Bleed for Me
By Siren
Hey guys! Yes, what havoc will I wreak on my way to Gondor? And as for Avarier, you'll just have to wait and see. I'm sorry if this chapter isn't as funny as the others. I had a really bad week, and my humor seems to be failing me. *Gets nudged by Fancy*
Me: *glares at the horse* Hey, do you want to type this up?
Fancy: *rolls eyes*
Me: That's what I thought. *grins* Let's wreak some havoc!
Fancy: *mischievous grin* ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After my run in with the evil she-elf, I ran and told Astaider and Hodoer. They're both excited, and began jumping up and down. So in our excited state, we ended up hopping around Rivendell, telling random elves about our upcoming trip. Thankfully, I didn't have another run-in with that bitch of an elf. Yay for me. Despite my promise, I've been finding myself looking for Avarier. I don't know what I'd say to him though. I mean, he attacked an elf. What is it with bad boys and me?
Now I'm up in my room, sulking. Avarier had seemed so sweet. The thought of him ever being dangerous had never crossed my mind. Not that I really knew him or anything. We had a conversation and I jabbed him in the ass with an arrow. It's not like we've known each other for years. Hell, we weren't even born in the same world. But still...Okay, this train of thought is going to end right now. Avarier is bad and I promised Astaider and Hodoer that I wouldn't associate with him. End of discussion.
God he smelled so good when he was close to me. ACK! Must stop thinking like that! Darn hormones. Sighing, I get up and take out a light cotton dress. It's not like the others. It's just a plain, sleeveless, white dress. I put it on, and walk out the door. Passing by the office Legolas was in last night, I grin. Rushing into the room, I grab a piece of paper and a quill. When you're bored, make lists. Sitting down, I start to write the best I can. I'm used to pens, not feathers.
Things to do before trip to Gondor:
-Pack stuff
-Ask Elrond about those 'pink frilly panties'
-Find that evil she-elf
-Sneak a bottle of whiskey into backpack (it may come in handy later)
-Try to find Avarier and stalk him for a few hours
-Harass the elves (mwahahaha)
-Stop writing this list and start wreaking havoc
I put the quill down and fold the piece of paper. So, first thing on the list: pack. I hurry over to one of the servant elves. "Hi!" I greet. The she-elf looks a bit surprised, but smiles. "Hello lady Siren. Is there anything I can do for you?" I nod. "I need a pack for my upcoming trip." "Of course. I'll have some bags brought to your chamber." I grin and skip away. Well, since I don't have a pack yet, lets move onto the second thing on the list: Ask Elrond about those panties he asked for when he was drunk.
Walking into the courtyard, I make my way over to the library. When Elrond is nowhere to be found, look in a place with books. Lord Elrond may be wise, but he's a bookworm. Which may be why he's wise. See kids? Books make you wise! Sure enough, Elrond is bent over a book, his eyes skimming the pages. His brain must weigh twenty pounds at least. Skipping up to him, I can't keep the smile off my face. "Hi lord Elrond. I have a question." He looks up at me, than behind me. "Ah Siren, you're just in time to meet my sons."
I turn around to see two dark haired elves. Ah ha! The prankster twins! "Siren, these are my sons, Elladen and Elohir. My sons, this is lady Siren of the other realm." They both smile and bow. "Lady Siren," they say at the same time. Wow, these twins are CUTE. They both have dark hair like their father and light eyes. I love that combination. "Nice to meet you. I was just about to ask your father something." I always did like having an audience. Lord Elrond nods for me to speak.
"I was just wondering if the tailor ever finished making those frilly pink panties you asked for at the banquet."
Total and utter silence fills the room. Elladen and Elohir look at me and than their father in shock. Elrond has gone stark white, staring at me in complete shock. And than....
"By the Valar, you asked the tailor for frilly pink panties?!?"
