Disclaimer: don't own!! Sorry forgot to put this in the last chapter!
A/N: thanks to Fire, Ashley, Candace and Carol for reading it! (
Chapter 2
Jackie sighed of relief when her husband left for work. She sat down and ate her breakfast he made her. She heard her son gurgling words. She looked up at him as he sat there smiling to himself. Which made her smile. She went back to eating her breakfast. Then he started kicking his feet into the high chair. "Harrison stop that," she said not looking up. The baby didn't stop. "Harrison," she said evenly trying not to get upset. He didn't stop he didn't even look at her he started to pound his feet harder into the chair. She got up and walked over to him. She took his feet not grabbing them and held them still. He continued to kick his feet while her hands held them. "Harrison!" this time she lost it. She didn't have as much patience she thought she would with children. She tried looking at him but it was like she wasn't there. She waved her hand in front of his eyes to see if she could get any reaction but it was like she was invisible. "Harrison!" she yelled again. Still nothing. She let go of his feet and she heard a thud that came from the noise of him kicking. "Harrison! Stop that!" she screamed. His chair started moving backwards from the kicking. He didn't fall but the chair slammed against the wall and the shelf on the wall started to wobble. She ran over to the chair and took him out of it. The vase and the three china plates fell off the shelf crashing. She shivered at the noise but Harrison didn't seem to flinch. Oh my gosh what if he is deaf? Or blind? We will be raising a Helen Keller! She thought to herself. She took Harrison back into the living room and put him into his playpen. This has got to be "Gods" way of punishing me! She thought. She went into the closet and pulled out a broom and dustpan. See this is what she gets for having the baby out of wedlock and to Eric! She swept up the broken glass and porcelain into the dustpan. She was supposed to be with Steven not Eric but she couldn't be with Steven he had left. She knew she should have stayed away from him too. He said he wasn't like his parents but he was. He ran out on her, well she couldn't really blame him. She had gotten drunk and Eric had gotten drunk. Steven had gone to visit Leo and Donna was at college. They were both were bored and lonely. She knew she couldn't expect Steven to marry her and raise his best friend's baby. This was her fault. She was going to be punished the rest of her life for relieving boredom for ten minutes. She lost Steven and Eric had lost Donna and now she was destined to live a miserable life with Eric until she died and to top it all off their baby was blind and deaf! Sometimes Jackie really hated herself and this was one of those times. She just wanted to get out of her skin and be somebody else. She knew Eric had to feel the same. She and he had both tried to apologize to Steven and Donna but they couldn't forgive them for what they did. They didn't return their calls or messages. They didn't show up for the wedding but why did Jackie think they would? Cause she thought she was still in high school and things could be fixed in a half an hour like those shows on TV. She had lost happiness and she tried to love Eric but she knew she didn't think of him as anything more then her ex-best friend's old boyfriend. She wished she could run to someone and tell them how she felt. The only other person that understood what she was going through was Eric and they never talked about it. It hurt them too much to talk about it. Sometimes she wishes she could disappear but she couldn't leave Eric to raise their mistake by themselves. She hated to think of Harrison as a mistake but nothing brought her joy. Even her own child couldn't ever bring her joy. She and Eric had contemplated adoption or an abortion but they knew that Steven and Donna wouldn't take them back anyway. Kitty wouldn't allow them to give it up. For a while she tried to deny that the baby was Eric's so he could at least be with Donna but Kitty slipped and had told Donna. When it came right down to it Jackie didn't think she could have given up her baby even if she wanted to.
After cleaning up the mess she tried calling Eric's cell but it was turned off. He must be in a meeting she thought to herself. She didn't want to call Kitty because she knew that she would just get worried and make this bigger then it was. But how was having a blind deaf child not a big thing? She knew she just didn't feel like dealing with anyone. She went back into the living room and picked up Harrison. He didn't like to be held so he would kick her. She thought that he didn't like to be held because he already knew his parents didn't love each other. She held him at arms length and carried him up the stairs when it was time for his bath.
She sometimes wondered if she was so miserable because after having a baby sometimes you can become depressed. The doctor told her it was a possibility but she knew that it wasn't. She knew it was because of how the situation turned out.
