even Remus coughed in surprise, when Snape's hand cupped
Lucius groin,
" and a tricep.
Makes me, ..., shake,
Makes me want to take Charles Atlas by the...ha-ha-hand."
Remus grinned at the following "marriage scene" of Frank
and Rocky. Magenta/Vivienne and Riff-Raff/Lestrange opened
a small curtain hiding a four-poster bed, but on the
way there Snape twist his ankle in his high-heels and
almost fell. Lucius reacted quickly, caught Snape and
carried him over the threshold.
The curtain fell.
*
James was standing confused on the stage after the
curtain fell. Was the musical already over? He hoped so,
mostly because the sight of Lucius being almost naked had
made him hard, but then a few second and third year
Slytherins came on stage, levitating two beds behind them
and put them down in a position that the second curtain
could hide them if needed.
Lucius and Snape levitated the four-poster bed offstage,
then James was told: "Lie down in that bed and pretend to
be sleeping!"
James did what he was told, seeing Lily lying down in the
other bed. The curtain raised and James closed his eyes.
He heard Lily and Snape talking; it sounded as if Snape,
alias Frank, was trying to seduce Lily, er, Janet. James
felt anger welling up but forced himself not to move.
After all, this was only a play, not reality.
Then suddenly Snape was over him, saying in a high
voice(pretending to be Janet): "Oh, Brad darling, it's no
good here. It'll destroy us."
James said his lines: "Don't worry Janet, we'll be away
from here in the morning.", but inwardly he cringed. What
was he to do in a bed with Snape?
Snape, alias Frank, alias Janet replied: "Oh, Brad you're
so strong and protective."
"YOU!" James called. Would this charade find an end now?
In his normal voice, Frank/Snape answered: "I'm afraid
so, Brad, but isn't it nice..."
Actually, Snape looked amazingly sexy, as he was
straddling his hips, looking down at him with an evil
smile. On no, the erection James had had earlier regrew!
"Why YOU! What have you done with Janet?"
"Nothing." Frank/Snape replied: "Why? Do you think I
should?" That was so much something Snape would say!
"You tricked me, I wouldn't have...I've never
never...never..." Never, indeed.
"Oh Yes yes, I know...but it isn't all bad, is it? Not
even half bad, I think you really quite enjoyed it."
Snape purred. "Oh come on, Brad, admit it, you liked it,
didn't you? There's no crime in giving yourself over to
pleasure, Brad. Oh Brad, you've wasted so much time
already..."
James wasn't able to hold himself back any longer. He
grabbed Snape at the back of his head and pulled him
down, catching his lips in a wild kiss. He saw Snape's
eyes widen in surprise as he pushed his tongue into his
mouth to explore every cavice, while his hands moved down
Snape's back to his almost bare buttocks.
After a much too short time Snape withdrew, whispering:
"Much as I feel flattered by your sudden enthusiasm, the
show must go on."
James looked up. The inner curtain had fallen, hiding the
two beds. Lily's/Janet's bed was already being brought
away, while Lily looked in open anger and jealousy at
James and Snape.
"I was just playing my role." James said.
"That's not how it looked like!" Lily hissed.
Snape stood up and stalked off. Lucius went to the
curtain to the outer part of the stage, telling Lily:
"It's our scene now."
Lily strutted on stage with a highly raised head.
James watched the Janet/Rocky scene through a gap in the
curtain. Lily was singing:
"I was feeling done in, couldn't win
I'd only ever kissed before.
I thought there's no use getting
Into heavy petting
It only leads to trouble
And seat wetting."
James grinned: that wasn't quite true. Then Janet/Lily
turned to Rocky/Lucius and sung in a challenging way:
"Now all I want to know is how to go.
I've tasted blood and I want more.
I'll put up no resistance
I want to stay the distance
I've got an itch to scratch
I need assistance."
To James horrors she leaned with her back against Lucius,
rubbing her body against him while she was singing:
"Toucha toucha toucha touch me
I want to be dirty
Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me
Creature of the night."
Did she have to overact like that just because he had
felt tempted by Snape for a moment?