Elladen and Elohir burst into laughter, clutching their sides. I stifle a laugh and watch Elrond try to gather what little dignity he had left. "Oh don't laugh at him. I mean, who doesn't love pink panties?" This sends the twins into another fit of laughter. Elrond groans and buries his face in his hands. Elohir wipes the tears from his eyes, and opens his mouth to say something but a roar of laughter escapes him. Oh yes, my job here is done. I glance over at Elrond and see him glaring at me murderously. "Leave," he growls. I nod and pat the twins on the back. "Nice meeting you."
"LEAVE!"
I laugh and run out of the room. God I love this place! Once I'm in the hallway, I take out the piece of paper.
-Ask Elrond about those 'frilly pink panties': completed
What's next? Ah, find that evil she-elf. Hm, I wouldn't want to leave without giving her something to remember me by. But what would be an appropriate gift? What could I possibly do to permanently dislodge her from her high horse? Oh well, I'll think of something later. Now I just have to FIND her. Now, if I were a bitchy she-elf, where would I be? Sighing, I decide to just look around. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
UGH! I've looked for hours and I still can't find her! I swear, I've searched every inch of this damned palace! I walk up to the gate that leads to town, when I hear what sounds like a moan. Now that I take a few minutes to look around, I notice that the guard that's usually posted at the gate is missing. Turning around, I walk into a small wooded area. Another moan.
Okay, someone is either hurt or getting his or her freak on. Crouching in the shrubbery, I peek through the leaves.
Oh my God.
Well, I've found my evil elf and the guard. Eew, oh God eew. I never thought someone could use the blunt end of a bow that way. Eew, eew, eew. Oh God, I'm officially scarred for life. No amount of therapy could cure me of what I just saw. I feel the need to bleach my eyes. Impure! Oh that is so wrong. There is no way that could be right. I peek at the scene again, still not believing what I just saw. Oh God I did see it! Eew! Must have eyes removed!
I stand up, turn around and run.
"Did you hear something?"
"No. Come here love, we're not through yet."
"You're such a naughty guard."
"And I'm a very skilled archer."
"Oh yes, the way you use your bow...you must be very skilled indeed."
Oh God, tell me I am not hearing this. Eew! Well, now I have a plan forming in my head, though it will have to wait. Must look at the next thing on my list. Um, sneak a bottle of whiskey into pack. Well, I might as well pack everything while I'm at it. I walk back to my room, and grin at the sight of a backpack. Note to self: thank that elf later. I quickly walk over to my dresser and take out my clothes. I stuff them in the bag along with a few dresses and a hairbrush. Now for the whiskey!
I sling the pack over my shoulder, and walk back into the hallway. Now, where would I find whiskey? Hodoer said that the elves used it mainly for sedative purposes. So, they would probably have some in the healing room. And since Elrond is such a great healer, he must have TONS of it! I spot the elf I talked to earlier and run over. "Hi. Thank you for the pack. Can you direct me to the healing room?" The elf smiles and nods. "Of course. Simply go upstairs and go to the room at the end of the hallway."
"Thanks!" I grin and find the stairwell. I dash up the stairs and run to the room at the end of the corridor. Slowing down to a walk, I peek inside. There's not a soul in sight. Thank God! I walk in and make my way over to the various cabinets. Bowls, rags, herbs, potions...where's the whiskey? I yank open cabinets and sniff different bottles. Herb, herb, potion, eew I don't know WHAT that is, potion, herb...WHISKEY! I grab the bottle and stuff it in my pack. Mission accomplished! I take my paper out and look at it.
"Try to find Avarier and stalk him for a few hours. Easier said than done," I mutter and shove the paper in my pack. Well, at least he's human which should make my stalking easier. If I can only find him. I've been around the palace all day and I haven't seen him. I suppose I could go back to the archery fields where I saw him yesterday, but what if Astaider and Hodoer are there? What do I do then? I should just put 'Mission Stalker' on hold for now. What do I do now? My stomach grumbles and I know the answer.