She took the baby with her into the bathroom. She took off his pajamas and diaper. She sat him up in a baby seat you have to attach to the bathtub when they are still little. She turned the water on and made sure it was warm. She would never walk out of the bathroom when she was giving him a bath because she was afraid he would drown. Even if it was just to answer the phone she let it ring. She turned off the water and put some Johnson and Johnson baby shampoo in her hand. She gently rubbed it on Harrison's head. He didn't have much hair but the little he did matched Jackie's. She then took a washcloth and added soap to it and washed him.
He was so tiny and he didn't have to deal with all the hate and hurt his mom had to deal with. She wished she could be as naïve as he is. She then took him out and wrapped him in a towel. He still wouldn't let her hold him. Eric would hold him even if he did kick him in the chest. Jackie looked at her baby; he wouldn't ever look at her straight in the eye. She wondered if that was normal. She walked into his nursery and set him on the changing table. She had gotten better at changing. He hadn't peed on her in months. She put on a new diaper and put him in a pair of navy blue pants and a yellow shirt. She didn't know what to do with him now. She was ready for the day and so was he. She didn't want to sit around home like she did most days and she couldn't go shopping whenever she felt like it. Eric didn't have that kind of money. She didn't want to talk to Kitty. She only felt guiltier when she saw her.
She had to do something with him especially since he couldn't hear or see her possibly. She picked up her phone and called the doctor. She had to do something for him. She couldn't let him wander around in the dark for the rest of her life even though it was probably better he couldn't hear or see what was going on. She wished she could have given him a better life. Sometimes she wondered if it would have been better if she didn't get married to Eric and gave him joint custody to see Harrison. That way the two of them could of tried to find happiness in another person. This was just too trying sometimes. She tried to tell her friend Sally about this. Sally suggested couples counseling but Jackie felt even though they were married they weren't a couple. She and Eric were just married.
She made the appointment and picked up Harrison and took him out to the minivan and sat him in his car seat. She got in and drove away from her house. She always found it very easy to drive away from it but hard to drive back to it. She wondered if Eric felt the same way.
Chapter 2
Jackie sighed of relief when her husband left for work. She sat down and ate her breakfast he made her. She heard her son gurgling words. She looked up at him as he sat there smiling to himself. Which made her smile. She went back to eating her breakfast. Then he started kicking his feet into the high chair. "Harrison stop that," she said not looking up. The baby didn't stop. "Harrison," she said evenly trying not to get upset. He didn't stop he didn't even look at her he started to pound his feet harder into the chair. She got up and walked over to him. She took his feet not grabbing them and held them still. He continued to kick his feet while her hands held them. "Harrison!" this time she lost it. She didn't have as much patience she thought she would with children. She tried looking at him but it was like she wasn't there. She waved her hand in front of his eyes to see if she could get any reaction but it was like she was invisible. "Harrison!" she yelled again. Still nothing. She let go of his feet and she heard a thud that came from the noise of him kicking. "Harrison! Stop that!" she screamed. His chair started moving backwards from the kicking. He didn't fall but the chair slammed against the wall and the shelf on the wall started to wobble. She ran over to the chair and took him out of it. The vase and the three china plates fell off the shelf crashing. She shivered at the noise but Harrison didn't seem to flinch. Oh my gosh what if he is deaf? Or blind? We will be raising a Helen Keller! She thought to herself. She took Harrison back into the living room and put him into his playpen. This has got to be "Gods" way of punishing me! She thought. She went into the closet and pulled out a broom and dustpan. See this is what she gets for having the baby out of wedlock and to Eric! She swept up the broken glass and porcelain into the dustpan. She was supposed to be with Steven not Eric but she couldn't be with Steven he had left. She knew she should have stayed away from him too. He said he wasn't like his parents but he was. He ran out on her, well she couldn't really blame him. She had gotten drunk and Eric had gotten drunk. Steven had gone to visit Leo and Donna was at college. They were both were bored and lonely. She knew she couldn't expect Steven to marry her and raise his best friend's baby. This was her fault. She was going to be punished the rest of her life for relieving boredom for ten minutes. She lost Steven and Eric had lost Donna