"Then if anything grows, while you pose,
I'll oil you up and rub you down."
Lily turned around and moved her fingers over Lucius bare
chest. The Slytherin was looking slightly puzzled at her
eager performance.
"And that's just one small fraction
of the main attraction
You need a friendly hand and I need action.
Toucha toucha toucha touch me
I want to be dirty
Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me
Creature of the night."
When Lucius ran his hands down Lily's back, James was
about to storm onto the stage, but Snape held him back.
"That's just part of the show." Snape reminded him.
"But..."
Snape grinned. "Lily really goes. Guess she's angry
because of your... performance."
James angrily wanted to reply something, but then, Snape
looked so seductive when he was grinning. James quickly
took a few steps away.
*
Remus smirked when he noticed with what an enthusiasm
James and Lily were taking part in the seduction-scenes.
Well, no wonder, Severus and Lucius really looked like a
wet dream come true in their costumes.
Dr. Scott was played by Avery, but with his long white
beard he looked much like Albus Dumbledore in a
wheelchair. Remus cast a glance at the headmaster, but
Dumbledore was still smiling in amusement.
Remus thought, the Slytherins could hardly have chosen a
better musical. The Transsexual Transylvanians seemed to
incorporate everything that was rumoured about the
Slytherins.
"I knew he was in with a bad crowd, but it was worse than
I imagined...Aliens!" Remus grinned. He had half-expected
Scott/Avery to say Slytherins instead of Aliens, but they
didn't go so far.
Remus cast a glance at Sirius at a few lines from the
song about Eddie:
"From the day he was born
all he wanted
was Rock'n'Roll, porn,
and a motorbike"
That was something one could say as well about Sirius.
Well, the rest was more descriptive of a typical
Slytherin kid:
"When Eddie said he didn't like his Teddy
You knew he was a no-good kid.
But when he threatened your life
with a switch-blade knife"
"What a guy!" Frank/Snape called out enthusiastically.
"Makes you cry." Janet/Lily threw in.
"Und I did." Dr. Scott.
When Brad, Janet, Rocky and Columbia were brought off
stage to prepare for the floor show Remus wondered how
James and Lily would take it to have to wear suspenders.
*
"I won't wear that!" James called.
"C'mon." Lily said. Dammit, even Lily was on their side.
"I won't wear that!" James repeated stubbornly.
Lily just shrugged and went into a dressing room with the
black underwear, the fish-net stockings and the
suspenders they had given her. James sighed and went into
the other changing room. He hardly had a choice, it would
look cowardly when he backed out.
James had the feeling that he looked terribly ridiculous
in that stuff when he came out again. Lily didn't look
like his Lily at all, but kind of... sexy.
James swallowed hard and followed Columbia, Lucius and
Lily onto the stage.
At first Columbia was singing her solo, then Lucius,
alias Rocky, stepped forward:
"I'm just seven hours old,
And truly beautiful to behold."
Aw, no, James noticed that looking at Lucius made him
hard again. Unfortunately, that little underwear was not
hiding it.
With a rude movement of his hips, Rocky/Lucius added:
"And somebody should be told
My libido hasn't been controlled."
Oh yeah, James could imagine.
"Now the only thing I've come to trust
Is an orgasmic rush of lust.
Rose tints my world and keeps me safe from my trouble and
pain."
Now the playback for James came to use. James tried to
pretend to be singing while he wondered why he didn't
have such a cool text as Lucius:
"It's beyond me; help me Mommy!
I'll be good; you'll see.
Take this dream away.
What's this? Let's see,
I feel sexy!
What's come over me?
Wo! Here it comes again."
Lily was walking challengingly forwards, moving her hips
in a way she usually never did:
"I feel released; bad times decease.
My confidence has increased; reality is here."
*
Remus was surprised about Lily, she usually seemed to be
rather ... decent, but now she looked like a real Vamp.
James also looked cute in black fishnet-stockings and
velvet underwear. His confusion at what was happening
added a certain naive charme to his performance.