"FOOD!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I walk into the dining hall, grab a plate of food and look around. I spot Hodoer and Astaider talking at a table and walk over to them. "Hey guys," I greet. They look up at me with lifted eyebrows. "We are not guys. We are female," the brunette says matter-of-factly. I shrug and sit down. "Whatever. Are you guys ready for the trip tomorrow?" Astaider nods and takes a bite of her food. "I'm ready, though I am a bit nervous. I have not traveled to Gondor before." I pat her on the shoulder. "Don't worry about it. You have Hodoer and I to look after you." "Why does that not comfort me?" she says dryly.
"Do not forget that you are traveling with the best archer in Middle Earth as well," a voice says behind me. "A bit cocky aren't we?" Legolas sits down in front of me and sets his plate down. "I am simply confident in my abilities to protect you," he says with a slight glint in his eyes. "Yeah, I'm sure. If we get attacked by orcs, I'll be able to take care of myself." Legolas smirks. "And how would you do that?" I sit back and take a sip of water. "I'll run and hide. I'm good at the hiding part." Legolas laughs and shakes his head. "Hopefully we will not have any need for my skills at all."
I nod and take another sip of water. Letting my gaze wander, I see the evil she-elf and the guard walk in. Now's my chance. I grin and put my glass down. Legolas notices, and knits his brow. "What are you planning?" Hodoer snorts. "Whatever it is, it can't be good." Ah, she knows me all too well. "Sorry, I just have to do something before I leave." I stand up and stroll over to her, leaving a wary group of elves behind. The evil one notices me, and rolls her eyes.
"Aren't you supposed to be leaving for Gondor?" she asks snottily. I simply smile. "I'm leaving tomorrow actually. But before I leave, I wanted to tell you something." She lifts an eyebrow and glances at her friends. "And what is that?" I clear my throat.
"The guard here said that next time, HE wants to be on the receiving end of that bow," I say loud enough for the other elves to hear. She blushes crimson, and glares at the guard. He chokes on his wine and it comes spraying out of his mouth. I grin at them. "Oh, and you have some dirt on your back," I say. Her eyes grow wide, and her face turns an even deeper shade of red.
Me: Definitely kicked her spoiled skanky ass
Evil she elf: Permanently dislodged from her high horse
I turn around, leaving her stunned and humiliated, and return to my table. Legolas looks at me in shock, while Hodoer and Astaider grin approvingly. "So, what were we talking about before?" "I believe we were talking about our trip to Gondor," Astaider says with a grin. I nod. "Oh yeah. Anyway, I was just wondering if Legolas was bringing that bow of his along," I say with a suggestive grin. Legolas pales, and I laugh. "You should see your face right now," I say and the two elves start laughing.
Legolas mumbles something about 'mortals' and goes back to eating. The dining hall doors fly open and Elladen and Elohir run inside. They run over to our table, and sit next to me, panting. "What the hell are you two doing?" I ask. Elohir grins through his labored breathing and looks at the door. "Just played a little joke," he answers. Just then, Elrond storms in, a pair of frilly pink panties in his hand.
"ELLADEN! ELOHIR!"
The room bursts into laughter and I look at the twins in shock. "Holy shit, I can't believe you two!" They grin at me and stand up. "Thank you for giving us the idea milady," Elladen says and pulls me to my feet. "Um, what are you doing?" Elohir turns back to his father, who's storming toward us. "It was all Siren's idea!" he shouts. I gasp as Elrond's furious gaze turns to me. "You evil twins!"
"SIREN! ELLADEN! ELOHIR!"
"You'll want to start running now," says Elladen, pulling at my arm. Elohir grabs my other arm and we start running. "Indeed, running would be wise." We run away from Elrond, leaving elves laughing and hooting. "Run Siren!" Hodoer yells through her laughter.
Oh yes, my day is now complete.