and now she was destined to live a miserable life with Eric until she died and to top it all off their baby was blind and deaf! Sometimes Jackie really hated herself and this was one of those times. She just wanted to get out of her skin and be somebody else. She knew Eric had to feel the same. She and he had both tried to apologize to Steven and Donna but they couldn't forgive them for what they did. They didn't return their calls or messages. They didn't show up for the wedding but why did Jackie think they would? Cause she thought she was still in high school and things could be fixed in a half an hour like those shows on TV. She had lost happiness and she tried to love Eric but she knew she didn't think of him as anything more then her ex-best friend's old boyfriend. She wished she could run to someone and tell them how she felt. The only other person that understood what she was going through was Eric and they never talked about it. It hurt them too much to talk about it. Sometimes she wishes she could disappear but she couldn't leave Eric to raise their mistake by themselves. She hated to think of Harrison as a mistake but nothing brought her joy. Even her own child couldn't ever bring her joy. She and Eric had contemplated adoption or an abortion but they knew that Steven and Donna wouldn't take them back anyway. Kitty wouldn't allow them to give it up. For a while she tried to deny that the baby was Eric's so he could at least be with Donna but Kitty slipped and had told Donna. When it came right down to it Jackie didn't think she could have given up her baby even if she wanted to.
After cleaning up the mess she tried calling Eric's cell but it was turned off. He must be in a meeting she thought to herself. She didn't want to call Kitty because she knew that she would just get worried and make this bigger then it was. But how was having a blind deaf child not a big thing? She knew she just didn't feel like dealing with anyone. She went back into the living room and picked up Harrison. He didn't like to be held so he would kick her. She thought that he didn't like to be held because he already knew his parents didn't love each other. She held him at arms length and carried him up the stairs when it was time for his bath.
She sometimes wondered if she was so miserable because after having a baby sometimes you can become depressed. The doctor told her it was a possibility but she knew that it wasn't. She knew it was because of how the situation turned out.
She took the baby with her into the bathroom. She took off his pajamas and diaper. She sat him up in a baby seat you have to attach to the bathtub when they are still little. She turned the water on and made sure it was warm. She would never walk out of the bathroom when she was giving him a bath because she was afraid he would drown. Even if it was just to answer the phone she let it ring. She turned off the water and put some Johnson and Johnson baby shampoo in her hand. She gently rubbed it on Harrison's head. He didn't have much hair but the little he did matched Jackie's. She then took a washcloth and added soap to it and washed him.
He was so tiny and he didn't have to deal with all the hate and hurt his mom had to deal with. She wished she could be as naïve as he is. She then took him out and wrapped him in a towel. He still wouldn't let her hold him. Eric would hold him even if he did kick him in the chest. Jackie looked at her baby; he wouldn't ever look at her straight in the eye. She wondered if that was normal. She walked into his nursery and set him on the changing table. She had gotten better at changing. He hadn't peed on her in months. She put on a new diaper and put him in a pair of navy blue pants and a yellow shirt. She didn't know what to do with him now. She was ready for the day and so was he. She didn't want to sit around home like she did most days and she couldn't go shopping whenever she felt like it. Eric didn't have that kind of money. She didn't want to talk to Kitty. She only felt guiltier when she saw her.
She had to do something with him especially since he couldn't hear or see her possibly. She picked up her phone and called the doctor. She had to do something for him. She couldn't let him wander around in the dark for the rest of her life even though it was probably better he couldn't hear or see what was going on. She wished she could have given him a better life. Sometimes she wondered if it would have been better if she didn't get married to Eric and gave him joint custody to see Harrison. That way the two of them could of tried to find happiness in another person. This was just too trying sometimes. She tried to tell her friend Sally about this. Sally suggested couples counseling but Jackie felt even though they were married they weren't a couple. She and Eric were just married.
She made the appointment and picked up Harrison and took him out to the minivan and sat him in his car seat. She got in and drove away from her house. She always found it very easy to drive away from it but hard to drive back to it. She wondered if Eric felt the same way.