Then the inner curtain lifted and all the Slytherins
appeared on the stage again, singing:
"We're a wild and an untamed thing.
We're bees with a deadly sting.
You get a hit and your mind goes ping.
Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing.
So let the party and the sounds rock on.
We're gonna shake it 'till the life has gone.
Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and
pain."
Remus grinned. Really, very adequate, that they'd chosen
to perform the Rocky Horror Show.
"Am I the only one who suddenly wants to be one of them?"
Peter asked in a longing voice.
Sirius looked undignified at Peter: "You must be joking!"
he replied. Remus chuckled. Sirius wouldn't admit it even
if it was written on his forehead.
After they'd sung and danced for a while, Riff-
Raff/Lestrange and Magenta/Vivienne entered the stage.
Other than in the Muggle theatres, they were not wearing
futuristic clothes, but grey robes with violet belts.
"Aren't that Auror uniforms?" Peter asked.
Remus smiled and nodded his head, while Riff-
Raff/Lestrange announced:
"Frank N Furter, it's all over.
Your mission is a failure;
Your lifestyle's too extreme.
I'm your new commander;
You now are my prisoner.
We return to Transylvania.
Prepare the transit beam."
They staged the killing scene very dramatically. Columbia
threw herself before Frank/Snape and was shot with pink
light (Lestrange obviously was hiding his wand in what
looked like a laser pistol.)
Frank, alias Snape, was chased by Riff-Raff/Lestrange
across the stage before being shot, then Lucius as Rocky
knelt down beside his dead creator, screaming in pain and
rage, before he got shot.
"You did the right thing. Society has to be protected."
Dr Scott/Avery said.
Well, they could hardly become any more obvious. Two
Auror-like persons killed Frank and his friends, and an
unsympathetic character like Dr. Scott approved of it.
Remus was quite fascinated about the Slytherins
creativity.
*
"And crawling on the planet's face
Some insects, called the human race...
Lost in time, and lost in space,
And meaning."
With those words spoken by the boy who played the
narrator the curtain fell.
James was relieved, but also a bit sad that it was over.
He watched Snape slipping out of his high-heels with a
pain-contorted face, asking Vivienne: "How can you walk
with those?"
"With a lot of practice," she answered with a smile.
Lucius Malfoy was standing at the curtain, looking
nervous. "They're so quiet!" he said.
Paling, the Slytherins noticed that there was no
applause. Then suddenly, the house seemed to burst with
loud clapping sounds. The applaud seemed to never want to
die down when they re-entered the stage and bowed.
*
Breakfast, the next day.
Dumbledore was to give out the points for the plays
today.
Sirius looked scowling at his plate, eating nothing.
James smirked. "You don't seem to be so sure anymore that
Gryffindor won the competition, Padfoot?"
"Nah, Slytherin was just too cool."
James swallowed. Had Sirius really just admitted that the
Slytherins had been better than they? Then the end of the
world must be nigh.
"I wish Dumbledore was more of a prude." Sirius said.
"Then we'd have a chance, but so..."
James cast a glance at the Slytherin table. Snape was all
his old self again, his hair a mess. Yet there was
something sensual about his angular features... why had
James never noticed before yesterday?
James blushed and looked away as he remembered how eager
he had been in the seduction scene.
Dumbledore stood up and announced:
"We're going to give out the points for the competition
now. Ravenclaw, for their sophisticated performance of
Samuel Becket's Not I: 20 points."
Everyone politely clapped their hands.
"Hufflepuff, for their amusing performance of scenes from
the Hobbit: 30 points."
Clap, clap.
"Gryffindor, for their performance of the Arthurian Legend: 40 points."
Sirius nodded his head. "Second place, as I told you."
"And Slytherin, for their stunning performance of the
Rocky Horror Show, 50 points."
Everyone applauded, though a bit forced. The show had
been amazing, but still no one really liked the
Slytherins.
"With that, this Year's House Cup goes to Slytherin!"
James watched Snape and the other Slytherins cheering at
their victory. He forced himself to smile. Gryffindor
couldn't always win.
***
The end