Lately you're all I need
I leaned my head on Mickey's shoulder.
These tiny, intimate moments of physical contact helped me to feel human in a world that was nothing like human.
This was my punishment. This was my repentance for selling Sora down the river. This was my own private corner of purgatory, trying to flush out the sins and clear my soul before the final blow struck me down.
There was no fear here, no room for it. I had never been afraid of the darkness. I embraced it. That had been my undoing and as I recognized it there was only weariness.
Sometimes I wished that the darkness would just finish me off as it had done Captain Hook and Maleficent.
The darkness never relinquished anyone it had in its grip. I had slipped through, but I had been swallowed almost whole. There was hardly any redemption to be had for someone who had been so deep in, so far gone.
It would come after me and haunt me. Even sleeping I was not safe. The darkness would weave for me dark dreams, assaulting me with images so terrifying I would never repeat them, not even to unburden my soul.
Sometimes I felt I would not wake from the loop of death and destruction played for me each night. I prayed for release and if death brought that to me I would consider it.
But there was that faint glimmer of hope, that tiny light I had seen in Sora's eyes before the door closed.
He would make it his life's mission to find me. I had to hold out, just long enough to see him one last time.
I could deal with the fact that we'd been cannibalizing dead heartless for food. I could deal with the fact that murder was a daily part of my routine. I could even deal with regret these days.
The memory of his eyes shining blue eyes helped me to sleep at night. Sora was going to make everything ok again. I thought his heart was strong enough. I had to hang on to that belief.