Chapter 1 ~ A Tormented Goodbye



***



"Mione, you have to understand. Its for The Order." Harry pleaded putting his hands on top of hers. But she quickly pulled them away. The smell of 12 Grimmauld place was in the air. Musty yet homey, with hints of herbs and oils that have soaked into the wood over the years.

"I do Harry, but I am part of The Order. Why is that no one has told me about it?" Hermione's brown eyes were welling up with tears.

"Love, only a few people know about it. Its just too dangerous to tell more. Trust me. If I could I would." His green eyes just filled with concern gazing at her.

"Can I write you?"

"Of course, I wouldn't want to go a day with out speaking with you, but It will be a while until it is safe to. But I promise the first second I can, I will write you." Harry once again stared at her with concern. "The rest of the Order wants you to stay here for now. We need you to hold the fort down while we are out. You will be receiving important owls. We need you to take them to Dumbledore in person when you get them."

::How can I stand to be like this? Always hiding from the world. But I will never be able to be what she needs. I am never here, I am always off doing something for the ministry:: Harry thought to himself.

"I just don't want to loose you. I would hate to see you gone for too long. But yes, I can stay here. That's no problem, though I will have to move most of my stuff out of my apartment over here. So much is changing, its all happening so fast. The order hasn't been open for almost 5 years." Hermione was on the verge of tears. "Whats going on?"

"I re-did a room just for you, I figured you would say yes. But I promise you won't loose me. I mean who could defeat the great Harry Potter??" He said confidently. Hermione giggle and sniffed back her tears.

"You fixed me up a room? Can I see it? Why would you do something so nice?"

"Yes I did, why would you even ask something like that? I made it so you could have a place to call your own while we are gone, and because you are amazing and deserve to sleep in a real bed not mine when you stay over. Like I said, I can't tell you. I am sorry, but Come on. Lets go for a walk."

::I know what that means. "Lets take a walk" means no more speaking of the subject for the rest of the night. I don't want to think about. I just want to spend my last evening with Harry, I just want to love him.::

Harry stood up and handed Hermione her coat and scarf off of the rack near the door. Hermione just looked at him with the do-I-have-to? look.

"I know you don't want to go for a walk. But how about a dinner in Hogsmeade and then I can take you home? For me?" Harry just gave her the biggest set of puppy dog eyes ever.

"Fiiiiiiiiiiiiine, only that look gets me every time"

"Bye Tonks, Moody, Snape!" Harry said cheerfully to the rest of the order, who were talking in the kitchen. "We're going out to dinner be back later!"

"Bye guys!" Hermione stuffed her hands in her pockets and walked out the door.

"Be home early Potter! We need you tomorrow." Severus snapped from the other room.



In the kitchen The Order of the Phoenix was far off topic. "Those two look happier every time I see them." Moody said to Tonks.

"I know! I am surprised they aren't married yet." Tonks remarked.



***



Her brown locks were tossed in the cold winter wind, as she pulled her coat tighter to her body. Harry slipped his arm around her back as the two stepped into The Three Broomsticks. After they sat down the rest of dinner was a blur. Harry became entranced by Hermione. In the dim lighting she was so beautiful. Her cheeks were rosie from the cold, and hair a lovely mess of curls framing her face. It was such a romantic setting.

::I love the way he makes me feel. The way he unconsciously touches me. I can't seem to stop starring at him. Concentrate. don't let it show. Don't let him do that any more. He is leaving tomorrow for god knows how long. You can't tell him yet. Just wait.:: Her mind was racing.

::I love listening to her voice. Even if it is just ordering dinner. I love her more than the world. But I could never make her happy, I am not good enough for her::



***



"What are you thinking about Harry?" Hermione was sipping her soup.

"No one..." Harry quickly wanted to take it back. He meant to say nothing.

"Who's the lucky lady?" She said nonchalantly working on her salad. Harry nearly choked.

"Ummm a girl.... How did you know?" Harry started at his stew.

Hermione giggled. "Harry, I have know you for almost what? 15 years now? I think I would be able to tell when you are love struck!"

"Well its not like anything will happen, I am leaving tomorrow. I doubt she even likes me. I mean she is way to good for me. I am always away and never there for her." Harry said it so coldly it killed the conversation for the rest of the night.

Nothing else was said the rest of dinner. Harry picked up the check before Hermione could even look at it. They both put their coats on in silence. And stepped outside and walked down the empty streets. A light snow began to fall on the deserted road. The two stood on a street corner and dissaperated back to 12 Grimmauld place.



***



The two sat on the floor next to the fire with cups of tea to defrost them from the bitter winter.

"You made my tea just the way I like it. With just a tad of honey." Hermione drank her tea with pleasure.

"Why wouldn't I?" Harry asked while dunking his tea bag a few more times.

"I don't know, most people don't take the time to remember how I like me tea."

"Well I did." The famous Potter smirk flashed across his face. Time passed and nothing was said, Harry just sat staring at the fire. Letting the flames glimmer in his eyes.

"Harry..." Her sentence trailed off.

"Yeah?" Harry looked up to see Hermione's eyes full of tears. She was crying. "What's wrong?" Harry set down his cup and pulled Hermione into his arms. She began sobbing into his shoulder.

She brought her head up eyes red and puffy tears streaming down her cheeks. "I just... I can't tell you."

"Why can't you tell me? You tell me everything. I tell you everything." Harry wiped away her tears.

"Well, its about you..." Her bottom lip quivered.

::She looks so beautiful, I wish I could kiss her. What the hell am I thinking. She is sitting here sobbing and I am thinking about sex.::

Hermione choked back a sob. "Just... that... no it won't matter you are leaving tomorrow."

"What is it Hermione? I promise... you can tell me." Harry was facing her, his green eyes piercing his.

"I... I... I love you..." Hermione was now shaking and crying. "I know I shouldn't have said anything. I am quite stupid to have said that. I mean you need to be concentrating on the order and you are leaving tomorrow --"

Suddenly Hermione found Harry's lips upon hers. Kissing more and more passionately with every second. Hermione puts her hands on his face and let the love flow freely. Harry suddenly breaks away.

"I am sorry. I shouldn't have done that, just..." He paused for a second. " I love you too." Harry was looking at the musty rug with frayed edges in front of the crackling fire.

"Really?" She hiccuped making him look at her.

"Yeah, for as long as I can remember you have been the one for me. Never fail you were always there. You never treated me differently just because of my name. You are beautiful and amazing and smart and funny and I could go on forever. But I have loved you ever since we met at Hogwarts. I just never wanted to say anything. I didn't think you loved me." Hermione threw herself into Harry's arms and they laid next to the fire until Harry realized she was asleep. He gently picked her up and took her up stairs to his bed room where she normally slept when she came over for a meeting of the order. He set her in bed and tucked her in. He would always go sleep on the couch down stairs, but this time he had to set up his surprise. Her new room.



***



As Harry grabbed his duffle bag, he went back up stairs and saw the angel sleeping so soundly in his bed. Harry leaned over and kissed her forehead gently and left a note with a rose on the bedside table.

"I love you more than the world. I will be back soon. I promise." He whispered and then left the room with one glance back to see her smile in her sleep one last time.

The note had small scribble on it... it said... the ribbon tied to the rose... fallow it...



TBC!