2 Be Continued
By Siren
Hey guys! Yes, what havoc will I wreak on my way to Gondor? And as for Avarier, you'll just have to wait and see. I'm sorry if this chapter isn't as funny as the others. I had a really bad week, and my humor seems to be failing me. *Gets nudged by Fancy*
Me: *glares at the horse* Hey, do you want to type this up?
Fancy: *rolls eyes*
Me: That's what I thought. *grins* Let's wreak some havoc!
Fancy: *mischievous grin* ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After my run in with the evil she-elf, I ran and told Astaider and Hodoer. They're both excited, and began jumping up and down. So in our excited state, we ended up hopping around Rivendell, telling random elves about our upcoming trip. Thankfully, I didn't have another run-in with that bitch of an elf. Yay for me. Despite my promise, I've been finding myself looking for Avarier. I don't know what I'd say to him though. I mean, he attacked an elf. What is it with bad boys and me?
Now I'm up in my room, sulking. Avarier had seemed so sweet. The thought of him ever being dangerous had never crossed my mind. Not that I really knew him or anything. We had a conversation and I jabbed him in the ass with an arrow. It's not like we've known each other for years. Hell, we weren't even born in the same world. But still...Okay, this train of thought is going to end right now. Avarier is bad and I promised Astaider and Hodoer that I wouldn't associate with him. End of discussion.
God he smelled so good when he was close to me. ACK! Must stop thinking like that! Darn hormones. Sighing, I get up and take out a light cotton dress. It's not like the others. It's just a plain, sleeveless, white dress. I put it on, and walk out the door. Passing by the office Legolas was in last night, I grin. Rushing into the room, I grab a piece of paper and a quill. When you're bored, make lists. Sitting down, I start to write the best I can. I'm used to pens, not feathers.
Things to do before trip to Gondor:
-Pack stuff
-Ask Elrond about those 'pink frilly panties'
-Find that evil she-elf
-Sneak a bottle of whiskey into backpack (it may come in handy later)
-Try to find Avarier and stalk him for a few hours
-Harass the elves (mwahahaha)
-Stop writing this list and start wreaking havoc
I put the quill down and fold the piece of paper. So, first thing on the list: pack. I hurry over to one of the servant elves. "Hi!" I greet. The she-elf looks a bit surprised, but smiles. "Hello lady Siren. Is there anything I can do for you?" I nod. "I need a pack for my upcoming trip." "Of course. I'll have some bags brought to your chamber." I grin and skip away. Well, since I don't have a pack yet, lets move onto the second thing on the list: Ask Elrond about those panties he asked for when he was drunk.
Walking into the courtyard, I make my way over to the library. When Elrond is nowhere to be found, look in a place with books. Lord Elrond may be wise, but he's a bookworm. Which may be why he's wise. See kids? Books make you wise! Sure enough, Elrond is bent over a book, his eyes skimming the pages. His brain must weigh twenty pounds at least. Skipping up to him, I can't keep the smile off my face. "Hi lord Elrond. I have a question." He looks up at me, than behind me. "Ah Siren, you're just in time to meet my sons."
I turn around to see two dark haired elves. Ah ha! The prankster twins! "Siren, these are my sons, Elladen and Elohir. My sons, this is lady Siren of the other realm." They both smile and bow. "Lady Siren," they say at the same time. Wow, these twins are CUTE. They both have dark hair like their father and light eyes. I love that combination. "Nice to meet you. I was just about to ask your father something." I always did like having an audience. Lord Elrond nods for me to speak.
"I was just wondering if the tailor ever finished making those frilly pink panties you asked for at the banquet."
Total and utter silence fills the room. Elladen and Elohir look at me and than their father in shock. Elrond has gone stark white, staring at me in complete shock. And than....
"By the Valar, you asked the tailor for frilly pink panties?!?"
