Does that mean I have to walk on water?
If I thought I could cross the ocean and come to the place where Sora was I would dive in now and swim all the way there.
I had spent many restless nights on the beach thinking of the way he held my hand or the soft look on his face as he fell away from me when the world was separated once again. I wondered if he would ever be able to hold me the way I wanted him to.
It hadn't been real to me at the time.
I was too young to notice.
But now, as I lay alone I knew how I felt. I recognized how love could grip you and rip slowly at your heart. I could see the subtlety of it crouching low and rising slowly to squeeze you with joy and pain alike. I could feel the way my heart speed up as thoughts of him danced across my memory. I would picture his beautiful eyes, guiless and full of passion.
I wanted to hold him one more time and tell him every thought and feeling I had waded through since our separation.
I could separate those feelings from the feelings I held for Riku. I could judge with adult eyes whose love was truer, who would stay the course.
Yet into this cool, objective perspective there was a jumble of childhood memories I couldn't discern.
Something I couldn't remember nagged me at night, even more than missing my only friends. There was a thought that was disconnected, someone I hadn't said goodbye to before I had moved. There was something about the way my father and mother treated me, something that didn't seem right, something that didn't seem quite like parents.
Maybe because I didn't want to delve further, or maybe because my subconscious knew better I stopped trying to remember. I had to content myself with my discoveries about my feelings for the two men in my life, who weren't in my life at all.