Elladen and Elohir burst into laughter, clutching their sides. I stifle a laugh and watch Elrond try to gather what little dignity he had left. "Oh don't laugh at him. I mean, who doesn't love pink panties?" This sends the twins into another fit of laughter. Elrond groans and buries his face in his hands. Elohir wipes the tears from his eyes, and opens his mouth to say something but a roar of laughter escapes him. Oh yes, my job here is done. I glance over at Elrond and see him glaring at me murderously. "Leave," he growls. I nod and pat the twins on the back. "Nice meeting you."
"LEAVE!"
I laugh and run out of the room. God I love this place! Once I'm in the hallway, I take out the piece of paper.
-Ask Elrond about those 'frilly pink panties': completed
What's next? Ah, find that evil she-elf. Hm, I wouldn't want to leave without giving her something to remember me by. But what would be an appropriate gift? What could I possibly do to permanently dislodge her from her high horse? Oh well, I'll think of something later. Now I just have to FIND her. Now, if I were a bitchy she-elf, where would I be? Sighing, I decide to just look around. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
UGH! I've looked for hours and I still can't find her! I swear, I've searched every inch of this damned palace! I walk up to the gate that leads to town, when I hear what sounds like a moan. Now that I take a few minutes to look around, I notice that the guard that's usually posted at the gate is missing. Turning around, I walk into a small wooded area. Another moan.
Okay, someone is either hurt or getting his or her freak on. Crouching in the shrubbery, I peek through the leaves.
Oh my God.
Well, I've found my evil elf and the guard. Eew, oh God eew. I never thought someone could use the blunt end of a bow that way. Eew, eew, eew. Oh God, I'm officially scarred for life. No amount of therapy could cure me of what I just saw. I feel the need to bleach my eyes. Impure! Oh that is so wrong. There is no way that could be right. I peek at the scene again, still not believing what I just saw. Oh God I did see it! Eew! Must have eyes removed!
I stand up, turn around and run.
"Did you hear something?"
"No. Come here love, we're not through yet."
"You're such a naughty guard."
"And I'm a very skilled archer."
"Oh yes, the way you use your bow...you must be very skilled indeed."
Oh God, tell me I am not hearing this. Eew! Well, now I have a plan forming in my head, though it will have to wait. Must look at the next thing on my list. Um, sneak a bottle of whiskey into pack. Well, I might as well pack everything while I'm at it. I walk back to my room, and grin at the sight of a backpack. Note to self: thank that elf later. I quickly walk over to my dresser and take out my clothes. I stuff them in the bag along with a few dresses and a hairbrush. Now for the whiskey!
I sling the pack over my shoulder, and walk back into the hallway. Now, where would I find whiskey? Hodoer said that the elves used it mainly for sedative purposes. So, they would probably have some in the healing room. And since Elrond is such a great healer, he must have TONS of it! I spot the elf I talked to earlier and run over. "Hi. Thank you for the pack. Can you direct me to the healing room?" The elf smiles and nods. "Of course. Simply go upstairs and go to the room at the end of the hallway."
"Thanks!" I grin and find the stairwell. I dash up the stairs and run to the room at the end of the corridor. Slowing down to a walk, I peek inside. There's not a soul in sight. Thank God! I walk in and make my way over to the various cabinets. Bowls, rags, herbs, potions...where's the whiskey? I yank open cabinets and sniff different bottles. Herb, herb, potion, eew I don't know WHAT that is, potion, herb...WHISKEY! I grab the bottle and stuff it in my pack. Mission accomplished! I take my paper out and look at it.
"Try to find Avarier and stalk him for a few hours. Easier said than done," I mutter and shove the paper in my pack. Well, at least he's human which should make my stalking easier. If I can only find him. I've been around the palace all day and I haven't seen him. I suppose I could go back to the archery fields where I saw him yesterday, but what if Astaider and Hodoer are there? What do I do then? I should just put 'Mission Stalker' on hold for now. What do I do now? My stomach grumbles and I know the answer.
"FOOD!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I walk into the dining hall, grab a plate of food and look around. I spot Hodoer and Astaider talking at a table and walk over to them. "Hey guys," I greet. They look up at me with lifted eyebrows. "We are not guys. We are female," the brunette says matter-of-factly. I shrug and sit down. "Whatever. Are you guys ready for the trip tomorrow?" Astaider nods and takes a bite of her food. "I'm ready, though I am a bit nervous. I have not traveled to Gondor before." I pat her on the shoulder. "Don't worry about it. You have Hodoer and I to look after you." "Why does that not comfort me?" she says dryly.
"Do not forget that you are traveling with the best archer in Middle Earth as well," a voice says behind me. "A bit cocky aren't we?" Legolas sits down in front of me and sets his plate down. "I am simply confident in my abilities to protect you," he says with a slight glint in his eyes. "Yeah, I'm sure. If we get attacked by orcs, I'll be able to take care of myself." Legolas smirks. "And how would you do that?" I sit back and take a sip of water. "I'll run and hide. I'm good at the hiding part." Legolas laughs and shakes his head. "Hopefully we will not have any need for my skills at all."
I nod and take another sip of water. Letting my gaze wander, I see the evil she-elf and the guard walk in. Now's my chance. I grin and put my glass down. Legolas notices, and knits his brow. "What are you planning?" Hodoer snorts. "Whatever it is, it can't be good." Ah, she knows me all too well. "Sorry, I just have to do something before I leave." I stand up and stroll over to her, leaving a wary group of elves behind. The evil one notices me, and rolls her eyes.
"Aren't you supposed to be leaving for Gondor?" she asks snottily. I simply smile. "I'm leaving tomorrow actually. But before I leave, I wanted to tell you something." She lifts an eyebrow and glances at her friends. "And what is that?" I clear my throat.
"The guard here said that next time, HE wants to be on the receiving end of that bow," I say loud enough for the other elves to hear. She blushes crimson, and glares at the guard. He chokes on his wine and it comes spraying out of his mouth. I grin at them. "Oh, and you have some dirt on your back," I say. Her eyes grow wide, and her face turns an even deeper shade of red.
Me: Definitely kicked her spoiled skanky ass
Evil she elf: Permanently dislodged from her high horse
I turn around, leaving her stunned and humiliated, and return to my table. Legolas looks at me in shock, while Hodoer and Astaider grin approvingly. "So, what were we talking about before?" "I believe we were talking about our trip to Gondor," Astaider says with a grin. I nod. "Oh yeah. Anyway, I was just wondering if Legolas was bringing that bow of his along," I say with a suggestive grin. Legolas pales, and I laugh. "You should see your face right now," I say and the two elves start laughing.
Legolas mumbles something about 'mortals' and goes back to eating. The dining hall doors fly open and Elladen and Elohir run inside. They run over to our table, and sit next to me, panting. "What the hell are you two doing?" I ask. Elohir grins through his labored breathing and looks at the door. "Just played a little joke," he answers. Just then, Elrond storms in, a pair of frilly pink panties in his hand.
"ELLADEN! ELOHIR!"
The room bursts into laughter and I look at the twins in shock. "Holy shit, I can't believe you two!" They grin at me and stand up. "Thank you for giving us the idea milady," Elladen says and pulls me to my feet. "Um, what are you doing?" Elohir turns back to his father, who's storming toward us. "It was all Siren's idea!" he shouts. I gasp as Elrond's furious gaze turns to me. "You evil twins!"
"SIREN! ELLADEN! ELOHIR!"
"You'll want to start running now," says Elladen, pulling at my arm. Elohir grabs my other arm and we start running. "Indeed, running would be wise." We run away from Elrond, leaving elves laughing and hooting. "Run Siren!" Hodoer yells through her laughter.
Oh yes, my day is now complete.
2 Be Continued